If Calipornia comes, I’m gonna drink more

The next day, I was anxious about waking up early enough to get back to the City for a sunny Sunday, but I ended up not even needing my alarm. I stayed for breakfast because an extra hour in Cherry Grove was worth avoiding a 2.5 hour trip home on an empty stomach (not to mention the extra time with my baby). I was quite hung over from all the weekend activity, but a nap on the train made me feel… well, close enough to normal to text the boys and drop my bag off at the office.

I had planned for a few low key drinks with TTT and Ms. W at Phresh Sundays on the roof of Dream Hotel, but once the Long Island Gays showed up from an afternoon housewarming party in Queens, they doubled the volume of the party. Bologna was especially enjoying the nice weather, showing a bit of extra skin in the sun.

Later in the afternoon, TTT, Ms. W, and I decided to peace out for the East Village (E.vil!) to play Finding Emo attend our friend’s birthday celebration. We weren’t sure of the location, but as we were walking up Avenue B (Alphabet City! I avoid that neighborhood like the plague!), we joked that we’d probably be able to hear the Ivy League Crew et al when we got close. Sure enough, we were across the street from the venue, and someone screamed TTT’s name from the open windows of the bar.

After a few $5 mojitos (rum never tasted so good), Urban Sprawl and I ditched everyone to meet Bottomless Pitt at Chi Chi’s. As soon as we walked in, we saw a white guy doing the drunk sway at the bar. Normally, that would be Bottomless Pitt’s cue to go in for the kill, but she had the flu. I finally took a direct look at the guy and realized that he was cute. Urban Sprawl somehow pulled him into our circle, and after a good 15 minutes of me engaging his drunk ass (and them mostly wishing he’d never come over), I got a handshake, and they both got cheek kisses! WTF?!

We made our way to XES for karaoke where Mary J. Fly (in her platform moon boots) smacked each one of our asses. Unfortunately, I didn't see her hit the stage; after another drink there, I was totally done.

On Tuesday, SoHo Crush and I ended our boy-situation status (i.e., he broke up with me) at a bar in Hell’s Kitchen. It wasn’t dramatic, but I went out pretty late that night . I figured it’d be best to choose between DR!P on Wednesday and Key Club/Splash on Thursday.

Of course, DR!P was a good time.

They had a live performance by Carmen Reece, and she sounded great. Not easy to do in the less-than-ideal acoustics of the pool.

On Thursday, Loosefur IMed me to ask if I wanted to grab a drink after work, so we met up at Vlada for happy hour. About 10 minutes after we met up, he got at text from Calipornia.

Me: “Crap.”

Loosefur: “What?”

Me: “If Calipornia comes, I’m gonna drink more. I was gonna have one drink and drag myself uptown.”

And of course, he showed up and asked what was going on tonight. And like a dumbass, I told him about Key Club’s open bar. “Oh, well we have to do that! I mean, you don’t have to come to Splash, but you can’t turn down an open bar!”

. o O (That’s my problem in life, Porni!)

Over a sushi dinner, Calipornia and Loosefur told me about how they met at a crazy New Year’s Eve party (05-06) in a ridiculous loft near Union Square. Apparently the person who lived there was iffy about planning parties, but that’s what Calipornia does for a living. Loosefur had gotten randomly invited, and the two bonded over a bottle of champagne (each) and kept in contact. It was kinda cool to know that I probably would have met Calipornia outside of the blogging world.

Loosefur: “So how are we gonna get to Key Club?”

Calipornia: “I think the R/W train takes us right there.”

Loosefur: “Oh boy. I have to prepare my mind to ride the train after dark.”

Me to Porni: “We should mug him.”

Calipornia: “Doesn’t the train drop us off right near the club?”

Me: “Yeah, like a block away.”

Loosefur: “This is gonna suck getting home. I have to walk so far to get to my place from Times Square!”

. o O (As if you’re actually gonna take the train home!)

As usual, it was not crowded at all, but the Ivy League Crew et al was there when we arrived. It seems like the crowd they attract really doesn’t care about the free drinks because people didn’t really start packing in until right before the open bar was done, but I had myself a good 4 or 5 free ones. One of the bartenders was giving way too much attitude, rushing people to order and moving on when they didn’t answer within 1.5 seconds of his eye contact. I tried to get change for a 20 to tip him. He gave my bill a frustrated look and waved it away. Fine, then. I’ll tip the other bartender (who already knows I tip well in an open bar).

