half naked screaming "Where's the taaaaaape!"

My birthday fell on a Saturday! AEOW!

Well, the day before, I trekked down to the E.Vil for a friend’s going away party with the Long Island Gays. Honey, I understand you’re going to be an eye doctor and all, but do you think you’re really going to need this much contact lens solution?

After a stop at DTox, where ASFKAB’s friend from dodgeball (whom I had met at Greenhouse on Easter) got me a dark shot (I’ll do Jäger, but it's one of two liquors I try to avoid... the other being whiskey), we decided we needed some Chelsea in our lives. We would have had to hail 3 or 4 cabs, but a ’99 Lincoln Towncar limo pulled over.

“Guys, it comes to $5 per person. Let’s go!”

Driver (with accent): “No, no, too many! Too many!”

ASFKAB: “It’s fine. Bologna is just really fat. Let’s go!”

So we pulled up to Barracuda in an old limo with no sunroof. Class.

I spent all of Saturday (and I mean all of Saturday) getting ready for the party. Since I was going to the Beyoncé concert the next week, I decided to make her the theme, calling the Facebook event "B'day Fierce: Green Light Means Hello" (a combo of song and album titles) and encouraging attendees to don Beyoncé related attire.

I'd lost track of time cleaning the apartment and decorating (includig a trip to a specialty shop in Chelsea for extra supplies), and when MicHeLLe showed up at 8:09, I wasn't even showered yet. I got her to mix the punches while I finished putting up the lights.

Other guests started arriving around 8:45, and I was running around the apartment half naked screaming "Where's the taaaaaape!" Finally, I ran across the street to buy more and jumped in the shower.

People really went all out for their costumes. MicHELLe put shoulder pads in a hooded black top under a corset and wore the Belize Navidad wig with glanmed out shades.

 

Donkey Hóte was straight up "Single Ladies" in the leotard.

Rutgirls went for the "If I Were a Boy" look with his cop outfit (TSWB in spandex pants, what!), but with the thin yaki ponytail, it came out a bit more Reno 911/white trash. 

Don Juan from San Juan was disturbingly convincing when he attached the yaki to his own ponytail.

While some thought Tighty Whitey's look was Lady Gaga, we reminded them that Beyoncé had this pink look in "Check Up on It", years before Gaga was on the scene.

Strategic hand placement.

I also have to mention that Tighty Whitey actually got me a present. I'm not one for giving/getting presents just for the sake of doing so (I move too much to keep up with empty material gestures), but he got me a "Bondage 101" kit. I fucking died (and then I left it out on my night stand)!

Silly Med School Mess, Beyoncé doesn't drink beer!

Denzelle dressed as the brother-in-law.

And with as many times as we’ve referenced the video for “Diva”,

I thought it’d be appropriate to recreate that look in (jesting) earnest.

I hadn't bought foundation since I've been in NYC, but I had a concealer palette that I had bought years ago when I cared enough to cover the dark circles under my eyes. In the sketchy light of my bedroom, I put on a comically fair mask (because Beyoncé got Cajun in her family) before applying eye liner and throwing on skinny jeans, platform heels, and a black Members-Only-type jacket. The finishing touch: shades with tinsel covering the lenses. 

Do you know how hard it is to do “Single Ladies” in heels?!

Notice the ring.

One of the features of the party (about which I was most excited) was the Beyoncé stick-figure comic art. I bought a shower curtain and dry-erase markers and drew scenes from her videos.

“Bootylicious”

“Bills Bills Bills”

“Diva”

“Crazy in Love”

“Get Me Bodied”

 

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture before SoHo Crush violated it, and that started a whole epidemic of adolescent cock-and-ball disease.

I blurred out Bottomless Pitt's name (which was attached to the arrow pointing to the artist formally known as Kelly).

Around 12:30, I herded everyone out of the apartment and around the corner to No Parking.

When I saw this picture, I thought they were dancing on my (roommate’s) couch! I was about to have to quote one of my favorite Beyoncé songs: "OMG! You done lost yo' mothafuckin' mind!"

I found Lionel since his birthday was a few days before, and we took a shot together. For the rest of the night, we were just our silly drunk selves having an awesome time!

SoHo Crush had a softball game the next day, so he stayed behind (and probably drank more). I got home to find him passed out and snoring in my knock-off Uggs next to a suggestively-placed mirror.

And I got none of this.

The quote of the night was when Fung Wah arrived and explained his costume as "that backup dancer in "Naughty Girl"."

"Um, you mean Usher?"

Did I mention that the morning after, for some reason, I couldn't get B. Scott of my head?

Yeah.

Check out my 25th birthday party. Click here.

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