There was a lot of face

So McNugget bought some kind of profesh camera.  He was posting all kinds of “first attempts” on Facebook (which came out really good) with write-ups about each model.  About 2 weeks later, I got a Facebook invite from him to an event called “Looking for Male Models”.  McNugget was looking for 7 guys to do a sort of slumber-party-themed shoot.  Figuring it may be a good way to make fun of dumb, pretty boys good experience, I sent him some pictures and basically forgot about it until another 2 weeks had gone by and he told me he wanted me to come to the shoot. 

It was at Filet-Ho-Fish’s apartment.

When I arrived, I was slightly intimidated.  There was a lot of face, and a good bit of body, too.  I walked in wondering if the boys would be nice or catty.  Would they try to read me?  Were they all friends, making me the outsider?  Was I “professional” enough?  I had no idea who would be there, but recognizing Geronimo (we know each other through mutual friends) was an instant relief. 

After quickly greeting McNugget and Filet-Ho-Fish (did I mention this was the first time we really saw each other since Makeoutgate?), I went into Filet-Ho-Fish’s bedroom where the boys were getting make up.  Most of the guys seemed to be a bit younger than I.  Skinnier than I.  Prettier than I.  The one guy who struck me as possibly being older was that guy you’re too intimidated to talk to in the bar: a strange (yet hot) mix of pretty and handsome; beautiful skin tone; amazing body (like an underwear model before designers started slimming their models down).  We had to take off our shirts to get made up (mostly a spray foundation, mascara, and light lip gloss), so I got a chance to check out the bodies before the shoot. 

“Hi, I’m Model #3.”

“Nice to meet you.  I’m D. Kareem.”

“Cool, where are you from?”

“South Carolina.”

“Oh, I meant in the City.”

“I live uptown, in Manhattan.”

“Oh, okay.  I live in the Stuy-town area.  You know where that is?...”

Right now in NYC, this same conversation is happening in 3 distinct locations. In this city, “Were are you from” almost always equals “what neighborhood are you cool/rich/whatever enough to live in?”. Kind of like how girls in LA ask guys what kind of car they drive. I usually say that I live “uptown” just to see if the person will follow up with a “whereabouts?” or “in Harlem?” or anything more specific than . o O (that ghetto above 96^th st.). Or I'll mention South Carolina if I want to spark conversation. If a person takes my generic "uptown" answer, I know they’re either very new to the City or they’ve already put me in a box, and they’ll lose interest in talking to me when they see something shiny (I guess I put them in a box too, ha!). For the record, there are some very nice areas above 96^th st.  And not saying anything specifically about Model #3, just showing an example of a very common gay interaction in NYC.

The shoot itself was tons of fun, and not just because I got to touch and lie on pretty boys. It was because I got to touch and lie on pretty boys in their underwear! Plus the boys were a lot more fun than attitudy/catty. The shoot included “before” (clothed and socializing) and “after” (undies) shots. I had made some alcohol-soaked fruit for a party and had a ton left over, so I brought it to the shoot to share with everyone (wouldn’t want it to go to waste). By the time we took a break and had some pizza (wings for me.. still lactose intolerant), most of the boys were feeling pretty loose.  I spent most of the underwear shots lying on a twinkish Asian guy’s stomach.  Even though he wasn’t so much my “type” (most of the guys there weren’t), I found the whole situation quite hot. 

We finished up around 9:30, and as I was dressing (thank god we didn’t use baby oil), I saw that I had gotten a text from MoH asking if I wanted to go to the comedy night at Therapy. I’m not a huge fan of the bar, but Geronimo was going (plus it was on the way home). We headed to the train with a couple of the models and Miss CD.  Miss CD was a friend of McNugget’s (black guy, class of 90-something) and played the role of Creative Director for the shoot, but one may easily mistake his having a frank personality for his being a Cunty Diva upon first meeting (much like one may mistake Tighty Whitey for uptight).

When we got to the train platform, I pulled the large Tupperware container with the rest of the fruit out of my bag. Just as each of the boys was getting a piece of fruit, I noticed a couple of police officers walking our way. At first I freaked, but luckily the freakout surfaced as my coolly closing the container and continuing whatever the hell I was saying. 

CD: “Woo! I thought we were busted.”

. o O (Dude, the cops are like 3 feet past us!  Shut up!)

Model #6: “I know right!”

CD: “But then I was like, ‘Oh, right. It’s just fruit. I’m just sitting here enjoying my oh-so-delicious fruit!’” He took a slow, flagrant bite.

We finished the rest of the fruit just as the train came, and one of the models and I slurped up the rest of the juice to make sure it didn’t end up leaking in my bag. And by juice, I mean I vodka and whatever had seeped out of the fruit as it sat for 2 days. 

"And you! I couldn't deal with you the whole shoot!" Miss CD said to Model #5. "It was like, even when you weren't the focus of the shot, you would like steal the shot. And you did the same thing, #6! I'd be like, 'Okay, interact with him,' and you'd be like [Miss CD looked to the side dramatically] 'I'm looking at you, but [Miss CD whipped her head center, giving major Blue-Steel face] it's all about me!'"

"What was I like?" giggled Geronimo.

"You were fine as long as you were smiling, but as soon as you had to give us serious, that's when you seemed to start self-doubting, like, 'I'm not sure what I'm doing.'"

"Yeah, that's exactly how I felt, too! How about D. Kareem?" Geronimo asked.

"D. Kareem was just fine."

"Yeah, yeah. Now tell us the truth," I said with a roll of the eyes. Miss CD had just read everyone and had no criticism for me? Riiiiiight.

"No, really. You were fine. Nothing was really wrong with how you worked the shoot. It was good."

I was a bit taken aback. Back in my performing days (short as they were), I was used to getting all sorts of constructive criticism, almost to the point of hurt feelings. And the photographer who took my banner picture was constantly telling me to relax my forehead. It was strange for a performer not to have any sort of notes. Which I guess is a good thing. Then again, she didn't say I was excellent either.

We arrived at Therapy, and MoH had a table for us.  Of course, it was in the very front, and of course, I ended up in on the infamous cube where I hate sitting (almost on stage).

“Damn, we got Sexual Chocolate in the audience!” the host announced as CD and I took our seats at a table adjacent to a black guy neither of us knew. BTW, we all love being referred to as food. Then the DJ put on the first 3 seconds of “The Circle of Life” from The Lion King.  Funny, I wondered why I never saw black people in Hell’s Kitchen.

On the plus side, Justin +1 alumnus Adam Lehman was one of the featured performers. He did well, and he’s cuter in person.

When MoH, Geronimo, and I left Therapy, a Model Make-Out Session was going down in the back, and CD was looking for a camera to hold for them. Our crew of three ended up dancing at Greenhouse til 2am.  Did I mention that Geronimo topped her fruit off with 2 martinis and was last seen stuffing her pockets with NYC condoms?

Yeah.

To see pictures of the shoot, check out RonaldRiqueros.com!

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