The Long Island Gays showed up, and we had a messy ole time dancing and carrying on, but I really did need to get some sleep. Did I mention that I had 2 early parties to hit up the next night? Yeah.

Click here to read about Urban Sprawl's tragically drunk flirting attempt with a go-go.

Note: you may find the  "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the NEWLY UPDATED Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

How To: Understanding The Blackout Blog

If you’re reading this, you’re probably new to the blog. Welcome! I’m D. Kareem, and I document my and my clique’s outrageous escapades here (with an occasional Sober Moment sprinkled in). Here are a few tips to help you with your reading of The Blackout Blog.

 

If I say “she”, I’m talking about a gay man unless otherwise specified (i.e., Transwoman, Real Girl, female friend, etc.).

There are different cliques/groups that I refer to, but the most recurring ones are the Ivy League Crew et. al. (a group of guys who mostly went to Ivy League schools undergrad who all hang out together… for the record, I went to a non-Ivy League school [thank god!]), the Long Island Gays (a group of guys who mostly live in the city but are from Long Island and return there often), and the Queens Gays (a subset of the Ivy League Crew who live in Queens and bond over their common boro… much like fraternity brothers bond by the shared traumatic experience of  rushing/pledging).

There are a good number of characters that pop up with varying regularity. Many of them are introduced in the Cast of Characters, but if you want to find more about any character in The Blackout Blog, click on their name to the right under “Topics of Discussion”. Usually, I do a short intro the first time I mention someone (so scroll down the to the first entry under which the character you’re looking to learn about is tagged). Let’s say your friend tells you “if you visit NYC, you have to visit Pieces!” Well, you can click on Pieces under the "Topics of Discussion" to read about all my experiences there.

I love interacting with my readers. If you see something you like/hate/want to ask about on The Blackout Blog, leave a comment (click either "leave a comment" or "[number of] comments by the time stamp at the the end of the entry) or shoot me an email at TheBlackoutBlog@gmail.com. Also, I highly recommend subscribing to the blog (click “Subscribe To” on the top right of the page, and updates will come to your email), or adding it to your Google Reader if you have one since I update 2-3 times per week. And become a follower of The Blackout Blog (log into your Google account [what do you mean you don't have one?! What are you waiting for!], and click “FOLLOW BLOG” on the very top of the page above the banner). It’s a good look for me!

You know how radio and live TV have a 7-40 second delay to keep people from cursing? Well, I impose a 2-3 week delay to keep people from cursing me out. Therefore, you may read about New Year’s Eve in the middle of January. And that’s okay. However, for those of you who want to know what I’m getting into in real time, follow me on Twitter (or just bookmark the page;  you don’t have to join to see my updates).

Lastly, this blog gets a little not safe for work (shirtless pics, guys making out, a leather daddy here and there, the occasional ass). If you’re reading this, chances are you probably already have questionable pictures in your temp folder already. It may be in your best interest not to view this blog on your work computer. But if you already have, you’re kinda screwed.

HAPPY READING!

Bear Couture shoots on the deck (Fire Island day 2)

Update: Give it up for my 200th post! I seem to always miss these milestones until the day after.

For my second morning in Cherry Grove, I slept in on Saturday morning, which means I woke up every hour from about 8 til I finally got up at 11. Everyone else shoved off for the beach pretty early in the afternoon, but SoHo Crush, Sharonne, and I stayed behind at the house for a bit, passing by the beach with the last of the vodka on the way to buy some more in the Pines. It just so happened that I’d been invited to a pool party (with Stoli sponsorship!) at one of the Cougar's house in the Pines that afternoon (Cougar is a Long Island Gay who, if she were a Real Girl, I could see being a cougar in about 20 years, class of '04). Perf!

We arrived to find all the Long Island Gays with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces. It was extra nice out, so I didn’t even bother wearing a shirt out of the house. Just my knock-off Uggs, a cock ring (used as a scrunchie), and a pair of shorts. Eventually (3 minutes) I stripped off the shorts to reveal the pink speedo.

On 3 distinct occasions, someone said, pointing to my boots: “Aren’t you hot?”

