Morehead and I met on Grindr (Williamsburg Holiday Party 2009)

Bologna was hosting her annual holiday get together in Williamsburg, so I grabbed a bottle and hopped on the L train.

I arrived to a plethora of festive activity.

"I don't think the Virgin Mary wore heels..." She was definitely serving us more Mary Magdaline.

Morehead was present with the new boy situation, and I ran into the two of them as I was mixing my first drink.

Me: "I knew I should have brought some orange juice!"

Morehead: "yeah, but they have this no-sugar-added cranberry..."

Me: "Damnit! I hate diet cranberry!"

Boy Situation (slurring): "But that's good. It won't make you fat."

Me (pulling up Grindr): "How dare you! Honey, I'm in no danger of getting fat before I'm 40. Have you seen my beach pictures?! Thanks, parents!"

Boy Situation: "You know, Morehead had such a cute picture on Grindr. That's how we met."

Me: "Oh, I'm quite familiar with her Grindr photo [along with the rest of the tri-state area]!"

The Boy Sit, who had obviously been trying to keep up with Morehead's Ivy-League-Crew-et-al drinking for the night, fumbled through a partial description said photo, and I finished describing it, saying: "...yes, I saw that one before it got on Grindr."

It was when I left out the part about one of Morehead's tricks being the photographer that I realized I needed a stronger drink. As I was mixing, Dirty Sanchez came up for a double kiss.

Me: "Who was that WOOF-able guy you were just talking to?"

Dirty Sanchez: "Oh, [name]? Yeah, he's a total sweetheat. And so is his boyfriend: the one next to him."

Me: "Of course, the first two guys I chek out are here together... Oh my god, Bro Vandecamp changed into boyclothes! I almost didn't recognize her out of drag!"

And if the people weren't gay enough (did you not see the custom-couture Barbie topping the tree!), the party's soundtrack included Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" (twice), Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" (twice) and a volume of Glee in its entirety.

I'd invited Grrber, but he couldn't make it (dude, BK Heights to Bushwick E. Williamsburg is, like, walking distance, right?). However, certain boy in his 20s, whom I had met once before, started to get very friendly with me. It wasn't until we were walking to Sugarland that I realized that his friendliness corelated directly with his drunkenness. Not a fan.

This boy and I spent a while dancing, and I eventually got to my use-it-or-lose-it point.

Me: "I'm gonna head out. Do you live in Manhattan?"

Him: "I live in Chelsea."

Me: "Ok... Well I live in Washington Heights. You're welcome to join me if you like."

Him: "Well... have to... brother's place... [blah blah blah, I should have stopped feeling you up an hour ago.]"

Did I mention how much I HATE the ride back uptown from Williamsburg?! Yeah.

Click here to check out last year's Williamsburg holiday party.

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Photo borrowed from Bologna's Facebook profile.