Chelsea has become way too sanitized (Police shutting down massage demos at The Blue Store and unlimited wine at Silk Road)

After all the excitement of Halloween, I was facing a pretty boring weekend. I figured I'd just spend Friday night with Grrber since he was working, but of course, he was heading out with friends! Then I got a text from TTT.

So then we had to spread the word. But of course, I had plans before dinner.

Click to enlarge.

After I got out of work, I headed down to Chelsea to the infamous Blue Store (a sex shop on 8^th ave). When I arrived, there was a small crowd gathered on the sidewalk watching a muscular, hairy (Latin?) guy rub down a well-defined, slightly hairy smaller (white?) guy. Both were in speedos, but neither appeared to have a hard-on (boo!). After about 15 minutes, this pair left the window, and a couple of smooth white guys came in. At one point, a guy with a very professional looking camera said, “Can we get some Windex? The last guy left that smudge on the window.” It was a grand smudge indeed.

About 10 minutes into the second massage, the police arrived to break up the operation. Chelsea has become way too sanitized.

I was a bit late making it to Silk Road, but the place was packed. We were literally in the doorway waiting to get inside. For the first half hour we were there, we couldn’t even get any wine because the manager, who has to give the OK after he sees IDs, was running around all over the place. MicHELLe was quite irritable after her stressful work week, but she was all smiles once she got her glass of Franzia.

MicHELLe: “My [RG] roommate and I are getting fish!”

Me: “Aren’t you eating with us?”

MicHELLe: “Stupid. We’re getting a tank and 2 fish. Guess what we’re going to name them!”

Me: “Why don’t we be efficient and you just tell us!”

MicHELLe (putting on the old-lady-with-a-shaky-diaphragm voice): “Gwendolyn and Reginald Schumacher!”

And if the Gwendolyn Schumacher voice wasn’t enough to put me in a fit of laugher, MicHELLe made Reginald's voice consist of unintelligible grunts and verbal exclamation points. Their “conversation” had me on the floor. In a restaurant. Before we were seated.

We saw at least one group of people sign up for a table, wait for a while, and then leave after drinking the restaurant’s wine. We’ve dubbed that term “open-barring it” (e.g., “Did they just leave?” “Yeah, they totally open-barred it.”).

At one point, while we were still in the doorway, we saw a woman with food in a brown paper bag trying to leave. She had lost one of her gloves on the way, so she asked MicHELLe to hold her bag while she looked for it. Please tell me why the top of the bag was a glass of wine! She had wrapped it so that the top of the glass was lined up with the top of the bag, all 40 style! I was too through.

Once we finally sat down, they brought us carafe after carafe of wine (towards the end of our dinner, we ended up with 3 full ones at our table of 6). We started singing theme songs from 90s sitcoms (mostly TGIF). Loudly. We finally got the hint that we needed to leave when they closed the grate over the windows looking out to the street.

TTT suggested we wait for the bus just outside the restaurant, so the singing continued. While we were in the middle of The Jeffersons Theme, a young black guy was walking with his white girlfriend on the other side of the glass bus shelter. He joined in for the second half of the song and started to walk away, but (according to him) his girl made him come back and join us under the bus shelter for the Good Times theme.

White Girl: “Wait, lemme take it back: ‘Summer tiiiiiime, and the livin’ is eeeeeeeeasy!”

That lasted about 4 seconds before her boyfriend saved her (I really don’t think any of us knew that song beyond the first line, oops!) by starting “My Girl”. Thankfully, the bus came and the Pimptations had to split up.

We ended up at Suite where we danced, (pseudo-)vogued, screamed the night away. The great thing about Suite (besides the A+ staff and the hot owner) is that there’s always some tragically drunk queen who’s more than ready to jump on stage in the spotlight. And tonight’s tragic queen decided that her underwear was cute enough to share with the crowd. I could see DJ Akintunde’s face change as the boy on stage pulled his jeans down. He’s obviously seen this scene before because he was tapping him and shouting, “You can’t do that here!” right as his underwear lowered to half-mast.

Did I mention that waiting for the subway with drunk MicHELLe and Med School Mess was possibly the loudest experience of my life? YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!


Click here to check out the fetish party I attended with Totally Tyler.


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