Fun with Qrushr: clearly the product of abstinence-only sex ed

Qrushr, much like Grindr, is a gay LBS app that tells you how far guys are away from you. For “social networking” purposes, of course. Click to enlarge.

Damn, you guys are really investing in the wrong closets. An Anderson Cooper endorsement is not reliable! The girl in the background is laughing because she can see your profile text.

Okay, I know I’m wrong for not blurring, but his eyes are half the fun. I’m convinced he speaks perfect English: he just typed this right after he took this picture.

Kids today are confusing bisexual and bigender! This is clearly the product of abstinence-only sex ed. Then again, so are Sarah Palin’s grandkids.

I. Just. Can’t. His second picture was him making the same face with his dick out. Managed to aim that one perfectly.

You know, I like an older man who can communicate clearly. Email me. No, seriously. I’ll go the 5.8 kilometers to avoid flakey Manhattan-dwelling 20-somethings.

I could deal with the smoke (even if it is tobacco). I could deal with the cupping of your chest to make your pecs look bigger. But the two together: it’s a lot of look.

(whom am I kidding: if he were closer and had an accent, I’d be there in a heartbeat)

Really, this gem speaks for itself. The only commentary I could add is that I swiped to his second pic and realized that I knew him! BTW, if this were your iPhone/iPad/iPod Touch, you could tap the picture to make the text and border go away. I could have posted that version, but that'd just be vulgar!

Click here to check out my side-by-side comparison of gay dating/hookup LBS apps.

Click here to find out why I never joined an a cappella group in college.

Sex Toy Review: Travel Jackmaster from TheirToys.com

Let me start this post off with a warning: this is, in fact, a review for a sex toy. If you’re offended by such things, kindly click here for a more tame post.

And if I know my readers, all this disclaimer did was make you read faster.

So, TheirToys found my blog and asked me to do a review of one of their products, the Travel Jackmaster. I was hesitant at first, but then I realized I got to try out a sex toy for free! I figured there had to be some of you out there who were curious about purchasing such products. Clearly, this was an opportunity to give back to you, the readers.

The basics on the Travel Jackmaster: it’s a male masturbator in a travel size. It measures about 6” x 3”. The frame is made of hard plastic, and the interior is a soft, gummy plastic. It opens up for easy cleaning.

"Dontcha wish ya girlfriend was hot like me!"

You’ll notice that the interior has all sorts of curves and ridges. These are designed to provide all types of wonderful sensations to your member. Also, the sides of the exterior are flexible, so you can apply as much or little pressure as you like.

I found this product to be absolutely amazing! Warm up, lube up, slide in, enjoy. Design elements like the smaller (yet flexible) entry that opens up to the larger chamber give the Jackmaster a realistic feel… and then some. Is it too much to say that I had an orgasm that made me hop around like I’d suddenly burned my finger or something? ‘Cause that’s what happened. I had to use a shit-ton of lube, but it was definitely worth it. And at $45.99, it’s much more affordable than a Fleshjack.

My only wish for this product is that it came with a carrying case. Perhaps a nylon draw-string pouch. But it does come with a cap for the entry, so it’s not explicitly clear that it’s a sex toy upon first glance.

This is an ideal gift for the boyfriend in your long-distance relationship, a going-away present (hey, it’s hard to meet tricks in a new city), or as a present to yourself. Whoever the recipient, he will be grateful!

Here’s a link to the Travel Jackmaster.

Take a look at their other masturbators.
And check out their website for other products (for women, too): Adult Toys.

Click here to check out my take on Mariah Carey's new Merry Christmas II You.

Which Gay Dating/Hookup LBS app is the best? Grindr, Scruff, or Qrushr?

Location-based services (LBS) are the future of online dating. Scratch that, they're a reality of dating today. We all know (or have "heard") how Manhunt and Adam for Adam show profiles by region, but is that guy you're checking out across the park or across the street? It could be the difference between tomorrow's coffee date and tonight's after-hours.

