Music Review: Electrik Red

When MicHELLe sent me the video of the new girl group Electrik Red, I clicked on it because it was within a week of the breakup of Danity Kane. I really needed a new girl group to obsess over. My first reaction was iffy, and without the visual, I would have thought that Kelis had made a comeback. But they were cute, and they were a girl group, so I did a little research. And the fact that The Dream (Rihanna's "Umbrella", Beyoncé's "Single Ladies")had written their whole album (called How to Be a Lady) definitely drew me in.

Electrik Red starts out with a smooth mellow driving-song track called “Muah”. At first, I was checking the credits for a “featuring” because lead singer Naomi Allen, sounds a bit like a soft-spoken man when she coos in her lower register. I don’t quite understand why How to Be a Lady starts out with “I’m the shit with this shit”, but I guess that’s what happens when you mix male chauvinism with female voices. Let’s face it: The Dream is no Babyface (see soundtrack for Waiting to Exhale). Between the words of the hook and the fact that this song is more of a solo song than a group song, I’m gonna blame The Dream for a lackluster start to the album.

“So Good” is one of the singles for the album. It sounds very Prince-inspired. Call me conservative, but a smooth R&B song is no place for this heavy cursing. The Dream’s style is comically apparent in the way Allen sings the word “FUUUUUCK”. I enjoyed the edited version of this song much better.

"Devotion" is a slow jam that starts out with smooth harmonies for The Dream's signature "radio killah" shout out. This might be the first part of the album where the background vocals stood out to me. I was grooving until "I'm the shit," popped up in the 2^nd line. In a song about one's devotion! This is a whispery ballad that actually sounds like a group song on the bridge rather than a solo song with background vocals. The fast hi hat at the end of each bar whispers of Aaliyah's "1 in a Million".

"Freaky Freaky" pushes the same synth rhythm as JT's "My Love", but it has a simpler chord progression. Another 1-note wonder in the verses. While this song does nothing for me lyrically, the instrumental is dancible, and I love the high vocals in the hook and the a cappella "you know that I love you, baby".

Well-composed mid-tempo percussion dominates "Bed Rest". I think it’s the first song where they don't curse. It’s fun, but didn't do much for me.

"Friend Lover" sounds straight out of the early 80s, care of Prince (to the detail). I really hope they make some Sheila E. references in the video. Unlike the first single I heard from these ladies, “So Good”, it really shows that the background vocalists are actually important to Electrik Red’s sound (unlike, say, Cherish or later Destiny's Child). It's really a sped-up version of any typical Dream song, which is most obvious in the verse, but the "rules" are brilliantly written and catchy. The chromatic line under the "ah"s after the 3nd hook (after the 2^nd verse) serve as subtle bridge and add variation to the song while keeping it's dance momentum.

"P is for Power" brings Electrik Red’s sound into the 21^st century. Y'all know what 'P' really stands for, right? The song is a combination of an updated "No Scrubs" and JayZ’s “P***Y” (not unlike a raunchier yet not offensive version of Keri Hilson’s “Get Your Money Up”). This track features other lead singers (yes!). The verses are basically rapped, and there’s no harmony (mostly a chant-along song). But it's hot. I see this being big in the clubs, especially if they do a killer video for it (they recently announced that it will be a single). The hook’s melody could have been kind of revolutionary, but it makes a disappointingly typical resolution to the tonic (i.e. the second note on the second "P") at the end.

“W. F. Y.” starts with plucked strings in the intro, and the echoing electronic hit built up anticipation the first time I listened. The melody is unexpected, and the track is a lot more pop-inspired hip-hop (also very 21^st century-sounding). I could almost see Britney or Lady Gaga singing this song. While I’m not a fan of the “n” word in any context, the syllabic placement does work well. And the payoff comes at the beginning of the very short pre-chorus when we find out what W. F. Y. stands for. The bridge does a full-step key change and takes an even more unconventional approach to the melody (in that it never goes back to the tonic or home note). The decision to drag out the end of the bridge to make a chant (with tension constantly building in the background) makes the song that much more shout-in-the-club-drunk-able. I could live without what happens at the end of the track, but overall, it’s a hot song.

“9 to 5” is in 6/8 meter! Love that an “acoustic” instrument (vamping piano) dominates the verses in the instrumental of this song. The percussions feels very Prince-like, but Neptunes-like synth chords blare over the hook. Who is ad libbing in the background?! It may be Allen (the lead singer). I’ve never heard her belt, so it’s hard to tell. It’s refreshing to hear an instrumental that could actually be reproduced live.

“On Point” sounds like a stripped-down old-school Neptunes beat. I expected N.O.R.E. to jump out from behind a bush at any minute. It’s definitely different from anything else on the album, but the track puts it in the category of a sad attempt at Southern Rap. I wasn’t a fan of Kelis’s “Bossy”, but that was leagues ahead of this as far as artistic and entertainment value. It might have done well in the South in ’98 as a regional release (with Project Pat and such). I’m downright disappointed that The Dream let his name be associated with this track.

