The Best of '09 NYC Gay Nightlife (Not-So-Sober Moment)

So here’s my Best of ’09. It’s from my experience as a nightlife patron who is always seeking a good deal and a good time… preferably on the west side of Manhattan. I’ll be the first to say that I haven’t thoroughly assessed every bar in NYC, so if this seems a bit skewed or unfair, it is. At the same time, many categories had so many contenders that it was quite difficult to choose a best and two honorable mentions. So if a person or bar is left out of this list, it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or enjoy it/her/him. And I hope your appreciate and enjoy my list.

And those of you from out of town: hopefully this can be a resource for when you travel to NYC. Just be warned: a) this may not be the best list if you want the over-the-top Fabulous NYC Life experience (we’re on the Blackout Budget here) and b) venues and parties change all the time, so check with the venue and/or promoter.

I’ve been thinking about doing periodic “What To Do in NYC” nightlife postings, so this may be the kick-off to a new segment.

Best drinks:

Pieces

In NYC, you can’t get any better than $4 well drinks every night until last call. The bartenders pour heavy! Honorable Mention: XES and The Hangar.

Best Host/ess:

Peppermint

(Barracuda on Mondays, MaleBox Tuesdays @ The Ritz, Catttle Call Wednesdays @Therapy, Sing Out Sister Karaoke Sundays @ XES)

I recently told a friend that she’s the type of drag queen who makes new gays not be afraid of drag queens (they used to terrify me!). She’s funny and engaging, and she knows how to move a show, even when things don’t go as planned. Honorable Mention: Vodka Stinger (Pieces on Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays) and Victoria Chase (Boots ‘N Saddle Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays).

Best Promoter:

Joey Israel

Photos taken from Joey Israel's Facebook profile.

As far as I can remember, Israel has been the most consistent promoter whose parties I’ve really enjoyed. One promoter’s party switches from open bar to 2-4-1 with no warning. Another tries to claim that $1 drinks are their version of “open bar.” Yet another mixes up the comp list. Somehow these “realities of the nightlife business” have never affected me at one of Israel’s parties (likely because he allies himself with tried and true nightlife brands like Michael “Formika” Jones and bars that don’t deal in shadiness). He may not bring the open bar every time, but his venues have reasonable prices and there’s always some type of special. His parties by far have the most innovative and original concepts. And most importantly: he delivers on his promises. Honorable Mention: Dougie Meyer and Chris Ryan.

Best DJ:

Cazwell

(Boybox Tuesdays @ G Lounge, The F Word Saturdays @ Rebel)

He could be playing a whole set of shit I’ve never heard before, and I’ll still be feeling it! And he mixes in the obscure pop that no one else will play (do you know how crazy I went when he played RichGirl at a party) with the hits everyone can toss their hair and lip synch to. Honorable Mention: Scotty Rox (DR!P on Wednesdays, Posh on Tuesdays/Thursdays and G Lounge every other Friday, Lucky Strike on Saturdays) and Sidewalk (Campus Thursdays @ Splash, lower level, Notorious Saturdays @ Rush, Rewind Sundays @ Splash).

Best Happy Hour:

Vlada

Photos taken from Vlada's website.

They have infused well vodkas. I’m not talking about Absolut Citron or other call liquors that add $1-$4 per drink. You can get a flavored screwdriver or vodka-cran or whatever your standard vodka drink is for the cheapest price (17 different flavors freshly infused in-house!). Plus there’s an ice bar to keep your drink chilled as you converse. And they take cards! Happy hour is daily 4-8pm. I think they raised the prices, so now happy hour drinks are $4 for well mixed drinks. The after-work crowd is more sophisticated than cute with a few token male divas thrown in. It’s a very convenient and laid back place to meet after work (but be prepared to stand as the tables along the wall go quickly). I try to avoid eating at bars that aren’t primarily restaurants, but they do serve food, and I've seen many patrons order. Honorable mention: Barrage ($4 wells, 5-8pm & 11pm-12am daily!!) and Pieces ($2 wells, M-F)

Best/Friendliest Service:

Pieces

It says something when at least 2 bartenders know my drink. And I’ve gotten more free drinks there than anywhere this year. Almost everyone on staff is very welcoming and friendly to newcomers. Honorable mention: Suite and No Parking.

