after the 5th rib and 2nd helping of home fries (Bottomless Pitt's Birthday Brunch)

Bottomless Pitt turned 25 on a Sunday and invited us over for brunch to celebrate.

I showed up a bit late, but when I got there, I put down my bottles of Andre and went directly to the table of food.

“Sorry, I’m about to kill the last of these ribs since there’s only a few things I can eat here [I'm lactose intolerant]. Hope y’all don’t mind!”

I’m actually pretty glad Grrber had to work because I was probably at my least sexy scarfing down greasy grub (I hadn’t eaten yet that day). I didn't even pay attention to the mimosas until after the 5^th rib and 2^nd helping of home fries.

My one question was: who the hell brought a box of milk-and-cereal bars to a gourmet brunch?!

As the brunch went on, the priorities of the invited guests became apparent. We had more than enough champagne to go around, but after an hour, the orange juice was long gone. This was a particular problem for me because I’d already had 2 plates of food and was wearing a tight shirt. Those bubbles were definitely not keeping my stomach flat.

The rest of the party centered around MicHELLe and I (along with a rotating cast of others) either acting out music videos or belting out the current song in the original key/octave.

And of course, Miss Gwendolyn Schumacher had to make an appearance.

Bottomless Pitt: “You guys found my fox fur stole!”

Me: “Honey, ‘faux’ supposed to rhyme with ‘though’. You don’t pronounce the ‘x’.”

Bottomless Pitt: “Asshole.”

Eventually, we were over the champagne, and at least 4 people had brought vodka (I would have also, but champagne’s cheaper). I went with Bottomless Pitt to the lab where he works to get some sodas for mixer (don’t ask my why we were getting drink from a damn science lab... or why I was okay with drinking them). Watching him chasse into his place of employment (a university hospital) in his pink “Boy Beater” tank top and home-cut daisy dukes was absolutely priceless. So was the look on the hot Latin security guard’s face as we walked by.

On the way out, I noticed an oil portrait of some old white guy (donor?) wearing a suit on the wall. I told Bottomless Pitt, “I hope you become some kind of famous scientist. And I hope they put a painting of you in the hospital exactly how you are now." Because let's face it: it's all downhill after 25 (love you, Grrber + anybody I've ever dated/WOOFed at).

Armed with mixers, we returned to the crowded dorm apartment. More yelling, giggle fits, and cocktails happened before we hopped in cabs to the grand opening of a party at Latitude, a straight bar in midtown.

The guy who was throwing this party is friends with me on Facebook (but I have no idea how he found me). He would always respond to parties I was going to, but I’d never see him there. I started a joke that someone had made a fake profile for him. So when I finally met him in person I introduced myself.

Me: “Hey, I’m D. Kareem.”

I just said this as a formality. Of course he knew who I was.

Him (without a glimmer of recognition): “Oh, hi. I’m [name].”

Me (slightly annoyed): “MORTAL! Cower before your social deity! Yeah, I know; we’re friends on Facebook.”

Him: “Oh, right!”

That’s real nice, hun…

The great thing about this party was that they had a $3 apple-tini and cosmo special. The funny thing was that it was a rooftop party. Unless there’s something I’m missing about this El Niño year, October isn’t exactly the best kick-off month for a weekly outdoor soirée.

After a few drinks there, we trained it down to the village. It was too early for karaoke at XES, which made it perfect timing for karaoke at Boots ‘N Saddle! Victoria Chase was overjoyed to see us!

The rest of the night is best illustrated through pictures.

Did I mention that Bottomless Pitt has no recollection of Boots ‘N Saddle? Yeah.