Fun with Grindr: Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Part II

So, in the last Fun with Grindr from the Big Gay Cruise, we saw a number of guys advertising the fact that they were going on said cruise in their profile. These were the least slutty of the ones I saw. What you are about to witness takes it a step further: these guys want you to know where they are on the ship!

But it was a big boat. Two guys on the same deck could be a long way apart. So these guys gave out their stateroom numbers.

The gay world never ceases to amaze me.

OMG! They have Grindr in Australia?! Click here to check out Fun with Grindr (The Down Under Edition).


Click here to check out my floppy bird (it's another cruise ship story).

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

do you like jock straps (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 7, Final Rinse party and an AMERICAN!)

On day 7, I told myself I was done hooking up on the boat. I was tired, I felt cracked out, and my dick was sore. Plus, by the time I'd stopped in for breakfast, I really only had about 3 hours before it was time to get ready for the "Final Rinse" party (aka, Last Chance Tea Dance), which began at 3:30pm.

Calipornia had told me that everyone was always hung over from the White Party, so it was the tea dance few people put any effort into. To me, that was a clear sign to do something outstanding, yet simple. So we did bright speedos under clear rain coats and carried clear dome umbrellas with bright stripes. Not only were we a hit at the party, but we were the only ones who weren't shivering in the 60-degree weather. 2 days before, and we would have been fucked!

We'd done our rounds, making sure to get on the jumbotrons a couple of times, and while we were posted up along the side, Calipornia noticed a guy we'd pointed out before because of his enormous package (he'd actually earned some beads at the tea dance the day before). He was making out with some twink who saw us watching and pulled down the back of his speedo to expose his almost equally ample ass.

Cali: "I'm going to talk to them."

Me: "Well, that was fun."

Luckily, it wasn't the worst place to be left alone in a ridiculous outfit.

I continued to snap photos of people from stage left. As I observed the rest of the party, a tall, slim Jewish guy started talking to me. He was quite handsome, and I judged him to be late-30s/early-40s. And he was funny! What intrigued me most was how he spoke forwardly without coming off as sleazy.

Me: "I've never seen as many jock straps in one place as I have on this ship!"

Him: "Oh, do you like jock straps."

Me: "Yeah, actually. I do."

Him: "I was wearing a jock strap the other night. I could take them or leave them, but the guy I took home was saying it framed my tan lines well."

Me: "I could imagine they would."

Him: "Yeah, and I got quite a bit of color this week. See?"

Me: "[Oh my god, I really shouldn't be getting turned on by this!] You certainly did. Not bad at all."

Him: "You know, guys say I have a really nice ass."

Me: "Do they?"

Him: "Yeah. Go ahead and feel it... See?"

Me: "That DOES feel nice."

Him: " Yeah, it's tight, too. So, what are the chances of me getting you back to my room?"

I'm almost ashamed to admit that this vein of flirtation was actually successful on me. Not right away, but he definitely put in work and got what he wanted. And I learned a cool didlo trick: apparently it feels amazing if you tap it while it's in.

But what I'm really ashamed to admit is how turned on I was by the phrase "that Jew-boy ass."

After dinner, I finally made it to see Aiden James' show, which was awesome (especially his folky mash-up of current and past pop hits with the same chord progression).

That night was the "Last Dance" party in the ice rink arena. Calipornia stopped by Central Park for a goodbye drink with our favorite bartender. By the time we left, it would have been safe to say we were in good spirits for the party.

It was obvious how many people were partied out by the last night. The dancefloor was actually navigable, and you could have a conversation over the music! Meanwhile, Blaze, the bar next to the arena, had been playing pop and hip-hop all week, but nobody was ever there, much to Calipornia's and my frustration. On the last night, Blaze was packed! I guess some of the queens just couldn't take any more house.

As the night wore on, I kept noticing a short, built white guy who seemed to be checking me out. And even after the French couple the night before and the Jewish guy that afternoon, and the sleep deprivation, I actually initiated a convo with this guy. And guess what nationality he was. (Un)Fortunately, both our roommates were sleeping, so we had to be content with making out on the dancefloor.

Did I mention the cruise stories aren't quite over yet? Yeah.

Click here to check out why I'm obsessed with going to France... oh, and there's the whole wildest-party-on-the-ship thing, too.

