TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log (your guide to personal fitness in 2011): Food and Diet

Diet is extremely important to one’s shape. Whatever you put into your body is going to affect it positively or negatively. Think about that next time you consume a food product just because it’s in front of you.

Food can be a wonderful tool to help you achieve your goals, and smart choices can make a huge difference in your appearance and your health. Have a breakfast sandwich with whole wheat bread/bagels instead of white (your body actually needs the whole grains and carbs, and the fiber keeps you full longer… plus, a couple slices of bread can add around 5 grams of muscle-building protein to your meal).

image from momwearsmanyhats.com

Craving a soda? Pour it in a small cup (no bigger than 8oz) and put the rest in the fridge. Or pour it down the drain. Most soda bottles are actually 2.5 servings, and even 'healthier' drinks like Gatorade and Vitamin Water give you a double-and-a-half dose of sugar. You’re not supposed finish the bottle in one sitting! Keep fruit in your desk drawer for your mid-afternoon snack rather than relying on the vending machine down the hall. For your side at dinner, make it a habit to ask for (or cook) brown rice instead of white. When you drink, choose light liquors and lower calorie mixers (avoid cranberry at all costs… tonic is good, club soda is better, ice is best).

Spread your calorie intake throughout the day. Eating two meals a day: this is an epic dietary FAIL. Firstly, if you eat dinner at 9pm, skip breakfast, and have lunch at 1, that’s 16 hours without any nutrients! Your body may go into starvation mode. To protect itself against starvation, your body will store as much fat from food as possible (more so than you’re genetically predisposed to do) so that it can survive the next starvation period. Eating at regular intervals throughout the day helps your body to absorb the nutrients it needs, and it speeds up your metabolism, making it easier to burn off fat from food.

image from metabolicmemory.wordpress.com

When you’re working long hours like I do, it can be a hassle to leave the office to for food 3-4 times during the workday. I suggest buying (or packing) two meals and a healthy snack. Protein shakes can also be helpful. Here’s how I usually eat:

9:00 – 3 egg whites on wheat toast with pepper (high blood pressure runs in my family, and the whole wheat plus the pepper add plenty of flavor), a slice of turkey if go to a bodega rather than cooking it at home. Sometimes I'll add one yolk.

11:00 – protein shake (I use a brand called Serious Mass… Vitamin Shoppe carries it) mixed with soy milk and liquid egg whites (they sell them in cartons).

1:00 – turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, bread-and-butter-flavored pickle slice, and mustard; sliced orange, tangerine or clementine, on the side. Everyone at work is jealous of my sandwiches.

4:00 – another turkey sandwich or a tuna sandwich (with lettuce, tomato, and relish), apple on the side.

6:00 – protein shake

9:00 – small dinner (usually chicken/fish, rice/potatoes, and a veggie/salad w/ olive oil and vinegar… or half a rice-and-beans lunch with meat and maduros (sweet plantains) from a Dominican restaurant if I’m too lazy to cook) and a smaller protein shake just before bed.

image from Tweegee.com

As you’ve probably surmised, I go out and drink on the weekends. Therefore, Saturday and Sunday are often only 2-3 meals, especially if I’m trying to get out of the apartment early in the afternoon and don’t feel like washing dishes after cooking breakfast or making a shake. But my body tends to maintain pretty well on its own, so I’m lucky enough to get satisfactory results even after missing out on those meals. I wouldn’t suggest this for anyone else, though.

Your relationship to food plays a major role in your shape. With everything you put in your mouth, ask yourself: what does this contribute to my goal? It’s okay to treat yourself sometimes, but keep in mind that food companies have their profits in mind, not your waistline. Don’t trust them to measure your portions: cut the candy bar in 3rds. Save the rest, or throw it out if you don’t trust yourself not to eat it. Often, if you stop after a couple of bites, your sweet tooth is satisfied. If not at first, it will become habit the more you take control of your own intake.

And don’t reward yourself with food! Often, people think they can eat more because they’ve burned more calories. But if you’re trying to lose weight, you want a negative calorie balance (where you’re burning more calories than you consume). And if you’re eating small portions throughout the day, you won’t get as much of an eat-a-horse hunger after your workouts.

image from ancestry.com

Finally, and possibly the most important food advice that I have to give: learn the difference between satiated and stuffed! You shouldn’t feel stuffed on a regular basis. No matter what your parents told you, it’s okay to leave food on your plate if you find yourself satisfied before your food’s gone.

Food can be your greatest ally in your quest for your ideal body. Find ways to eat healthily while still being satisfied. Starving yourself isn’t going to help anybody (especially when you get frustrated and binge), so find healthy substitutes and build fit habits. You’ll see the effects quickly, and when you get your blood work results from your physical, you’ll realize the long-term benefits, too!

