slightly more rotund than I prefer

So eventually, the magic of the birthday weekend wore off.  Unfortunately, the hangover did not.  The week after my birthday just happened to be the week of a huge conference and awards ceremony for my job’s industry, so all our vendors were having (open bar!!) parties.  The whole week.  Tuesday, I took a shot with a talent agent (of the same agency that Matt with the Pretty Eyelashes will be working for), and at another party, I took a shot with a… well, I don’t know what the second guy did, but people said he was a big deal.  Wednesday, I gave my number to a server with sexy stubble (“I have a boyfriend, but I think you’re really cute…” no, he hasn’t called).  Then, I almost tripped over the shoe of Dee Snider, the lead singer of Twisted Sister (for those of you culturally disadvantaged readers out there, their big hit from the 80s was “We’re Not Gonna Take It”… apparently he does voiceover work now).

 

Thursday’s 3 hours of open bar wasn’t enough (obvi), so when I got to Splash downstairs (b/c for some reason, View Bar was closed, which put the Ivy League Crew in a fucking frenzy!), I had a $3 long island out of a mason jar.  Yes, I know: she’s classy.  Eventually, the girls start to trickle in purely on instinct (because 

Splash is apparently what AT&T customers call a barless bar).  Of course, it’s like 10:15, so no one else is there (and I kinda like it that way).  I ask the DJ to play my song of the summer: “Like Me” by Girlicious (shut up… it’s catchy, and I’m desperate for another En Vogue!), and he puts it on as soon as the song playing ends!  Oh, I’m SO getting to Splash at 10 every Thursday!  I’m intoxicated enough to do the dance from the video for everyone (all 15 people that are downstairs).

 

When the hair-tossing and lip synching are over, I sit my oh-so-masculine ass down and to finish my long island.  Pretty soon ASFKAB along with his Harem of Homos appear on the other side of the bar where there’s room to dance.  The rest of the Ivy League Crew goes upstairs (or leaves… either way I don’t see them) while ASFKAB, Sex Flags and I stage Downstairs Dance-off ’08.  Pretty soon, I start dripping sweat from the lack of goddamn air conditioning.  “Fuck it!  I’ve been working out for 5 months.”  Off with her shirt!  At one point, I stop shaking it like America’s Next Top Video Hoe long enough to notice that Sex Flags was wearing a jock strap (okay, let’s be honest, I would have noticed that doing back flips blindfolded).  Ask and ye shall receive.  I asked for a peek, and that’s exactly what I got.  Sigh, I love alcohol. 

 

Friday at work was really fun.  I dragged my ass to the gym before training it uptown to grab a nap, setting my alarm for 1:30am to get in a bit of fun at No Parking.  I got up a bit earlier than planned, but by the time I walked the 20 blocks (with my iPod and Gatorade bottle), there was a huge line outside.  Once again, Lionel just happened to be at the door.  I walked up and said hey and congratulations on the crowd and walked to the back of the line.  2 minutes later, I hear my name.  Lionel walks me to the front of the line with a smile!  What a nice guy! 

 

Unlike the straight clubs (or the straight-owned clubs, like Rush... okay, okay, Rush may still be gay owned, but they operate it like straight people!), No Parking only has a line when there are a shitload of people inside, and tonight was no different.  I got myself a drink and wandered into the crowd.  The basics of this night were me running

into some cutie that I see everywhere but never remember where I know him from, him introducing me to a beautiful Puerto Rican/Italian IT professional who was slightly more rotund than I prefer, and us talking for about an hour and grinding for another 20.  He didn’t live close to Manhattan (well, he said the Bronx, but he didn't specify what part which either meant he thought I was ignorant of Bx geo, or he lives up past Pelham Bay Park somewhere), he didn’t have an accent, he didn’t ask for my number, and he (as earlier mentioned) wasn’t quite my preferred shape.  Any two of the above would have easily led to a subsequent meeting.  Oh well.  For the last hour or so, I danced my ass off (again, with my shirt off) until just before the ugly lights came on.  

 

In the bathroom, I ran into the music producer, the Great White Hype, and we briefly smiled and greeted.  I ran into him outside during the Post-Parking Meat Market.  We talked for about 5 minutes, half of which was nervous laughter.  I really didn’t know how to play it b/c he seemed like he was kinda interested, but he was by no means throwing himself at me, and the last thing I want is to create an unnecessary situation with someone in the music game.  GWH introduced me to this short Latin dude that I recognized from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it.  He played it cool, but it turns out he was part of E-squared (a songwriting duo that have penned songs for Kylie Minogue, Usher, Paula Abdul, Kelly Rowland, to name a few), and I had attended an Uptown Live show that was dedicated to them.  I realized this after he left, of course.

 

After a few, the Great White Hype says, “Gimme 2 seconds,” and steps off to talk to some dude (he was fat, so I figured it was business).  I stood there for about 5 minutes before I got over it and texted him, I really hate standing out here by myself, so I’m gonna start walking home.  Feel free to stop me.  If not, hit me up sometime, music-related or not. 

 

Did I mention that I got nary a text nor a phone call in the 20 blocks I walked home (nor the 15 minutes it took to undress, take my contacts out, and brush my teeth)?  Yeah.