Click here to check out what happened when I met that hot guy by the entrance to the men's bathroom at the airport.

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from the cruise. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

a confined space with hot men and no commitments (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 6, Part II: The "Angels" & "Demons" parties... and Monsieur Federline)

Click here to check out Day 6, Part I.

FYI, this is another explicit one (I know you love it)

Calipornia and I really were not ready for the spectacle that was the “Angels” party. We were so overwhelmed that we couldn't even manage to take pictures for the first 5 minutes. And again, holding a drink in gloves: not so easy!

Everyone was decked out for this party, and many had costume changes for the "Demons" party in the ice rink theater (I felt like Calipornia and my costumes covered both themes nicely, and I was glad to get double mileage out of them). It was so crowded at the latter party that I spent a significant amount of time in the hall outside so I could get better pictures. Both parties: legendary.

Then I saw this 30-something Kevin-Federline-looking blonde guy in a fitted cap and like 6 silver chains on. I wanted to be turned off. Really I did. But he was so fucking handsome! Then he had a French accent! It was still earlyish (like 2), so I really wasn't ready leave yet. But from the way he was smiling at me, I had a feeling he wouldn't be too hard to find later.

After a couple of laps and walk-throughs, I settled into a good people watching spot, dancing in the first few rows of the stadium-style seats of the ice rink arena. I saw the French Hottie from the first night. He was well on the way to taking home another tall, muscular black guy.

I don't remember making eye contact with the French Hottie, but over the course of about a half hour, French Hottie’s black guy and I made eye contact several times. He would nod at me like he recognized me. Or like we had some kind of understanding. It felt weird. Not that witnessing other hookups-in-progress was unexpected in a confined space with hot men and no commitments, but the way this guy looked at me made me wonder how much he knew. Or maybe he was just looking for a 3-some. Which would be most unexpected since most black guys I meet who are comfortable in mostly-white environments aren't into other black guys.

When I decided I was over it, I found Monsieur Federline way too easily, and we went back to his stateroom.

. o O (One bed?! Sweet! He's rooming alone!)

Ever found someone who liked receiving everything you liked doing (or vice versa)? And then he encouraged you to be more intense with what you like? That's what Monsieur Federline was like.

After I'd cum and realized he had no desire to do so (busy day, huh?), I started to pass out on the bed. He was trying to blow me, but my refractory period refused to be ignored. And as I lay on the bed with him working on me, I heard the door click.

In walked a 40-something, ruggedly handsome muscle queen. They exchanged a few phrases in French.

Me: "Your boyfriend?"

Federline (sheepishly): "Yes."

Now, it was like 8 in the morning, and I could barely keep my eyes open, but somehow, he got my dick hard with just a couple minute's work. He grabbed a condom.

Thank goodness he was happy to ride my dick because there was no way I was getting up off the bed. Federline kept himself involved, kissing here and tweaking there. After a while, he lay next to me jerking off. His boyfriend was mostly focused on me, but I saw him look over and, without breaking rhythm, slap Federline in the face, saying in his ridiculously hot accent, "You're sleeping!" Federline managed to stay awake for no longer than 10 seconds, so he missed his boyfriend's spectacular fireworks show. All over my chest.

Did I mention I was still wearing the rope harness? Ew.

Click here to check out the "Final Rinse" and "Last Dance" parties on Day 7.

Add me on Facebook to see hundreds of must-see pictures from the parties. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

Those beads have power! (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 6, Part I: a surprise tea dance and our White Party costume)

Day 6 was at sea. I'd planned to take it easy and catch up on some writing before the big white party that night. I'd somehow convinced myself that a seat beside the main pool was the perfect place to maintain compositional concentration.

As I was "writing," I heard the all-too-familiar chimes from the PA system.

Tea Dance, Tea Dance, Tea Dance... Aqua Theater.

Tea Dance, Tea Dance, Tea Dance... Aqua Theater.

Tea Dance, Tea Dance, Tea Dance... Aqua Theater.

Malcolm the Cruise Director went on to explain that they were having a surprise Tea Dance starting in 15 minutes. 5 minutes later, the pool as good as deserted! Everyone was scurrying to put together an outfit. I was wishing I'd followed Calipornia's advice and brought my Santa Con outfit (I thought she was joking!), but I finally settled on one of my newer speedos.