PS, take a muti-vitamin! I need to work on this, too, but it’s an easy first step to healthy living!

Note: I am not a certified fitness/health professional. Just a gym rat who reads a lot.


Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: Intro.
Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: My Fitness Journey.
Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: How To Make Your Workout WORK.
Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlob Workout Log: How I Did It.

TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log (your guide to personal fitness in 2011): My Fitness Journey

I’m not a trained professional, but I’ve received a few compliments on my body. I’m sharing with you how I did it.

As I said in my previous fitness post, genetics is the biggest factor to take into consideration when changing or maintaining one’s body shape. My family is naturally skinny (at least when they’re young), and I was a twig growing up. Some got made fun of for being fat, but I was a target for being skinny. I had a joke with one of my cousins where I’d fake an accent and say I was an Ethiopian asking for rice on an infomercial.

I noticed my mom becoming concerned about her weight in her 40s (after birthing 3 kids, she still managed to keep a svelte figure for years). I’d do Jane Fonda’s New Workout with her because it was fun and because they always stressed the importance of exercise in PE class. My dad was always a gym rat (in his 60s, he still teaches Tae Bo classes at his job’s fitness center). He was always muscular, and I’d live for when he’d take me to the resort gym with him while we were on vacation at the beach.

Between commercials for workout equipment, MTV Spring Break, and professional wrestling, I quickly picked up that having a ripped body was the guaranteed way to get girls to like you (this was obviously during my pre-queen years). And to get that ripped body, you have to work out. I was crushed in 9^th grade when my mother told me that I wouldn’t be permitted to take a weight training class during my freshman year at my private high school: “I’m not paying for something you can do on your own!” So I took my fitness into my own hands.

My dad had a weight bench, dumbbells, plates, and a small bar in the shed, so I brought that into my room in the basement. I got a spiral notepad, wrote down a workout plan, and kept tally marks of each exercise that I did, making sure to alternate muscle groups in my circuit. I was rather limited in my bench-pressing ability because the bar that my dad had was about 2 feet long. So I ended up having to stack plates in between my hands in the middle of the bar rather than on the outside. Did I mention that the plastic casing on one of the plates was cracked, so whatever was inside of it would often sprinkle onto my face? This is how desperate I was to get in shape.

image from healthassistant.blogspot.com

It was always hard for me to see the results of working out on my body. I almost felt like I’ve looked the same from 2001 (my first year in college) to 2007, but I saw my weight increase. The summer of ’08, however, was all about bulking up. I started in January (which was a mistake because of all the New-Year’s-resolution crowding) with a 4-day/week workout program to really push myself and gain muscle. I also added tons of calories and protein to my diet, with 5-6 meals per day, including protein shakes. By April, even I could see the results. Unfortunately, I plateaued and didn’t gain a single pound in May, but I was quite satisfied with the way I looked.

Photographer I know: “ Hey, you look great.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Photog: “You should let me photograph you.”

Me: “Let’s do it!”

This was in July. I’d dropped to 2 days per week doing a full-body, low weight/high rep workout. And that’s when my banner picture was taken.

I say all this to say that my body stays trim, has trouble bulking up, and maintains easily (and I’m taking full advantage of it because it probably won’t last forever). I figured out that my sporadic diet and 3x/week workout plan weren’t doing it for me. So I split my workouts into either upper/lower body or push/pull movements, doing each twice a week. I learned that the body can only handle so much protein in one sitting, so I spread my protein intake out throughout the day. Many suggest consuming as many grams of protein in a day as your weight in pounds (e.g., 150 grams of protein for a 150 lb person). But just like it’s easier to do 100 push ups in 5 sets of 20 than 2 sets of 50, the human body can absorb protein for muscle building much more effectively when it’s spread out over 5 or 6 servings rather than 2 or 3.

Whereas I was upping my caloric intake, someone with a slower metabolism who’s looking to burn fat would make different choices. They might go with a workout plan that hits all their muscle groups in one day, using lower weights and a higher number of reps. Rather than loading up on protein (which is still an important part of everyone’s nutrition), they might focus more on foods with fiber that make one feel more full as well as fruits, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates. Perhaps not the quickest way to drop pounds, but balanced nutrition should always be your top priority.

Just like I figured out what worked and didn't work for my body, you have to do the same for your fitness journey, and this may take a bit of trial and error. No one plan will work for everyone’s genetic type. Just like there are different lifespans for people who store fat in their midsection and people who store it in their butt and legs (the latter group lives longer), there are different diet and exercise plans for people who have different metabolisms, body types, and goals. The Internet is a goldmine of information. Just make sure the sources that you’re using are reliable and the research is current.

Note: I am not a certified fitness/health professional. Just a gym rat who reads a lot.

Click here to check out TheBlackout Blog Fitness Log: Intro.