“Drink in My Cup” is admittedly a better stab at krunk music than the previous track, but the melody doesn’t match the instrumental on the verses. Furthermore, the track bumps to hard for Allen’s cooing vocals. The hook makes much more sense with other girls chanting. The rap is catchy, and its rhythm is perfect, even if the lyrics are slightly lackluster (I like how it comes back at the end of the song). I’m curious to see how this will do in the South.

“Go Shawty” is another smooth R&B song. The production reminds me of that on EnVogue’s Funky Divas or Kanye West’s “New Workout Plan” in that instruments are used intermittently throughout the loop rather than continuously. I’m not a fan of how The Dream dragged the end of the lines on the verses (e.g., writing “you-woo-woo” instead of coming up with a 3-syllable word or phrase). Overall it’s an extremely well produced song. Otherwise? Not particularly remarkable.

“Kill Bill”. Just the title sounds fun! The instrumental is highly electronic with a square rhythm, and the dotted rhythm in the percussion plays a nice counterpoint. The word “pregnant” comes up in the first line. While the first hook follows the same instrumental loop/progression as the verse, the second hook (which comes off a very cool descending chromatic line in a pre-chorus that was absent the first time around) sits on the subdominant (IV or 4^th degree) for almost the whole hook. It feels strangely unstable, especially when it’s done for 6 bars, but we finally get grounded with a scale back to the tonic at the end of the hook. If you liked Rihanna’s “Breakin’ Dishes” (you know you all did), you’ll like this.

The album concludes with “So Good Remix”, which basically the same song they opened with. They replace the bridge (which was the only part of the song that varied instrumentally from the main theme) with a verse from Lil Wayne. Both versions are almost the same duration. Part of me says dump the original and make the remix the single. I would have extended it to include the bridge (awesome background vocals) and Lil Wayne (a solid verse and major popularity points).

First off, the iTunes version doesn’t have the album insert. And I seriously doubt that there was absolutely no collaboration (The Dream is credited for writing the whole album, and he and Tricky Stewart produced it) on the album. Mixing engineers to be acknowledged? Thank yous? Although, I can’t say I recognized any sampling, which is so rare in hip-hop-to-pop music now.

The album had to grow on me. The first few tracks were very smooth R&B with heavy cursing. But what I have to wonder is would similar songs have struck me from a male R&B singer? I think they would have (remember Tevin Campbell’s “Always in My Heart” from ’94?) but not to such a great extent. However, in a way (if one ignores The Dream’s role in the equation), they challenge our idea of How to Be a Lady with lines like, “I’m not a stripper, but I dance like that.” I’d say it’s a good enough album overall with a number of fun songs. But do yourself a favor and download the edited tracks.

Suggested tracks:

Freaky Freaky

Friend Lover

P is for Power

W.F.Y.

Kill Bill

Maybe:

9 to 5

Drink in My Cup

So Good (edited)

For the record, I went back and downloaded the edited version of “So Good”. Without the edits, I may not have even made it a maybe. It’s a cute song minus the profanity.

Did you catch my review of Ciara's Fantasy Ride? Click here to check it out.

tequila sunrises with Campari

After seeing your all-time favorite music act perform, life gets a bit dull. Thursday was a friend of a friend’s birthday. It was fun, but the first person I recognized when I walked in the venue was Morehead, who was already going at it with this Indian(-looking) guy in the middle of the dance floor. The night was kinda downhill from there (though I did end up at Splash downstairs with my shirt off). Friday was also fun with not much to report, but we were all looking forward to Saturday’s CEOs and Corporate Hoes party.

After grabbing a drink with Loosefur in Hell’s Kitchen, I headed uptown around 10:10. CoLaw, our Real-Girl hostess, greeted me with a double kiss and told me, “Urban Sprawl’s in the kitchen… being a slut.”

“Well, I’m sure she doesn’t need my help with that, so I’m gonna go change.”

See, the thing about this theme (brilliant as it is) is that people spill things when they drink. I only have one dark suit, and I’m not a fan of wearing it to parties. And I don’t exactly have corporate drag attire (not an “executive transvestite”). But I do have tons of swimwear. And what does every gay CEO have? A house/pool boy!

So imagine my shock when both Med School Mess and Bottomless Pitt came in short shorts (Pitt had cut hers this time instead of rolling them under). It actually made for a really entertaining "Single Ladies" performance.

People came up with some great costumes. CoLaw and her boyfriend did an Ashley Dupree and Governor Spitzer.

And there was all sorts of corporate sluttery at the party.

Later in the night, Bottomless Pitt’s roommate convinced some Real Girls that one could make tequila sunrises with Campari. 5 minutes later, one of them was in the bathroom throwing up. 10 minutes later, this young lady tried to round up people for shots.

TIME TO GO!

Of course, we went to Suite, as is customary after a CoLaw house party. It was certainly a night of performances.

For future reference, they play "Lady Marmalade" every time we go to Suite, and Bottomless Pitt always calls Lil' Kim so he can have the orgasms of "uh uh uh"s at the end.

It was particularly busy that night, and there was one patron in particular that stood out to me.

Me: “Check out this tall white guy with the white hair!”

Bottomless Pitt: “God, how old is he.”

