Sober Moment 5.24.10: My appearance on The Wendy Williams Show

Dateline: Columbus Circle; 7:50 AM on a Wednesday.

Me (calling Med School Mess): “Hey, I'm almost there. Where’s Wendy’s Studio?”

MSM (groggy): “Huh? Our tickets are for tomorrow.”

Me (pausing): “Seriously?! Fuck! Okay, go back to sleep.”

Med School Mess’s friend had gotten tickets to The Wendy Williams Show, and Med School Mess, knowing I’m the biggest Wendy fan he knows, invited me along as a 4^th. Unfortunately, I was so excited that I got the date wrong. And before she rolled back over, she definitely took the time to log onto Facebook to make fun of me (bitch). Luckily, my gym is right near Wendy's studio, and so is my office.

The next morning, I arrived at the line for the show about 10 minutes after Med School Mess and her RG friends. I walked up to the line with my iPhone out, blaring Wendy’s theme song and singing along. A few people in the line joined in on the disco scream. I joined my group in the line, and we received blue tickets, guaranteeing our entrance into the show. Last time I’d tried to come with a co-worker and her friend, they were late. We got in line at 8:02, which put us on standby admission. When we didn’t get in, my co-worker made a big stink about it because her friend came up from Philly. My thought was that they said to be on time. And we weren't. Oh well.

As soon as we walked into the garage-like door, we went through a metal detector, had our bags searched, and got wanded by security. We were asked to sign in (they asked for a social security number… huh?) and then provide the same information on a form that encouraged us to come up with questions to ask Wendy. Now, I had gotten the email from one of the producers asking us to come up with questions in advance. I had one, but it didn’t come to me til the afternoon before. I figured it was too late, but the producer insisted that everyone come up with 1 or 2 questions.

They had donuts and coffee in the waiting area as well as a long makeup mirror, which I checked no less than 4 times (HD is very unforgiving). After being made to cheer on demand and getting the rundown of the rules (“and don’t stand up or try to touch Wendy or Security will tackle you, and you could die”) from 2 very gay, very cute producers, we were herded in groups to the main studio.

The executive producer came out and told us more rules and procedures and how to cheer and applaud and what Wendy would do when she came out. His imitation of her was hilarious because it involved a muppet-like shuffle when he’d walk to the different places that she would be standing in the studio.

Exec Producer: “Has anybody heard of [girl with 3 names]?”

Very Gay Boy in the back (laughing): “Yup!”

Exec Producer: “Well [girl with 3 names] was in our audience a few weeks ago. She came up to the mic for Hot Topics, and proceeded to recite her whole resume to Wendy. Line by line. If you do that, we will kindly ask you to leave during the next commercial break. That’s not what this show’s about. We’re here to have fun and have a good time, not trying to sell something! Oh, and is anybody familiar with voguing? Last week, Wendy was standing in the audience for Ask Wendy. A young man was behind her and realized that his face was right in the camera. He proceeded to vogue into the camera behind Wendy’s back!”

This made me laugh a little harder than everyone else because when he mentioned voguing the second time, he started doing Madonna’s signature vogue. But I was thinking more vogue-battle vogue. Med School Mess and I had a moment (because her clumsy imitation of voguing has become a phenomenon among the Ivy League Crew, et al).

Exec Prod: "And you! I don't mean to stereotype, but you look like the type that would vogue! Yes you!"

I looked up, and he was pointing directly at me. This sent me into a fit of shocked-that-he-went-there-but-it-was-pretty-funny laughter.

Me:"Wait, did she just call me a bottom!"

Exec Prod: "So I see 2 different types of people here. There's the hardcore, diehard Wendy fans, and there's the husband who got dragged along. And you can always tell because when the theme song comes out, they sort of do the 'I'm cool; I'm cool' dance. And then I see the girls and the gay boys, and I can say this because I'm gay, who go crazy! And that's what we want because Wendy feeds off that energy!"

Image from nealbinnyc.wordpress.com

Me (snickering): "Gay? Didn't see that one coming..."