Either my manfunk was hitting the ideal chemistry or I was just unaware of how ridiculously sexy this particular speedo is. Guys were complimenting and asking for pictures left and right! American guys! It's like they made me not-black or something! (Kidding... Sorta...)

This party was particularly fun because of the real-time interactive jumbotrons. Since the party had no theme, they made it remarkable by sending roving cameras though the crowd. They'd show two guys and a graphic saying "Kiss! Kiss!" would flash across the bottom, or sometimes they'd make funny commentary about a guy's outfit. Or they'd just zoom in on a guy's package as it flopped about while he danced. People were usually on the screen for 5-10 seconds.

I was on camera twice. The first time was dancing on the stairs in the seats of the Aqua theater. I tried my best not to be all *Britney voice* "Oh my gawd, y'all, I'm own tay-vay!" but from the glance I got out of the corner of my eye, I didn't make a total fool of myself. But the second time, Calipornia and I were up on one of the balconies. Cali saw the camera moving in our direction on the level below us, so I put a little more sexy in my dance. And when I looked over on the screen, the shot was centered right on my taint! Fucking perfect.

Me: "A lil early for Mardi Gras. How'd you get those beads?"

Random: "Uh, I bought them?"

Me: "Wait, you're on a balcony. With hot drunk gays below. You have Mardi Gras beads. And you're just wearing them?! Those beads have power!"

Random: "You're right. Let's see some cock!"

We proceeded to call out to guys below to get their attention. Of course, none of them responded to "Hey, blue speedo with the huge package!" But with the help of some more perverted observant gays on the lower level, we had a 100% dick-sighting success rate!

After dinner, Calipornia and Aiden James decided to go see a show. I declined because "I'm gonna take a disco nap... Unless I go to Amsterdam." But it turned out Amsterdam, Dutch guy with a boyfriend whom I had met the night before, came to me. It was so worth the lost sleep, but I was still running on the 4 hours from my rather turbulent trip to Paris the night before. Alas, it was time to prep for the "Angels" and "Demons" parties!

Calipornia explained to me that this was the cruise's White Party, so my concept for this costume was a white palate with a dark theme. A white devil if you will. However, this was hardly an easy feat to pull off. We found rather perfect horns, but they were black. I spray painted them on the Tuesday before. Then I did a second coat on Wednesday with touch-ups on Thursday. On Saturday, I had to wrap them in paper towels and pack them in plastic bags because I was still getting paint on my fingers. I'd unwrapped the horns as soon as we'd gotten on board on Sunday so that they'd be fully dry by the time we needed them. And when I took the masking tape off the headband part on Friday: fucking white paint on my fingers again!

image from Calipornia's facebook profile

Besides the horns, we were doing the rope harnesses I'd done for Folsom St. East, white lace-up gloves, and white jock straps under white mesh shorts.

I was really not excited about the last element of our costume: my butt and I have issues. So many black guys have the ideally high and spherical bubble butt and don't even have to work for it. Like my best friend in high school (girls used to talk about it non-stop). My butt always looked so flat until I started buying tighter pants in college and working out my legs harder.

Now it's visible, and I get compliments, but it doesn't (nor will it ever) have that perfect spherical shape. I've accepted this, but I don't go out of my way to expose it (quite the opposite). Plus, I'd be standing next to Calipornia, whose ass is legendary among Manhunt members within a mile of the West Side Highway. Anyway, we couldnt find the shorts I wanted in white (and we scoured), so it was a last-minute sigh-okay-fine decision.

It took way too long for me to figure out how to do Calipornia's harness, but mine took less than half the time. We stopped by Fe for another drink (she was trying to convince us to meet one of her other regulars, but there were way too many men in our sightline to even think about a blind "date") before we headed up to the solarium for the "Angels" party.

Did I mention now not-ready we were so for the insanity of this party? Yeah!

Click here to check out (in great detail) what made my 'flight' to Paris so bumpy.

Click here to check out Part II: the "Angels" & "Devils" party. And to find out why I'm now obsessed with going to France.