Best Go-goes

No Parking

Can I just say that however invented the cock-sock style underwear is a genius. These guys aren’t go-go boys: they’re go-go gods. It’s mostly muscular guys, but they throw in a lean guy every now and then. And there’s even the occasional girl (who can work it!). In addition to looking amazing and often being great movers, these guys consistently engage their audience. And it’s very much a hands-on show. There are usually 2-4 go-gos that take a few short shifts throughout the night and share the bar towards the end. If you can’t make it uptown, a few of them also go-go at Urge in the E.vil. Honorable Mention: Boybox Tuesdays @ G Lounge and Fri-Sun @ The Hangar.

Best Party:

DR!P

Promoters Lee Chappell and Shequida took a fabulous space and enhanced it with amazing club kids and entertainment. The drinks are expensive, but the 2-4-1 for two hours helps. It was sad to see this shut down for the winter, but they promise to bring it back in 2010. Honorable Mention: The F Word Saturdays @ Santos Party House (but see Best Open Bar) and Vandam Sundays @ Greenhouse.

Best Open Bar:

The F Word Saturdays @ Santos Party House

Photos taken from Joey Israel's Facebook profile.

Cazwell provided an awesome pop and hip-hop soundtrack during and after the two hour open bar, and when Joey Israel sent out the F Word of the week, we said it at the door for comp admission. It was crowded enough to be a scene, but we still had room to dance. Will re-open in January at Rebel in midtown (Fridays) and is no longer open bar. I haven’t checked it out since the move, but I’m sure the producers/promoters associated with it (Michael “Formika” Jones, Mark Nelson* and Joey Israel) have maintained their history of throwing consistently fun parties. Honorable Mention: Big Gulp Tuesdays @ The Cock (all night) and Vandam Sundays @ Greenhouse (formally 10-11pm, now 10-10:30pm).

*Not too familiar with his club events: mostly associate him with bigger annual parties.

Best Bar (no cover) That Allows Dancing*

Posh

It’s centrally located in HK, they have fun DJs, and the drinks are cheap and strong. Couple that with cute, friendly bartenders and a down-to-earth crowd, and you have a great formula for a good weekend night out (especially if you start out around the corner at Barrage’s late-night happy hour: 11-mid). Honorable Mention: The Ritz and Pieces.

*This in an important distinction because many bars in NYC do not have Cabaret Licenses and can be fined if people are dancing. It’s dumb, but the City Council never repeals it when it comes up for a vote.

Best Club (with cover)

No Parking

I have no idea who the DJ is (it changes periodically), but the music is consistently good on a Friday or Saturday, mixing pop with R&B, hip-hop, Latin music. The heavily Dominican (yet culturally inclusive) crowd is a mix of WaHi locals, Bronx residents, and adventurous downtown boys. It gets crowded, but there’s just enough space to dance. And the $5 cover is one of the cheapest in the city. Honorable Mention: Splash (downstairs) and The Cock.

Best Bar

Pieces

For all the reasons described above, it’s the most bar for your money. Sure, the crowd may be slightly younger, louder, and more messy than other bars on the weekend. And you may have to keep your coat on during the day because the heat isn’t on (not that I drink during the day… I’ve heard). But between Tuesday night Karaoke, their monthly parties (Karaoke on the third Saturday, and the Underwear Party where you get a free drink for checking your clothes every second Friday), and their all-out seasonally themed decorations, it really can’t be beat. Did I mention the cheap drinks? Yeah. Honorable Mention: Posh and The Ritz.

And remember: this year is Twenty-Ten (unless sounding common and uneducated is your thing). Oh-Ten is also acceptable when accompanied with the just-kidding laugh.

Click here to check out a ridiculous night in Brooklyn and Manhattan.

Sober Moment 12.25.09: Merry Christmas

...or happy day off.

As many of you know, I also write music. Due to my commitment to drinking the Blog, I haven’t recorded much this year, but here’s one of my favorite composer demos from last year’s holiday season. Now if I can only find 5 guys who can sing a cappella…

FYI, I did all the arrangements, vocals, mixing, editing, etc.

And if you want some more Blackout holiday cheer, click here to check out my arrangement of “Carol of the Bells.”

I have a couple of original holiday songs, too.

