When I got back on the ship, I had just enough time for either a nap or a pool-side layout before it was time to get ready for the military-themed "Ask Me; Tell Me" tea dance. Of course, I went with the latter. As I settled in a seat on the level above the main pool, I heard the signature Rydell-High chimes that come on before an announcement from Captain Zini.
Our Captain had some kind of exotic accent that sounded mixed between Latin and Euro. I pictured him as a nicely-muscled 40-something who's ridiculously handsome with graying temples and a blindingly white smile. He seemed to be on pace for at least 3 announcements daily, but his accent was so sexy that I'd pop wood if he read the phonebook. Anyway, his announcement was far from the cheerful tone we were used to. He explained to us that 5 guys were being kicked off the ship for using GHB at the party the night before. It was obvious from the way that he said “G… H… B?” that he’d never heard of the substance before and had no idea what it did. Come to think of it, I’m not totally sure what it does.
At the end of his (damn near 10-minute) address, he emphasized that Royal Caribbean's primary concern was our safety. We should have fun, but we should "be responsible for the consequences of [our] actions." Talk about a downer.
For the "Ask Me; Tell Me" Tea Dance, I had envisioned a variation on Kylie Minogue's shirt in "All the Lovers," but by the time I got Calipornia to basically sew me into my shirt, it was a lot less glamorous than I'd pictured in my head.
After stopping off to see Fey for a drink, we arrived at the outdoor Aqua Theater (where they do diving shows) to find thousands of guys dressed in camo, drab and other service-inspired vestments. Men filled the stage, seating area, platforms and walkway leading to the theater. There was also a short performance by some of the Atlantis staff (which I couldn't see).
At one point, I was dancing with some NYC gays I knew from my gym, and I looked up to find a huge video camera pointed at me. Luckily, the camera man had approached the good side of my outfit, so I grabbed the guy I used to have a huge crush on 3 years ago to start grinding with him (okay, maybe there's a bit of crush left over, but I was totally doing it to give them good footage!). I figured it was for the highlight video they put together after the cruise, but I later found out that they were broadcasting us on the jumbotrons above the stage.
A nap happened before dinner, and soon we had to start prepping for the “Heros” party that night. I'd come up with the idea of doing villain costumes with body paint, gloves, masks, tights and boots, but Calipornia's roommate let him borrow a ridiculous leotard-type piece with more of the ass cut out than covered.
The body paint was its own adventure. After almost giving up on the application of said paint, I suggested that Cali wet it with a was cloth. A half hour later, the washcloth was ruined, but my torso was completely covered.
"I'm gonna tell people that this is what happens when black people sunburn."
This party was in the Solarium on the upper deck, and bitches went all out on their costumes! I swear, I've never seen so much spandex in one place! But I think the award of the night goes to the NYC crew who dressed as the cast of Spiderman the Musical: complete with neck braces, bandages and hospital gowns.
|image from a friend's Facebook album|
We spent most of the party wandering, gawking and taking pictures. We got to the after party (held in a converted ice-skating theater) a bit early, but the place was filled within a half hour. After Calipornia got distracted by something twinky, I had a surprising amount of fun people-watching and dancing to the house music the Dj was playing.
I had two major fears at the end of the night. One was that the paint wouldn’t come off, which really wouldn’t do because I was determined to get some time in at the pool the next day. The other was that the body paint would ruin my very cute underwear. But when I stripped down, I only had a few spots on the waistband of the undies, and an extra-long shower plus a few hours sleep took care of the paint. I got to bed around 6.
Day 3 was at sea. Calipornia and I dragged ourselves to the pool just before 1. Unfortunately, half the boat had the same idea, but we were able to get a chair right by the main pool to share.
I was super-psyched for the 70s party that afternoon because this was my costume that some others may have had the idea for, but no one else would dare attempt to pull off. Polyester bell bottoms and roller skates. It was perfect because if I couldn't wear them on the ship, I'd just hang them around my neck as an accessory!
Calipornia (in my orange patterned Bonobos and a male-symbol medallion) and I ordered a drink from Fe (our fav bartender), and as I rolled through the halls of the ship to the party, I was getting all kinds of admiration for the outfit. As soon as I rolled into the party at the Aqua Theater, security flagged me down. It wasn't that I had to take the skates off: I had to surrender them until we got back to Fort Lauderdale! There were two pair already sitting by the security officers. Pissed wasn't even the word. And as I was unlacing the skates, I knocked over my 2/3rds-full drink.
|image from Calipornia's Facebook album|
Me: "If I had known they were banned, I wouldn't have bought them in the frost place! You would think they would put something like that as a footnote in the party guide!"
Cali: "You're not giving yourself enough credit. I mean, 5400 homes and maybe 4 thought to bring skates?"
Me: "Okay, huffing and puffing about it won't get my skates back. I'm gonna go grab my sneakers. I'm def gonna need another drink!"
As I was dancing I heard an Australian accent compliment my pants. Turns out the accent was attached to a handsome smile. I instantly turned on the Blackout charm, and conversation came easy. He even bought me a drink! Not that I couldn't afford the $6.61, but a drink from a hot stranger is a pretty major gesture in my book (since it never happens to me in NYC).
This Aussie did nothing to dispel the stereotype of Aussies being drunks. He told us that the night before, he'd lost his phone, wallet and shoes. But that wasn't even the most shocking part.
Him (pointing down): "Do you mind if I show you something?"
Me: "Don't worry: it takes a lot to shock me."
Did I mention what he showed me definitely counted as a lot (and I mean a whole lot)? Yeah.
Click here to see what socked me.
Click here to check out Day 2: Barbados.
Add me on Facebook to see pictures from these parties. NSFW.
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