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from the parties. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

Okay, here's where we get explicit (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 5, St. Maarten's nude beach, the "Beats" and "Anthems" parties, and French class)

Day 5 of the big gay cruise brought us to the Dutch and French island of St. Maartin. We slept in a bit, and by the time Calipornia, Aiden James and I got to Orient Beach (the nude beach), it had gotten cloudy and windy. We were determined to have a day at the beach, so we stuck it out even though most of the gays were leaving as we arrived.

image from Calipornia's facebook profile

I went to the bar for a drink, and the bartender seemed to have no interest in taking my money. I say this because it took a good 7 minutes for him to pour my drink, tell me the price and actually collecting payment. While I was waiting (and after), a white guy in his 40s took a seat at the bar.

Him: "Hey, how are you?"

Me: "Okay, but cold. Could be a lot worse. How about you?"

Him: "I'm good. You're very handsome."

Me: "Thanks. You have a great smile."

We ended up talking for a while... where we were from, trips we'd taken, the difference between RSVP and Atlantis cruises. He ordered fries from the bartender, who quoted him a price in euros, dollars and pounds (which I found hilarious because he only quoted me dollars). I gave the guy my buddy card with my contact info as I was leaving, opening my mind to changing my supremely unsuccessful record with American guys on the ship.

The clouds never really cleared up. We took the attendant's "I'm collecting payment for the beach chairs" as our cue to leave, arriving back at the drop-off just in time for a heavy rainstorm. Fortunately, I'd grabbed my everyday NYC bag, which always has an umbrella in it. Unfortunately, it also contained my bag of allergy pills and multi-vitamins. Port security almost strip-searched me.

I'd decided that since I'd missed Chicago that I needed to see (my NYC hookup's performance in) the cast's other show: Blue Planet. The show was absolutely amazing! Visually stunning, cool sets and effects, outstanding dancing and acrobatics (the number with the trampolines seemed extremely dangerous on a rocking ship). The 4 singers were sounded great, but the lead singer just didn't seem right for singing the pop music in the show. A little too Broadway... maybe even a tad legit. I was talking to one of the dancers, and it turns out this is her first singing show: she's usually a dancer.

After the show, I went to Sherry Vine's karaoke with the French Hottie from the first night. The song selection was a bit skimpy, but I managed to find a standard crowd-pleaser.

After Karaoke, Frenchie was off to get ready for the "Beats" and "Anthems" parties (2 separate parties, thankfully), with his amis, and I met up with Calipornia in our cabin. He, being the experienced cruiser that he is, grabbed some extra glow sticks and finger spot lights when we were costume shopping. These were put to use with our costumes for this party. Cali threw on a pair of white NYC speedos (that she had probably only bought at Gay Mart in FTL because she was drunk from brunch). I did my pink speedo with the "Beauty Is a Talent" shirt (because 80% of the ship had probably seen my nipples by this point). And to add that extra umph to the ensemble, we did glow sticks in our ass cracks.

image from Calipornia's facebook profile

The only remarkable thing about the party was the leather guys were decked out in. And that I actually kinda liked the music they were playing. Of course, I met up with the French Hottie. And how could I not go home with someone as sexy as he?

Okay, here's where we get explicit (I usually don't go into details about hooking up, but this story is too good). I'm on the couch. Buck-ass naked. The French guy's blowing me. Then I hear the door. Why did his hot bear roommate walk in with a muscle-otter in a harness?! My French guy seemed a bit embarrassed, but he laughed it off. And as he got up to talk to his roommate, the muscle-otter said something in French (I assume he asked permission) and got down on his knees to pick up where my French guy had left off. At one point, he stepped back, and the roommate bent down to grab by dick. He said something in French, making an "I'm impressed" face before giving it a few strokes himself.

. o O (Oh my god, you are so hot! Please sit on it! I know it probably won't happen, but please, please, please sit on it!)

He made way for the muscle-otter, who went back to work for a few minutes before he and the French muscle-bear left. I was slightly disappointed, but one come-hither look from my French Hottie was all the re-focus I needed.

Did I mention that this was not the first night I'd run back to my cabin for good lube? Yeah.

Click here to check out what happened the night before in the hot tub. Hint: Ru Paul's Drag Race, a handsome bear, and a chiseled South Asian guy were involved.

Click here to check out the awesome surprise we got the on day 6!

