No, no, no, no, no! Not the cock! (Logan Hardcore hosts the Ass Contest at the Cock)

Ass Wednesdays moves to the Cock. It's too easy right?

I met up with RomaRomaMan and Sphinx at their place for a few drinks before we went out. I was there for about an hour, and most of that time, Gucci (Sphinx's dog) was trying to lick my face, Sphinx was prancing around completely naked and still wet from the shower, and RomaRomaMan was acting like this was completely normal for him. Then again, it probably was.

image from siinknyc.com

We stopped into Urge for a drink since it was still early. I had to explain to my companions: "The Cock is kind of... Well, it's a shithole, so I figured we should warm up a bit."

Me to Sphinx: "The bartender must have liked you! He gave you a big glass!"

Sphinx: "This is just cola."

Me: "Just cola?!"

Sphinx drank about a quarter of the drink before she produced a half liter of whiskey from her jacket to mix in.

Me: "Oh my fucking god! My friend does the same damn thing! But it's because she's cheap!"

RomaRomaMan: "Oh, no! Sphinx doesn't like the whiskey they serve in the bars here. Red Label makes her sick."

Me: "Of course it does."

image from engraveyourbottle.com

Around midnight, we paid our $5 cover and entered the Cock, which smelled not-so-faintly of urine. It was neither crowded nor sparse, so hostess Logan Hardcore was easy to pick out. She trotted over, big hair bouncing, to greet us and slipped us a few drink tickets.

Around 12:45, my foreigners started to get a bit antsy because Sphinx wanted to enter the contest (and she had a good damn chance of winning). It wasn't long before Logan got on top of the bar and started yelling into the mic.

"...we're here at the Cock because I got fired from... Well, I got fired from another bar, and I URGE you not to go to anymore. Whaaat?! A customer tried to fuck with me, and I pushed him. They took his side. Bastards. Anyway..."

image from Logan Hardcore's facebook profile

First she called a tall black guy to the stage for the contest. I was worried for Sphinx because, well, this was a black guy, and it was an ass contest. He put on a cute show, but when the panties dropped... er, let's just say it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Sphinx got up, and she was kind of wasted. She pulled down her drawers and damn near fell off the stage.

Logan: "No, no, no, no, no! Not the cock! We just wanna see your ass... Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that was Sphinx. Let's get both contestants up here. God, next week, I'm bringing my own damn spotlight! And a cordless mic. Johnny, let me hold your flashlight!"

She literally had one of the bartenders shine a flashlight on the stage. Which worked because the Cock is damn near pitch black.

Somehow, Sphinx lost, and I think it's because the cheers for the black guy were still going when Logan called for people to cheer for Sphinx (so they couldn’t quite hear that they were supposed to yell).

"We have a winner for Round 1! Stick around for Round 2 in just a few!"

image from Cheezburger.com

By the time Round 2 happened, LeNair Xavier was the only one interested in entering. That's when I realized that it was about 2:15. The prize for the contest: a free bar tab for the rest of the night. On a Wednesday.

Overall, I thought it was fun. Logan's crass, in-your-face humor always makes for a good show, even in the diviest of venues. And let's face it: The Cock is legendary in NYC (even if most of the legend was from before they moved… ask an old-school New Yorker about “the old Cock”… ha! You said “old cock!”). Luckily, we didn't stick around late enough or get close enough to the back wall to be reminded of why The Cock maintains its infamy.

Did I mention this is the introduction to my re-dedication to exploration of during-the-week nightlife in NYC? Yeah.

Click here to check out that time I saw Logan's show at Fire Island Blackout Weekend.