Click here to hear “Return Policy”

Click here to hear “Alone on Christmas (the Sad Salsa)”

Click here to check out my first Hanukkah dinner with Tighty Whitey's fam on Long Island.

Sober Moment 12.23.09: Fun with Facebook

Facebook tends to bring out the best and worst in people. Especially those of us with desk jobs and data plans on their mobile phones. My friends are ridiculous in person, and their online antics aren’t far off either.

Recently, things have shifted at work, and now I'm the only male on my immediate team. And as a result, I get asked to lift things (“Oh, you go to the gym…”). Insert school-snob comment. But I deal with it as it comes.

I am anti-sexism. When it’s convenient.

Facebook also brings out the grammar snob in me. This Facebook friend is currently living in another country.

Just because you don’t use it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

And sometimes my friends just get childish.

That was Med School Mess, btw. And it had nothing to do with anything on the thread. And it really does last 10 minutes.

MicHELLe is the second most number-gettingest queen I know. But for her, it’s often a way to end a conversation with someone who’s not going to give her what she wants.

Me: “Oh, I see you got his number!”

Her: “Yeah… boyfriend. It was more ‘Hey, so let me get your number. We’ll hang out sometime!’”

Did I mention that these are often open-bar functions?

Yeah.

And lastly, we have a thread from Bottomless Pitt’s status. She often has amazingly funny threads following her (often drunk) status updates. This just happened to be one that was understandable without a year of context.

It’s funny because I could see the dwarf kebab thing actually happening.

Click here to check out the most recent Fun with Grindr post (they don't wanna be frieeeeeeeeeennnds!).

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

the situation with the Rugby Player (house party at Rosebud's with a New Gay)

Rosebud texted me on Saturday afternoon that she wad having a party at her new place that night. And y'all know how I love a house party! Anticipating the banker gay/generally preppy crowd that would be attending, I set myself on a mission to provide some balance. It just so happened that that very week I had grabbed some boots stashed at my grandmother's house on Long Island since college. They totally completed the look I was going for.

When I arrived, one of the first people to greet me was a fellow alumnus of my non-Ivy-League school (thank god) whom I had met through a female friend from our college about to years ago. He was that cute straight guy who was actually kinda cool (on whom my RG friend had a slight crush), and we had kept in contact sporadically through Facebook. We'll call him FreshMeat since he was a freshman when I was a senior. The two of us joined Rosebud and some others in Rosebud's room. I'm not sure how it came up in the conversation, but Rosebud, in reference to FreshMeat, said, "Well, he's gay now..." Knowing how Rosebud likes to make people feel uncomfortable, I didn't give it a second thought.

We all cleared out of Rosebud's room, and FreshMeat struck up a convo with me that included the phrase, "So I came out a few weeks ago..."

Me: "Wait, what?!"

Meat: "Well, I told you in Rosebud's room that I was gay!"

Me: "Um, Rosebud was the one who said that, and I thought she was just messing with you because you were the only straight guy!"

Meat: "No I'm really gay! [Gay mutual college acquaintance] has been one of my gay mentors, and he said the first thing we have to do is go underwear shopping."

Me: "Phasing out boxers is always a good move: gay or not."

At that point, he declared that I was his 4th mentor and demanded that I come up with pearls of urban gay wisdom on the spot.

Me: "Well, how do you feel about online dating?"

Him: "I feel like I don't really need it. I just came out: the world is my oyster."

My first thought was about how I've met guys online when I first accepted the whole gay thing 8 years ago (let’s not even talk about since I've been in New York). But then again, my first experiences were in SC and Maine.

Later in the conversation, I mentioned my trip to Mardi Gras in Sydney (early next year), and I mentioned that it was one of the biggest gay parties in the world.

FreshMeat: "God, it seems like every gay event is the 'biggest ever!' "

Me: "Well, whoever said that probably not thinking on a global scale."

Meat: "Because [mutual acquaintance] was saying Toys for Tots was like the biggest party of the year."

Me (holding in a snicker): "Well, I've never been, but I hear nothing but good things about it. I'm not convinced it's for me, but it seems to be popular among the A Gays."

Meat: "And what about NYC Pride?"

Me: "Pride?! I mean, it's big and all, but it's not exactly an international event."

Don't even get started on Toronto Pride (not that I've been, but still).