Me: “Who cares! He has a fucking killer smile! And just because his hair is white doesn't mean he's old. Look at his face, dude!”

I tried to eye flirt with the guy (still in an orange speedo, mind you) and convey myself as generally approachable. He seemed to be checking me out (I guess the whole bar was watching our group at that point), but he was certainly taking his time with making an advance.

A half hour later, he and Bottomless Pitt are grinding, and I hear, “You have a killer smile!” . o O (First my style (cowboy boots), then my drink, then my man, and now my line?! Oo, this bitch ‘bout to die!) I grabbed him by the hair and slapped him across the face. He staggered for a couple of seconds before slurring a “No she didn’t” and tackling me by the waist.

Okay, we didn’t actually get in a fight. No man in a bar will ever be that serious. Plus it wasn’t like I was jumping on his dick myself. In fact, I went over and talked to the guy’s friend as Bottomless Pitt was trying to seal the deal.

Bottomless Pitt: “He’s leaving. He gave me his phone number.”

See, it' s a good thing she stole him because the last thing I need right now is another phone number to identify the morning after. . o O (Who the hell is “John Killer Smile from Suite”?!)

As soon as Killer Smile left, Bottomless Pitt was on some other white guy’s ass. She amazes me.

Some guy from somewhere in the South asked for my number. I don’t remember being particularly intrigued with him, but I gave it to him anyway. He didn’t have his phone on him: as if he would remember it for the rest of the night!

The following also happened. Tee hee hee.

Did I mention I woke up the next day half off the bed and still in the orange speedo? Yeah.

My last blog post about the En Vogue concert/drag-queen hookup was kinda late on Wednesday. If you missed it, click here.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

En Vogue was coming to NYC

En Vogue was coming to NYC, and MicHELLe and I had tickets. I checked the website the night before and found out that the show was sold out! Not that surprising, considering tix were just under $35.

MicHELLe and I grabbed a few drinks at Gym Bar before heading to 42^nd street (ugh). I suggested that we try to get there by 7:15 so we could get a good spot on the floor (mostly standing room) since the door was at 8 and the concert was at 9. Please tell me why the line was about 2/3rds down the block when we arrived! I’ve never seen that many early black people in my life! The women who arrived just after us said “Fuck this!” and left. 

In the line, we endured street-meat smoke,

 

pornographic phone booths,

sexual role-ism

and spikey hair styles that reminded us of There’s Something about Mary (couldn’t manage a picture of that one). Did I mention I hate the Times Square area? Yeah.

We worked our way through the crowd and ended up being about 5 people from the stage. Right behind is was a black woman in her 40s who casually brought up that she lived in the projects within the first 5 minutes of our banter.

Me: “What’s that drink you got? A Long Island?”

Her: “Hell yeah!”

“How much are those here?”

“I don’t know. Baby, how much are these dranks?” she asked, turning to the guy on the other side of her who hadn’t said a word since we’d been standing there. I had to laugh because this whole time, I thought she was entertaining us because she had come by herself. . o O (Why can’t I find a man that will buy “dranks” and such the fuck up?!) (Kidding!)

The show was amazing. The girls looked and sounded great, and Dawn’s tits were HUGE (which is awesome because when our En Vogue [Bottomless Pitt, Med School Mess, MicHELLe, and I] are together, I always call Dawn).  She was also the only one not covered in very 90s sequins. 

I really wish they would have done “Yesterday” and “Don’t Go” (not “Don’t Let Go” from EV3… I like “Don’t Go” from Born 2 Sing), but the corny choreography and assortment of other hits were exquisite.

And this part of the concert was kind of hilarious, especially the last guy. Listen for our commentary in the background.

After an additional screwdriver and a Long Island the concert, we headed down to XES for Karaoke, but we quickly ditched for Küte at G Lounge. MicHELLe had to actually do stuff at work the next day, so she peaced out around 1 as I sauntered back to the bar.

I saw a guy that I thought was kind of cute. We made eye contact and I walked over to talk to him. As I was talking to him, 2 drag queens came up to the bar beside us. He was fascinated. To the point where I was feeling slightly ignored. But this guy wouldn’t ditch me for a drag queen this late at night, right?

We talked to the pair for a while, and one of the drag queens said, “Let’s go to a party downtown!” I wasn’t sure what kind of party it was, but I felt like anything involving an invitation from a drag queen would at least result in a good story.

“Varick and Vandam, please!”

When we pulled up, there was a line at Greenhouse, which I’ve never seen (then again, I’ve never gotten there after midnight). I had a feeling our lady friends would work some magic, so I hooked arms with the shorter one. Just as I expected, we walked right to the front, and the velvet rope was pulled aside with a smiling “Welcome”.

I don’t remember staying at Greenhouse for very long, but after one of the drag queens bought me a drink, it all got fuzzy. I do remember that the guy only seemed vaguely interested in me.

We all hopped in a cab uptown, and the drag queens got in a fight because the taller one wasn’t ready to call it a night, and the shorter one conveyed that she didn’t want to leave her friend with these two strangers (without saying it outright). The shorter one got out in a huff to go to her car. The remaining 3 of us got out somewhere in Chelsea, and the guy basically told me to get lost (he may have used those words). I shouldn’t have been that shocked, but if he was getting his kicks with a drag queen, there wasn’t much I could do for him in the first place.

