sufficient obnoxiousness on the boat (Cheer NY Sea Tea and what REALLY happened in the back room)
Did somebody say Cheer New York Sea Tea?! I’m so there!
But before the booze cruise, I met up with Bottomless Pitt (who was wearing a tank top and obnoxiously short shorts… did I mention I was wearing my bright pink “I LOVE MEN tshirt?) to head out to some park in Astoria for Donkey Hóte’s going away gathering.
I wish I would have looked up where the hell this park was before I left the house because it was nowhere near the closest subway stop (which happened to be the last stop on the N/W train). But they had a public pool about the size of a football field. All I could think was . o O (How many people have peed in that water!)
Bottomless Pitt: “It’s already almost 5. Are we really going out there for 5 minutes and coming back into The City?!”
Me: “She’s gonna be gone for a year, and who knows if she’ll come back! Think of it as karma points.”
Pitt: “Well, make sure you talk to Blink if she’s there. Apparently something epic happened in that back room . I’ll let her be the one to tell you.”
I saw Blink from a hundred feed away, and after greeting everyone briefly, I pulled him a few feet away with an arm around his shoulder.
“I heard you had a story from the back room last night. Care to share?”
“Oh, yeah! I’ve already told the rest of them…”
. o O (So I’m the last to know the gossip?! Oh hell no!)
The night before, I had made a hobby of pushing people into the back room at the underwear party at Pieces, and most of them came out screaming about how they’d been blinded or tainted for life (taint! ha!). But the last time I had seen Blink was when I pushed him into the back room. And I stayed at Pieces for a good half hour after that.
According to Blink, he stumbled into the dark room, realized what was going on, and decided to post up on a wall. And who comes wandering through but KennyKennyKenny. KennyKennyKenny is the class-of-'07 Republican who denounces the ills of gay scene (that he frequents) and claims to prefer a husband to a hookup. So it only makes sense that he would be in the back room. And it's not that he hates people of color; they're just not relevant to his life (I literally didn't speak to him for 6 months because I wanted to see if he'd greet me first when we were in the same room). But that’s not where the story ends.
Legend has it that KennyKennyKenny looked around at the selection for a bit. Suddenly, he stopped in front of Blink and dove! This was where I imploded. And of course, everyone else knew the story , so they were dying, watching my reaction, which involved a dropped jaw, a few syllables of gibberish, and a run in a small circle.
“I didn’t even really see his face, but I’d recognize that hair anywhere!”
“So he really went down on you? Doesn’t he know you’re black!”
“I know, right! And then I was like, ‘Oh, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum,’ and he got up and left!”
“That was your dumb mistake! You should have given no sign of climax and cum right in his mouth! If you have to react, just tap your foot or scratch your head. In fact, that makes a better story. Lie next time you tell it.”
We stayed at the park for a little longer than a half hour (which means we'd already missed Cheer NY's performance on the Pier). As we were getting ready to leave, Med School Mess, Bottomless Pitt, and I started telling everyone goodbye individually. As soon as we started to walk away, Urban Sprawl decided she wanted to come with us. So now she had to tell everyone goodbye. Individually.
Urban Sprawl: “Hey, guys, wait for me. I wanna run to the bathroom.”
Bottomless Pitt: “We’re already a half hour later than… fine, go. RUN!”
Med School Mess, who was already drunk from brunch with a nun (I'm still trying to figure that one out) and alcohol from the park gathering, had declared that she wasn’t drinking anymore. She had to pee, too, but she ran in a different direction than Urban Sprawl. Ten seconds later, I turned around to find that she had not gone to a different restroom; she had not even gone to the bushes. She was peeing in plain sight on a tree. I even saw the stream of urine before I turned away and almost fell on the ground laughing.
On the train into Manhattan, I pulled out my Gatorade bottle, passing it to Urban Sprawl and Bottomless Pitt.
Med School Mess: “Well, damn! Can I get some?”
Me: “What happened to, ‘I’m not drinking anymore!’?”
MSM: “I said I'm not drinking on the cruise! We’re not on a boat yet!”
We arrived about 15 minutes before the cruise set sail. Med School Mess was at the bar paying for a drink, so I had to give him a look.
“The boat has not left the dock!”
Within an hour of the boat leaving, I had downed an additional drink, and my bright pink shirt was tucked into a belt loop.
. o O (That guy looks strangely familiar. Damn he’s hot! But where the fuck do I know him from? Do I recognize him from flirty glances at a party… Shit, that’s The Aussie! Stupid [hot] drunken sex!)
He was with another guy. But he wasn’t a major hottie, so it was okay.
TTT: "Hey, Kareem! I'm gonna take a picture of you."
Me: "Okay, let me put my stuff down."
TTT: "It's like the cover of National Geographic!"
Me: "What'd you say, motherfucker!"
Let me tell you: TTT was lucky as hell that picture came out cute.
After sufficient obnoxiousness on the boat (which, unfortunately, involved less making out than last year even though Morehead was present), I convinced TTT to drag his friend to Chi Chi’s with Bottomless Pitt and me. Did I mention that they only had one drink each, so we made out like bandits with 2-4-1 tickets once they left? Yeah!
Click here to check out last year's Sea Tea with Cheer NY.
Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.