Click here to check out TheBlackout Blog Fitness Log: Food and Diet.

Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: How To Make Your Workout WORK.

Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlob Workout Log: How I Did It.

TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log (your guide to personal fitness in 2011): Intro

I know a lot of y’all are looking to make 2011 the year of the new body. Every year, gym memberships skyrocket in January (I hate the gym crowds in Jan), but what happens to those people in March? The truth is, that monthly payment will still be debited from your account whether you use your gym or not. So it's in your best interest to get some mileage out of the membership, and that's exactly what I'll show you how to do.

My aim in this multi-part series is not to give you a workout routine (there’s no one workout for everybody… or every body), but rather to give you tools and lay out steps from my fitness experience to make sure the fitness situation that you choose is realistic and effective.

Whether you’re going for muscle mass or trying to trim down, the most important thing to consider when you’re trying to get fit is your genetics. Your body has a natural shape that it defaults to (keep in mind that humans are hunter-gatherers, so our bodies are meant to get a fair amount of athletic activity on a daily basis… typing at work doesn’t count). You’ll do well to accept what your natural shape is and work towards your ideal with that realm. While a professional wrestler’s build (a younger D. Kareem’s self-fantasy) isn’t necessarily impossible for my body type, my fast metabolism and lean frame would make attaining and maintaining that build a full-time job. Plus, my frame would look awkward with massive, body-builder muscles.

Next in importance is diet. While weight training and cardio can take weeks to take effect, certain changes in your diet can yield almost immediate results. Do you really think 2-3 meals a day is satisfactory? Are you still eating white bread and white rice? There are easy tricks to speeding up your metabolism, put on muscle mass, drop fat, and achieve balanced nutrition... you just have to modify your eating habits.

image from quickstep.com

And lastly, you have to find a workout situation that works for you. Mental state is hugely important to physical fitness. How you feel about working out can make all the difference between doing whatever it takes to get to your workout and making excuses (motivating yourself to show up is often much harder than the actual workout). Unless you’re a masochist, you’re not going to go out of your way to do something you don’t like, so you have to make working out enjoyable while still achieving your goals. Also, having an idea of what it is you want to accomplish (trim down for Spring Break… get a 6-pack for your share in The Pines) is vital, especially when you’re struggling to find motivation.

Your physical situation is a major factor, too. Are you really going to get up 2 hours earlier to drive 15 minutes (or ride 3 subway stops) out of your way when you’re hung over? Are you gonna wake up earlier period? And if a stretch in a steam room with mentholated vapor turns your gym experience from a chore to pleasant work for an attainable reward, it may be worth paying more for a gym with more extras. Just keep in mind that paying twice as much for the gym almost never gives one twice the results (a trip to Equinox and a trip to NYSC will tell that story loud and clear). For the lucky ones that live close to an NYC Parks and Rec Center, gym memberships start at $50 for a year. It could be your primary gym or a supplementary gym, if you're in 2 different parts of town often (work vs home).

image from blindgossip.com

The Internet is full of free information on workout tips and plans that are easy to understand, and new research on exercise science is coming out all the time (are you really still doing crunches?). Starting out at a gym may be a bit intimidating when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but a little research always helps. RealJock.com has some good workouts that come highly recommended to me from (hot) friends. If you’re a little more experienced or don’t mind a less sexy website layout, EXRX.com has several workout templates, exercises broken down by muscle group and equipment used, and animated gifs that demonstrate each exercise. Also, most gyms offer a free personal trainer session when you join. If they don’t mention it, ask.

Just keep in mind, keeping in shape is hard fucking work. If it weren’t, everyone would be ripped. Commitment is key, and you have to make a realistic plan for success. Taking into account your genetic strengths and limitations, make sure you fuel your body with the nutrients it needs to operate and improve, staying away from anything that will take away from your goals. Make your workout as enjoyable as possible and keep your goals in mind to motivate you. And choose a workout plan that you can’t make excuses for. It’ll take time to see results. You may plateau after some improvement, which means its time to shock your body with something different so that it has to adjust further. But if you can pull these pieces together, your better body (and health) will be inevitable.

Note: I am not a certified fitness/health professional. Just a gym rat who reads a lot.

Click here to check out TheBlackout Blog Fitness Log: My Fitness Journey.

Click here to check out TheBlackout Blog Fitness Log: Food and Diet.

Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: How To Make Your Workout WORK.
Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlob Workout Log: How I Did It.

hot Spandex Frosty the Snowman (SantaCon '10 and the hookup that wasn't supposed to happen)

Every year, thousands of spirited (read: drunk) people dress in holiday gear and descend upon the bars of NYC. At 10am. They call it SantaCon.

About a week before, I was cruising doing some hyper-local social networking research, and I saw a Grindr profile that said "startup costume rentals soon." Now, either I could blow $50 on a costume that was not all that original, or I could sport a custom-made outfit that nobody else would be wearing. And you guys know I like my uniqueness factor!

