Are you patient? Are you standing!

Tuesday night, Bologna insisted that we do karaoke for her birthday.  I was actually pretty excited because the last time I went to Pieces, they said someone had already sung the song I wanted to sing.  SoHo Crush reluctantly agreed to come up the one subway stop to join us (though he probably took a cab). 

I walk in, and the first person I see is Cokehead.  Cokehead was a guy that I had hooked up with at least 2.5 years ago (before I met the Ivy League Crew).  Flashback: at the time, he seemed like a hot blue-collar type who bought my drinks (I don’t think I was working at the time), but when we got back to his place, he was saying I couldn’t use the bathroom because his roommates didn’t know he was gay.  I watched him do a couple of lines of coke and fucked him.  Ugh.  I had self-esteem issues.

Back to the story: so Cokehead is there, and I breeze past him on my way to the bathroom with a smile and a hello to be polite.  I come out, and SoHo Crush has arrived.  I greet SoHo with a big hug and a peck on the cheek, hoping that Cokehead will get the idea.  He doesn’t.  Instead, he stands behind us (after SoHo has bought me a drink, and I’ve been talking to him with his arm around my waist) and starts trying to talk to me.  I don’t have the heart to be rude, so I give him one-word responses.  Classic non-verbal learning disorder: he’s really not getting it. 

“You remember my name? No? Well I remember that dick!”  Is this really happening?

Finally, he asks, “Is that your boyfriend?”  You mean the guy that I’ve been actually paying attention to for the past 5 minutes?  “Yup!”  That finally got him off my back (almost literally). 

The Long Island Gays show up not long after that.  Turns out Bologna is a friend of the very hot owner of Pieces (past hook up?).  Guess who got us 2 bottles of champagne.  SoHo Crush was about halfway through his martini, so he had ASFKAB top him off with bubbly.  “Oh, he’s so in!”

“Next is D. Kareem!  D. Kareem, where are you?”  I didn’t even hear the drag queen call my name when my song came on, just my Crew cheering and pushing.

“Do, do you got a Crisco tub handy!

Do, do you know how to stretch out a hole?  Tell me,

Ah, ah, ah, ah, AH!

Are you patient? Are you standing!”

Et Cetera.

Oh, wait! He knows the choreography!  Without a doubt a crowd pleaser (due more to the choice of song than my vocal ability, of course).

There were quite a few show tunes that I didn’t know, but SoHo and the White Guys (I think they started a band) really bonded over singing them, especially “Everything’s Coming up Roses”.  I should mention SoHo Crush has this major thing for Liza Minelli.  As in he made me sit through Cabaret (okay, he only wanted me to watch the first 20 minutes, but he still owns the movie and knows all the songs). 

Then Bologna and ASFKAB take the stage.  I look at the screen and see Ursula from The Little Mermaid.  “They’ve been practicing all week,” said the proud mother, I mean, Dill Pickle. “I’ve been coaching them!”  Here we go.

We poor unfortunate souls.

Body language indeed. 

Did I mention Bologna's birthday celebration isn't over yet? Yeah.

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