Me: “Well, I certainly think so, but that’s so nice of you to say!”

Within 10 minutes of my arrival, Cougar’s older sister requested that I do the “Single Ladies” dance.

The party got pretty packed (I’d say close to 200 people), and the Long Island Gays, with their Real Housewives of New Jersey quotations, their chicken fighting in the pool, and ASFKAB’s Bear Couture shoots on the deck, were constantly the center of attention. After an hour or so, SoHo Crush and Sharonne left to get booze and bring it back to FichGro.

At one point, I started talking to a straight couple who seemed to be having the best time. Apparently, their mid-20s friend had just found out a matter of hours before that his wife as cheating. Their mission: to get him as wasted as possible. And the cuckolded friend was kinda cute, too.

On the other side of the party, a guy stopped me as I was walking. “Excuse me!” A British accent will always turn my head. “Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I can’t get over the size of your penis!”

. o O (Oh my god, she’s British and drunk! Must… resist… easy… target…)

“Oh, I’m so embarrassed! I mean, it is kind of cold in here.”

It was one of those conversations where when you walk away, you know they’re talking about you. And watching you walk away. And you suspect that anyone within earshot is probably doing the same. Luckily, NYC open bars have taught me how to slide through crowded spaces relatively efficienctly.

I jumped in line for the bathroom behind 4 people. Not an emergency, but preventative maintenance is key. About 30 seconds after the guy before me went in, the all too familiar square rhythm of the kick and clap intro with the electronic swirl blasted through the party, followed by the dreaded line, “All the single ladies.”

Props to Cougar for this footage of my topish behavior.

. o O (Damnit, where are my girls!)

After several pats on the back (and a couple on the butt), I finally got to the bathroom.

Eventually, the party died down, and most of the guests left. Our drunk hostess beckoned me upstairs, asking me if I had any musical suggestions while DJ Sidewalk (they hired the DJ we usually dance to at Splash on Thursdays downstairs!!) packed up his things.

In addition to the after party's audio entertainment there was some visual stimulation. As in 2 guys hooking up in the bathroom who neglected to close the blinds all the way. “He’s grabbing his hips and pulling them towards his face!” some girl squealed.

I had run into Loosefur earlier at the party, and he had invited me to a smaller get together that his house was hosting (2 Pines house party invites in 1 afternoon?! This is major for us!). His text said 5:30-7:30. With the aforementioned show (it was more fun watching the reactions of the nosey people trying to spy than the actual live porn), I’d lost track of time, but I showed up at Loosefur’s place a bit after 7:15.

“Hey, is Loosefur here?”

“No, he went to Tea,” responded a cheerfully queeny muscle daddy. “But would you like a margarita?”

I stayed and socialized a bit with the muscle queen and the other housemates for a bit before they sent me on my way with a to-go drink. That’s when I realized it was dusk. And I had to tromp through the Meat Rack. With no shirt.

I got back to the Grove without incident and noticed the burnt, unhusked corn on the table. Apparently, the Token Lesbian had to step away from the grill for a minute, so SoHo Crush took over. Rather than leaving the corn on the top rack of the grill, he put it on the rack right above the fire. Of course, they caught on fire. I’m not sure how, but they were able to put it out pretty quickly. Good thing, too, because the fire extinguisher was buried behind a wall of pots and pans in the cabinet. BTW, the corn was still good.

We finished chowing down and started pregaming before heading out to a bar in Cherry Grove. SoHo Crush bought a round of drinks and went home. The bartender insisted that we take a fruity shot with him. After that, he lined up glasses for another but, I was the only fool who was up for it. Smart decision on everyone else's part because it was my least favorite liquor: Jäger.

We ended up at the Ice Palace, where we had obviously missed the drag performance. The two drag queens were dancing wildly on the bar, so it took me a second to realize that one of them was Logan Hardcore, who hosts Karaoke at Pieces. As soon as she came off the bar, she came over and greeted me in her typical aggressive-drag-queen fashion.