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from the parties. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

making each other chuckle and double-teaming guys (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 4, Part II: a celeb sighting and the "Cruisey Jacuzzi")

Click here to check out Day 4, Part I.

So, we left off where I'd ditched the 80s party and changed into a speedo for a soak in the hot tub. I say hot tub as if there were one, but the ship had at least 12 huge ones. I settled on one beside the main pool. After about 15 minutes, who should step into the very same hot tub but Jujubee (out of drag) and her entourage. She sat down right next to me, and the group of us talked Drag Race for a good half hour.

image from relaunch.newnownext.com

Me: "I swear, I can't decide my fav moment on the show! It's between Jessica Wild with 'Dees Drrink!' and you with 'You say you wanna be legendary? All I see is leg... and dairy!' But the one my friends and I quote the most is, "Tyra! Is your bah-be-que canceled?! Your grill is fucked!' It's to the point where we see a guy with fucked up teeth and all just yell 'TYRA!'"

I managed to keep from gushing too much (I hope) before they got out and a few other guys got in. This one Indian-looking guy with a chiseled body came up by the side of the hot tub, and though he seemed thoroughly entertained by the banter and the view, he refused to get in, walking away after about 10 minutes. Possibly to get another drink that he didn't need.

One of Jujubee's friends had pointed out that the hot tub next to ours was more crowded with young, hot guys who were definitely getting naked and messing around in the water. She dubbed it the Cruisey Jacuzzi. And after Jujubee's crew had left, a handsome, funny, bearish white guy in his 40s got in and declared that we needed to give them some competition. I was in a fuck-it-I'm-on-vacation mood, so my swimwear came off first. The bear's was soon to follow along with a few others.

image from tvfanatic.com

Me: "I like your shorts. Can I see them?"

The bear didn't hesitate to hand them over. I held them up for a couple of seconds before tossing them over the hot tub wall. A random gay-gasped. Did I mention it was an elevated hot tub, so the rim was about 5 feet above the pool deck?

The bear nonchalantly walked over, grabbed me by the dick (which was about 3 seconds from popping wood over the anticipation) and led me by it to the stairs. I laughed my ass off as I ran down the stairs to grab his shorts. A throw of 3 feet farther, and they would have fallen on somebody's table in Central Park... 8 floors down.

This was a bonding experience for me and the bear, and we spent most of the rest of our hot tub time making each other chuckle and double-teaming guys to get their shorts off.

Later, the Indian-looking guy came back. He still refused to get in the hot tub, but he kept engaging us. Finally, we convinced him to strip down and get in. He gave us some 'I usually don't do this' line as he disrobed. And when he finally got in, where did his naked ass land? On my lap.

Did I mention he was a cuddler? Yeah.

Click here to check out Fun with Grindr, Atlantis Allure Style.

Click here to check out a more explicit post of Day 5 (French accents were involved).

Click here to check out the other time I got someone naked in a hot tub.

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from these parties. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

EXCLUSIVE: “AMERICAN, Cute boy next door. NOT no GodDamned Nigger!” (On Racism in Porn at CorbinFisher.com)

Back in '09, I did a post on the Death of Dude Vu, which came about because of the efforts of Marc J. Randazza, General Counsel at the gay/bi adult media company CorbinFisher.com (you may have seen some of the stories about the company's recent crack-down on illegal downloading). He saw the post and left a frank comment that that certainly didn’t win him any friends among the readers. So when I got his email telling me he had some information that he wanted TheBlackoutBlog to share exclusively, I really wasn’t sure what to expect. When we finally got a chance to catch up, the story that he told me was, without a doubt, worth the wait.

If you’re a regular follower of CorbinFisher.com, you’ve noticed their model Carter. For those of you not familiar, Carter’s got the typical slim/muscular build you’d expect from a Corbin Fisher model. Six pack, gorgeous smile, the whole package. Except he’s black. And let me tell you: CorbinFisher.com is not exactly known for the diversity of its models (right, LeNair Xavier?).

photo licensed from Corbin Fisher

Now, I know we all have our preferences and attributes we’re attracted to, but what happened after Carter’s scenes were posted on the website was beyond shocking.

emails courtesy of Marc J. Randazza

These are 2 of 7 emails that Randazza sent to me, all from the same guy (whom they'd dubbed “Rob”), all using the n-word.

