Sober Moment 12.2.09: Fun with Texting

My friends are insane and slutty. And here are some of the text messages I have to deal with. Remember, my texts are in green.

MicHELLe and I have a particular way of communicating that usually involves her starting a sentence musical phrase and my finishing it. And we'll also call each other out on the ridiculous things we say/type. Lately, she's been watching what she eats, but this one day, she was craving some kind of 5,000 calorie drink from Starbucks. I tried to help my friend through this episode, and you can see how effective of a counselor I am.

I still don't see why people can't make sense of our conversations when they're in our presence.

A friend met an "amazing" guy on Grindr (a DJ), and she was super excited! I like to call her reaction to this guy realistically delusional.

Both are on Grindr for "promotional" reasons. It soon came out that the DJ would want my friend to delete her Grindr profile but would want to keep his. For "promotional" reasons, of course.

You may remember Breederface from posts earlier in the year. She moved temporarily for work, so I haven't seen her since like April. And even then, she had a new boyfriend, so she was much more boring calm than I'd known her to be. She randomly texted me about my plans on a weekend night.

For the record, Breederface is the only person I have in my phone as her blog name.

On a night that was so tragic that I didn't even bother blogging about it, MicHELLe lured Bottomless Pitt and me deep into the midst of a hook up that was destined not to happen.

Everything to do with the iPhone. Nothing to do with the 7 vodka sodas. BTW, the Cubby Hole (I didn't realize I'd also mispelled it till I was doing my final read just now... she's kettle; I'm the pot) is a lesbian bar in The Village. The Swedish Twinkle was with his lesbian girlfriend, and MicHELLe figured he could pry his way between them. Fast forward an hour, we got rejected at the door of Henrietta Hudson (another lesbian party) because of our guy-to-girl ratio. I pointed out that the same thing would have happened if we approached the door at Rockit (a gay party known to have a questionable door policy) with opposite numbers. After accommodating the lesbian friend and buying them drinks most of the night, MicHELLe took them to Posh still didn't get any.

Speaking of MicHELLe, she texted me as we were preparing our Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHWOA) costumes.

TTT also texted me about Halloween. Times are hard when you live alone in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in NYC.

(She let MicHELLe borrow her costume to perform at Cattle Call at Therapy)

TTT is from a Latin American country that isn't Mexico. Sometimes the culture clash results in absolute hilarity!

(BTW, "Let my people go" is a phrase that I often use when I post something on Facebook/Twitter that shows black people in a less-than-dignified light... but it still makes me laugh [see HotGhettoMess.com]).

Recently, TTT's gotten on the bandwagon with those idiotic cute pictures that are all over the text for Grindr profiles now.

(I have this thing about black people and watermelon... it usually is followed by "Let my people go!")

TTT loves the Olive Garden. Mind you, she lives in New York City where there are a million moderately-priced Italian restaurants from which to choose, but apparently the food is good. I don't remember: last time I ate there was [insert any time before 2005] in [insert any US suburb with a mall and an obesity problem].

I can't remember whether I was quoting that Akon song because of Olive Garden or because TTT goes on first dates about as often as I go to the gym.

A couple of friends of mine travel quite a bit for work. We're always sad to see them go, but their mass updates and out-of-town antics totally make up for their lack of ridiculousness in person.

Some might say they couldn't survive on the road without Google maps. Some a Gremlin or other GPS device. Not this whore.

And sometimes coming out of the closet as gay doesn't make it any easier to come out with other parts of one's (ahem) personality.

Rumor has it that Urban Sprawl was making out with Drunk Boy from Valentine's Day. Don't remember? Click here to check out the blog entry. And click here to check out the audio.

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