Believe it or not, there are apps that tell you how far guys are from you! And while convenience doesn't mean compatibility, you're a lot more likely to chat on your phone at the office than to log onto BigMuscle on your work computer. And wouldn't you be more tempted to interact with that hottie if you knew he was right next door!

It seems that the gay LBS apps that are making the biggest splash in the US right now are Grindr, Scruff, and Qrushr. I'll give a brief overview of each apps features (though they constantly update) before comparing the pros and cons between the LBSs. And since I have an iPhone, I'll be focusing on the iOS versions of these apps.


Grindr was the first major gay-focused LBS on the iPhone. Each profile has room for a picture, a screenname that doesn't have to be unique, profile text (120 characters), a headline and a facebook URL. This text text layers over the lower third picture when other users open your profile. Your stats (age, distance from users, height, weight, and ethnicity) show up on the top right corner. Users can choose to not post any of these features.

Profiles are displayed in a box grid in order of how far users are from each other. In the grid, users see a cropped version of the picture with the screenname layered across the top. When the user clicks on a profile, the full picture displays along with the profile info that that user chose to share.

The app has a chat function that allows a user to send text, pictures, and his location on a map. With the standard edition, one must be signed in to be notified of messages, and Grindr X (the $2.99/mo version) allows users to receive push notifications for messages.


Scruff is a newer LBS that's targeted towards the bear/chaser community (I define bears as guys with mass, be it fat or muscle, who are hairy, but it can include skinny hairy guys [otters] and chasers [appreciators who don't fit the description] as an umbrella term).

The layout is similar to the Grindr app on the surface: square grid with cropped pics and non-unique screennames. But Scruff profiles have more info available in the profile: there's space for "what I do," "what I'm into," "what I'm looking for" and "where I live." As far as I can tell, there are no strict character limits. When you open a user's profile, his picture is still cropped and stays in the corner (you can click to enlarge), putting the focus on the text. There's also a check-in feature that allows you to display your latest location, which shows up layered over your picture in the grid as well as on your profile.

In addition to Grindr-like messaging, Scruff allows users to "Woof" at other users, which lets the guy know you're interested. Also, the app allows users to see who has viewed them. Anytime a user gets a Woof or a message, he gets a push notification. You can also mark profiles by if you would meet the guy: "definitely," "maybe," or "not my type." Scruff says they'll notify you if you both like each other, but in the 4 months I've been using this feature, I've never received such a notification. Perhaps, oh my god, nobody on this app wants to meet me! this feature hasn't been widely adopted among users.


Qrushr a gay LBS based out of the UK. It uses the same grid layout, showing cropped photos with screennames. Users can upload multiple photos (I've seen as many as 4 on a profile) that can be viewed by swiping. Like Grindr, tapping on a user's profile will display their full-screen picture with profile text layered on the lower third and stats in the upper-right corner. The app sends a push notification when a user receives a message.

Some unique features that Qrushr has: chat rooms; radio and video content; magazines; the ability to view all users on a grid and switch to a view that only shows users currently online (Scruff has this ability, but only selectively... I've seen guys on my general grid marked as online now, but they don't show up in the online now grid).

As far as features go, Qrushr wins hands down. It basically has the ability to do what the other apps do, plus it has the chat rooms, mag, video and radio. You have almost unlimited profile text, and (most importantly) you can have multiple pictures in your profile. However, Qrushr seems to have fewer active users than the other apps, at least in NYC and Philly. And though I get more messages on Qrushr and Scruff, they're mostly from guys that are thousands of miles/kilometers away. This is probably because Qrushr and Scruff allow you to see guys that are currently online that are far away (rather than exclusively guys who are passively or currently online near you the way Grindr does). This is great for spreading the word about my blog, but it may not be the most exciting feature for the user who's "looking for now."

