Wednesday, September 10, 2008

got sucked into a Cheer New York Sandwich

What happens when you take a Bear Cruise and replace the bears with cheerleaders?  Well, it’s really pretty much the same, except louder and better choreographed.  Torrance, newly appointed Assistant Captain of Cheer NY, had invited me to the Cheer NY Sea Tea via Facebook.  $20 dollars?  Now there’s a fundraiser we can afford!

A group of us showed up to the Pier beforehand.  I had specifically said “pre-game”, but of course, no one brought liquor.  In fact, I got so many can-I-get-a-sip requests that I had to go buy more liquor (we have Rosey’s banker ass to thank for playing [fermented] sugar daddy that day). 

We see a pack of red uniforms over by the boat, so we make our way over to see the show.  It was all pretty impressive, especially for being on concrete.  Everyone was focused on the shortest guy in the group who was not only cute, but so enthusiastic that he looked like he was on speed.  “I don’t know what kind of science magnet high schools y’all went to, but that’s what cheerleaders are supposed to be like.”

Eventually, the show ends (or so we think), and we get on the boat.  There’s some common-time beat blaring from the sound system (I was pretty upset b/c I was sure cheerleaders would pick pop music over gay music, but they slipped some disco and gay pop remixes in).  About 10 minutes pass before I look out the window and see that the team has moved from the walkway along the West Side Highway to the dock right outside the boat.  That’s just great: they wait til we’re on the boat with the DJ to do vocal cheers. 

Looks like someone has another black friend.  Crap, he’s taller than I, and he's got arms!  Well, none of EnVogue was there to back me up, so I had to take on this intruder by myself.  I said something sarcastic about the cheerleaders trying to shout over the music, and he came back with something equally as witty.  O RLY?  I tit; he tats.  I serve; he volleys.  This guy’s good.  In fact, he’s almost like a louder, queenier, more flexible version of me if I would have kept going with the trying-to-make-it-into-a-Broadway-musical thing and actually been successful (remind me to tell you about the semester when I was determined to be nothing other than a performer… coming from a liberal arts school… it’s hilarious!).

So Simba (he's black, so I'm sure he's been in The Lion King) and I take our conversation back over to the group, and whatever friend we have in common (I really can’t remember a this point) introduced her to the rest of the group.  We had quite a few moments that only the two of us got, and (the best part) we harmonized a couple of times!  Love her!

Someone says they’re serving food at 8, so I set my alarm for 7:45 and get another drink.  Around 7:30, someone comes upstairs with a plate of food.  Nice.  We get in line, and after about 5 minutes, I get a text from Urban Sprawl: “They’re serving.”  Why did I look up and see her in line about 10 people ahead of us.  Bitch. 

After the feeding, we get back to drankin’ and dancin’!  At one point, Morehead (who had come with a friend of Rosey’s with whom he had recently hooked up on a night when I wasn’t out) got sucked into a Cheer New York Sandwich on the dance floor.  Next thing I know, they’re lifting her up above their heads, and people are taking pictures!  She comes down with a not-so-gentle landing, and the tallest cheerleader grabs the back of her head and they start hardcore making out.  We’re all standing in shock and awe, trying to get a glance at the Latest Hookup’s reaction without being obvious.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t lead anywhere; the Tall Ho (who just so happened to be one of the Tranny Yellers from Jones Beach) proceeds to make out with at least 2 other guys within a half hour. 

Another screwdriver?  Why the fuck not!

The cruise docks just as my attention span is starting to run out.  We had about 10 people in our posse at this point, so I announced, “We’re going to Chi Chi’s!”  Well, 10 turned to about 6.  Morehead had driven (from Harlem to the Village… translation: about 7 miles, or about 40 min on the train), so she “can’t drink anymore!”  Boo, you whore!

Then we  get to Chi Chi’s and the Latest Hookup (who didn’t get a ride home), upon seeing the black people in the window, was like, “Oh, so this is the bar?”  I think we were down to 3 at that point.  Bottomless Pitt had magically appeared, so the 3 black girls had a drink.  Simba peaced out and gave me his drink ticket (yay for 2-4-1), so I ended up having my two drinks plus one (and if you’ve ever had a Chi Chi’s drink, you know they use mixer for color only). 

Bottomless Pitt: “Wanna go to Hiro?”
Me: “I hate my life.  Let’s go.”

I won’t do a whole rant about Hiro here (Marc has already handled that), but let’s just say that I only go there once every 4 months or so when I think I’m drunk enough to black out the whole experience.  We’re on the dance floor.  I can barely move, but it doesn’t matter anyway because the DJ’s playing gay music with no words.  I remember a European guy who was okay looking, but he had a sexy accent.  We made out for… god, who knows how long.  Then he says, “I have to go to the bathroom.  I’ll be right back.”  I set my watch for 5 minutes.  Then another 2.  D. Kareem, he’s not coming back.  He wasn’t that cute anyway.  Miss Pitt is gone.  Go home.  

Did I mention the Eurotrash and I smiled and waved to each other as I saw him follow another black guy out of the bathroom?  Yeah.

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Urban Sprawl said...

There's a reason I didn't bring liquor to the pier pre-game, especially after the last pier incident involving my phone.

In any case, welcome Simba! OK, so has her number?

Oh, and the food didn't sit well, so I had to peace out real quick....ask Ernie.

Seriously, after "Save your energy" and "Ass-bury Park" I was beat (or rather needed to be sober for work the next day)

WhozHe said...

After reading your post I am hungry for sandwiches, a drink, and a Broadway musical.

yet another black guy said...

Simba, SMH, you're so silly. Was he cute? and how can much do you all go out?! well suffice to say, if i ever get up there, we have to hang out.