“Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…”

SoHo Crush had been debating whether or not to go to the Inauguration, and he finally made a decision the week before, asking me to accompany him.  Meanwhile, I had put in for Inauguration Day off back in November, the day after Barack got elected, so I was more than ready.  He actually found a hotel in Alexandria, VA about 8 miles out of DC and 2 miles from the Metro.  After a major delay (that involved me not waking up early enough), we were on the Jersey Turnpike headed South.

We arrived a little after 6 and immediately broke out our laptops (both macs!) to research for the plan that night.  After sending out a couple of texts to some local gays I know, we set out with about 6 addresses in SoHo Crush's iPhone.

We settled on dinner at Annie's Steakhouse in Dupont Cirle (DC's version of Chelsea), and it was basically a leather bar with food and tables.  Okay, okay, it was actually a nice restaurant, but the leather-daddy-to-not ratio was unexpectedly high.

About halfway through dinner, an older, rounder queen and twink were seated next to us.  "Check out this intern situation," jeered SoHo Crush.  And the Intern was very drunk (surprise, surprise).  It wasn't long before he turned to me and slurred, "I really love your hair."  Great.

The couple introduced themselves and revealed that they were actually a three-some.  "This is my gay dad.  He's very, very gay, and I'm very, very straight."  Keep telling yourself that, hun.  Turns out the guy whom we thought was the fat boss was actually Gay Dad's best friend.  

Gay Dad's best friend leans over: "Wanna hear a joke?" No.  He proceeds to recite no less than 5 dirty Disney-themed jokes.  Gay Dad, who has also had quite a few, has abandoned them for the table on the other side (can't blame her).  

Eventually, we escaped the twisted, overly-social family situation and made our way down the street to JR's.  And I thought the Ritz was crowded on the weekend.  Ha!  We squeezed in and get a pair of drinks. They were playing a great mix of pop music/videos until they played BonQuiQui. The whole thing. After that, things took a turn for the worse, so we ditched.

Did I mention it was the end of Mid-Atlantic Leather Weeknd as well?  Once we saw a poster, we figured that was the reason for all the guys in gear we saw at Annie's.  SoHo Crush thinks bears and leather daddies are the funniest thing to roam the earth, so he insisted that we cab it to DC Eagle.  He was only up for paying for the official closing party for the weekend if there would be live bear sex, which spawned a whole series of giggling and one-liners.

The Eagles across the nation definitely seem to be affiliated because this one pretty much looked like the one in NYC.  And what was the first piece of music I heard as we walked in?  Was it hardcore, dark gay (house) music with no words?  Or death metal?  Nope.  It was "Mm Bop" by Hanson.

"What the hell kind of bears are these?!" Indeed.

Then a few guys walked in with button-down shirts. Oh. Hell. No.  Meanwhile, I was wearing layered button downs and tight jeans, but I left my hoodie on in shame!  However, once I saw the two leather (grand)daddies wearing boots and leather thongs, all was right with the world.

(Note: at the Eagle in NYC, there is a dress code on certain nights that excludes sneakers, cologne, sandals, dress shoes, dress shirts, khakis, suits, and non-leather shorts.  Leather gear, rubber/latex, and jock straps are highly encouraged.)

There were two TVs on either side of the bar: one showing CNN, the other showing porn.

We decided to take a look upstairs where we watched more porn on the one 18" TV from 1997 before leaving for Dupont Circle again.

I've heard of being "fur friendly" but damn!  Loving the Egypt reference, though (Anubis much?).  This was a display in the upstairs bar.

At least he's got a huge cock.

And we spend the next half hour trying to catch a cab. You know how in NYC you can tell if a cab is available or not by the light on top? Not so much in DC.

We ended the night at Colbalt, which was a lot like G but with a 2nd story with a dancefloor. I got bumped into no less than 3 times there, and no one said "excuse me".    

Drunken munchies lead us to 7-11 where we picked up an arsenal of supplies that may or may not have included more than one donut. 

But it could have been worse.

They had Obama water.

We had so much stuff that one of the bags broke.  In the middle of the street.  Nice.

(Who leaves 7-11 with multiple bags?)

Monday was supposed to be tourist day.  SoHo Crush had determined that he was driving the rental car into the District.  Good luck.  He wanted to see a photo exhibit, but his mac died that morning.  I googled an Apple Store somewhere in DC.

In the middle of giving directions to what I thought was the exhibit, I realize that it's the Apple Store when we get into the District.  Oops.  Of course, we can't find parking.  And for some reason, there's no sign for the Apple Store outside the building.  I get out to ask a security guard in the desertted building lobby, and she informs me that the Apple Corporation is there.  Not. The. Store.

So I tried to Google Maps the gallery SoHo Crush wanted to go see, but when you have 300,000 iPhones concentrated in a so-so network (which I will not name because I don’t want to kill any possible corporate sponsorship deals), shit gets clogged up.  We literally spent the next hour or so driving around DC looking at all the full parking garages before SoHo got over it and took us back to Va. 

SoHo Crush and I have all sorts of weird references that make our time together SO much funnier.  I'll attempt to explain one, but this could get messy.  You may just want to skip to the next paragraph.  One of the awful things about living in SoHo is that half the people there are looking for the Apple Store, but none of these people speak English.  One Saturday, SoHo Crush was explaining this to me as we were walking through the neighborhood, and not even 5 minutes later, a guy with an accent approaches: "Excuse me.  Apple Store?"  SoHo Crush points and gives vague directions before quickly walking away to avoid further questioning.  So now, here we are in a foreign land with no directions and in need of Apple Assistance!  We couldn't stop laughing.

Luckily, there was an Apple Store in the Pentagon City Mall (a Simon mall, of course), which is located between DC and where we were staying in VA. 

The mall was festive, to say the least.

And everybody was looking to make a buck off the big event.

Even Red Bull got in on the action (wooorrrrrrk with those boots!).

We took the Metro back into DC after dinner and stayed out way too late, knowing we had a long day ahead of us. 

Stay tuned for Inauguration Day and the HRC Ball in the next post.  

I was in Harlem when Barack was elected.  Check it out here.

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