Sober Moment: Fun with Texting

My friends are insane and slutty. And here are some of the text messages I have to deal with. Remember, my texts are in green.

One of my more slutty friends has recently found himself in one of those relationships where you never see the two of them apart from each other. They're always posting about each other on Facebook (the most modern version of PDA) and always talking about each other to their friends. In a Facebook thread once, I mentioned something hilarious about Grindr, and he responded, "I no longer have that app on my phone. Neither does [boy situation]." Cute is one word you could use.

Anyway, one night, the boy situation of my friend got sick, and the following text exchange took place.

A few friends and I are convinced that Foursquare is gonna be huge! Basically, this is an app where you check in at locations to get points. One can become the "mayor" of a certain location, and one can get updates on their friends' check ins. Stop making fun.

In addition to checking in, one can send a "shout out" to one's friends.

I assume everyone is a bottom. There's a very convincing reason as to why, but it really doesn't relate to this post. Anyway, my general rule: just like you double the number of people a girl tells you she's slept with, you double the number of times a guy tells you he bottoms. Or you just slide him two positions over on the top/bottom scale (e.g., top = versatile; vers = bottom; vers/top = vers/bottom = bottom when he's been drinking; bottom = fuck yeah!).

Anyway, many people will tell you that people's perceptions of you dictate how they interact with you. I once saw a Grindr profile that said "bottom cursed with a top's body!" And one of my friends who claimed to be a vers/top has recently opened the flood gates become more comfortable bottoming more frequently. Okay, who am I kidding: he hooks up with guys, they assume he's a bottom, and he doesn't exactly fight it. So one day, out of the blue, he texted me a question. And I think my answer was rather appropriate.

And in conclusion, this next text is why you shouldn't text drunk. Imagine if I were this person's boyfriend and not his friend.

home button + sleep button = screenshot!

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