Dina LoHands: "Boys! Get together for a picture!" *flash*

Meat: "Wow, I'm gonna have to de-tag that on Facebook. I mean, if people see me with you, the EVERYBODY will know!"

Me: “D. Kareem action figure! Comes with social stigma!”

Throughout the night, FreshMeat asked me for more pearls of gay wisdom, such as when to call/text the guy he hooked up with the night before. I feel like most guys have rules of conduct that guide such situations, but I tend to think that’s all bullshit not the best MO for me. I generally assess the situation from a detached perspective and do what feels right. And if I make a mistake, I look for the lesson to be learned. But then again, some people do better with hard and fast rules in place.

So the whole night, I was responding with answers like, “That depends on what you’re looking for,” or “Every situation like that is different,” which irked FreshMeat to no end. But the reality is that different scenes are for different people. For example, I may have hooked up with friends and kept it friendly in college, but I don’t do (much of) that anymore. And who’s to say he’s the type that would be comfortable with that? Experience is the best teacher.

Me: “[Name]? Yeah, we hooked up in college.”

FreshMeat: “Well, I figured as much, but what everybody was really talking about was you and [rugby player]!”

Let me explain the situation with the Rugby Player. He was this über-cute underclassman whom I had seen around but had never really talked to during my senior year. Halloween is probably the biggest party night of first semester, and I was abroad the year before, so I went all out and did drag. Some friends and I were walking up the stairs of the house hosting the party (liquor was against campus policy, so you had to go to someone’s room to get some), and I ran into the rugby player on the stairs.

Rugby Player (slurring): “Wait, what’s your name?”

Me (in drag): “D. Kareem.”

Rugby Player: “Dude, you’re beautiful. I love you.”

He proceeded to grab the back of my head and make out with me. Keep in mind that there are a few hundred people at this party, and we were in eyeshot of at least 30 on this staircase (on a small campus). Did I mention the friends I was with that night were the campus queens of gossip?!

The Rugby Player and I had another public make-out session at the biggest party of second semester. At the end of the year, I was talking to an acquaintance on the rugby team, and he brought it up. It was basically a known fact among the rugby team that this guy and I had had sex.*

So when Fresh Meat brought it up 4.5 years later, my response was, “Yeah, apparently the whole rugby team thought that was true.”

Meat: “Dude, the whole school was convinced that you fucked [Rugby Player]!”

Me: “Wait, the whole school was talking about that?! Well, at least I was the top.”

Around 1, the Banker Gays all cabbed it to Bartini while the Ivy League Crew et al. hopped a train down to Pieces for their monthly Saturday Night Karaoke. Did I mention that they didn’t have “Battlefield”, so I sang Ace of Base’s “The Sign” instead? Yeah.

*To clarify, this did not have sex with him (damnit!)

Click here to check out a ridiculous trip to Asbury Park.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

much cuter in the dim club lighting (another drunken Sunday, my first time at 747 @ Kiss N' Fly)

I had some use-it-or-lose-it vacation time at work, so I took a Monday off. Of course I wanted to drink all day grab brunch with the boys (at Maracas)! At first, the mimosas never went empty, but about halfway through, our waitress just stopped coming around with the refills. She’s lucky the gratuity was already included because we ended brunch barely buzzed and not at all pleased.

We couldn’t deal with Pieces on yet another Sunday, so we opted to go to Gym Sports Bar instead. It was pretty crowded, particularly with muscular guys with nice asses (WIN!). I ended up running into a few people I knew, including ASFKAB, who was pretty damn drunk. We may or may not have tried to do the “Bad Romance” dance to every song that played.

Bottomless Pitt showed up (she couldn’t make it to brunch) for a couple of drinks before he and I ventured off by ourselves to Kiss and Fly for 747’s open bar (same people that did Hudson Terrace over the summer). I think it was my 4^th free drink when I saw a gay guy I work with. She had started working in another division of my large corporation on the same floor about a month before, and we often see each other in the hallways. But she consistently avoids eye contact. I've cornered her into acknowledging my presence once. When I saw her (looking much cuter in the dim club lighting), I poked her shoulder and gave a smiley “Hey!” Her look was a cross between confused and annoyed, and she quickly barked out a “hey” before turning back to her friends. It’s not like she didn’t recognize me (I’m the fucking 6’2” black guy with the dreds in the tight jeans that you see every day!!), so she was just being a nasty queen. I've decided that I’m gonna smile and say hi every time I pass her in the office hall! Poor girl could probably use some kindness in her life.