Rejection makes me hungry, so I went into the bakery on 23^rd and 8^th for a burger (medium, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and bbq sauce on the side). As I was paying for my burger, I noticed a guy eyeing me from one of the tables. I made eye contact, and he grinned. He looked cute enough when I squinted, so I went and sat down with him. He was from Brazil with a Euro-sounding accent. And I was sold.

“Do you prefer Sprite or 7up?”

“Huh?”

“Well, I spilled bbq sauce on these pants, and I don’t want it to stain. I’m gonna pour some soda on the stain, but I won't want the rest of it.” Not seltzer/soda water. Of course not. They didn’t sell that at the bakery. They sold it at the convenience store at the end of the block, but that was out of my field of vision. So I used corn-syrup-containing soft drink on my vintage, baby-blue, bell-bottom trousers.

Did I mention I woke up sharing a twin bed on the Lower East Side? Did also I mention I had to walk-of-shame in that outfit (which included the shirt that was too small for me) in the middle of the afternoon? Yeah.

Did you know porn actor Colton Ford can actually sing? Click here to check out the night I saw him perform (singing, not acting).

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

Music Review: Ciara

Fantasy Ride is the third album from Atlanta native Ciara. I fell in love with her when her first CD, Goodies, came out in 2004. That love was compromised with the release of Evolution in ’06: half of it was hot and half of it was the tragic result of a misguided concept album. Honestly, the only reason I bought this CD was because I wanted to do a review; it’s not like I was that into either single (“Never Ever” and “Love Sex Magic”). But I do remain loyal because, from what I've seen on YouTube, she puts on a hell of a live show.

The first thing I noticed was the album art. The cover is kind of dreadful with the cartoon Spawn-like outfit scribbled onto the real-life photography (and don’t get me started on those cornrows); on the other hand, the art on the inside is a well-integrated combination of photography and comic-book art. The credits for each song are written as narration boxes in comic sans (sorry, MicHELLe). She takes on the persona of Super C, a superhero whose powers seem to include costume changes and posing.

“Ciara to the Stage” starts out with our heroine cooing over short electronic piano and harp glissandos and sparse percussion. Halfway through the verse, it becomes clear that this is a combination of an album intro (I’m getting ready for a performance) and a love/seduction song (I’m putting on a show just for you). This track features detailed imagery over a typical yet engaging slow, electronic instrumental. Rather than singing a third verse with the same melody, she speaks/raps it with just enough variation to the rhythm and phrasing to tie it to the rest of the song but still keep it interesting. The countdown in the beginning is more than a bit hackneyed and takes away from the originality of the writing. And the bomb at the end is a disappointingly corny end to the song (what is this, a cheerleading mix from ’99?).

Justin Timberlake was the primary writing credit on “Love Sex Magic” (surprise, surprise). This was probably the original song that he modified to a male point of view to make “Future Sex Love Sounds” (a track off his album with the same name). BTW, watch out for my next single, “Bacon Love Sex Biscuit”. You’ve probably seen the “Diva”-esque video for this song, which the gays seem to love (she does look hot in it). Timberlake’s production team, The Y’s, create a 70s funk feel with a clever, scalar line in the electric guitar and bass. It’s a cool track, but even with the throw-back-updated vibe, it seems a bit dated. Had it been on her last album, it would have been perfectly timed with Timberlake’s Future Sex Love Sounds (which came out a few months before in 2006) and would have been a more strategic collaboration.

“High Price” gets back to the ATL crunk style, and Ludacris is a perfect choice for this song. But what’s up with the opera? I almost laughed out loud. This song reminds me of Beyonce’s “Radio” in that she has multiple vocal personalities on the same track, but I love the non-typical harmonies (is that a diminished 7^th I hear?) on the hook. The Dream-and-Tricky-Stewart team wrote this one, and it’s obvious that men came up with these lyrics (“See me in the drop-head, fresh up out the hair salon/Booty look softer than a McDonald’s hamburger bun”). Ludacris’s verse is good (not great), but the tempo of the song is so slow that it would have worked (better) if he had done an 8-bar or 12-bar verse rather than a full 16 bars.

For “Turntables”, Ciara brings in the controversy-laden Chris Brown (I’m guessing they recorded this before Chrihannagate). Danja's instrumental incorporates a foreign sample (Hindi?) throughout the track (anyone remember “Get on Dis Motorcycle” by Petey Pablo?). It sounds strange because the sample doesn’t exactly follow the progression of the verses, but it works like a dream during the hook. The second verse almost drops the sample (thankfully), but keeps a subtle high note from the intro to create a percussion hit. It’s possible that that sound could be a variation on a record scratch sample…I like the first story better, so let’s go with that. Danja uses his familiar technique of a hard kick drum on each beat to give the track a dance-like urgency. The chromatic line on the bridge is very cool, but I think the song misses out on a very gripping harmonic moment by making Chris Brown’s part a lead vocal rather than a harmonized background vocal to blend with Ciara’s background harmonies. As is standard for Danja’s productions, the song goes into a play-off at the end (like most of his songs on FutureSex/LoveSounds) that extends the dance feel. While I like that the play-off has a different feel to it, it almost goes to far and doesn’t flow with the rest of the song. But somehow, it’s still a hot track. I absolutely love that they gave a shout out to the sound engineer who worked on this song, “The Incredible Lago” (nobody does that!).

