“Fuck! You slapped me!”

Nobody does thanksgiving like your family, which is why I’m glad my family lives pretty nearby.  As I mentioned before, my mother was in town staying at her mother’s place (Dad was on duty at the plant... he's basically Homer Simpson).  Dinner was scheduled for 3 and started around 4 (which is kind of amazing because it's always late as hell). 

That’s how my family does Thanksgiving.  And that's not even including the rolls, a couple of other veggies, and the desserts (we all love the sweet potato pie, but my dad's mother's rum cake is slap-ya-grandma good!).

Later in the evening, my mom and I headed over to my dad’s brother’s house to visit with that side.  My two lawyer cousins were there, so all the questions and stories about parking tickets and moving violations came out (even though they both practice intellectual property law).  It was all a very good time, and we definitely didn’t have enough time with either side.

MicHELLe texts me: Posh at 11.  Get your dancing shoes!

I respond:  Why not View first?  $2 frozen margaritas.

It was a pretty basic night after View Bar.  MicHELLe and I did our “Just Prance” performance, the Syndrome flirted heavily with at least 3 guys, and the DJ gave me a few flirty winks throughout the night.  A text that I don’t remember sending to SoHo Crush tells me we ended up at the Ritz.

Friday was much more memorable.  In the evening, I took my mom to see Catch 22 on Christopher St. (which was great… except for the full frontal male nudity… in front of my mom… for like 7 minutes!).  Luckily no past hookups were lurking outside the Hangar when we walked past on the way to the train.  I got Mom to her train, and headed  to Chelsea Hotel, where I was surprised to find such a short line at 10:30.  This was exquisite because because just about everyone I knew was there.  I gulped down 4 free drinks and was pleasantly surprised when the DJ switched from gay music to pop!

I was standing across from MicHELLe and behind Rutgirls (whom we haven’t seen since 6 Flags… she’s been studying hardcore for make-ridiculous-amounts-of-money exams) at one point.  MicHELLe gave Rutgirls a rather curious look, so I was signing tall-skinny-white-boy syndrome behind Rutgirls’s back.  Rutgirls turned around about halfway through, at which point I went into the “Single Ladies” dance.  It was pretty obvious that I was talking about her (especially since "Single Ladies" wasn't playing), but I figured it was like any other joke I’d make with my girls.  Well, Rutgirls definitely didn’t take it that way, and she said something about me making fun of her.  I laughed and said something dumb, thinking she wasn’t serious. 

All of a sudden, I'm facing a diatribe about how I shouldn’t be making fun of my friends.  She grabs her coat, and storms off into the night.  I was stunned.  Is this what the kids call drama because I’m really not familiar.  I dug back in my mind to my time in purgatory working in sales, which taught me that one should look at what one can control in a situation rather than blaming things one can’t.  Another is that one should present solutions rather than problems when one has an issue.  Keeping this in mind, I put down my drink(s) and sent a damage control text, apologizing for making Rutgirls feel bad and telling him that I recognized that I could have handled the situation more tactfully (e.g., when he turned around, I could have immediately said something like, “Haha, we were just joking about TSWB syndrome, how’s that working for you?”). 

Since there was nothing I could reasonably do at this point, I tried to continue to enjoy my night.  The open bar was over, and it was getting crowded.  Everyone wanted to dance, so I suggested XES because nobody would be there (as I learned the week before from Uptown Brown’s celebration).  We could go in 12 deep and take it over.  The Long Island Gays weren’t ready to leave yet, so they said they’d meet us there later. 

Somehow between the dancefloor and the door, 12 turned into 4.  That’s not quite enough to take over a bar, so I reluctantly agreed to go to Pieces. 

This turned out to be a good thing because D. Kareem ran into Suede, who was extremely friendly!  And just a defensive aside, the only reason D. Kareem knows who Suede is is because D. Kareem dated SoHo Crush during the that season of Project Runway.  

Pieces was pretty crowded, and they had put up their holiday decorations (as you can see).  Somehow, Bottomless Pitt and I (mostly Bottomless Pitt) ended up talking to this drunk guy and his female friend for a half hour.  He got annoying, and I subtly slipped out of the conversation.  As I walked away:

Guy: “Oo!  Let’s go talk to awkward people!”

Bottomless Pitt: “Honey, I’ve been doing that all night.”

Of course, he didn’t get it.

Shit, nobody told the Long Island Gays we didn't go to XES.  Oops!

So then later, this same kid invades the rest of the Ivy League Crew.  I don’t know what exactly happened because I missed the first part (trying to avoid him).  From what I could piece together, he had playfully slapped Urban Sprawl.  Then Med School Mess slapped the guy.

Guy: “Fuck!  You slapped me!”

Mess: “Um, you slapped him.”

It didn’t turn into anything messy, but homeboy continued to be annoying throughout the night.  Eventually he wandered off before one of us had to close a fist.

Me texting SoHo Crush at 12:30am: Hey, where are you?

SHC: Emotionally?

DK: If I could reach through this phone and choke you…

SHC: :) I’m in bed.

SHC: Can I help u?  R u lost?

SHC: 8^th ave goes north

DK: Such an ass.

SHC: Thank you.

See what I have to deal with to (not) get ass?  Did I mention that Rutgirls and I are cool now?  Yeah.

Read about another Celebrity Encounter here.


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