having gotten her fill of Bologna's Dirty Friend

Saturday, I rushed downtown to Spash to meet up with SoHo Crush and his softball team (he’s so masc!) for their “awards ceremony” (i.e., happy hour with free food and some guy talking way too much while handing out trophies).  I also met SoHo Crush’s friend and new temporary roommate, SoHo Crash, a young(ish) actor who just moved here from LA.  SoHo Crush’s team came in first place and got a huge trophy as well as individual trophies with their names.  The youngest teammate (who was being very 'affectionate' with the date he brought) tried to make me take the trophy with his ex boyfriend’s name on it (since homeboy had broken up with the Team as well).

Much to SoHo Crush’s chagrin, we stopped at his place to drop the trophies off before we went to Bologna and Dill Pickles’s for Bologna’s birthday party.  You know how when you were a kid and someone brought a kitten to class, and the whole class ran over to the kitten trying to pet it, and the kitten got all scared and started freaking out?  That’s more or less what it was like when I walked into Dillonga’s.  Every single Long Island Gay was there in addition to a significant portion of the Ivy League Crew, and they all wanted a How-You-Doin' hug at the same time! 

Following the Attack of the Greeting Gays, I needed a drink.  Badly.  Dill Pickle helped me locate orange juice for my screwdriver, with which I was greatly pleased.

“Hey, D. Kareem!  You know Fung Wah brought Fried Chicken for you.  He said it’s from Crown!”  Note: my grandmother used to buy Crown Fried Chicken (or Kennedy Fried Chicken ) when I lived with her in Hollis.  I no longer live in Queens, and I no longer eat Crown.  Much. 

After about 5 mintues, I didn’t see SoHo.  He had mentioned he might ditch after a while since we were planning to go to a club later, but we had just gotten there!  I figured he’s not that tall, he’s white, and he’s wearing a solid, primary color, so he'd be easy to pick out in this crowd (pictured, in part, above).  But when I did a lap of the party, I definitely didn’t see him.  Not in the kitchen.  Not in the bathroom.  Why would he be in the bedroom?  So I texted him.  Turns out his friend had called, so he was outside talking to her.

I join SoHo outside to cool off for a bit, and a few people are outside smoking.  One of the guys has a Dirty Sanchez mustache, which is kind of hot in a porn star sort of way.  BRITney is chatting with someone next to the door to the apartment building, and Dirty Sanchez is farther from the door.  After about 5 minutes, Dirty Sanchez walks towards the door, putting his hand on BRITney’s shoulder as he goes by.  But he keeps walking and grabs BRITney by the shirt, practically dragging her through the door.  BRITney yells (with the accent) “Hey, excuse me.  I’m not done yet.”  No response from Dirty Sanchez, just continued dragging.  BRITney manages to throw down his half-smoked fag as he’s passing into the doorway.  I barely hear, “Wow, you’re really dominant.”  Guess that answers which box she checked for that question on Manhunt. 

We return to the party.  BRITney and Dirty Sanchez are making out on the living-room wall.  At. Bologna's.  Party.

Bottomless Pitt and Bitter Commie Grad Student are ready to go back to Manhattan.  What about Sugarland (which would be a blast with a whole mammoth crew there)?  They inform me that Urban Sprawl is waiting for us at a party in the Village.  

“Is this the same guy that was hosting that pride pregame where I showed up and all of y’all were downstairs because there wasn’t anyone cute there?”

*Disappointed look* “Yeah.”

“This had better be good.”  As much as I wanted to invade the Williamsburg club scene, I didn’t want to be left for dead by the Crew and SoHo in Brooklyn.  BRITney, having gotten her fill of Bologna's Dirty Friend, decided to join us.

It’s a lot more fun to wait for the train as a group.  Especially when you’re packing a strong drink.  We’re sitting on the train being loud and obnoxious (as per usual).  Please tell me why Bottomless Pitt pulled a can of beer out of his back pocket!  How did she even fit it there?! 

SoHo walked us to the party before catching a cab home.  We go up, and… well, basically, I saw why everyone ditched during Pride.  The hottest thing going on was the 2 girls going at it in the corner (wow, I’m a voyeur).  Bottomless Pitt was dancing with something tall, but once we saw it in the light, we both looked at each other and said, “PIECES !” 

As soon as we got on the street, Bottomless Pitt and I took off our shirts.  

We make our entrance, and there are about 15 drag queens prancing around.  Turns out they’re doing a fund raiser for some charity.  Being the big baller that I am, I buy an arms-length strip of raffle tickets .  What I didn’t know was that they only had one prize for the drawing!  Boo!

Oh, wow.  Bitter Commie Grad Student’s chatting up some cutie in a red shirt!  She better wooorrrrrrrk!

At one point, a lesbian and a straight girl (both with huge tits) get into a dance off that basically turns into a boob fight.

And as usual, Bottomless Pitt claims another victim.

Wow, that looks familiar.

Pitt: "I'm a top!"

Me: "Slash vers."  He manages to take his shirt off while keeping his hat on.  As I said, I don't ask questions with that girl anymore; anything's possible with her.

Pitt eventually gets bored, as she often does with boys, and wanders off.  And Bitter Commie Grad Student is still talking to this Red Shirt Guy.  I text: Pull the trigger already!

A half hour passes.

Lalala, dancing to some song.  Drinking yet another glass of champagne.  Hold up!  Is Bottomless Pitt making out with… Red Shirt Guy?

Did I mention I need to leave Pieces right now?  Bye!

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