Ciara sang a bit of “Like a Surgeon” a cappella at a dance-rehearsal video on her website, so I anticipated hearing what this track sounded like with the production added. The beginning fades in with an 80s synth loop before the eerily Timbaland-esque (though stripped down) beat comes in. I had to check the liner notes because I could have sworn I heard the signature “ficky ficky” from Timbaland’s Missy days. In fact, I could see Genuwine doing this song back when he was big (though it doesn’t feel dated to me)! It evokes the same baby-making mood as “Ciara to the Stage” (same producers). Additionally, it focuses on a similar theme and uses similar parallelism/simile. However, both are very well done, so I wouldn’t necessarily leave either off the album. The sustained bass on the pre-chorus really builds tension and sets up the hook perfectly. This could be a great single.

Okay, yes, “Never Ever” quotes one line “If You Don’t Know Me by Now” by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (properly acknowledged in the liner notes, btw). I don’t know if I would have put this out as a (lead?!) single, but it’s a well-done instrumental. The harmony on the hook sounds a bit more electronic than I’d like for a ballad like this, but Young Jeezy’s flow was totally appropriate for this song.

Someone recently commented to me that all of The Dream’s songs (as an artist) sound alike. Well, “Lover’s Thing” certainly has The Dream’s stylistic stamp all over it. In fact, it has percussive elements similar to J. Holiday’s “Bed” (which The Dream produced). Nothing struck me as exemplary about the 80s vibe of this song, but it was a good political move to feature him as an artist (since The Dream co-produced a number of tracks on this album). It ends up being a well-done, vocally indistinctive slow jam. Even their harmonized ad-libs (which can be the most memorable parts of a duet) are just 'eh'.

“Work” taught me that Danja was gay. Okay, maybe not, but he can produce the hell out of a song that makes me want to queen out! We start out with Missy’s chant as the intro beat builds up. When the verse starts, the kick drum has no rules, and the snare is the only thing keeping the percussion in line as the insanely driving bassline skips up and down the simple chord progression, never letting the listener’s ear (or expectations) settle. I feel like this instrumental was originally written for a rap song because there’s very little difference between the verse (first 8 bars) and the pre-chorus (the second 8 bars), but Ciara’s writing (one of the few Danja productions that sticks out to me as not having his writing credit be primary) takes us into a hard-hitting dance groove that only gets better each time it (it being the pre-chorus) comes around. Some of that pre-chorus tension is released when Danja makes us plant our feet and pop our backs with the kick drum on each beat while the chorus chants “Work!” And at the end of 4 bars, we get the edited version of the very gay phrase, “Bitch, you betta work!” I. Live. The second verse breaks rank as far as the structure goes because Ciara writes a 16-bar verse, possibly to show her versatility and prove that she could be a rapper if she wanted to. Or perhaps it's an effort to mix a tribute to Southern Rap and the Ball Scene (both of which involve a great deal of chanting). Unfortunately, 4 of those bars are a repetition of “Jump in; jump out!”, which ends up getting old. This unnecessary extension of the verse only slows down the momentum of the song, and Missy’s verse doesn’t do much better (and this isn't the first time Missy's dragged a track down for me recently). Perhaps the Industry will realize that Miss Elliot is irrelevant to lyrical success this year; she’s much better as a “hype man”. But regardless of the criticism, this will be my jam for the summer.

If I didn’t hear Darkchild shout himself out, I would have thought "Pucker Up" was a Bloodshy-and-Avant production (especially since Darkchild uses the same percussive chain sound as Britney’s "Piece of Me"). In a way, this song parallel's Britney's style. The different voices saying "swag" are not unlike the varied "more"s in the hook of "Gimme More". The pre-chorus, hook, and post-chorus chant total up to 24 bars of fun that is insanely catchy but never gets old. This type of repetition is similar to “Freakshow” from Blackout (but that’s only 20 bars of pre/post/actual chorus, so she out-Britneys Britney). The bridge doesn't interrupt the dance feel of the song, and the spoken part over the last chorus works like an ad-lib to keep it from being boring (but still keeps it more pop than R&B). This track is the perfect blend of hip-hop theme with pop production and structure. It’s this type of overproduced, one-note-wonder cockiness that made us fall in love with Ciara on her first album (which was a pleasant surprise... from the title, I was expecting a love song).

The beat under the first verse of "G Is for Girl (A-Z)" is hypnotizing. It makes the listener want to get up and 2 step or cryp walk (or whatever mid-uptempo dance is in right now). Lyrically, it reminds me of "Diva" ("G is for girl like gangsta"), but this is grittier, more street (irony: J. Timberlake is second on the writing credits). The half-tempo beat under the chorus near the end is nothing new, but so well done.

