tall ain’t the only skinny white boy with a syndrome (part 1)

Wow, it’s only Saturday. Sweet! Urban Sprawl was determined to go to Fire Island that weekend, which wasn’t too bad an idea since it was the Pines Party (i.e., one of the busier weekends), but I couldn’t see it happening for me and neither could the rest of the Ivy League Crew. So we did the next best thing. Okay, the next, next best thing: the Pier (Urban Sprawl ventured out to Fire Island and met the Long Island Gays there). I was actually very excited b/c this was going to be my first full weekend in Manhattan in July, and I hadn’t been to the Pier in ages.

On the way from the train to the Pier, I see these two shirtless thugged-out Latin guys, one with distinctively shaped torso hair and one with a very cut body and a cute smile. They were walking the opposite direction.

I strategically go to the gym first, which makes me show up un-strategically 45 minutes late. Luckily Rosey, the first of us to arrive, had run into some (non-banker) gays she knew. I strip down to my speedo, which was actually a square cut, and everyone else (who is in non-swimwear… some with shirts on) is like, “Wow, Kareem. Those are rather large.” I seriously couldn’t tell if they were being sarcastic for a full 3 seconds b/c I do have speedos with about half the fabric of this one.

At one point, I need to get food (I don’t think I had eaten yet that day). Bottomless Pitt and I do a runway walk to the concessions stand at the beginning of the Pier (in our speedos, of course). I’m standing at the window waiting to order, and I hear these guys mumbling behind me. I glance back, and it’s the same two dudes I saw walking towards the train. As soon as they saw me looking, Torso Hair starts in, “Yo, yo, yo, Shorty [I’m a good 5 inches taller than both of them], I just saw the ass, and I had to come holla atchu…” Blah, blah, translating hoodspeak, blah. I introduce myself. Hot Body’s eyes light up when he hears “Kareem” and he breaks out his whole Allah Ahkbar name. Sorry, dude. I’m a victim of a fad, not an actual Muslim.

So they pimp limp back over to the Bad-Credit Trees, and we take our food back to our towel to giggle with the gaggle about the whole thing. Eventually Rosey and the people she was with left for some retail therapy, Med School Mess, Bottomless Pitt, and I moved on to Pieces to party with our favorite bartender, 5-foot 8x6. 5-foot refers to his height. 8x6… well, tall ain’t the only skinny white boy with a syndrome. (Okay, okay, so this might be a little out there if you don’t know me… I have a theory that’s been tested quite a few times: tall, skinny white guys tend to be hung surprisingly long and thick, hence tall-skinny-white-boy syndrome … and it seems that short skinny white guys have the same issue, but we’re still looking for volunteers for research).

Continued below in part 2.

Note: you may find the tags (to the left) and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.