How To: Gay Online Dating and Hook Ups (Part 3)

So, you've picked the website(s) and/or app(s) that work for you, and you've considered your profile pics with care. If you haven’t figured it out by now, your online dating or hookup profile should have a specific goal and target audience, and every element should be aimed at working towards that.

Once someone sees your carefully considered primary picture, it’s possible that they will read your profile text. I don’t say likely, but it’s a definite possibility (hint: think about how you stalk friends of friends on Facebook). And unless you’re looking for totally anonymous sex (which is a valid goal), the people you are most likely to want to talk to will have at least skimmed your profile.

I’ll mention that a clever screenname can be of value, especially with starting conversation. Hell, I’ve started a few conversations by “loving your screenname!” But most screennames don’t make much sense to anyone but the user. My one piece of advice is not to use your age (it changes every year, dummy) or the current year (see above). The same also goes for swimwear (look down, Aussiebum!).

Most sites give you the option of a headline. [Insert witty headline] was cute in college. No, I mean, back when I was in college. Stop doing it. Unless you think of something incredibly witty or cute, a standard phrase of greeting or encouragement to contact is acceptable. Or state exactly what you’re looking for: e.g., “Tight hole seeking seed.” See, that one even had alliteration (FTW)!

Many sites give you an “about me” section with a character limit (like A4A and Manhunt… Grindr is very limited), and some give you free reign to put maps of where you’ve traveled, YouTube Videos, and animated emoticons. What you say here is really up to you, but there are a few basic rules that you should use to guide you.

Keep it brief. Use bullet points or short sentences. When you’re getting home from the bar at 2am after 14 drinks, do you really want to decipher long paragraphs and compoud-complex sentences? Neither do we.

Don’t give it all away. You have a cat? Mention that (I’m allergic, so I’d probably know to skip over you invite you to my place). Your cat’s name, adventures, and personality type: not so important. Again, if you have something specific in mind (bondage fantasy involving a pierced leather daddy, a sling, and night stick), you may want to give a few details, but consider using this phrase: “if this interests you email me for more details.”

Keep it positive. I think it’s pretty safe to say that people prefer finding that they have qualities that you like rather than making sure they don’t have qualities that you won’t tolerate. Sure, everyone has deal breakers. But emphasizing what you’re into is much more effective and will make people you actually want to talk to more likely to reach out to you. And there’s no shame in responding, “Hey, thanks, but I don’t think we’re a match.” I guarantee you’re rejection won’t devastate the recipient half as much as you think it will.

Checking boxes. Many sites and apps have boxes to be checked and blanks to be filled in for age, weight, build, etc. The most important thing about these blanks and boxes are searches. Guys may do a search for 30-40 year olds 5’6” to 5’10” weighing 120-160 with slim or muscular builds who are vers/tops and into leather. And if you haven’t checked the boxes or filled in those blanks in your profile, you’re not going to pop up in that search. These boxes also help guys looking at your profile to see what you look like (say, if you're not showing your body shape in your pics) and what you’re into (if you don’t find a smooth way to work "fisting and poppers" into your “about me” text). Just don’t lie. I’ve heard guys say that they’ll change their age to 29 so that they don’t get left out of the under-30 searches. But if someone’s that hung up on age, do you really want to give them your time/attention? And on the other side, no one likes to be lied to.

Abbrevs. Due to strict character limits, there are a number of abbreviations that are part of the online dating and hookup lexicon, and you may find yourself a bit lost without them.

420 = weed, grass, marijuana, etc.

BB = Bareback (no condoms)

BF = boyfriend
D&D free = Drug and Disease free (yeah, right... PS, under no circumstances should you reference Dungeons and Dragons. Not just online. Ever.)

FB = Fuck Buddy (varies, but usually friends with benefits or a booty call)

LTR = Long Term Relationship

NEG = HIV Negative

NSA = No Strings Attached (i.e., no relationship at all, pump ‘n dump, probably because they’re already in an LTR)

PNP = Party ‘n Play (meth, Tina, etc... came about because Manhunt flags mentions of meth in profiles)

POZ = HIV Positive

UB2 = You Be Too (i.e., they’re looking for their clone)

VGL = Very Good Looking

I’m sure there are a few that I’ve missed, and I'm sure your fellow readers will be quick to correct me. So check out the comments section for more.

When you're done, you want to step back and make sure your profile is doing what you want it to do. Try to see it as someone who knows nothing about you. Step back and ask, “If I saw this profile, would I email him/respond to his email?” If you want guys to start conversations with you, put some conversation starters that they can comment on in your text. If you’re looking for a hung uncut top to meet tonight, say so!

And please spell/grammar check! There’s nothing wrong with cutting and pasting into Word to make sure everything checks out. And have a friend take a look at your profile. You know, the friend that will tell you, “Bitch, you look like a psycho,” if you do.

This is Part 3 of a multi-part how-to series.

Click here for Part 1.

Click here for Part 2.

Click here for Part 4.

Click here for Part 5.

Photos borrowed from manhunt.net, adam4adam.com, and cafepress.com