When I see a title like "Keep Dancing on Me", I don’t usually expect a slow jam. The track is very space age smooth, except for the echoey 80s synths. The percussion sounds refreshingly live. The chorus is very melodic with sustained, airy harmonies. Ciara even steps out of her usual box and actually belts out a couple of short "oh"s.

Ciara has certainly kept her slow jam game up. "Tell Me What Your Name Is" is another highly electronic instrumental that gives a futuristic sound with echoes of the 80s in the synths and syncopated pad hits. It’s the most appropriate use of auto tune I’ve heard in a very long time.

"I Don't Remember" is lyrically similar to Britney Spears’s "Blur" but with break-up consequences. It’s a very mellow instrumental with a cool, subtle swing. Ciara wins points for using other people for her background vocals on this track. Unfortunately, this is the end of the standard edition of the album. Fortunately, I never buy the standard edition of anything!

"Echo" features a fun hip-hop beat (courtesy of our friend Danja). One can certainly hear Timbaland’s influence on Danja in the horns near the end of this song. It almost sounds like he built the percussion with pots and pans. Don't see it on the radio, but I wouldn’t leave the dance floor if it came on at a club. It actually sounds like it could have been an uptempo song from Keri Hilson's In a Perfect World (according to Wikipedia, Hilson’s songwriting team, the Clutch, wrote it).

"I'm On" ends the iTunes Deluxe album on an uptempo! Yes! It actually sounds like a more danceable version of Timbaland's “The Way I Are”, and the kick drum on every beat makes it that much more dance-friendly. The writing on this song is just okay; I’m inclined to say that it was written in order to make use of the hot instrumental.

The Deluxe iTunes version is packed with over a half hour of behind-the-scenes and making-of bonus material, which is superb for the Ciara-obsessed fans. I found the in-studio video to be mostly too darkly lit, and it was hardly interesting before Mr. Timberlake made his appearance (I probably enjoyed that because he reminds me of myself when I’m producing music). The dance rehearsal, on the other hand, makes me want to see the tour. I think she’ll upstage Britney when she joins the European leg of the Circus tour (as a supporting act). “Go Girl” looks like it’d be a hot video from the making-of feature, but I don’t think the song would have done much in the US, even with T-Pain’s help (the song is not on the US iTunes version). The making of “Never Ever” looked like more of a dance video than a ballad, but the booty-popping sells. The “Love Sex Magic” making-of is the most interesting (possibly because I’ve already seen the finished product), but it feels very long, clocking in at over 10 minutes.

I’d say that overall, I like this album. Even the songs that didn’t jump out and grab me supported the album as a cohesive unit. A co-worker said that Ciara is done in the music industry because Keri Hilson “swagger-jacked” her. Aside from the fact that Ciara had an established fan base coming into this album (especially from touring), this album is more enoyable than Hilson’s album because it's more cohesive. And I would definitely buy tickets to Ciara’s show before Hilson’s: I like her corpus of work better, and I know I’m going to be entertained by her live singing while she’s dancing. Then again, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the two do a North American tour together.

Suggested Tracks:

Like a Surgeon

Work

Pucker Up

G is for Girl (A-Z)

Maybe:

Ciara to the Stage

High Price

Turntables

Lover’s Thing

Tell Me What Your Name Is

Don’t Remember

Click here to check out my review of Flo Rida's R.O.O.T.S.

D. Kareem, you have to enter the hot body contest!

After I had recovered from Baña, I headed down to Pieces for Bitter Commie Grad Student’s farewell celebration (he’s going back to Toronto). I had had a somewhat busy day, so I took a very late disco nap and didn’t end up arriving til after midnight. I walked in to find the bar filled to the brim with the Ivy League Crew et. al. et. al. et. al. 

 

Me *to the tune of Danity Kane’s “Damaged”*: “Do do you got a latex glove handy!”

CoLaw: “Wait, so what’s the deal with you and Bottomless Pitt singing about latex gloves?”

Me: “All this time you never knew?! Latex gloves are our reference to fisting. Do you know what fisting is?”

CoLaw: “ Oh, god! Of course I know what fisting is! Gross! …so, like, how does an asshole get that big?”

Me (the fisting expert, obvi): “Well, it stretches. You just gotta work it slowly.”

CoLaw: “But wouldn’t you poop a lot?”

Me: “Yeah, that I’m not totally sure on, but I’m gonna guess that elasticity comes into play.” Then my evil twin took over: “But if you stretch it out enough, you can just start punching it.”

CoLaw, covering her eyes: “Oh my god! Stop!”

Me, continuing to punch: “What? That’s a reality of fisting. Think of that next time you ask for a hole puncher.”

CoLaw ran away, covering her ears.  CoLaw’s Aussie boyfriend patted me on the shoulder: “That was great! Can I buy you a drink, mate?”

"Screwdriver, splash of pineapple. Wow, I didn't even get to tell her about the time Bottomless Pitt came to the bar from lab and had a pair of latex gloves sticking out of the back of his pocket. Who needs a hankey code!"

[Mini sober moment, last night, Bottomless Pitt was waring a red handkerchief in his right back pocket. I took a picture and googled the hanky code on the spot. Too bad iFlash doesn't exist.]

