the situation with the Rugby Player (house party at Rosebud's with a New Gay)

Rosebud texted me on Saturday afternoon that she wad having a party at her new place that night. And y'all know how I love a house party! Anticipating the banker gay/generally preppy crowd that would be attending, I set myself on a mission to provide some balance. It just so happened that that very week I had grabbed some boots stashed at my grandmother's house on Long Island since college. They totally completed the look I was going for.

When I arrived, one of the first people to greet me was a fellow alumnus of my non-Ivy-League school (thank god) whom I had met through a female friend from our college about to years ago. He was that cute straight guy who was actually kinda cool (on whom my RG friend had a slight crush), and we had kept in contact sporadically through Facebook. We'll call him FreshMeat since he was a freshman when I was a senior. The two of us joined Rosebud and some others in Rosebud's room. I'm not sure how it came up in the conversation, but Rosebud, in reference to FreshMeat, said, "Well, he's gay now..." Knowing how Rosebud likes to make people feel uncomfortable, I didn't give it a second thought.

We all cleared out of Rosebud's room, and FreshMeat struck up a convo with me that included the phrase, "So I came out a few weeks ago..."

Me: "Wait, what?!"

Meat: "Well, I told you in Rosebud's room that I was gay!"

Me: "Um, Rosebud was the one who said that, and I thought she was just messing with you because you were the only straight guy!"

Meat: "No I'm really gay! [Gay mutual college acquaintance] has been one of my gay mentors, and he said the first thing we have to do is go underwear shopping."

Me: "Phasing out boxers is always a good move: gay or not."

At that point, he declared that I was his 4th mentor and demanded that I come up with pearls of urban gay wisdom on the spot.

Me: "Well, how do you feel about online dating?"

Him: "I feel like I don't really need it. I just came out: the world is my oyster."

My first thought was about how I've met guys online when I first accepted the whole gay thing 8 years ago (let’s not even talk about since I've been in New York). But then again, my first experiences were in SC and Maine.

Later in the conversation, I mentioned my trip to Mardi Gras in Sydney (early next year), and I mentioned that it was one of the biggest gay parties in the world.

FreshMeat: "God, it seems like every gay event is the 'biggest ever!' "

Me: "Well, whoever said that probably not thinking on a global scale."

Meat: "Because [mutual acquaintance] was saying Toys for Tots was like the biggest party of the year."

Me (holding in a snicker): "Well, I've never been, but I hear nothing but good things about it. I'm not convinced it's for me, but it seems to be popular among the A Gays."

Meat: "And what about NYC Pride?"

Me: "Pride?! I mean, it's big and all, but it's not exactly an international event."

Don't even get started on Toronto Pride (not that I've been, but still).

Dina LoHands: "Boys! Get together for a picture!" *flash*

Meat: "Wow, I'm gonna have to de-tag that on Facebook. I mean, if people see me with you, the EVERYBODY will know!"

Me: “D. Kareem action figure! Comes with social stigma!”

Throughout the night, FreshMeat asked me for more pearls of gay wisdom, such as when to call/text the guy he hooked up with the night before. I feel like most guys have rules of conduct that guide such situations, but I tend to think that’s all bullshit not the best MO for me. I generally assess the situation from a detached perspective and do what feels right. And if I make a mistake, I look for the lesson to be learned. But then again, some people do better with hard and fast rules in place.

So the whole night, I was responding with answers like, “That depends on what you’re looking for,” or “Every situation like that is different,” which irked FreshMeat to no end. But the reality is that different scenes are for different people. For example, I may have hooked up with friends and kept it friendly in college, but I don’t do (much of) that anymore. And who’s to say he’s the type that would be comfortable with that? Experience is the best teacher.

Me: “[Name]? Yeah, we hooked up in college.”

FreshMeat: “Well, I figured as much, but what everybody was really talking about was you and [rugby player]!”

Let me explain the situation with the Rugby Player. He was this über-cute underclassman whom I had seen around but had never really talked to during my senior year. Halloween is probably the biggest party night of first semester, and I was abroad the year before, so I went all out and did drag. Some friends and I were walking up the stairs of the house hosting the party (liquor was against campus policy, so you had to go to someone’s room to get some), and I ran into the rugby player on the stairs.

Rugby Player (slurring): “Wait, what’s your name?”

Me (in drag): “D. Kareem.”

Rugby Player: “Dude, you’re beautiful. I love you.”

He proceeded to grab the back of my head and make out with me. Keep in mind that there are a few hundred people at this party, and we were in eyeshot of at least 30 on this staircase (on a small campus). Did I mention the friends I was with that night were the campus queens of gossip?!

The Rugby Player and I had another public make-out session at the biggest party of second semester. At the end of the year, I was talking to an acquaintance on the rugby team, and he brought it up. It was basically a known fact among the rugby team that this guy and I had had sex.*

So when Fresh Meat brought it up 4.5 years later, my response was, “Yeah, apparently the whole rugby team thought that was true.”

Meat: “Dude, the whole school was convinced that you fucked [Rugby Player]!”

Me: “Wait, the whole school was talking about that?! Well, at least I was the top.”

Around 1, the Banker Gays all cabbed it to Bartini while the Ivy League Crew et al. hopped a train down to Pieces for their monthly Saturday Night Karaoke. Did I mention that they didn’t have “Battlefield”, so I sang Ace of Base’s “The Sign” instead? Yeah.

*To clarify, this did not have sex with him (damnit!)

Click here to check out a ridiculous trip to Asbury Park.

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