While the rest of the night was mostly drinking, lip synching, and hair tossing, the highlight may have been when a tragic girl somehow joined our group outside the dance floor. For those of you who have a hard time telling the difference between Jersey and Long Island stereotypes, she’s the reason why. At one point , she uttered the words, “my husband”, and I was like, . o O (You’re married! Some rich donor spent $100K+ on my education, I spent all those hours in the gym, I worked SO hard in middle school to get rid of my accent, and you’re married?!) Her husband was actually pretty cute (she was no troll either), and according to Lady Grr Grr's story, Bear, who was very drunk, "told the husband he wanted to bang him."

Eventually, the couple wandered off. Long after the queens shed their wigs and (not very much of) their makeup, we decided it was time to go. It happened to be raining, and I happened to still be wearing knock-off uggs (with almost no sole… they’re more like slippers). I was not a fan. Then the bouncer gave me shit about leaving with my drink. It was water! Eventually, I said something clever, and he laughed and said, “Go ahead, man.” Our group tromped down the wet boardwalk, my footwear tucked under my shirt.

Did I mention that SoHo Crush had long since fallen asleep? Yeah.

Click here to check out my night of random celebrity run-ins.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

Sober Moment 7.24.09: Fun with Adam4Adam

So, those of you who follow me on Twitter are probably aware that I started an Adam4Adam profile for the blog. It's been quite the adventure. I used pics from the banner photo shoot, and they've been getting a lot of response, at least uptown (almost 300 emails since the 18th).

When I took these photos, I was determined not to use them for any online profiles: I had just finished doing a ridiculous number of pushups and curls to make my muscles pump, and there was no way i was just going to stumble into that kind of light when meeting a guy in a bar or stumbling back to his apartment. My real physique would never stand up to that image (I know other guys do it, but I hold myself to a higher standard).

But since I made the blog profile with these pictures, the problem has been that guys have been emailing me for sex (including a guy behind a major gay brand name)! Some of them are really hot too. The bait pictures are working too well! But to keep things real, the few people that I've considered meeting have been directed to my "real" profile.

I chose A4A because it was orange. But more importantly, I feel like guys on there are actually open to meeting up with a black guy (unlike Manhunt.net or Hell'sKitchen.10036).

Or not. PS, do you recognize this web celeb? She may not be open to a black guy, but she's holding it down for tops who know the "Single Ladies" dance! Somebody white go hit on him. I gotta know what's behind that Private Pic!

(Click any of the images to enlarge.)

And then I got this little nugget of joy (I left in the most important part of his screenname).

I guess it was worth a shot. BTW, dude, Xanadu on Broadway called. They want their tagline back.

And I don't know about you, but when I hear that signature you've-got-new-mail tone, I know exactly what I want to see when I click:

Notice how I had to take a picture before I opened the message. . o O (Is this shit really in my inbox?!!)

No pun intended.

I also made a profile for the blog on BigMuscle.com, which was a bit intimidating because they have a whole approval process (which is so funny because the users are by far the most friendly, polite, and un-sketchy of any website I've been on). They even have the option of setting up an "admirer" account for those who are not Big Muscle material.

Taken from the signup page:

"You understand that if your profile is taken off, it's not anything personal, but the Web Site keeping to the "theme" of the site. BigMuscle.com is about showing off after all the hard work is done, and showing off the many hours spent in the gym. This includes understanding that you must post a shirtless chest and arms photo to your profile And it is strongly suggest (sic) to post a FACE photo!"

So I made an account and waited to be approved. An hour or two later, I tried to sign in, and it told me my account was suspended! Why? Because my pictures were suspected to be stolen or fake! How dare you! So how does one rectify this situation?

I had to take a picture holding up a piece of paper with either my screenname or my user number and email it to the webmaster. Keep in mind, I'm not as big as I was last year (at least my upper body). I was frantic trying to find a mirror with downward lighting in our apartment (of course, a bulb was out in the bathroom!).

Why do I get the feeling that this will pop up on GuyswithiPhones.com next week.

Luckily, I was approved without further incident, and the photos got good response there, too (BigMuscle.com is my 5th highest referral website for the last week!). I even posted the verification picture on my profile for shits and giggles, complimenting the skills of my Photographer.

Yesterday, a user sent me a message that made me extremely excited.

That bear just gave me my first WOOF! With no body hair! I can die a happy man now.

And in case this wasn't enough, here are a couple of screenshots that a friend sent me.

He skipped out on DR!P for this. Nice.