I spoke with Randazza and Chip Carter, Director of Marketing for CorbinFisher.com (not to be confused with the model Carter), and they were equally disgusted with the fact that a member of our community would speak so hatefully towards a member of the same minority group: “You’re so racist! How can you be gay?” And this is just the tip of the iceberg: according to them, there’s a new Rob every month. It’s something the upper management at CorbinFisher.com doesn’t take lightly.

photo licensed from Corbin Fisher

Pete’s Attic, a podcast from Corbin Fisher’s website, discussed the issue in an episode called “Rob, the Amazing Racist” posted 10/22/10.

Corbin Fisher: “In the first 4 hours of the video going up, 25% of the votes… on the video are 1 star [out of 5].”

Pete: “We can track who’s voting on what video, and, obviously, what they’re voting… And you [Fisher] noticed how there were several people who had never voted before, but all of a sudden, when Carter’s updates when on, it was almost immediately a 1-star vote.”

Fisher: “They singled him out, nailed him on each of his updates.”

CorbinFisher.com decided to strike the 1-star votes on Carter’s video from those who hadn’t rated any other videos, as the “agenda voting” was seen as inappropriate and unfair.

After this podcast was posted on CorbinFisher.com, Liberty Media, of which CorbinFisher.com is a subsidiary, received a hand written letter from Rob, whose account had been suspended. His handwriting is a bit hard to read, but he states:

photo licensed from Corbin Fisher

“…he got one of his little toadies, “Pete”, the guy that runs the radio portion of the site to put up a tacky, mean and hateful radio session about me entitled, “Rob, The Amazing Racist”… basically, it was CF, the guy “Pete” and some woman labeling me, judging me, laughing at me and making fun of me! It was like a slap in the face.”

Yeah, Rob? Now you know how it feels. Except you chose to be an asshole; Carter didn’t choose to be black.

I’m actually at a loss for words regarding this situation. The fact that anyone would throw around a hateful word that was used while blacks were unjustly attacked by police dogs, raped by slave masters and lynched by angry mobs absolutely boggles my mind. And as Randazza and Chip Carter told me, he’s just a representation of what they’ve been seeing from multiple members for the past several months.

So what’s the deal here? Should CorbinFisher.com stick to their “all-American” white prototypes for which they’re so well known if that’s what their audience wants? Is it worth a whole race debate over just to add a different element into their erotic menu? Leave your opinions in the comments section.

Click here to check out my gay cruise adventures: Atlantis' Allure of the Seas 2011 (yes, the one you read about because of the drug bust).

Fun with Grindr: Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Part I

Okay, so I know some of you are reading these posts and judging my ‘slutty’ behavior on this cruise. But I was relatively tame compared to some that I heard about (especially the guy I heard described, not as the Face of Atlantis, but as the Ass of Atlantis). And it turns out the sluttiness wasn't just happening in person.

When we landed in Fort Lauderdale and while we were the dock on the ship, I logged onto Grindr to check out the local scene. And girl, it was FILLED with gays letting guys know that they were going on this cruise! Here’s a sampling of the profiles:

Well, I suppose that somewhere in the universe, there's a gay cruise where couples say monogamous throughout the trip. But honey, this ain't it!

You get 2 lines of text for your profile, and that's what you want us to know?

By LTR, she means a 'cruise boyfriend' for the week.

He's really good! He's been teaching for as long as he's been using this photo.

"Honey, I'm sorry!"

"You mean to tell me you thought a grid of shirtless guys was a good place for us to make new friends!"

"How is that any different from this ship?"

"...you're still sleeping on the couch."

"Yo soy loca con mi tigre!"

At what age does it become inappropriate to be 'stoked'...

And this isn't even the full extent of the online sluttiness that I witnessed on this boat. More to come.

Click here to check out more Fun with Grindr.

Click here to check out our pre-boarding night in Fort Lauderdale.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

TheBlackoutBlog Griffin Jockstrap Challenge

For those of you who don't know, the Black Party is coming up in NYC. As such, there are a ton of leather-themed parties coming up. One of them is Griffin Sundays' The Blackout.

Keo Nozari: "Is that your hole in the center?" Bitch.