Scruff's winning feature (besides its high penetration in NYC and surprisingly wide variety of guys for a targeted LBS) is the ability to see who has viewed you and to woof at users without actually sending a message. This is a definite win for more subtle flirtation. The users aren't as conventionally attractive as Grindr, but I found them to be much more likely to contact me one way or another. Did I mention that I'm kind of a bear chaser?

Also, I've found Qrushr to have more black and Latino guys in the NYC area than the other apps.

So which app is best? Well, they all serve different purposes that I find useful. While I've found Scruff to be more populated with nearby guys and guys who will actually reach out, Qrushr has more features that would be awesome if more guys signed on and used them. Grindr has the most traditional hotties. It's great exposure for my blog, and while they don't talk to me, some of my more mainstream friends have found themselves flooded with messages.

My suggestion: download all 3 and see which works best for you. They all have different target audiences, and you may find value in all 3.

Are you on any of these LBSs? What apps do you use to meet guys? Leave a comment and let me know!

Click here to check out a Fun with Grindr post (there may or may not be an adult diaper involved).

Click here to download Grindr.
Click here to download Scruff, now available on ANDROID!
Click here to download Qrushr.

it was a frottage situation (an old flame from college visits NYC)

A guy I knew from college was visiting from out of town. He'd been tweeting all weekend about being in NYC, and I happened to catch him on his last night in town. Dallas BBQ was the tweet-up spot for him and a few other people we both followed. And it just so happened that it had been way too long since I’d been there.

image from picasaweb.google.com

I should give you guys context for the out-of-towner and me. We attended college together, and (to make a long and hot story short), we hooked up pretty sporadically during my last 2 or 3 years there. We really hadn’t seen each other in a very long time, and I wasn’t coming in with any sort of expectations.

I showed up and was greeted with a huge hug and a “You look good… as always.” I always appreciate a compliment! And during dinner (which consisted solely of alcohol), the convo turned towards the inevitable subject when 5 gay men are involved: sex.

Out-of-towner: “Yeah, I don’t know what it is, but I haven’t had sex since June.”

image from Joey Israel's facebook profile

Did I mention that it was November! But, considering how hard it always was to get him to come over in college (even though I had plenty of indicators that he enjoyed himself once he arrived), I figured there was a distinct possibility of truth to his statement.

So the 5 gays and the out-of-towner’s straight friend all had a nice kee-kee over very large drinks. Everyone else was over it, but I figured he had to have a bit more fun on his last night out. I suggested that we check out G Lounge since it was around the corner.

We all had another round, which made Cazwell’s dj-ing that much more fun. It was Boybox night, so I took a bit of time to enjoy the shows and tip the performers while the other two hung out more towards the back of the lounge. Not long after I came back to where they were, the out-of-towner and I started dancing. Which led to grinding. Which led to him turning around to make out with me. Totally unexpected, but totally welcome. Did I mention he was serving some serious Gerard Butler realness? Yah!

After about 4 minutes of that, I told him how beautiful Washington Heights was in the fall and that he should totally check it out. He didn’t want to leave his straight friend, who I’m sure would have totally cock-blocked if he'd heard his friend was trying to get some. But I’m rarely convinced by a first answer, so I kept up with the grinding and light making out.

image from educatedguesswork.org

I was so distracted that it took me a while to realize that there was a guy in front of the out-of-towner. With his pants down.

. o O (Hold up, is that a tan line I see? Is he rubbing his bare ass on the out-of-towner?!)

Naturally, I thought this was absolutely hilarious, so I kept on grinding. Joey Israel walked by and did a double take when he saw what was going down. And like any good party promoter does, he pulled out his camera to document the goings-on at his party. Unfortunately, the guy with his pants down was much more alert than one would think, pulling his pants up with a quickness.

Out-of-towner: “Hey, I have to run to the bathroom.”

