a box with a military-themed change of clothes and a note

A friend had gotten me on the list for the City Gym Boys calendar release party on Friday, but BRITney’s boyfriend, Just-In, was throwing him a surprise birthday party on the Upper West Side on the same night, requesting that people arrive before 9:15 or after 10:15. By the time I finished with the gym after work, it was already 8:15. I could go downtown to this party for 15 minutes (during which my friend probably wouldn’t be there), or I could stay at the party downtown, miss the SURPRISE moment, and stay at the exclusive straight club with no one I know (my friend was involved with the production of the calendar, so I figured he’d have to be all hosty) with $12 drinks til 10.

I was worried that I might be the first to arrive at Just In’s friend's apartment (it'd be too obvious if Just-In had it at his own place), and that's exactly what happened. Luckily, the host was quite the cutie (which always makes me feel more comfortable), and the situation ended up not being nearly as awkward as I feared when I walked in and found no other guests.

Soon thereafter, Med School Mess arrived. She had been at the Pier and Pieces all day, so she was feeling no pain. Her outfit consisted of 3 stages. Stage 1 was a military jacket, a drab shirt, and jeans, but the jacket came off within a minute of her arrival to reveal that the shirt was cut off and that she was wearing suspenders. 

The third stage of her outfit was just obscene.

 

Med School Mess: “Our hostess is cute!”

Me: “Look, a) I saw her first, b) she’s not even your type! And c) don't you have a boyfriend?! Here, why don't you go make us a drink.”

 

Later, Just-In arrived to make final preparations, and the host took a shower. After the shower, the host realized he had left his costume outside on the couch. He peeked his head out of the door to get Just-In’s attention, and I was praying it wouldn’t work. Eventually, he realized that he'd have to scurry his compact, hairy (but trimmed… boo!) body 10 feet to the couch wearing only a pair of tight boxer briefs. And I loved every second of it.

So here was the (rather brilliant) setup: Just-In had taken BRITney out to dinner. Just-In had prearranged for the waitress to pay the bill, and he ditched. Meanwhile, the waitress gave  the unsuspecting BRITney a box with a military-themed change of clothes and a note with very specific instructions. When BRITney was arriving (I think he was instructed to text upon approach), we turned off all the lights and made everyone shut up. The apartment had a sort of vestibule before the door to the living room, so the inner door cracked open a bit each time someone opened the outer door. We could all see how hesitant BRITney was about actually opening the inner door.

 

After the SURPRISE! and the singing of “Happy Birthday”, we sang “Happy Birthday" again when the cake came out.

Urban Sprawl refused to set her drink down before pigging out.

Turns out BRITney’s military garb was multi-layered, too.

I was kind of upset because I had committed to taking my grandmother to the airport the next morning, which meant I couldn’t go to the beach with the boys (they were leaving earlier than I could manage to get back to meet them). As we drank and danced, 2 significant things happened. Med School Mess got hammered to the point where he fell on his back (I said significant, not out-of-the-ordinary), and Hippy Cuz texted me: Don’t come tomorrow. [The next door neighbor] said she’d take Nana to the airport. I was literally jumping around like I had won the Super Bowl. Not only did I not have to make the hour-and-a-half trek (each way) to outer Queens to drive my grandmother to LGA, but I also got to go to the beach! BTW, Hippy Cuz, if you’re reading this, please learn to drive ASAP. I could live in Boston, and my mother would still ask me to pick my grandmother up.

Around 1:30, Urban Sprawl and I peaced out to meet up with one of the models from McNugget's photo shoot  at Candle Bar. I’d never seen it so crowded, but then again, I’d never thought to go there on a Friday night. And I certainly didn’t expect this type of diversity in a small Upper West Side bar.

 

I don’t know what’s funnier here: the leather daddies in full garb in a non-leather bar, Urban Sprawl’s posing to make them think they weren’t the subject of the picture, or the guy in the middle trying not to laugh is ass off at either situation.

I think it was around 2:30 that we called it a night. Did I mention that we had trip to  Asbury Park for Sandblast/Road Trip the next morning? Yeah!

Click here to check out what happened the day McNugget had his Astoria photo shoot (with 7 models and way too much alcohol-soaked fruit).

Note: you may find the  "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the NEWLY UPDATED Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.