A few weeks ago, MicHELLe came up with the bright idea that she, TTT, Bottomless Pitt and I should be the Real Housewives of Atlanta for Halloween: Pitt would be Kandy; MicHELLe would be Nene; I’d be Sheree; and TTT would be Kim. MicHELLe insisted that we do the costume contest at Pieces the week before Halloween, but she ended up bailing because it was her roommate’s boyfriend’s birthday (I don’t get it either). We couldn’t let one girl dropping out hold back our fun (not after I spent $150 + on my costume!), so TTT and I agreed to get ready at his place. Bottomless Pitt was meeting us at Pieces.TTT was still scrambling for elements for her costume when I arrived (as in, she was around the corner at Ricky’s Costume Shop). Plus she still had no make up! We went down the street to Rite Aid and raided their cosmetics section. I’m actually pissed because most of the money I spent was on makeup, and Rite Aid had buy one, get one 50% off on almost all of theirs!
We had to be very strategic about our costumes. I knew my hands would end up a mess if I tried to paint my nails, so I bought gloves. TTT knew he wouldn’t have to shave his legs if she got the right tights (thankfully, she didn't wear the ones pictured above). She ended up taking a half hour shower, which I didn’t understand until she came out with a smooth chest. One would think that I’d shave my facial hair for drag, but that one hasn’t seen me cleanly shaven. Plus Sheree’s manly; it goes with the costume!
Once I finished my makeup (I had to run back out to Rite Aid for eyelash glue in full makeup with no costume because my fake lashes didn’t come with any!), I started on TTTs. I’m kind of mad because all the Bare Minerals foundation I got did was make my face look ashy (and I got the darkest one they had!). But I did some pretty good highlighting and strategic shading on both of us. I was pretty satisfied with the comedic value of our end products.
Our first stop was Duplex’s duplex. He was having a 40th birthday party, opting for a more intimate get together than his usual over the top Halloween bash (it was featured in Next Magazine one year). Did I mention we were the only ones in costume?! Duplex’s friends couldn’t get enough of us. And the best part: they had a DIVA FAN!
After an hour or so there, we hopped in a cab to Pieces, arriving just in time to enter the costume contest. Vodka Stinger brought each of the contestants up on stage individually. What I didn’t realize was that Bottomless Pitt had entered herself separately as Whitney Houston, which was actually pretty appropriate, considering her look.
“So if y’all, me, or Med School Mess wins, the winner buys the others drinks!” Fair enough.
Did I mention that Med School Mess did a lil man-drag, too?
[Poke-A-Hot-Ass]
When hostess Vodka Stinger called us up on stage for the costume contest, TTT and I got into an impromptu fight.
But best believe I wasn’t putting down my purse to pull her wig!
It couldn’t have been more than a minute after the last contestant got on stage before Vodka was ready to announce the winners.
Vodka: “And in 3rd place: The Real Housewives of Atlanta!”
TTT: “Oh my god! We won!”
Me: “Third place?! WTF!”
Actually, I can understand her decision. The other costumes were very much venue specific and kinda brilliant. Second place went to a Vodka Stinger replica.
And first place went to Pieces on a Thursday night.
I got our prize money from EE, the hot owner of Pieces who always makes sure to say as little as possible when he interacts with me (tonight being no exception), and I went to the bar to order 4 tequila shots.
For some reason, Bottomless Pitt had a bee in her bonnet to get to Chi Chi’s that night. I couldn’t resist because… well, it was all too tragic. When we arrived, the first person I saw was the 50-year-old transwoman who had hit on me several months ago. When she finally realized who I was, her look of utter shock was priceless!
After a drink there, Bottomless Pitt dragged me down the street to The Hangar, where she loudly complained to my 2nd favorite hyperactive bartender (whatever she’s on, I’ll take two) that we missed their late night 2-4-1 deal. The bartender promptly served us both and charged us for one.
I felt like I blinked, and the lights came on. “Shit! I have to change!!” I ran into the bathroom to wash the makeup off. Thank god I remembered the eyelashes! In five minutes flat, emerged from the bathroom to the staff’s exclamations: “Oh my god, she walked out a man!” Did I mention that I had packed a change of clothes and shoes in my huge orange mom bag? Yeah.
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4 comments:
You went to how many places dressed like that?!
Oh, there were 2 more nights in that costume. You just wait!
So your decision not to shave was a costume choice. And here I thought you were suffering from folliculitis!
I knew that medical terminology class I took in high school would come in handy! That was back when I wanted to be a doctor... and before I realized I HATED lab science.
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