Then the outrageous Latina producer came out to hype up the crowd. She announced that we were going to have a dance party on the stage. Of course, I jumped out of my seat (you never know what will happen with these shows when they see a cute outfit and some moves).

After 3 or 4 old-school songs, the Latina producer and I started getting into a Jackson 5-like rock in the middle of the dance floor.

Her: "You're gonna be in the dance contest, right?"

Me: "Hell yeah!"

There were about 8 of us left on stage for the contest. Please tell me why the DJ put on "Single Ladies!" I gave Med School Mess a look, and in two seconds flat, my declaration of that dance being retired til 2015 became null and void. The crowd got really into our performance!

Image from casa-diseno-blog.com

So at the end of the contest, they lined us up Apollo-style, and the audience cheered for the people they liked best. The older woman who was really getting down got a good amount of applause. But somehow, we garnered more.

Me to MSM: "Hold up: do we get a prize for this contest?"

After that, it wasn't long before the show started. We cheered when the theme music came on, but when Wendy came out in her short pink dress and big curly wig, I swear the volume doubled!

After she walks out at the open of the show, there's a graphic sequence before she goes into her Hot Topics segment where she's sitting at that table. Turns out that chair and table isn't a different part of the set. They have a crew of people brings in the furniture (even flowers for the table) during the graphic sequence. It all happens in about 7 seconds, and it reminded me of a Sailor Moon transformation sequence in fast-forward.

Normund Gentle from American Idol last season was in the audience, and he did the opening for the show. I guess they have him on the day after AI to talk about the performances and eliminations. But what got me about him was that he had a short, regular-white-guy haircut with a long fringe sort of swept to one side. The first thing I said was, "Is that a track?!" (track = a thin piece of fabric that hair extensions are attached to... one can sew, glue, or clip in a track and cover it with one's own hair... often wigs are made of a series of tracks attached to a cap.) Apparently, it was Adam Lambert week on AI.

Image from bet.com.

After Hot Topics Wendy's guests for the day were Marlee Matlin (a deaf Academy Award-winning actress) and Bob Greene (Oprah's trainer). Both the segments were pre-taped (she wore the same dress, wig, and jewelry), so Wendy went to her dressing room, and they brought out a tv for us to watch them as they were broadcast.

We went back live for Ask Wendy. Now, I'm not a regular watcher of her show (I fell in love with the radio show, especially staying late at work), but I feel like every time I watch, some black woman is saying that a friend/family member just got engaged/married, and now the husband/fiancée is hitting on them. And today was no different. So if you wanna get some air time, that might be the way to go.

. o O (Oh my god, she really does shuffle like a muppet! HA!)

After she closed out the show, they had her do the promos for the next show. It sounded funny because it was all out-of-context copy that was to be interspersed between sound bites and clips. Then an exec producer would give her feedback, and she'd do the half-line again. That type of thing is hard enough in a sound booth with a producer, let alone a whole studio audience reacting to your slip-ups. Plus, the audience wasn't in the shot at all, so it's puzzling why they wouldn't just do it after we left.

Just as Wendy was leaving to change her clothes and wig (they were taping an interview for a later show), the Latina producer ran up the stairs and gave Med School Mess and me our dance-contest prizes: canvas Wendy Williams bags.

Perfect for the beach!

While we waited for Wendy to change, the Latina producer led a trivia game that included Wendy trivia and guessing old sitcoms from the lyrics of their theme songs. I won an In The Heights soudtrack while Med School Mess got a Katharine McFee CD. Mess's friend answered one of the last questions and got stuck with an Elmo DVD.

After that, they brought out Aiden Turner from All My Children and Dancing with the Stars. Med School Mess's friend was about to melt out of her damn seat. The guy was handsome, and he had an accent (though it was not the most appealing of the British I've heard). I guess I just wasn't the target demo.

After the taping was done, they herded us out the back entrance. We were trying to get our bearings when a girl asked, "Can I get a picture of the dance contest winners?!" Then her gay wanted to get a picture with us (local celebrity much!). He was cute, so I wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in close.

Did I mention that after all that excitement, I had to go in to work? Yeah.

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