Note: Adam4Adam.com is a free site that anyone can access. I'm not posting information that anyone else couldn't see (e.g., private pics, limited access info like Facebook... hell, I'm even blocked out the web celeb's dick size, which he proudly displays on his profile).

Another note: You don't have to join Twitter to follow my updates. If you don't want to make an account, just bookmark my page. Tada.

Click here to check out a post on Fun with Facebook.

FichGro is definitely below 96th st.

Bear (SoHo Crush really does have a friend that he calls Bear) and his boyfriend arrived on the Cherry Grove ferry sometime in the 11 o’clock hour along with the Token Lesbian and the artists formally known as Twinks. Hugs and double kisses all around.

Me, shaking the Former Twink’s boyfriend’s hand, (trying too hard to be extra friendly): “I don’t think we’ve met.”

Former Twink’s boyfriend (at the same time): “I think we’ve met a few times. Good to see you.”

Way to start off the weekend, D. Kareem.

The night before, we were listening to Lady Gaga and having some conversation about Bear, so of course I spat out the first name that came to mind: Lady Grr Grr. SoHo Crush turned that into a royal court announcement when they walked into the door: “The Lord and Lady Grr Grr.” Cue British accent and trumpet flourish.

We were too busy preparing for the beach to eat breakfast, but someone made fierce pitcher vodka cran. The house came with tambourines (which we took to the beach), so whenever a hot guy would walk by, SoHo Crush and I would give them a good shake and a smile. SoHo Crush noted that when he did it by himself, he got smiles and waves. I mostly got dirty looks. Conclusion: FichGro is definitely below 96^th st.

There was a butterfly kite on the porch, so we brought it out to the beach. It had no string, but one of the Former Twinks went back to get some more booze. Once he attached the string to the kite, he, SoHo Crush, and the Token Lesbian tried unsuccessfully for a good half hour to make the damn thing fly, but Madame Butterfly was not having it.

An older chubby guy started talking to one of the Former Twinks. I didn’t hear the convo, but according to a later retelling, the guy said that he had a couple of kites that the Former Twink could have, citing his $2,000 kite on his wall at home as an excuse. The guy invited the Former Twink to come get the kites at his house, and they left together. Of course, the Former Twink brought the Lesbian along. 10 minutes later, a flying mermaid and a dragon were declared our official beach landmarks.

Old Chubby (about 50 feet away) to the Former Twink: "You're a homo, right?"

SoHo Crush (to us): "Did he just ask the Former Twink if he was a homo?"

Me: "Is he blind and deaf?!"

After a third pitcher on the beach, we packed up and went back to the house where SoHo Crush got everyone in on an absolutely ridiculous game. Everyone writes down a celeb, public figure, or fictional character on a piece of paper and puts it in a container. During the first round, you say anything but the name to get your partner/team to guess the name. Once all the cards are gone, you put them back in the container. Next round, you only get two words to get your partner/team to guess. Next round is charades. All timed.

This game ended up being insanely fun because everyone thinks of different categories of celebs. For example, I had no idea how to make someone think of Ichiro Suzuki. We had an uneven number of players, so for more fun, the odd man out had everyone guess in a quick-fire round.

After drinks at the Ice Palace, most people were done for the night, but SoHo Crush, Sharonne and I tromped down to The Grove Hotel for their famous underwear party. I remember checking my clothes. I remember a room with a bar with men with their clothes on. I remember dancing. And I remember a very busy dark room. SoHo Crush later told me (and the rest of the table at breakfast) that he started to go down on me, and I responded by cracking the fuck up. It does sound like something I’d do in a dark room with someone I’d been dating for a year.

Did I mention I had to pull it together for a major birthday party in the Pines the next day (we're talking alcohol sponsors!)? Yeah!

Click here to check out a trip to Jones Beach.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

secret disco shower.

SoHo Crush had gotten a house on Fire Island for a week. At first, I was a bit put off when he told me it was in Cherry Grove instead of the Pines, but then I realized that’s only because I’d only hung out in the Pines before. I mean, the HK2FiPi scene is cute and all, but I could use some diversity.

I left work early on Thursday afternoon, but once I got on the train, it took almost 15 minutes to take me the couple of stops to Penn Station.  I’d missed the 3:21 train, but there was another one around 3:50, so I wasn’t too bummed. That is, until I realized that the ferry only ran every 2 hours.

