a county fair for fetish

Between Folsom Street East, Beyoncé and Broadway Bares, this may have been the most intense Sunday of my life.

I met MicHELLe in Chelsea around 3, but on the way, I found the cutest little leather pup ever!

He was tied up outside a store on 23^rd street! Imagine how many big macho leather daddies started baby talking to this precious little dog on the way to 10^th ave.

MicHELLe and I entered ad immediately saw The Johns (the band we had hung out with the night before) on stage! The sound system was so-so, making it was hard to hear lyrics, but they definitely had a cool sound and style. We rocked out with them for about 10 minutes before exploring the rest of the street fair.

And boy, was there a lot to explore.

It was like a county fair for fetish!

 

“I thought Bottomless Pitt said she couldn’t make it!”

I was staying away from any dubious liquids at FSE.

I absolutely loved this flirty daddy’s outfit.

And this guy claimed to be a professional welder (so butch!). For Broadway shows, of course (nevermind).

And the guy in front of Darth Maul stole my Black Party ’09 outfit idea.

Can you guess what this bear is sipping? 

Hint: beer is not that color. And I saw a whole situation go down before this picture. The guy to the right is throwing his quizzical look in the wrong direction.

Famed porn director ChiChi LaRue (she pronounces it “Shee-shee”... and she lost like 100 lbs!) was our hostess. I've always wondered if she showed up on set in full drag, but I didn't exactly get a chance to ask her.

At this point, MicHELLe had left, so I was near the stage by myself. ChiChi (who, btw, has nothing to do with the famed bar Chi Chi’s, as far as I know) started throwing out free porn! I was all about it til she started yelling out the various fetishes for each DVD.

"Who’s into watersports? Oh, no surprise there! How about fisting? Ha! You look like you could use a good fist up your ass!” When she got to the last DVD, she announced, “This is my most recent work, and it’s not even in stores yet. Wait, why the hell am I giving it away? It’s from Channel 1 Releasing, and I know somebody’s gonna love it.”

She threw the DVD into the crowd, and I saw it coming just to my left. One corner landed in my hand, and one landed in a very cute white guy’s. I gave him a smile and a “please” with my eyes, and he responded (with nice smile and accent!) “You can have it.”

“Who got it? You? Come here!”

. o O (Oh fuck! She just made some guy show his ass to the crowd. This is so not what I signed up for!)

“What’s your name?”

“D. Kareem.”

“D. Kareem. Of course it is. So, you got a big black cock?!”

“Actually, no. It’s kinda small.”

“Your shirt says ‘I look better naked.’”

. o O (Stupid David Barton and their clever tag line! I don’t even go to that gym!)

Asshole in the crowd: “Make him show his cock!”

ChiChi: “Ok, folks, let’s give it up for D. Kareem.”

Asshole in the crowd: “Boo! He didn’t show anything.”

Thankfully, it was leather porn that involved neither water sports nor fisting.

What are these porn actors doing with the pies on stage? You’re gonna have to go to DudeVu to find out. Explicit pictures and video, so I couldn't put it on the blog. Put a reminder in your phone if you can't watch it now. Believe me, it's worth it. But I must say that I loved the zipper-back pants (part of a fashion line called Slick It Up, designed by the actor in the mesh jumpsuit).

With all that excitement, I was late to meet SoHo Crush and Crash for the Beyoncé concert.

I already wrote about that here, and you can see my YouTube videos here. I'm now obsessed with her opening act: RichGirl.

But of course, one amazing show wasn’t enough. SoHo Crush tried to get us a cab outside of Penn Station to go 20 blocks uptown, but between traffic and the huge taxi stand a block away, it wasn’t that great an idea. “You do realize that there’s no traffic jam on the subway, right. It’s two stops; I promise you won’t melt.”

Basically the idea behind Broadway Bares is that people want to see stars and dancers (nearly) naked. They put on a highly-choreographed burlesque show, and the proceeds go to fight AIDS. When we arrived, the line was literally around the block (the people at the stage door got quite a preview). And that was for people who already had tickets. We had a drink at some straight bar that SoHo Crush liked. Then we met up with one of SoHo Crash’s friends who was in the front of the line (I’m sure no one minded 4 people crashing the party).

SoHo Crush got us more drinks and then ditched us. “I can’t deal with the crowds.” He’s such a fucking diva sometimes (then again, I’ve been known to ditch my friends), but he somehow scored a seat on some platform for the show.

It got really fucking crowded. I somehow ended up right next to Steven from Justin +1’s blog (I had never met him in person), and Calipornia joined us soon thereafter.

I felt really out of place because I’m not really familiar with the Broadway stars. Luckily, I was around people with whom I was familiar because I’m sure some Musical Mondays wino would have bitten my head off for not recognizing [actor’s name]. But the show was amazing! Lots of well built dancers with asses exposed. Lots of Velcro costumes, and as much pulling off of underwear with a hand (or someone’s head or a prop) in front of crotch as one could handle. Though all of them were amazing, the scenes that stuck out most to me were the number with all the boys dancing in heels (which is NOT easy to do well), the football player one (lots of jock straps), and the group aerialist number (very Cirque du Soleil). They even got Mo Rocca in a pair of boxers.

The whole time, we were waiting for Pretty Betty to appear on stage since SoHo Crash told us he was “performing” that night. By performing, he meant announcing the winners of the fundraising competition among the performers (he had also said that Solange was Beyoncé's opening act). SoHo Crush got bored and left (I was too through) for the diner around the corner before Pretty Betty made it on stage. It was amazing to see how much talking happened after the show, but they had a captive audience. Everyone was still waiting for Rotation (where all the performers come out and the audience tips their favorites… the money going towards the cause… kind of ironic to see Broadway performers turn [back?] into go-go boys).

Click here to see a very high quality slide show of photos from the performance (may be NSFW).

As we made our way out of the Roseland Ballroom, we passed a horse and carriage on the street. SoHo Crash (who was wasted) was suspiciously close to the horse’s face. He looked like he was going to rub noses with it. Just as I was about to say something about possibly scaring the horse, I saw horse mouth meet just about all of SoHo Crash’s face. He got a good downward stroke before pulling away. The carriage driver said nothing the whole time, probably knowing what was about to happen. We fucking died the whole way to the Cosmic Diner.

 

It was actually the perfect spot to see all the Broadway queens (well, the performers) leaving the show with most of their drag-like MAC Viva Glam makeup still on. Of course, the first thing Pretty Betty did when he arrived was kiss SoHo Crash. He wasn’t much of a fan of the horse story.

After a couple of drinks at Bamboo 52 (where we met a huge bouncer named Grapeade), we called it a night. Did I mention SoHo Crush kissed SoHo Crash goodbye? Did I also mention I’m allergic to horses?! FML.

Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the Muscle Bear Sea Tea this year. Click here to check out my hilarious time from last year.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.