A recent Saturday was go-go karaoke. This Saturday, the same go-go was hosting in drag (I swear they have that poor boy in shackles in the basement during the week).

“Get ready for our hot body contest. The winner gets a free drink!”

“Oh my god, D. Kareem, you have to enter the hot body contest!”

“Are you joking? I got my weekly dose of validation already, and I can buy a $4 drink with my shirt on, thanks!”

I watched Bottomless Pitt get up. Then Morehead. Then some Asian dude we didn’t know. Then Double Dutch. . o O (Only at Pieces would most of the hot body contest be people I know.)

Out of nowhere, 2 friends grab my arms and pull me towards the stage. Had I been wearing my Timbs, they wouldn’t have stood a chance. Unfortunately, my cowboy boots only have tread on the heel, so I slid all the way to the stage.

Bottomless Pitt out of the side of his mouth: “Which ever one of us wins— fuck that! When you win, we’re sharing the drink.”

Go-Go Gadget Drag: “Okay, so we have Whitey #1, Whitey #2 [both of whom are Jewish], Rice, Chocolate #1 and Chocolate #2. We’re gonna have each of these boys take their shirts off, one-by-one, and we’ll give the winner two free drinks. DJ, some music please!” (sic)

The crowd cheered as each guy took his shirt off. Then the audience was asked to show their love for each contestant Apollo style. When it was my turn, the drag queen made some S&M-related comment and reached for a nipple. I instinctively recoiled, making my bitch-betta-not face, and the audience let out a collective warning: “Oooo!” My friends know how protective I am about my (pierced) nipples.

Those jeans low enough for you, Franck?

In the end, it was down to me and Morehead. White(-ish) versus black. Short versus tall. Big university versus small school. Hamilton Heights (Harlem) versus WaHi (Washington Heights).

“So, to settle this tie, we’re gonna have each of the contestants take of his pants!” . o O (Crap! AM I wearing cute underwear?!) “Only cheer for the boy you want to win,” which was hardly fair because we both knew a about 70% of the crowd. And he’d hooked up with a lot more than I had!

I ended up winning in the end. Which was weird. I’m not gonna talk about that anymore.

For those of you who just had to see.

Late-night diner food? Sure, why not! We went around the corner to that Seinfeld-looking diner and clamored our way into a booth. There were perhaps 5 of us. Maybe 6? Anyway, when it came time to pay, Bitter Commie Grad Student pulled out a card. For future reference the Village is not a reliable neighborhood for credit card use.

“Okay, just go to the ATM. There’s one in the lobby. Tada!”

“I dddnnn have annny mmmnnnnnny..”

“I’m sorry?”

“I dddnnn have annny mmmnnnnnny..”

“Commie, you live below 59^th st and you don’t have $10 to pay for your meal?”

“NNNNuh uh.”

“Doesn’t that card have cash advance?”

“Sorrrrrrry.”

“Fine. I’ll pay for you.”

Did I mention Bitter Commie’s moving to Toronto (that took some deep breathing and very positive thoughts, but a friend in need....). 

Yeah.

Today's a great day for the Pier (stupid job!). To check out a Pier story, click here.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

There was a lot of face

So McNugget bought some kind of profesh camera.  He was posting all kinds of “first attempts” on Facebook (which came out really good) with write-ups about each model.  About 2 weeks later, I got a Facebook invite from him to an event called “Looking for Male Models”.  McNugget was looking for 7 guys to do a sort of slumber-party-themed shoot.  Figuring it may be a good way to make fun of dumb, pretty boys good experience, I sent him some pictures and basically forgot about it until another 2 weeks had gone by and he told me he wanted me to come to the shoot. 

It was at Filet-Ho-Fish’s apartment.

When I arrived, I was slightly intimidated.  There was a lot of face, and a good bit of body, too.  I walked in wondering if the boys would be nice or catty.  Would they try to read me?  Were they all friends, making me the outsider?  Was I “professional” enough?  I had no idea who would be there, but recognizing Geronimo (we know each other through mutual friends) was an instant relief. 

After quickly greeting McNugget and Filet-Ho-Fish (did I mention this was the first time we really saw each other since Makeoutgate?), I went into Filet-Ho-Fish’s bedroom where the boys were getting make up.  Most of the guys seemed to be a bit younger than I.  Skinnier than I.  Prettier than I.  The one guy who struck me as possibly being older was that guy you’re too intimidated to talk to in the bar: a strange (yet hot) mix of pretty and handsome; beautiful skin tone; amazing body (like an underwear model before designers started slimming their models down).  We had to take off our shirts to get made up (mostly a spray foundation, mascara, and light lip gloss), so I got a chance to check out the bodies before the shoot. 

“Hi, I’m Model #3.”

“Nice to meet you.  I’m D. Kareem.”

“Cool, where are you from?”

“South Carolina.”

“Oh, I meant in the City.”

“I live uptown, in Manhattan.”

“Oh, okay.  I live in the Stuy-town area.  You know where that is?...”