The outskirts of Sayville. It’s dusk, and you’re cold. You only have a change of clothes, a bottle of vodka, your laptop, and your iPhone with dubious reception. Can you survive for two hours?

After watching Borat videos and watching a cute, slightly pudgy guy run around playing with his accessory dog, the ferry finally came, and my journey to FichGro was underway again.

I walked off the ferry and was greeted by a bunch of strangers in the dark (they were picking up other people). After 3 texts establishing when my ferry would arrive (Are you leaving Sayville at 7:50 or getting to Cherry Grove at 7:50?), SoHo Crush left me high and dry in town! I called him, and it turned out that he Sharonne (SoHo Crash’s friend who had come with us to see Beyoncé) were about 20 feet away. Luckily, I had a good giggle while waiting for them.

You know you’re on a gay island when the Red Bull machine has twice as much Sugar Free as regular.

SoHo Crush was about to pass out because they had run out of vodka at the house (“You thought a 1.75L would be enough for a week?! Oh, that’s sweet.”), so we stopped into Cherry’s for a drink. I was freezing, and I noticed the bar sold sweatshirts with their logo. And they were only $20!!

“Do you have that in a large?”

The barkeep asked an ancient man counting the register (Mr. Cherry, according to SoHo Crush) if they had my size. He huffed out some unintelligible response before continuing to count for about 3 minutes and then making about 3 trips into a back room, returning with no sweatshirt every time. SoHo Crush had said there was a store around the corner, and I had literally picked up my bag to go check it out when Mr. Cherry showed up with my sweatshirt.

“Can you get us a free drink?” SoHo Crush asked. “I mean, since you work here and all.”

We finished our drinks and went back to the house. On the way, I was told how Sharonne (we called him that the whole weekend) got his name. The first day when they were there with SoHo Crash and Pretty Betty (and a straight couple), they were skeptical about locking the door on their way to the beach. So instead of locking the door, SoHo Crash's friend yelled, “We’ll be back in an hour our so, Sharonne!” to throw off the gangs of potential homo robbers roving around the Grove. God knows if I want anyone to guard my house, it will definitely be a Sharonne.

SoHo Crush had told me about how gaudy and orange the house was, but it was a whole different experience actually being there. From the chandeliers to the fake tassels hanging off the chandeliers to the hula hoops and tambourines that were included, this house had SoHo Crush written all over it. And apparently it was the first house he looked at (I’m sure it was a joke among the broker’s office).

The best kept secret was in the bathroom.

Everyone needs a secret disco shower.

Of course, my vodka came out of the bag. SoHo Crush had his sights set on FiPi that night, and we stopped at Cherry’s for a drink (me with my Cherry’s sweatshirt) before the 9-something water taxi to the Pines, and we were quite disappointed when we arrived. Between High Tea and Sip N’ Twirl, I think we saw about 10 guys. Including the DJs. Then again, does anything happen in the Pines after dark? But don't think for a second that that stopped us from drinking. A lot. 

Did I mention the next thing I remember is waking up the next morning with a condom still on? Yeah.

Click here to check out what I did for the Super Bowl (and the ridiculous party the night before).

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

Sober Moment 7.20.09: This could have been you.

It's not all partying and drankin' with D. Kareem.  The sober moment posts are just going to say what's on my mind.  More what I'm thinking; less what I'm doing.

On the Wednesday that just passed, I went to DR!P, a weekly indoor pool party. My friend Menen happened to be there with a few friends, and he introduced me to them (all cute). One guy’s name stuck out in my head because I had trouble understanding him over the music.

 

Me: “Raul? Nice to meet you.”

Him, with a flirty smile: “My name is Rahul!”

 

At the end of the night, I happened to be leaving DR!P at the same time as Menen, Rahul, and another friend of theirs. They were headed to a diner. I said I’d join them but changed my mind because I was sleepy.

This morning, I signed onto Facebook, and Menen had posted an article with the title “Man Drowns Swimming off Fire Island”. The preview text mentioned the name Rahul.

Knowing how things on Fire Island go, it wouldn’t be out of the question to suppose that Rahul had had a few drinks (or maybe he doesn’t drink, and it was just a vicious riptide… I really didn’t know the guy; I’m just speculating here). As I read through the short post, I thought about all the times my friends went to swimming at the beach after drinking.