I watched the out-of-towner go to the bathroom. I watched the guy who was rubbing is scent on him go to the bathroom. How fucking sleazy! It was pretty obvious that the guy was trying to lure the out-of-towner into a stall.

. o O (The very same out-of-towner who hadn’t had sex since June. Who the hell does that guy think he’s dealing with! Man, I really have to pee.)

image from condomdepot.com

G’s bathroom is in a U-shape with stalls on both sides and urinals in the middle in the back. I walked in the left side to the urinals, and I didn’t see anyone. I went around on the right side and still didn’t see anyone. I peeked out to the back of the lounge where we were: just the straight friend.

. o O (O RLY..)

I went back to the left side to wash my hands, and within a few seconds, I heard the out-of-towner moan. Then the stall door, which was not locked, almost popped open, but a hand pulled it back closed. I really couldn’t resist this one.

I walked over and stuck my head in the stall door. The two both had their shirts pulled up and pants around their knees. It wasn’t immediately clear what they were actually doing because they were facing each other and not jerking off (I’m guessing it was a frottage situation).

“Oh my!’

I giggled as I closed the door, swinging by coat check and bidding the straight friend farewell.

I bet you did.

Did I mention he’s thinking about moving to NYC… and that he’d fit in perfectly? Yeah.

Click here to check out what happens when you get an NYC boy shirtless on his bed after an open bar.

the post-gym pump helped my presentation (Halloween '10 in NYC)

Halloweekend started with a test run on Thursday. Some vendors for my old job were having parties at their creative spaces. I had hesitations about wearing my not-work-appropriate attire, but I figured I'd feel it out once I arrived.

The first vendor had really gone all out with the decorations. And of course, one of the first people I ran into was the 50-year-old VP that I used to work under. One of those who has a sense of humor but takes his job way seriously. After about 4 seconds of hesitation, I said to myself, "Fuck it, we don't work together anymore... and my new VP reads my blog anyway."

So I snuck into the bathroom and changed.

I'm on a horse.

I should mention that besides a couple of VPs and the two former co-workers that I came with, I knew almost no one at this party. But my costume was well received, and most people got it (even if they needed a bit of a cognitive nudge).

Friday, I wanted to go to the gym during lunch, but that was a major fail. But it worked out perfectly because I went from the office to the gym to a costume party. Obvi, the post-gym pump helped my presentation.

Not my costume.

Saturday, I spent extremely hung over and did nothing until I headed out to dinner with a guy from Chicago that I'd been chatting to on Big Muscle. It turned out he was more attractive and engaging in person (who'da thunk). He bought me a rose, which was sweet, but then I had to walk through Capital Grille with a rose. And a pink pony.

From there, I worked my way to the west side, which was no easy task. I had 2 cartons on Tropicana Premium in my bag, and there wasn't an available cab in sight!

By the time I got to the house party in the Silver Towers, they were playing “Only Girl in the World” every 10 minutes. Crazy costumes abounded… the view was great… but I stayed way too long. I headed up to Le Boy for the toga party, but when I got there, they wanted $10! Do you know I hopped in a cab (since the 1 wasn’t running) and had a very nice time at No Parking! I even ran into the blogger Jared of HisDailyVariety.

Not Jared's costume.

Halloween itself ended up mostly being a picture-snapping frenzy (check out the album with captions on Facebook). After drinks Gym Bar, I went to Pieces, intending to meet up with some of the boys. When they wanted a $7 cover, I ditched and somehow came to the conclusion that Maracas was the place to be. I ended up staying there way too late.

Did I mention that I’d be just fine never seeing a damned bottle of Old Spice again? Yeah.

Click here to check out last year's Halloween Mess (I did drag!).

we both kept up our ends of the bargain (drinks with mom and a good time at No Parking Bar)

image from cafepress.co.uk

My mom came up the weekend before Halloween, and we decided to meet for happy hour at Vlada. I figured she’d be a fan of the infused vokda.

Mom: “Oo, I’ll have the pineapple.”