Right now in NYC, this same conversation is happening in 3 distinct locations. In this city, “Were are you from” almost always equals “what neighborhood are you cool/rich/whatever enough to live in?”. Kind of like how girls in LA ask guys what kind of car they drive. I usually say that I live “uptown” just to see if the person will follow up with a “whereabouts?” or “in Harlem?” or anything more specific than . o O (that ghetto above 96^th st.). Or I'll mention South Carolina if I want to spark conversation. If a person takes my generic "uptown" answer, I know they’re either very new to the City or they’ve already put me in a box, and they’ll lose interest in talking to me when they see something shiny (I guess I put them in a box too, ha!). For the record, there are some very nice areas above 96^th st.  And not saying anything specifically about Model #3, just showing an example of a very common gay interaction in NYC.

The shoot itself was tons of fun, and not just because I got to touch and lie on pretty boys. It was because I got to touch and lie on pretty boys in their underwear! Plus the boys were a lot more fun than attitudy/catty. The shoot included “before” (clothed and socializing) and “after” (undies) shots. I had made some alcohol-soaked fruit for a party and had a ton left over, so I brought it to the shoot to share with everyone (wouldn’t want it to go to waste). By the time we took a break and had some pizza (wings for me.. still lactose intolerant), most of the boys were feeling pretty loose.  I spent most of the underwear shots lying on a twinkish Asian guy’s stomach.  Even though he wasn’t so much my “type” (most of the guys there weren’t), I found the whole situation quite hot. 

We finished up around 9:30, and as I was dressing (thank god we didn’t use baby oil), I saw that I had gotten a text from MoH asking if I wanted to go to the comedy night at Therapy. I’m not a huge fan of the bar, but Geronimo was going (plus it was on the way home). We headed to the train with a couple of the models and Miss CD.  Miss CD was a friend of McNugget’s (black guy, class of 90-something) and played the role of Creative Director for the shoot, but one may easily mistake his having a frank personality for his being a Cunty Diva upon first meeting (much like one may mistake Tighty Whitey for uptight).

When we got to the train platform, I pulled the large Tupperware container with the rest of the fruit out of my bag. Just as each of the boys was getting a piece of fruit, I noticed a couple of police officers walking our way. At first I freaked, but luckily the freakout surfaced as my coolly closing the container and continuing whatever the hell I was saying. 

CD: “Woo! I thought we were busted.”

. o O (Dude, the cops are like 3 feet past us!  Shut up!)

Model #6: “I know right!”

CD: “But then I was like, ‘Oh, right. It’s just fruit. I’m just sitting here enjoying my oh-so-delicious fruit!’” He took a slow, flagrant bite.

We finished the rest of the fruit just as the train came, and one of the models and I slurped up the rest of the juice to make sure it didn’t end up leaking in my bag. And by juice, I mean I vodka and whatever had seeped out of the fruit as it sat for 2 days. 

"And you! I couldn't deal with you the whole shoot!" Miss CD said to Model #5. "It was like, even when you weren't the focus of the shot, you would like steal the shot. And you did the same thing, #6! I'd be like, 'Okay, interact with him,' and you'd be like [Miss CD looked to the side dramatically] 'I'm looking at you, but [Miss CD whipped her head center, giving major Blue-Steel face] it's all about me!'"

"What was I like?" giggled Geronimo.

"You were fine as long as you were smiling, but as soon as you had to give us serious, that's when you seemed to start self-doubting, like, 'I'm not sure what I'm doing.'"

"Yeah, that's exactly how I felt, too! How about D. Kareem?" Geronimo asked.

"D. Kareem was just fine."

"Yeah, yeah. Now tell us the truth," I said with a roll of the eyes. Miss CD had just read everyone and had no criticism for me? Riiiiiight.

"No, really. You were fine. Nothing was really wrong with how you worked the shoot. It was good."

I was a bit taken aback. Back in my performing days (short as they were), I was used to getting all sorts of constructive criticism, almost to the point of hurt feelings. And the photographer who took my banner picture was constantly telling me to relax my forehead. It was strange for a performer not to have any sort of notes. Which I guess is a good thing. Then again, she didn't say I was excellent either.

We arrived at Therapy, and MoH had a table for us.  Of course, it was in the very front, and of course, I ended up in on the infamous cube where I hate sitting (almost on stage).

“Damn, we got Sexual Chocolate in the audience!” the host announced as CD and I took our seats at a table adjacent to a black guy neither of us knew. BTW, we all love being referred to as food. Then the DJ put on the first 3 seconds of “The Circle of Life” from The Lion King.  Funny, I wondered why I never saw black people in Hell’s Kitchen.

On the plus side, Justin +1 alumnus Adam Lehman was one of the featured performers. He did well, and he’s cuter in person.

When MoH, Geronimo, and I left Therapy, a Model Make-Out Session was going down in the back, and CD was looking for a camera to hold for them. Our crew of three ended up dancing at Greenhouse til 2am.  Did I mention that Geronimo topped her fruit off with 2 martinis and was last seen stuffing her pockets with NYC condoms?

Yeah.

To see pictures of the shoot, check out RonaldRiqueros.com!

Remember the Inauguration? I was there. Click here to check it out.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.