Let me tell you, I had nothing to do with the planning of this party. But Griffin is a good time (and Sunday night is my favorite night out), so I figure I might as well jump on the bandwagon! It's cheaper than suing.

It just so happens that I've installed a new commenting system (Disqus) that lets you log in with your Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo!, or Open ID account. I know it's a bitch to make comments through blogger, and I want to hear from you guys more.

What the fuck do these items have to do with each other?

Well, as a slutty way to introduce you guys to the new commenting system, I'm pledging to strip down to a jock strap and boots at Griffin this Sunday if I get 200 comments from unique users (no repeats) on this post in 24 hours, starting at noon Thursday 3/10. Log in on Facebook (and expect a friend request from me), and follow me on Twitter (I'll be checking). And tell your friends because you know they'll love it!

This is a pretty major pledge for me: I love stripping down, but my ass is always covered. Like always (as my friends will verify in the comments, I'm sure). I have to admit, I'm not too worried about having to do this since I really don't see many comments on this blog. But if you click the button to share on Facebook and Twitter and get your friends and followers in on the action, I'll probably spend most of Sunday afternoon deciding which jock strap I should wear.

Am I really doing this?

For those of you outside NYC, there are always professional photographers at this party. So even if you can't be there in person, there will definitely be pictures on Facebook.

PS, if anybody at The Saint at Large is reading this, I'd be totally happy to blog about The Black Party. So let me know: TheBlackoutBlog@gmail.com (#shameless)

Wanna look good in your jock strap? Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log: your guide to personal fitness in 2011.

Add Griffin Sundays on Facebook for more info (and awesome photos).

Are we gonna miss the boat?! (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 4, Part I: St. Thomas and an Awkward Semi-Celeb Moment)

Day 4 of the Big Gay Cruise brought us to St. Thomas. I didn't feel like rushing to get ready for a day at the beach, so I told Calipornia I'd catch up with her and her friend Aiden James (a folk singer with his own show on the ship).

I caught a shuttle to Megen's Beach, which was on the other side of some treacherously mountainous terrain. Did I mention this shuttle didn't have doors! After what seemed like an eternity of dangerous curves overlooking steep drop-offs (plus, they drive American cars on the left side of the road), we got to a gorgeous beach. Whereas most beach I've been to have a gay section and a straight section, this beach had patches of gays and straights scattered throughout the long strip of sand.

Calipornia and Aiden James were absurdly far down on the far side of the beach with 3 other guys, and there were no other gays in sight. As I was trekking through the sand, all I could think was . o O (Why the hell would Cali pick a secluded area as much as we go to the gym and spend on speedos?!)

Cali (as soon as I came into view): "This wasn't my idea! Aiden James followed Brazilians!"

Me: "I wasn't even gonna— okay, nevermind ‘cause I was wondering!"

Cali: "Okay, so get this: we were on the shuttle with Pam Ann. You know, the comedian I was telling you about? So she's up front, and this straight guy gets on and starts cracking jokes that he obviously wants the rest of the shuttle to hear. He'd say something and then turn around, give us a look and laugh, and I was just like, 'Dude, we're gay. We're funnier. Leave the comedy to us.'

"So Pam starts messing with him and asking him where he's from, because he has this accent, and what he does. After a few minutes, it comes out that he's the captain of the ship! Then we recognized the 'Goodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorning' voice! So Pam is totally shocked, and she's like, in her Australian accent, 'I can't believe it! I've been making fun of you for like half my show!' Our jaws all just dropped! It was such a moment! So we HAVE to go see her. She'll probably make even more fun of him now."

After a couple of uneventful hours on the beach (I put my feet in the water and failed several attempts to photograph a wild mongoose), we made our way back to the shuttle pick-up area. But why were all the gays gone? Didn't they say local time was an hour ahead of ship time? Are we gonna miss the boat?!

Turns out we didn't miss the boat, which was ideal because there was an open-bar party in honor of the 20th Anniversary of Atlantis. I proceeded to enjoy no less than 4 cosmos (in addition to the drink I'd had at the beach).

And when we got back to our room, there was an animal on my bed.

That night was the "That 80s Party," which Cali and I really didn't bother dressing up for. By that time, I was so knockered that after about an hour and a half when Cali and Aiden James wandered off, I gave up on the party and went to the hot tub.