(PS, anybody who gets my use for the above terminal punctuation on that last sentence gets like 300 cool points!)

Corey and I did everything over Grindr and Scruff until I met him at his apartment for a fitting. And when he came over with the finished product the night before, I totally fucking gagged! It was perfect for my Saturday adventure!

I was meeting up with ASFKAB, who described last year's SantaCon as the most fun thing he'd done last year, and a few of his gay friends at the 47th and 2nd meeting point around 10. They were running late, but that gave me a chance to check out all the other Santas milling about.

There was a Gaga Santa, a 6'8" Santa, a black Santa, girly Santas, fratty Santas, Jewy Santas, reindeer, menorahs, and a pink bunny. But my favorite Santa was the old man on the Segway who legitimately looked like Santa. His accessories included a white cowhide mom-bag and a cat o' 9 tails, which he put to use quite often.

ASFKAB finally showed up with a pack of hot guys, and it was almost 10:30 before everyone started to migrate to the first bar.

We soon realized there was no way hundreds of Santas were going to fit into the venue, so Santa holding a large candy cane above his head led us to a bar around the corner. As ASFKAB and the other boys fought their way to the bar, I secured us a booth and stripped off my outer layer, revealing my revealing costume.

After gushing with some straight girls over how hot Spandex Frosty the Snowman was, I went to order my first drink of the day. I ended up next to two 40-year-old women who were either already drunk or just euphoric about SantaCon. After feeling my abs and attempting a nipple tweak (easy there, lady!), they got it in their heads that "The Roof Is on Fire" was the perfect chant for the crowd. The crowd didn't so much agree.

I kee-keed with them for a good 10 minutes before I actually ordered my drink. Just as I was getting back to ASFKAB and his boys, the dj put on Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." I was surrounded by white people who, unlike I, knew every word to the first verse. Embarrassing.

For our next destination, we had to take the 6 train from Grand Central.

We marched out of the subway and into Central Park. Our leader, now a woman with a large candy cane, wasn't the best informed about the area. She directed us to a building that we thought had bathrooms, but it was either the wrong building or locked. So what did the male Santas do? They lined up along a dumpster.

Eventually, all of SantaCon met up at Bethesda Fountain in the park. It looked like someone had kicked open a mound of fire ants! People talk about how sluttily girls dress for Halloween, but the straight guys at SantaCon definitely took the opportunity to show off the male form.

After about 20 minutes of gawking and jamming out to the brass band that was playing, we got word from somebody with an inside connection that the next bar wasn't being announced for 2 hours.

Me: "Anybody else hungry?"

ASFKAB: " Oo! Let's go to Vynl!"

Hot Friend #1: "You mean the one that got shut down by the Dept of Health last month?"

Hot Friend #2: "They're open again. Besides, you won't even notice just a little bit of rat feces in your food."

Hot Friend #3: "We're all getting Island Girls when we get there! They're pink; they're fruity; and they'll fuck you up!"

ASFKAB: "Sold!"

We walked across Sheep's Meadow and traversed Columbus Circle to Hell's Kitchen. One of ASFKAB's hot friends ordered a round of Island Girls while we waited for a booth to open up. I stripped down and was immediately accosted by a pair of straight girls requesting a picture. Then their gay friends wanted a picture. And as soon as we sat down, two women from Minneapolis in town for a birthday wanted a picture. And before we left, an old woman requested a picture with us. Of course, as soon as I got my coat on, one more pair of women begged me for a photo.

Med School Mess joined us, and by that time, the party had invaded Christopher St! We couldn't quite fit into Duplex (which was unfortunate because they were playing Mariah's "All I Want for Christmas" at the piano), so we stopped in at The Hangar.

Our group had dispersed between bars, but we reconvened at Monster. Somehow, we started talking to a hot white cub who was also from SC and his equally hot friend (I wanna say he was middle eastern). MSM branched off and started talking to a bunch of straight guys (probably about the Jets). I overheard from the straight guys was that an older gay was in the back loudly inquiring as to when the straight people were leaving so he could have his bar back. Way to help the Equality fight, man.

After ASFKAB left to meet his mother for dinner (drunk and still dressed as Santa), his two remaining hot friends went home together, and the hot cubs left, there was really nothing left for me at Monster. I had an hour and a half to kill before I headed to MicHELLe's boyfriend's surprise bday party, so I dragged Med School Mess (who had me text Urban Sprawl and the Españard to meet us because her phone was dead) over to Gym, which was unexpectedly not crowded. Unfortunately, MSM had no ID on her, and they wouldn't budge on it.

