Ah, another Friday night. The plan was to hit up Chelsea Hotel for their open bar, then do Baña. The Ivy League Crew has issues with Baña, but Boris agreed to come along (hadn’t seen her since Black Pride).
I get on the subway and realize I had forgotten my bag with my flip flops and swim wear. After going back to my place and barely missing the closest train, I ended up not getting to Chelsea Hotel til 10:55, 5 minutes before the open bar closed. And there was a line.
After a two-minute text fest, I found out that everyone who wasn’t being lame was inside. I wasn’t about to stand in line for a half hour to end up leaving for the financial district in another half hour. Did I mention that I had mixed my Gatorade bottle way too strong to be headed to an open bar party? I only packed one b/c I figured I’d miss the open bar at Chelsea Hotel, but after downing that on the train, I definitely didn't need to get a drink to pass the time.
TTT texts me that he’s at Pieces. On a Friday. Huh?
Eventually, I heard from Boris, and he was at Dtox with friends and his boyfriend, so I dropped in there. You know what's a fun surprise: finding out a future hook-up (he and the wife have and arrangement) and a past boyfriend have mutual friends! That was what I walked into their friend's birthday party at DTox, greeting Boris and turning around and spotting Duplex across the bar. Luckily it wasn’t too awkward b/c nothing's actually happened with Boris, but it was definitely uncomfortable. After Duplex gets me a drink (b/c I obvi need one), the group decides they’re going to Gym bar. Duplex's roommate grabs my drink and throws his coat over it like, “You can finish it in the car.” Wow. I decide against going with them b/c Boris and I are going downtown, but what Boris didn’t tell me was that he had driven his motorcycle. And he was taking the wife home. “Meet you at like 1:30?” Great.
I walk outside, and Duplex and his friends are in a limo, (why don't my friends have birthdays like that). I walk to the train figuring I’d take the F up to w 4th and take the A down to the financial district, but as I was waiting on the F, I see an A coming downtown on the F line.
For those of you not from NYC, basically I was fucked. I ended up going uptown to Pieces and hanging out with TTT and his crew before standing on 7th ave for 15 minutes trying to get a cab to go back downtown (love being black in NYC).
I finally got to Baña around 1:10 or so. The hot-but-cunty clothes check guy must have gotten laid because he was a fuck of a lot nicer this time. And he had a hot helper (very hot helper). Unfortunately, they both had clothes on (that's a first). So did the hot bartender! WTF is going on with my night?!
In line for my first drink, I struck up a conversation with some hot guys. The problem with a group of hot guys is that they’re first two priorities are making sure everyone sees they're pretty and telling each other how pretty each other are. It didn't help that I can never pick a target and pursue it (who am I kidding, I can’t pursue a target in any situation). Once we got our drinks, I tried to make the least awkward exit possible and excused myself to the pool.
After a marginally entertaining show/presentation (from the same Jane-Goodall-costume-wearing woman that strapped the baboon butt onto Urban Sprawl at Pride and took pictures), Boris finally showed up. Of course, he complained that there weren’t enough Black guys for him, but he ended up hooking up with two of them (which was about a 50% success rate). While I waited on him to put his dick away, I went on my usual voyeur tour. But this time, I actually spent some time in the dark room (with my speedo on). You know how you can watch the same artist on TV and live and the live performance is so much better? Same with porn.
What really got me was when I saw one of the guys that works there getting some.
At the end of the night, they turn on the lights in the pool, dance floor, and lobbies first. They eventually turn on black lights (yes, black lights) in the dark room, but there’s still a good 10 or 15 minutes before they turn on the red lights. And even then, there were people still finishing up. Boris and the secon black dude were the literally the last two left. The people that worked there were cleaning up all around them with their rubber gloves as a live blow job was a part of the furniture.
Finally, Boris comes out and takes a shower. And I watch some of that, too. Did I mention a motorcycle on the West Side Highway is a lot faster than any subway at 5am? Yeah.
Click here to check out about my last Baña experience.
Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" (now on the right) and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.