Gayer-Than-Gay Coctail Waitress: “Um… do you want that with something?”

Mom: *blank stare*

Cocktail Waitress: “Like, with soda or…”

Mom: “Oh, that’s just the vodka! I thought it was a mixed drink. Um, let’s do with orange juice.”

Me (laughing): “I’ll have a peach screwdriver.”

Like mother like son, right?

image from gormetgirlmagazine.com

But you have to realize that while my mother and I look very much alike (she even has dreds... copycat!), she does not have my drinking habits. In fact, she’s only been drunk twice in her life; one of those times was with me. I’d taken her and my dad to a music showcase at Billie's Black, a posh Harlem lounge. As my mom perused the drink menu, I heard, “Oo, this one has Bailey’s!” Unfortunately, it also had a ton of vodka in it, too. She had a second one. Then she answered a trivia question and won a lemon drop martini (which she gave to me). By the time she left, she couldn’t stop giggling. I held one arm as my dad held the other.

“You know, I used to live in Harlem. I think it was around here. Or was it? And I went to City College for a bit, too… Oo, everything keeps spinning! I do not like this!”

Luckily, they were dropping me of in Washington Heights, so my dad had to take the flack for bringing my mom back to her mother’s house drunk.

So you can understand my worry when I saw that she was keeping pace with me for the first drink. She only had two, but in the cab to my aunt’s house in Harlem, she verbally regretted that second drink.

We walked into my aunt’s apartment where at least 8 of my family members were eating (fried catfish!). Mom bent down to hug my 6-year-old cousin. The next thing I saw was the two of them on the floor. Mom's trash-talking brother had a field day.

I hung out with them until they drove back to their various destinations. I had to drop my bag off at home, and when I arrived at 11, I really didn’t feel like going back downtown.

. o O (It’s been a while since I’ve been to No Parking… And I really have no reason not to get wasted tonight.)

After 2 strong drinks at home, I got to No Parking around 12:30. There was no line, and when I walked into the foyer, there was nobody collecting a cover! But when I walked in, I saw why: it was about half as crowded as I was used to seeing it. Most likely due to the opening of the new club just 3 subway stops uptown (also with no cover… and most of No Parking’s staff from 2 years ago).

I was determined to have a good time, so I got a spot at the bar and glued my eyes on the go-go boys. Since I was in the middle of a mild eye infection, I wasn’t wearing my contacts and couldn’t really see anything else.

I went to the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands (guys, you should try it… it’s kind of amazing), I saw a guy joking with his friend about taking his shirt off. His body was sick!

image from missbimbo.com

Me: “Man, you should take it off!”

Him: “Ha! But I don’t want to be the only one!”

Me: “I’ll take mine off if you take yours off.”

Him (without hesitation): “Okay.”

I really don’t like the idea of taking one’s shirt off in a club (it seems a bit desperate to me... not unlike a shirtless Facebook profile pic), but I’m all about stirring things up and enabling others’ wildness. And we both kept up our ends of the bargain.

As soon as I tucked my shirt into my belt loop, it was like opposite day. I was dancing with the other guy and his friend, and a couple of different guys actually approached me to dance. One handsome, dark-skinned guy seemed to be really into me, and we started making out.

After a bit of conversation, the proximity of my apartment just happened to come up.

Him: “I don’t think I should tonight.”

Me: “Why not? It’s literally right there.”

Him: “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Me: “Well, let me give you my card. Please, please, please email me. I’d definitely like to see you again.”

Him: “Thanks.”

image from blameitonthevoices.com

More making out.

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to come over for a bit?”

Him: “Well… I’m positive.”

Me: “Okay. That’s fine.”

Him: *surprised expression*

Me: “Look, that’s what condoms are for. What’s the difference between safe sex with you and a guy who is positive and doesn’t know it?”

Him: “Wow, I’m… that’s…”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not like a lot of other gays. So should we—”

Him: “Now!”