We went to G for a drink, and l the first people I saw were Marc Nelson and Nathan Hale Williams, two major promoters/event producers for very disparate audiences. I gave double kisses to table but kept it brief since I figured they were talking business (can't wait for that joint announcement!).

Not long after I got a drink from the very hot bartender, Urban Sprawl showed up with Españard and Rutgirls. Five minutes later, the hot bartender tapped my arm.

Him; "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier. I'm [hot guy name]. Mark told me you're one of the biggest promoters in the City."

Me: "Ah! Well good to meet you!"

He insisted on comping my next drink.

MicHELLe's party for her bf was at 9th ave Salloon, and the invite said to come either before 7:45 or after 8:15 so as to not spoil the surprise. She was getting food and stuff, so she kept the invite list small. Turns out no one I was with was on it, and my attempt to slip away subtly was a major fail. So the 5 of us waltzed in around 8:45.

Españard: "Hey, are you headed to 'Trish's?"

Me: "Fuck! Was her 30th tonight?!"

And that's how I ended up at a house party in furry booty shorts and a midriff top. Did I mention that MicHELLe's boyfriend's most recent ex was walking in as I was walking out? Yeah.

At the party, after a few drinks, Españard and I got a bit flirty while dancing. There may have been some making out. We soon ditched for Posh, where he passed out on a couch. I offered to "walk him home," so we made our way out the door. But when he passed some conventionally cute guy he was checking out earlier that night, he was all bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed. He went back into the bar with him.

I'll be damned if I end a night like that in that kind of outfit! So I went to an unnamed bar, flirted with a member of the nightlife community, whom I'd been eying for about a year, downed a couple of (free) drinks, and took him back to my place.

Did I mention that neon green fur is easily the best invention of all time? Yeah.

Corey's wardrobe experience has covered personal costumes and Broadway shows. You can reach him at AromaCorey@NYC.rr.com and see some of his work on his Flickr page.

Click here to see pictures from SantaCon '10.
Click here to check out what I did for Halloween.

Fun with Grindr: Snookie must be devastated.

Call me…

...because...

that was your voice on South Park, right?

It's a Jersey Thing
Tags: SOUTH
PARKRandy Marsh,Eric Cartman,more...

...because...

…when I saw your profile, I looked past the muscles… and saw your wedding ring. Snookie must be devastated.

...because...

...a perfect butt is the hallmark of a loyal, dependable friend.

...because...

…I’m really curious to hear how that whole looking thing is working out for you.

...because...

…screenname WIN!

...because...

…nothing says, “I paid $40 for a tshirt” like paying $40 for a tshirt.

(these garments are one rhinestone away from being the next Ed Hardy)

...on one condition...

…you have to bring Latino Drew, too.

(hint: click to enlarge and check out their stats)

Or do this... with this...

Click here for more fun with Grindr.

The Top 10 Posts of 2010 (and my top 5 picks)!

Since everybody seems to be doing their year-end top 10s, I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon. I’m posting the posts from 2010 that you guys read the most, but first, I’ll share (in no particular order) my fav posts from this year.

TheBlackoutBlog’s Top 11 Online Dating and Hookup Tips.

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/11/theblackoutblogs-top-11-online-dating.html

Get the most out of your online accounts. Have fun. Be safe.

I suggested a walk along the beach. Sort of. (Labor Day Weekend on Fire Island: Saturday... Part II)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/09/i-suggested-walk-along-beach-sort-of.html

There may or may not have been a Nardicio underwear party and an extended metaphor involved.

Fun with Adam 4 Adam: a screenname that includes Crisco (kinda NSFW)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/08/fun-with-adam-4-adam-screenname-that.html

The fun isn’t just mobile. It started on one of my favorite websites: Adam4Adam.

a guy he met at the liquor store (The Ivy League Crew et al Invades DC)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/07/guy-he-met-at-liquor-store-ivy-league.html

We certainly left our mark on the nation’s capitol. I’m a little embarrassed to ever go back.

"Fuck it! I'm on vacation!" (Melbourne Day 4, Part 2)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/04/fuck-it-im-on-vacation-melbourne-day-4.html

From my Down-Under vacation. I had previously removed this post because it was so scandalous. But I’m feeling edgy.

And now, let me present the Top 10 Posts of 2010:

10. Fun with Grindr: The White-Acting Experiment

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/08/fun-with-grindr-white-acting-experiment.html

What happened when I referred to myself as “White-Acting” in my Grindr profile.

9. How To: Gay Online Dating and Hook Ups (Part 2)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/01/how-to-gay-online-dating-and-hook-ups_21.html

Pick the right pic for your profile. Get noticed online!

8. Which Gay Dating/Hookup LBS app is the best? Grindr, Scruff, or Qrushr?

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/11/which-gay-datinghookup-lbs-app-is-best.html

A side-by-side comparison of 3 major iPhone apps.