The article mentioned that there was no lifeguard present. Jones Beach’s gay section (the Ivy League Crew's most common drunken beach destination) doesn’t have a lifeguard. I’ve never seen one on the FiPi or FichGro beaches. Thankfully there were lifeguards present when we went to Asbury Park recently (especially after a drunk friend insisted on going swimming after passing out from drinking). Again, Rahul could have been stone-cold sober, but I’m expounding on how the story affected me in my context.

It’s hard enough to fight a rip tide sober.

Click here to read the article.

Sober Moment 7.17.09: Fun with Facebook

So my friend Loosefur lives in HK (Hell's Kitchen... a very popular gay area in NYC). He has a share in the Fire Island Pines (FiPi... a share basically means you pay 4 [or 5] figures for a certain amount of weekends in a house with other people). He doesn't like leaving HK unless it's to go to FiPi (you should have seen him kicking and screaming when Calipornia and I made him take the subway to Flatiron last night!). We call this type of gay HK2FiPi.

In other news, TTT claims to be a top. Yet, she likes TSWBs (Tall Skinny White Boys... notorious for their e n d o w m e n t).

So imagine my sheer delight when I saw this rapid-fire hilarity on my Facebook feed:

Click to enlarge.

Apparently, this Dana is a friend of Loosefur's, so their not fucking. But she's happy that her friend is moving to a place where she wouldn't ever venture. Nice!

And we have Bottomless Pitt to thank for that final gem. 

Additionally, Loosefur and I had the following exchange (with him in blue and me in white). For those of you not in NYC, HX is (was) 1 of 2 "fag rags" in NYC that's mostly used to find out what's going on at the bars each night of the week. They also have info about restaurants, articles, pictures from the Scene, and ads for "massage therapists".

Yeah, she's single.

Click here to check out more sober Facebook fun.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the  Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

Sin, like Sin City!

My father's side of the family usually has some kind of get together for the 4th of July. It started as some great-great grandfather's birthday celebration (many slaves and emancipated blacks didn't have records of their birthdays, so they often claimed the 4th as theirs). This year, my grandmother was turning 80. Not that she was a slave; we were just celebrating a week early.

Anyway, my uncle had a cookout the afternoon before, so my grandmother, her sisters, and most of their ([great] grand) children came out to my semi-famous uncle's house on Long Island.

My semi-famous uncle's son, Tom (ridiculously rich lawyer, divorced, 2 kids, player), showed up with his trademark accessory: an Asian woman. I saw her mile of cleavage and thought she was his ex from when I was in college. She was wearing a bikini top (the kind that ties at your neck) under a sundress, and the perfect perkiness of her boobs made me question their authenticity.

She smiled and introduced herself as "Sin, like Sin City!" in the cutest accent. I prepared to be entertained. When my grandma came out, Tom introduced her simply as "Sin", to which she quickly added, "Like Sin City!" my grandma's response: a pricelessly judgemental "Oh." Did I mention that my grandma's an ordained Christian Science minister? Yeah.

Tom's older sister made more of an effort to be friendly: "Sin, do you drink?"

"Yeah! I drink a LOT!"

"Well... I don't drink a lot, but I drink really fast! Let's get you something to sip on!"

You know I had to follow that convo.

Tom's step mother is the sweetest "may God's blessings be upon you" type chrisian woman ever. All her and my semi-famous uncle's trips to the Caribbean and Europe and Africa are "wonderful blessings" and "God's good graces!"

"Oh, is this Cynthia?! Welcome!"

"Oh, no. My name is Sin."

Tom's step mom paused. "Is that short for something?"

"No, Sin is my name." Sin turned around and pulled her hair to the side to reveal a SIN tattoo in red gothic print.

Uncomfortably laughing in utter shock. "Who named you SIN?!"

"My parents. I was born on Halloween night, and they named me Sin and then sent me to a convent for 10 years to make up for their sins! But it means 'heart' in Chinese [also spelled xin]."

Tom's step mom was visibly relieved with that last statement. I was dying inside. Tom's step mom put a hand on Sin's shoulder: "You are a beautiful person. And in our family, we love everybody. And I'ma pray for you."