Did I mention that the rest of the night was even better than last time I was in a hot tub (on Fire Island)? Yeah.

Click here to check out the Lost Continent Party on Day 3.

Click here to find out what happened in the hot tub (and what celeb was there, too).

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from these parties. NSFW.

Aiden James' ociicial website.

Aiden James on Facebook.

Aiden James on Twitter.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.

Jujubee is here? (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 3: Bruised Aussie, Singles Dinner, Miss Richfield 1981 and the Lost Continent party)

Click here to check out the beginning of the 70s party.

So, we left off at the 70s party when I was talking to a handsome Aussie guy who had something shocking to show me. I told him that with all the crazy things I’ve seen it took a lot to shock me. And what he showed me qualified as a lot. A whole lot. This Aussie pulled forward the waistline of his shorts, and when I looked down, I saw a huge black spot on his penis (see, I was so taken aback that I had to use the clinical term)!

Me: "What the hell is that?!"

Him: "It's a bruise! No idea how it got there, tho."

Me: "How does one even get a bruise just right there?"

After an hour or so, the Bruised Aussie and I parted ways. He seemed just as interested in Karaoke as I was, so I gave him my buddy cars and emphasized that I really did want him to actually call me.

Cali and I did a quick change before the Singles Dinner, which was not unlike speed dating. You sit at tables of varying size and are assigned a number. After every course, two numbers find a new table. Upon first glance, we found the crowd slightly tragic, but we went with it, planning to ditch dessert in time for the free drinks at the captain's reception. I ended up chatting up some very engaging guys and having a better time than expected. But we missed the Captain’s reception by a long shot.

One of the NYC gays told me that Miss Richfield 1981 was absolutely not to be missed, so I dropped in. She has a great schtick (50-something midwestern pageant girl) that's well-executed, but I can only do so much racial/xenophobic-stereotype humor.

That night was the Lost Continent party. Back in NYC when Calipornia and I were costume shopping, we were planning on calling it quits for this party after we found grass skirts, but we saw the parrots sitting on the rack.

Me (joking): "We have to take these on the cruise!"

Cali (pausing): "We're SO taking these on the cruise!"

We didn't really try on our complete costumes until the night of their respective parties, and the biggest snag in our plans presented itself with these birds that went on our shoulders. Their feet were connected to strings, which we tied to leafy sashes draped over our shoulders. But they kept flopping over, so the birds looked totally dead. This turned into the big joke of the night. That and our putting the birds to our ears during Lady Gaga's "Telephone."

Oh, and then this happened.

RuPaul Drag Race's Jujubee

Calipornia: “Did you hear what happened?!”

Me: “What, that Jujubee is here?”

Cali: “No! Someone shit himself on the dance floor at the party!”

Me: “Shut the fuck!”

Cali: “Yeah, I guess he was on G or K or LMNOP. Whatever. Anyway, he was wearing a jock strap and ended up shitting on his own calf when they were carrying him out.”

Me: “What is this, the Black Party 2005?!”

Cali: “From now on, this party is the ‘Lost Continence’ party.”

At the after party in the ice skating arena, I ran into the Bruised Aussie, who a) had not called and b) was wasted (again). And because I'm a glutton for punishment, we danced for a bit and started making out. He may or may not have had a hand inside the front of my grass shirt for an unspecified period of time.

Him: "You know I can't sleep with you, right?"

Me: "What the hell! Okay, that's cool. Can I ask why?"

Him: "I'm just not that kind of guy."

Me: "You mean to tell me that you've been damn near jerking me off for the last I see. Well alright!"

I danced with him for a few more minutes before sending him stumbling on his way. After people watching from the stadium seats, I decided to take one more stroll through the dance floor before heading to bed. I got about halfway through before a short Italian couple stopped me. Like off-the-boat Italian. Like only-1-of-them-spoke-functional-English Italian. I really don't think 10 minutes passed before we left the party.

Did I mention that the ship's upper suites are ridiculous! Yeah.

Click here to check out our Saturday in Ft. Lauderdale before we set sail.

Add me on Facebook to see pictures from these parties. NSFW.

Atlantis Events' official website.

Atlantis Events on Facebook.

Atlantis Events on Twitter.