Me: “The bartenders all look the same. Ridiculously cut and tanned with a light dusting of torso hair.”

Bottomless Pitt: “Get a load of this one walking by!”

Me: “Daaaaaaaaaamn! …damnit, no ass.”

Bottomless Pitt: “But those jeans are fierce! Wurk, Skeletor! Wuuuurrrrrrrrrk!”

Right around our 6^th drink, we ran into ASFKAB and a group of her friends. 5 minutes later, 10 of us were yelling out “Bad Romance” (like 2 verses of it) at the top of our voices. Meanwhile, the song that was playing: far from Lady Gaga.

And because one open bar wasn’t enough, we walked down to Greenhouse in SoHo for their half hour of open bar, which was surprisingly tame. When we ventured up stairs (i.e., when we finished the drinks we had lined up on a table downstairs at the less crowded bar), we ran into SciBearSex. He’s a European scientist of the cubbish persuasion whom I met online over 3 years ago but didn’t meet in person until a year later after his friend messaged me on A4A, not knowing that I knew SciBearSex. Then SciBearSex’s friend was hooking up with MicHELLe for a while… they both have a thing for black guys, so I’m sure that happens quite a bit.

Anyway, SciBearSex was wearing a harness over a collared shirt, and he will forever be my hero for that.

It wasn’t long before we ditched for Chi Chi’s, and SciBearSex showed up there, too. A white guy (well, Euro, but they don’t know that) at Chi Chi’s in a harness over a collared shirt is just not done. Did I mention we loved every second of it (probably not b/c I don’t really remember)? Yeah.

In case you missed it yesterday, click here to check out the latest Fun with Grindr.

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.

Sober Moment 12.16.09: Fun with Grindr

In an effort to expand readership for the blog, I have whored myself out to very familiar websites (that have helped countless gay men expand other things in their lives): Adam4Adam, Manhunt, and BigMuscle. And also the iPhone app, Grindr.

There's a growing trend of guys on Grindr whose profiles' text says, "looking for friends" but whose pictures scream, "I don't wanna be FRIIIIIEEEEEEEEEENDS!" Maybe Lady Gaga was on to something. Anyway, I have a hard time believing that these guys actually think the best strategy for avoiding sex offers is to pose... well, you'll see.

"...unless your chest is as nice as mine."

I'm sure your partner is so proud... your partner knows you're on Grindr, right? Right?!

"...and are they hiring?!"

Who cares what his face looks like: you close your eyes during a massage anyway (I've heard*...)

Obviously his search started inside his pants.

If you're gonna unbutton your pants without pulling them down on your profile, please wear contrasting undies. I thought there was a hole in his pants.

I'm sure your partner would love to hear about all the sweaty man-sex stimulating conversation you've had with bear chasers.

(woof)

Posting your Ping screenname has shown to be a sex-proof mechanism on Grindr.

What I look for in a friend: calling himself hot.

By "friends" he means "nipple tassels."

Or friends with discounts on nipple tassels. Gotta pay that broker's fee somehow.

Politically minded 18-year-old new student at NYU...

Innocence is no excuse; you knew what you were doing at 18! $10 says they've already broken up.

And while we're on the subject of politically aware students...

I guess grad school doesn't teach you to avoid buying swimwear with an expiration date on it... Luckily his exposed physique adds credibility to his highly-educated opinions.

(And not a word about my blog banner: I didn't go to grad school!)

Is the Nipple-Flashing-for-Friends code like the Hanky Code?

Right nipple = bottom. What if it's pierced?!

But every so often, you come across a profile that doesn't seem to be absurdly delusional.

Pines hotness with Grove attitude? Dude, call me. No, seriously.

*As if I'd pay $80-$120 for an hour-long hand job**. There are plenty of guys willing to do it for free, and between meditation and my insurance covering acupuncture, I've got relaxation covered.

**Okay, okay, I'm only half serious about the hand job comment. There are def some legit massage therapists out there. But don't act like you've never gotten tempted to get that extra tip from a hot client!

Click here to check out how I got SoHo Crush to join Manhunt.