I had to leave the room.

Later that night, Tom, Sin, my brother, and I went to Tom's place in Brooklyn for drinks and some down time. After taking our drink orders, Sin kneeled on a pillow by the coffee table.

Me: "There's room if you wanna sit?"

Sin: "No, I'm fine here. Don't you know I'm Japanese?! We prefer the floor!"

. o O (Good thing I didn't ask if she was a Wondergirls fan.)

A half hour later, we were heading towards the Manhattan Bridge in a cab (because that's how Tom rolls). Sin started some light flirtation with the cab driver, having a whole conversation about his unusual name that she had somehow converted to "more lays in the city!" about a third of the way across the bridge, she shrieks, "This is a new York cab! Show me what you got! Show me what your working with!" He obviously wasn't paying attention to my cousin's "I don't think we need-". The driver's face lit up as he quickly glanced back at Sin. All I remember is lurching towards one guard rail. Then the other. Then ending up in the middle lane. She was all like "Woooooo!" and we were like "Shiiiiiiit!"

Cabbie: "You want sonme more?!"

Tom: "No, no, no! That's quite alright."

Tom to Sin: "This spot is called APT. Like apartment."

Me: "Oh, wow. I always thought it was ATP, like biology."

Tom: "Like a unit of energy?"

Me: "Don't act like you're not a cool nerd, too! It runs in the damn family."

Tom brought over a tall Asian dude and introduced us. I figured they worked together or something, but Tom said in my ear, "I think this guy was trying to pick me up or something." So he more or less passed him off to the group. He danced with us for a bit before wandering off.

Tom: "If he would have touched my ass one more time, I'da had to fuck him up, man."

Me: "Dude, all you need to do is brush his hand away an give him a stern 'Chill with that!'"

Tom: "I guess..."

Shortly thereafter, Sin came to me and asked me what my 'type' was. I responded, "Vodka."

"Come on, I can find you somebody. "

"I'm really not on the hunt tonight, Sin."

"You don't seem like you're on the hunt. Very mellow." But she just had to hear me say it, "What do you like: tall, short... women, men?"

"I'm into guys!"

"Okay! What color? What ethnicity?!"

"The hot ethnicity! It really doesn't matter."

After a couple of drinks, we moved on to Gansevoort. There was a line. My cousin talked to the door guy, who said we'd be okay to get in with 3 guys and a girl, but that turned into table service by the time we got to the front (straight night at a straight bar). My brother has forgotten his credit card at APT (plus the girl whose number he had gotten was still there), so he ditched, and we went in.

The place was packed with done-up girls and guys in blazers from their work suits and vertical-striped button-downs. Sin wandered off, and when I came from the bathroom, my cousin was (already!) talking to a black girl and a white girl.

He introduced me. The white girl was nice enough, but the black girl somehow found it appropriate to shake hands without making eye contact. I somehow got out of her that she was visiting from Austin, TX. She had no reaction to my being from South Carolina (usually southerners are glad to find each other).

"I don't even see why this conversation should continue if he's not gonna buy a drink!"

Tom: "Oh, so it's like that? Well I guess everyone has a price, huh? Since we're basically bartering, i'm gonna put my bid in at $3. Will that work, or do you want to go up from there."

"Well, maybe you need to come down south and learn some manners!"

"D. Kareem, how old do you think she is? I'd put her at right about 23 or so."

"No, no, boo-boo, I'm 28. I just prefer to talk to men, not boys."

Now, my cousin can be a straight up asshole, but that only comes out when deserved. I'm not sure how his approach was, but he's a pretty smooth guy and knows how to step to a lady. I'm guessing her friend didn't do the best job at showing her the New York scene, and she was fed up by the time we met her. After she walked away, Tom laughed and said, "She's a black girl in the most pretentious place in the City! Attitude or not, no one's showing her love here! That's just the way it is."

. o O (So it's not just the gays!)

Around 2, my bro texted Tom to get his keys. For some reason, Tom thought my brother was trying to take the girl to Tom's apartment (there was a time when that would have been a definite possibility), but my brother was ready to crash. Sin had already been summoned, so I took my leave. Did I mention that no one I knew was at Pieces or the Hangar? Yeah.

Click here to check out the last time I went home to see the Fam in South Carolina.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.