just a little bit more holiday cheer

Friday after work, I trekked out to Dill Pickle and Bologna’s place in East Williamsburg for their tree-trimming get together. My original idea was to scotch tape a piece of ribbon to a bottle of lube, but a) lube is expensive and b) I found a High School Musical ornament in the process. And all the girls love that Zack guy.

I arrived, and it was a full-on house party. There were a surprising number of costume changes! First Daredevil had a sort of Charlie-Brown meets Long Island grandma sweater with shoulder pads and all these gold coins hanging off of it.

But when ASFKAB wore it and did his catalogue pose, the coins on the back would spike up like a hedgehog.

And then Bologna put on a wig and lipstick. Work.

But that wasn’t her only outfit for the night.

When I recovered from my laughing fit, I turned around and saw Urban Sprawl passed out in a chair. At like 10. It wasn't long before she came to, and this time, I actually saw her ninja. It was amazing: she jumped up, grabbed her coat, opened the door about 2 inches, and slipped through like one of those Capri Sun liquid commercials.

On our way out of the apartment, Daredevil decided to put on just a little bit more holiday cheer.

Personally, I found the clothes to be distracting but whatever.

We eventually went to Sugarland where the Sugar Boy the bartender offered to buy my second drink (which may not have been so smart on his part because I probably didn’t need the first one anyway). It just happened to be the same night that Broke Straight Boys was doing a promotion there. At one point, I talked to a couple of the “straight” boys (who were surprisingly tolerable), and they informed me that they would eventually be handing out gift bags! Did I mention we love free (useful) shit? Yeah!

Then those poor "straight" boys got up on stage, and I swear, they seemed like abused animals. They stripped down to their underwear, and Mimi held their goods in her hand as they shimmied out of their briefs. “On the count of 3, you get to see!” Something about flaccid penis doesn’t do it for me. Then, she demanded they turn around and get hard, which, of course, didn’t work. It's not like Time Warner: no Dick on Demand (le sigh).

France Pants had texted me that she was coming, but Urban Sprawl (his roommate) had texted me that he had gotten home safely (that's a first!) about 20 minutes before France Pants got there. Guess Frenchie didn’t get that memo. We also ran into Cane (who is married to Able... no relation) who had a couple of friends in town. One of them I found particularly cute, but we didn’t talk much beyond greetings.

And then I spent the next half hour grinding with a very attractive, newly single friend of a friend.

I left around 2:30 with 2 gift bags (both “Straight” boys insisted that I take one), which were literally a DVD, a flyer, and a tape-measure keychain. And of course it took forever to get back to WaHi.

The next day on Facebook, there were a few comments on Cane's status:

FP: it was great seeing you last night

Cane: you too... did u [sic] make it home ok?

Me: Well, I doubt she's tied up and gagged somewhere if she's commenting on Facebook! Then again, tied up and gagged could be making it home okay, too. I don't judge.

Cane: she took your man!

FP: was D. Kareem into him? No wonder he's bitter this morning...

Me: wait, huh? I missed something. I want an email. And it's not that I'm not rebutting, it's just too early to be that bitchy

Med School Mess: well, i see i missed out on friday night...

How the hell had France Pants pounced on the hottie with whom I was grinding without me even knowing?! Not even the possessive “he’s mine” factor: I mean, I see this kid everywhere when I go out, so the potential for awkwardness would have definitely been present if I had tried to follow through. It was more like how did he put in game without me noticing a goddamn thing?! Slick bitch.

Well, turns out it wasn’t my Grinding Hottie with whom he had whored. It was the friend of Cane who I thought was cute, which definitely made a lot more sense.

Did I mention my free underwear fit great? Yeah.

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