How To: Gay Online Dating and Hook Ups (Part 5)

Now you’ve decided that you like this guy enough to meet up with him. A few things to consider before getting together in person is mentioned:

How many pictures does he have? If looks are important to you, you should make sure he has at least 2 or 3 face pics. Assume that the one that you are least attracted to is most accurate.

Body pics count, too. You should be convinced that the pictures are of his body and that they’re current. Even if he’s not showing skin, you want to have an idea of his shape. All it takes is a right click to steal a fake picture. And if it looks like it’s not a digital picture, assume it’s from the 90s. Do you really want to meet up with someone who can’t get a hold of a digital picture of himself (even a webcam one!)?

Trust your gut. Do you get a good vibe from this person? Sometimes intuition can be your best friend. And as awkward as it is to email, “Hey, I don’t feel comfortable about this. I’m gonna have to pass,” it’s even more awkward to have a bad in-person encounter.

Where’s this gonna go down? If you’re looking to hook up, make sure he can host if you can’t. This is especially a problem in NYC with sky-high rents.

Ok, so once you’ve squared that away, make plans to meet:

Have an exit strategy!

• Tell a friend to call you 5 or 10 minutes after the guy is to arrive. And if the guy’s a total dud, you can say you have to leave because of an emergency. If not, answer and tell the friend everything’s fine. You can even tell the guy you’re meeting and have a laugh about it after you hang up (depending on his sense of humor).

• Or set the alarm on your phone to a ringtone and walk away from the table/bar with a “sorry, I have to take this.” That way, if someone actually calls/texts you in the middle of your “conversation,” you don’t have an embarrassing moment with the phone ringing.

• Alternatively, you could just man up and tell the guy you’re not into it. Hell, I’ve had that happen to me (recently). It sucks, but it’s efficient. And you’re not lying.

Neutral Territory. Meet in a public place and actually do something. Not a date, per say, but maybe a (singular) drink, or a coffee. This is what TTT calls a pre-date (apparently you can line them up throughout the night). Anything where you can talk for a few minutes to get a feel for your in-person chemistry. Or just to make sure he looks like his pictures (make sure you see him standing up at some point). If he doesn’t match up, it’s much easier to get out of that situation than to get out of his studio apartment.

Gauge your expectations. Don’t necessarily expect the same ease of conversation in person. It’s easy to write well when you can go back and edit and you have time to craft a response. Interacting in real time is very different. And quite often, those who can navigate online interactions best are pretty awkward in person.

You never signed a binding contract. At no point do you have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. Just because you met up with someone or because he bought you a drink or because you went to his place doesn’t mean you’re obligated to anything. Sure, you may look like an ass, and he’ll probably be upset. But it’s your body, and you always have the right to walk away.

Hopefully, you meet up with the guy, and he’s everything you hoped for when you talked to him online within 10 years of the age on his profile and 20 lbs of the weight a reasonable match to his online persona. As much as I want to say that there are rules to guide the interaction beyond that, there really aren’t. You have to gauge what works for you and the other guy. Just don’t be an ass.

Whether you’re looking for a fuck buddy, NSA sex, or friends (I’ve met friends online… that I haven’t mess around with!), chances are you’ll eventually find what you’re looking for. Just keep in mind that the online world has striking parallels to the real world. Just like you meet guys in a bar or at an event and find that they aren’t a perfect match, the same thing will happen with guys you meet online. But more and more guys sign on every day, and you get better with practice.

This is Part 5 of a multi-part how-to series.

Click here for Part 1.

Click here for Part 2.

Click here for Part 3.

Click here for Part 4.

Photos borrowed from cnn.com and topnews.in.