7. Fun with Grindr: cute NYU freshman in a relationship

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/07/fun-with-grindr-cute-nyu-freshman-in.html

Even hot guys are easy to make fun of online.

6. Sober Moment 4.9.10: Fun with Grindr Convos (The Down Under Edition)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/04/sober-moment-4910-fun-with-grindr.html

Did he really just say that? Ridiculous conversations with the men of Australia.

5. 5 Ways to Get More Messages on Grindr

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/08/5-ways-to-get-more-messages-on-grindr.html

Get the guys you want on the iPhone/iPad/iPod’s most popular gay “social networking” app.

4. Sober Moment 3.31.10: Fun with Grindr, CALL ME (The Down Under Edition)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/03/sober-moment-33110-fun-with-grindr-call.html

Hilarious profiles from my trip to Australia.

3. How To: Gay Online Dating and Hook Ups (Part 1)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/01/how-to-gay-online-dating-and-hook-ups.html

Get more ass. Or find a sincere connection. Trust me: I’ve been doing this for a while.

2. Fun with Texting: Bear. Chat. Roulette.

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/08/fun-with-texting-bear-chat-roulette.html

People I actually know say the most ridiculous things to me! And I have proof.

1. “the biggest cock I’ve ever seen!” (Sandblast '10 at Asbury Park)

http://www.theblackoutblog.com/2010/08/biggest-cock-ive-ever-seen-sandblast-10.html

The boys and I find trouble at a circuit party on NJ’s most popular gay beach.

Ever wanted to say you were into a music legend before they were cool? Well, you definitely won't get that opportunity here, but check out my not-so-merry holiday song.

"Your plate's looking kinda lean there!" (Thanksgiving '10 with the Fam and video of my first Just Dance 2 attempt on Wii)

image from myspace.com

Thanksgiving is always a big to-do for me because both sides of my family live in NY (but my 'rents moved to SC before I was born). I always want to spend time with both families. Luckily, most of them live pretty close to each other on Long Island.

First, I hopped in the LIRR to Nana's house in Queens. I drove her (who is recovering remarkably from a broken hip) and her 2 disabled siblings in her car over to her niece's in Hempstead. Nana's sister has taught me a new level of patience because getting her out of the house, down the front stairs, and into the car is always at least a 15-minute process.

I drove us over to their niece's house (maybe the 3rd time I've driven a car this year), and as soon as I walked in, her husband asks, "Whatchu drankin'? I got a new bottle of rum downstairs with your name on it!" We were among the first to arrive, and it seemed no one else was drinking yet. I told myself it was trend-setting.

image from oldgoldandblack.com

For a while, the closest people to my age were my cousins, a couple in their mid 40s, and their daughter, who was maybe 8. Eventually, my grandmother's Diva niece came with her daughter and granddaughter, all of whom are drinkers (Hennessey, apparently). I tried bonding with the males in the basement, but they were watching football. And one of them was trying to get me to pull up pictures he'd taken of his niece's wedding on my iPhone with all of the 2 bars of reception AT&T had blessed me with. I retreated upstairs to charge my battery just before dinner was being served.

We gathered everyone in the living room to hold hands and say the blessing. The two 8-year-olds were fighting over who would say the blessing, so my grandmother, being the diplomat that she is, told them they could each say a blessing. They both said very cute, thorough, and surprisingly long prayers. The second one's mother almost made me crack up out loud when she unsuccessfully tried to cut her daughter off with a loud "AMEN!"

image from gamrconnect.vgchartz.com

"God, she prays like [minister uncle in his 70s]!"

After some roast beef, bbq chicken, ribs, collard greens, green beans, and stuffing (cousin: "Your plate's looking kinda lean there!"), I took Nana's car to my uncle's in Valley Stream.

After getting off a couple of exits too early and passing his exit, I finally made it to the semi-famous uncle's house. This is the uncle who grew up on welfare, got into top-tier undergrad and grad schools, and basically became the best at what he does (and receives appropriate income for his expertise). It's always fun going to his house.

They were already on dessert when I arrived, but you'd better believe I saved room for some curry chicken (I swear my aunt must have Caribbean in her family!), spiral ham, candies yams, more ribs, sweet potato pie, and blueberry pie. And I was upset that Grandma didn't make her famous rum cake. Obviously, I wasn't the only one, because on her way out, Grandma told my cousin from NC she'd make her a rum cake before my cousin left town.

Some of my younger cousins were in the den playing a dancing game on Wii. It looked like tons of fun! I had gone to the gym earlier, so I still a bit tired. But after watching them do a few rounds, I had to get in on the fun. I handed my phone to my cousin to tape my first attempt.

I may or may not have totally kicked younger-cousin ass!