Him: “So many guys just write me off as a hook-up because I’m positive. I was really surprised.”

Me: “Yeah, I really don’t get it. But I do appreciate your disclosure. I guess most guys are scared or something.”

Him: “No, most guys just want to be with someone they think is negative so they can have unprotected sex.”

I really didn't know how to respond except to laugh.

Some of you may cringe, but the way I see it, anyone you have sex with could be positive and not know it. Or they could lie (like guys do on Manhunt about their age) because what seems to be the prevailing opinion in the gay community is that someone who has HIV is not desirable. The whole stigma thing really sickens me. A lot. And the more we perpetuate it, the worse people's situations will get.

Did I mention that standing on this soap box is making me dizzy? Yeah.

No Parking image from beatonthestreetharlem.blogspot.com

I'm over this cold weather in NYC. Click here to check out a post from the beginning of the summer.

Fun with Grindr: I’m open minded about that type of thing

Call me…

…because…

...that speedo looks hot! Even if you happen to be 20 miles from the nearest beach.

(BTW, I don’t think she was trying to catch the frisbee: it bounced off her)

…because…

…if you think your school is the most interesting thing about you, you probably have low enough self-esteem to do anything I say if I tell you you’re hot and smart.

…because…

…I didn’t think this app could get any gayer.

…because…

…the previous guy was actually gayer than you, but you’re cuter. Plus I like your Facebook URL.

…because…

…I don’t know what podunk town* you moved here from last week, but we actually have artists in NYC. You know what’s trashier than promiscuity? Talking like the gay version of your grandfather. That and frosted tips after 1998.

…because…

…I’m open minded about that type of thing. Unless you’re actually using it.

(Less a hygiene thing and more that if he’s too lazy to walk to a urinal, he’s probably a frustratingly passive lay)

…because……out of all these guys, you’re the most likely to look exactly like the pic you posted.

(at least when you message me “sup” at 3:43AM)

(I know I usually blur, but his dead eyes were irresistible to me)

*I may or may not have seen this profile during my trip to DC, which would make it perfectly acceptable.

I started Fun with Grindr about a year ago. Click here to check out the first one.

Album Review: Mariah Carey's Merry Christmas II You

When one of the top-selling artists with one of the top-selling Christmas albums of all time releases a second Christmas album, you gotta pay attention. I nabbed Mariah’s new Merry Christmas II You and gave it a quick listen.

Open up the album jacket, and you’ll notice that (as usual) Carey has primary producer credits for almost every track. Noticeably absent: her long-time friend and background vocalist, Trey Lorenz. Wonder if Mr. Cannon-Carey had anything to do with that…

The album leads off with a short instrumental “Santa Clause Is Coming to Town” refrain that is really functions as an intro to the album’s lead single, “Oh Santa.” It's campy without being corny, and it’s catchy and infectious "Oh Mickey You're So Fine"-influenced chant will definitely make you want to dance. Or at least bop your head side-to-side like a muppet. This song was an instant classic for me until her not-so-high note at the end, which goes into a run that’s so electronically manipulated (that’s not [just] auto-tune) that it sounds more like a MIDI flute than a human voice.

The mash-up of “Oh Little Town…” and “Little Drummer Boy” slows things down with Mariah whispering over an orchestra and airy chorus. But of course the belt that she’s known for comes out towards the end. We get a bit of a Nat King Cole feel with the cool “Christmas Time Is in the Air Again.” It’s one of several tracks that really tie this album back to her first Christmas release. “The First Noel/Born Is the King (Interlude)” is one of the few tracks where I've said to myself, "She’s doing to much." I’m all about showing off unique ability, but it comes off as coming trying too hard to early in the song. Then the track transitions into a Kirk-Franklin-and-the-Family’s-Christmas-Album track for about 30 seconds, which could have accepted if it could accept if it went into a time-and-genre appropriate tribute (we’re talking hip-hop influenced gospel from 1995).

