FichGro is definitely below 96th st.

Bear (SoHo Crush really does have a friend that he calls Bear) and his boyfriend arrived on the Cherry Grove ferry sometime in the 11 o’clock hour along with the Token Lesbian and the artists formally known as Twinks. Hugs and double kisses all around.

Me, shaking the Former Twink’s boyfriend’s hand, (trying too hard to be extra friendly): “I don’t think we’ve met.”

Former Twink’s boyfriend (at the same time): “I think we’ve met a few times. Good to see you.”

Way to start off the weekend, D. Kareem.

The night before, we were listening to Lady Gaga and having some conversation about Bear, so of course I spat out the first name that came to mind: Lady Grr Grr. SoHo Crush turned that into a royal court announcement when they walked into the door: “The Lord and Lady Grr Grr.” Cue British accent and trumpet flourish.

We were too busy preparing for the beach to eat breakfast, but someone made fierce pitcher vodka cran. The house came with tambourines (which we took to the beach), so whenever a hot guy would walk by, SoHo Crush and I would give them a good shake and a smile. SoHo Crush noted that when he did it by himself, he got smiles and waves. I mostly got dirty looks. Conclusion: FichGro is definitely below 96^th st.

There was a butterfly kite on the porch, so we brought it out to the beach. It had no string, but one of the Former Twinks went back to get some more booze. Once he attached the string to the kite, he, SoHo Crush, and the Token Lesbian tried unsuccessfully for a good half hour to make the damn thing fly, but Madame Butterfly was not having it.

An older chubby guy started talking to one of the Former Twinks. I didn’t hear the convo, but according to a later retelling, the guy said that he had a couple of kites that the Former Twink could have, citing his $2,000 kite on his wall at home as an excuse. The guy invited the Former Twink to come get the kites at his house, and they left together. Of course, the Former Twink brought the Lesbian along. 10 minutes later, a flying mermaid and a dragon were declared our official beach landmarks.

Old Chubby (about 50 feet away) to the Former Twink: "You're a homo, right?"

SoHo Crush (to us): "Did he just ask the Former Twink if he was a homo?"

Me: "Is he blind and deaf?!"

After a third pitcher on the beach, we packed up and went back to the house where SoHo Crush got everyone in on an absolutely ridiculous game. Everyone writes down a celeb, public figure, or fictional character on a piece of paper and puts it in a container. During the first round, you say anything but the name to get your partner/team to guess the name. Once all the cards are gone, you put them back in the container. Next round, you only get two words to get your partner/team to guess. Next round is charades. All timed.

This game ended up being insanely fun because everyone thinks of different categories of celebs. For example, I had no idea how to make someone think of Ichiro Suzuki. We had an uneven number of players, so for more fun, the odd man out had everyone guess in a quick-fire round.

After drinks at the Ice Palace, most people were done for the night, but SoHo Crush, Sharonne and I tromped down to The Grove Hotel for their famous underwear party. I remember checking my clothes. I remember a room with a bar with men with their clothes on. I remember dancing. And I remember a very busy dark room. SoHo Crush later told me (and the rest of the table at breakfast) that he started to go down on me, and I responded by cracking the fuck up. It does sound like something I’d do in a dark room with someone I’d been dating for a year.

Did I mention I had to pull it together for a major birthday party in the Pines the next day (we're talking alcohol sponsors!)? Yeah!

Click here to check out a trip to Jones Beach.

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