The cousin who got our Grandma to make her a personal rum cake is always harassing me to sing for her. Now, I have an okay studio voice, and I used to get solos occasionally in choirs. I've sang at a few cousins' weddings, and I think she might be mad that I was too young to sing at hers. She sat me down at my uncle's computer, played me a song I'd never heard before, and was like, "Okay, sing it to me." Say what?! She eventually settled for the song my former sister-in-law had me sing at her and my brother's wedding 5 years ago ("When I First Saw You" from Dreamgirls... in an Episcopalian service... Weird, right: who knew there were black Episcopalians!).

image from blackchristiannews.com

Actually, I don't know why this cousin harasses me because her daughter has a much more agile voice than I. But the real moment was when my aunt's niece sang a super done-up version of the gospel classic "I Won't Complain," complete with a reprise! I've known her a good 15 years, and I had no idea she sang!

As soon as she was done, I slipped into the kitchen to make myself a to-go plate (before they tried to coax another song out of me). At this point, it was about 10. It would have been so easy to catch a train from there right into Manhattan, but I had to take my grandmother and her siblings home. And of course, they weren't ready to leave when I arrived.

Luckily, there was an 11:43 from Hollis. Did I mention it only took me an hour and a half to get home? Did I mention I had 2 plates of leftovers?! Yeah!

Click here to check out Thanksgiving '08.


Speaking of me singing, click here to check out my a cappella arrangement of "O Holy Night" (my all-time fav Christmas hymn... no auto-tune: guaranteed).

Industry Bar: Hell's Kitchen, NYC's Newest Gay Bar (and some unsolicited observations)

Tonight, I got a chance to check out NYC’s newest gay spot, Industry. The venue is owned by the same guys as Barracuda in Chelsea, but this bar is much more spacious, modern, and chic than its sister bar. I love the décor! It was crowded, so I didn’t really get a chance to take in all the appointments. But the lighted tables, the main bar, and the fireplace are gorgeous! And the staff was all attractive if not hot (security included). It feels much more like a spacious bar with some dance-available spaces than a club, but by NYC standards, it’s cavernous!

And in the spirit of social media being the new venue for customer service, I’ll provide some (further) unsolicited commentary on my first impressions.

The complaint that I heard most while talking to the gays was that they were all hot (possibly because of the throngs of gay boys trying to squeeze in). Also, I didn’t check my coat, but coat check seemed like an absolute zoo when I walked by.

The bathroom was a bit confusing. While I love the idea of the secluded urinals, there should be some indication as to their location for the boys who have never been there before (the western-style double doors are a good start). This comes in handy when you’re going for a quick pee while there’s a line for the stalls... because at first glance, all the doors look like they lead to stalls.

Please, please, please take credit cards! I’m not sure if the machines just weren’t set up yet or what, but Hell’s Kitchen bars take credit cards. That’s just the standard, and that’s the flexibility we’ve come to expect when spending our money in the neighborhood. Perhaps even consider some new technology, like mobile card swipers or perhaps even mobile phone barcode capability. Maybe even letting patrons pay through PayPal’s Bump. Gays love technology, and a new bar is a great way to introduce new functions. The buzz from write-ups and tweets about the innovation this use of new technology would display would be killer promotion for the bar. Gays would check it out just for the novelty factor, and Industry could set the new precedent for the (ahem) industry.

Additionally (and again, maybe it’s just first-night kinks), my cocktail waiter, cute as he was, didn’t have change on him. When he walked away with the 10 I used to pay for my $8 Skyy (not a bad price point), I really wasn’t sure whether he'd assumed the change was his tip or not. He brought my change back, but I think we’re all used to servers having change handy… especially when cards aren’t accepted.

Also, a friend who is very active with online social networking won table service on Fabulis. We definitely appreciated the free bottle, but the tongs were a nightmare for the ice (we really needed a scoop). Furthermore, we were almost clear out of mixers before we were offered refills. A person with presence online will often share when they have attentive service at a venue, and that sharing influences their followers and friends. The opportunity was surely missed here.

I’m sure most of these issues will be addressed as the bar hits its groove. Overall, I would recommend Industry to friends (especially since the prices don’t seem to be too outrageous for NYC). It’s a beautiful venue, and with the veteran owners that it has (I hear Shequida's already booked a show there: Queen), I’m sure the bar will be a huge success. But I wanted to put my two cents, just in case none of the other loud-mouth gays in the place bothered to do so.

Special thanks to OutspokenNYC for the invite to the Tweet-up beforehand!

Click here to check out the first Fun with Qrushr.

would you like a full can or a cup? (The Whig Party featuring Four Loko and Inwood's Le Boy club)

The opening of a new gay club in Inwood, the recent ban of Four Loko in NYC, and the fact that everyone leaves the City the week of Thanksgiving were all factors in my decision to host a party the weekend before. Theme: The Whig Party. Wear a wig, a funky hat, or some other piece of headgear. Wig Brunch the day after Halloween '09 was so much fun that I'd really been wanting to do something similar (read: I wanted to get some more play for that $40 wig).