But at the beginning of “When Christmas Comes,” we hear the hiss of a phonograph, accompanied with an instrumentally appropriate groove. Certain lambs may recognize the nod to Emancipation of Mimi in the intro. The song is well written, but I found the choices in the vocal production (e.g., competing lead vocals) distracting.

Next, the album continues along the throwback trend. As corny as the beat on “Here Comes Santa Clause…” is, it doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously. It’s nice to hear her re-united with Jermaine Dupri’s since he produced some of her greatest hits (and biggest mistakes… let us not forget “Get Your Number”). And “Charlie Brown Christmas” is guaranteed to elicit a reminiscent smile. In fact, it's one of the few times I've liked Carey's breathy, whispery vocals. I could see her doing jazz when she gets old(er). The choir on “Oh Come…” sounds exactly like the one she used on the first Christmas album. I thought the opera was a nice gesture (and I’m glad Carey didn’t try to do it herself... or did she... I couldn't find the opera singer's name in the credits), but why didn’t they get a soprano?! My guess: Mariah wouldn’t budge on the key. No matter how much weight she loses, the ego never gets smaller. But she sure did hold out that last whistle-register note for :14!

Update: the opera singer is reported to be Carey's mother, Patricia.

“O Holy Night” is one of my fav songs ever (remind me to post my a cappella male quintet demo sometime), and Carey's original version still gives me chils. Bringing this back was a brilliant move to repurpose this track. Now, there’s a moment around the 3:37 that makes me wonder whether the high note is live because it seems to overlap with the start of the next phrase she’s singing. Maybe it’s the reverb. “One Child” is a cute carol, but I probably would have waited til the end of the song to bring in the children’s chorus.

Of course, Carey brought back her record-breaking Christmas song: “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” but it’s tagged as the “Extra Festive” version. It subs a shorter instrumental intro instead of the iconic slow vocal intro of the original, but much of the beginning and middle sound exactly the same. Like cut-and-paste (perhaps with adjusted levels) the same. The ad-libs on the bridge lack the crispness of the original runs, and some of them are (oddly enough) double-tracked. And then to make it extra campy, she does unnecessary thirds above the high notes. All of them. Just like that obnoxious theater friend you have does on every song they sing, from X-Tina to “Happy Birthday.”

The album closes with a version of “Auld Land Syne” (“should old acquaintance be forgot...”) that has some kind of crazy, cheap-sounding reverb on it. I guess it’s supposed to imitate a live stadium sound. It starts out slow and ballad-like before exploding into a techno beat so corny it makes O-Zone’s “Dragostea Din Tei” (you know, the Numa Numa song) sound like a Nicki Minaj track. Yet the spirit of the song is that it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's just like Carey's saying, "Let's end this with a classic, but on a fun note. You know you love it!"

This album is perfect to play in the background during holiday activities: wrapping presents, tree trimming, baking cookies... It really captures much of the holiday spirit that the first album mastered, and I think Lambs and casual listeners alike will make this a part of their collections. Are there technical issues? Sure. Is it over-edited? Definitely (just like any of the last few albums Carey has put out). But I feel she really walks the fine line between warmly campy and corny very well. It feels like she had fun making it, and she wants you to join in.

But the original "All I Want for Christmas" will still be the song that makes all the gays try to hit the high note on Friday nights in July at the Ritz. Not that I would know.

Suggested tracks for individual download:
"Oh Santa"
"Charlie Brown Christmas"
"Oh Come All Ye Faithful"


Maybe:
"Oh Little Town of Bethlehem/Little Drummer Boy"
"Christmas Time Is in the Air Again"
"When Christmas Comes"
"O Holy Night (Live)"*
"One Child"
"All I Want for Christmas Is You (Extra Festive)"*

*only because I know you already have the originals... if you don't, get them and skip these.

Click here to check out my review of Mariah Carey's Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel.