En Vogue was coming to NYC, and MicHELLe and I had tickets. I checked the website the night before and found out that the show was sold out! Not that surprising, considering tix were just under $35.
MicHELLe and I grabbed a few drinks at Gym Bar before heading to 42nd street (ugh). I suggested that we try to get there by 7:15 so we could get a good spot on the floor (mostly standing room) since the door was at 8 and the concert was at 9. Please tell me why the line was about 2/3rds down the block when we arrived! I’ve never seen that many early black people in my life! The women who arrived just after us said “Fuck this!” and left.
In the line, we endured street-meat smoke,
pornographic phone booths,
and spikey hair styles that reminded us of There’s Something about Mary (couldn’t manage a picture of that one). Did I mention I hate the Times Square area? Yeah.
We worked our way through the crowd and ended up being about 5 people from the stage. Right behind is was a black woman in her 40s who casually brought up that she lived in the projects within the first 5 minutes of our banter.
Her: “Hell yeah!”
“How much are those here?”
“I don’t know. Baby, how much are these dranks?” she asked, turning to the guy on the other side of her who hadn’t said a word since we’d been standing there. I had to laugh because this whole time, I thought she was entertaining us because she had come by herself. . o O (Why can’t I find a man that will buy “dranks” and such the fuck up?!) (Kidding!)
The show was amazing. The girls looked and sounded great, and Dawn’s tits were HUGE (which is awesome because when our En Vogue [Bottomless Pitt, Med School Mess, MicHELLe, and I] are together, I always call Dawn). She was also the only one not covered in very 90s sequins.
I really wish they would have done “Yesterday” and “Don’t Go” (not “Don’t Let Go” from EV3… I like “Don’t Go” from Born 2 Sing), but the corny choreography and assortment of other hits were exquisite.
And this part of the concert was kind of hilarious, especially the last guy. Listen for our commentary in the background.
an additional screwdriver and a Long Island the concert, we headed down to XES for Karaoke, but we quickly ditched for Küte at G Lounge. MicHELLe had to actually do stuff at work the next day, so she peaced out around 1 as I sauntered back to the bar.
I saw a guy that I thought was kind of cute. We made eye contact and I walked over to talk to him. As I was talking to him, 2 drag queens came up to the bar beside us. He was fascinated. To the point where I was feeling slightly ignored. But this guy wouldn’t ditch me for a drag queen this late at night, right?
We talked to the pair for a while, and one of the drag queens said, “Let’s go to a party downtown!” I wasn’t sure what kind of party it was, but I felt like anything involving an invitation from a drag queen would at least result in a good story.
“Varick and Vandam, please!”
When we pulled up, there was a line at Greenhouse, which I’ve never seen (then again, I’ve never gotten there after midnight). I had a feeling our lady friends would work some magic, so I hooked arms with the shorter one. Just as I expected, we walked right to the front, and the velvet rope was pulled aside with a smiling “Welcome”.
I don’t remember staying at Greenhouse for very long, but after one of the drag queens bought me a drink, it all got fuzzy. I do remember that the guy only seemed vaguely interested in me.
We all hopped in a cab uptown, and the drag queens got in a fight because the taller one wasn’t ready to call it a night, and the shorter one conveyed that she didn’t want to leave her friend with these two strangers (without saying it outright). The shorter one got out in a huff to go to her car. The remaining 3 of us got out somewhere in Chelsea, and the guy basically told me to get lost (he may have used those words). I shouldn’t have been that shocked, but if he was getting his kicks with a drag queen, there wasn’t much I could do for him in the first place.
Rejection makes me hungry, so I went into the bakery on 23rd and 8th for a burger (medium, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and bbq sauce on the side). As I was paying for my burger, I noticed a guy eyeing me from one of the tables. I made eye contact, and he grinned. He looked cute enough when I squinted, so I went and sat down with him. He was from Brazil with a Euro-sounding accent. And I was sold.
“Do you prefer Sprite or 7up?”
“Well, I spilled bbq sauce on these pants, and I don’t want it to stain. I’m gonna pour some soda on the stain, but I won't want the rest of it.” Not seltzer/soda water. Of course not. They didn’t sell that at the bakery. They sold it at the convenience store at the end of the block, but that was out of my field of vision. So I used corn-syrup-containing soft drink on my vintage, baby-blue, bell-bottom trousers.
Did I mention I woke up sharing a twin bed on the Lower East Side? Did also I mention I had to walk-of-shame in that outfit (which included the shirt that was too small for me) in the middle of the afternoon? Yeah.
Did you know porn actor Colton Ford can actually sing? Click here to check out the night I saw him perform (singing, not acting).
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