MicHELLe was first to arrive with her bf (btw, MicHELLe has a bf now... it's been a while since you've seen her on here, right) and a Diana Ross wig.

MicHELLe: "We brought wine and [falsetto] champaaaaagne!"
Me: "Champagne? Really?"
MicHELLe: "Shut up, you love it!"

It wasn't long before more the boys started to arrive in their various head coverings. Or lack thereof. TTT and hid bf (yeah, that happened, too) walked in talking some mess about a birthday party at Bartini (making your friends trek to 10th ave in the cold is cruel... at least my birthday party was a warm block from the subway). Anyway, they arrived wigless, so I pulled out a spare Victoria Beckham wig I happened to have bought the night before for this very situation lying around and demanded a picture of them with the wig.

The bf was easy enough (good bfs play along to gain favor with the friends... if he doesn't, BAIL!), but TTT was whining about her hair getting messed up. Now, I've seen TTT in about every situation except for face-down in a pillow (I'm one of the few), and her hair has always looked the same to me. So I cornered her in the kitchen and forced the wig on top of her head. Then when she saw the photo, of course she wanted another.

Calipornia: "I'm a FourLoko virgin! Please, take my virginity."
Me: "Bitch, you are too old for that virgin bullsh— I mean, would you like a full can or a cup?"

For the rest if the night, she talked twice as fast and ended every sentence with "FourLoko!"

So, I rarely bring hookups around my friends, especially at house parties. The only reason the boys met Grrber as soon as they did was because I wanted to show off my über-handsome arm candy I thought there was a good chance he'd end up at No Parking the same night I was having a party. However, a fun guy that I'd lured home a few weekends before had asked about my weekend plans, and I figured inviting him couldn't be a huge disaster. Turns out he and the friend he brought were kind of a hit at the party.

Calapornia: "It's 11:15! 11:15?! We have to go. Where's Le Boy! We should go to Le Boy now! FourLoko!"

Throughout the night, people exchanges wigs and head pieces. If anyone had had lice, we'd've all been fucked. I think my favorite was the dark bob, which flared out in the back because I had to tuck my real hair into it. Yet it still looked like a hairstyle I'd seen on women before (right down to the beady beads on the back of my neck).

Calipornia: "We're gonna catch a cab. Where's this place again? What street? We'll meet you there. FourLoko!"

We split up into cabs and headed up to Dykeman St. Against the warning of friends, I wore Halloween '09's ATL Housewives wig. It was long and black with a loose curl, so out of drag, I kind of looked like a pimp from Detroit.

Most annoying thing ever: they charged a cover without putting it on the flyer. It was $5, but I'd told my friends it was free (since it was last time I went on a Saturday). Next time, we may just go to No Parking on principle.

So the hookup that I'd invited asked MicHELLe, her bf and me if we wanted shots. We fought our way to the bar with him to place an order.

Him (to me): "It's $7 each.
Me: "Oh... I didn't know we were all playing... You know what, I'll cover my friends' shots. I'm pretty sure they were under the impression that you had us covered."
Him: "Oh. Yeah, I don't think I can really get that."
Me: "Do they take credit cards? I literally have $10 on me."

Him: "You know what... I'll get it."
Me: "You sure? I can run to an ATM."
Him: "No, it's fine."
Me: "Here, take the $10."
Him: "I'll buy you a drink later."

I wandered over to the sidelines near the exit, and someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was surprised to find that it was one of the less friendly security guys I recognized from No Parking.

"You dropped this."

He handed me my camera. I had no idea it wasn't still hanging from my wrist!

The hookup I'd invited found me and bought me a drink. But he couldn't stick around because he was "making out with this hot guy on the dancefloor!"

. o O (Oh, that's great. I'm excited for you. Really.)

As easy as it is to pick up a guy in a long, glamorously curled wig, I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't getting any that night.

On the way out, I checked my pockets. And both my wrists. My camera was gone. Along with all my pictures from that night.

It was too late for El Malecon, so I was stuck with Mambi (I've been avoiding them because even as a regular, I get appallingly slower service than Dominican patrons) for my late-night comfort food. As soon as I walked in, one of the waitresses, who usually blatantly ignores me, quickly asked for my order! And while I was waiting, two guys asked for my number. I certainly had a bit more pep in my step on the way home with my rice and beans.

Did I mention I'm considering inlcuding that wig in a night out in Hell's Kitchen? Yeah.

Click here to check out the ATL Housewives wig in context.

Click here to check out the first night I wore that wig (tragic, tragic drag).

Note: you may find the "Topics of Discussion" on the right and the Cast of Characters to be of help in navigating this blog.