Rafferty/Mazur Events Presents: Kings at Juliet (a Wednesday night gay party)

So, for those of you who haven’t heard, Wednesday is the new night to go out for gays in Manhattan. It’s really kind of overwhelming how Wednesday many parties are either going on or in the works. I’ve been hating the crowded mainstream gay scene on the weekends for a while now, so my ear’s been to the ground for an alternative. And I’ve heard some major rumbling.

The guys who brought us Griffin Sundays (Rafferty/Mazur Events) are throwing their hats into the Wednesday-night ring with their new party Kings @ Juliet.

No Cover.

Open Bar (9-10pm).

Go-goes.

Last week, they saw a great turn out with guys of all types and races. With fun music and a cute crowd, how can you not have a great time!

I’ve been known for complaining about drink prices at gay-night-at-straight-club events, but they have $8 vodkas and $6 beers the whole night! And for those of you who insist on bottle service, Brian Rafferty will hook it up! Plus, they serve dinner 7-9pm (reservations highly encouraged).

The fun starts Wednesday night at Juliet Supper Club.

539 w 21^st St (b/t 10^th & 11^th Aves).

Questions, bottles, naked pics: Braff1@aol.com

Click here to check out why age isn't always the best judge of a trick's intentions.

Review: Gulliver Travels by Justin Luke Zirilli

NYC promoter and blogger buddy Justin Luke has published a novel that's been getting quite a bit of buzz among gay media outlets. And more importantly, I make a cameo in the book! Check out my review of Gulliver Travels below. Oh, and Justin: my cameo had better not be taken out of the movie. I know where you live.

Shots, drag queens and a threesome: welcome to Gully's first night in NYC. Author Justin Luke Zirilli’s coming-of-age novel Gulliver Travels follows a west-coast twink learning his way around the mainstream Manhattan gay scene one (mis)adventure at a time. Whether you're dreaming of your own relocation to the Empire State or you're a regular when they turn the lights on at Posh, you'll find yourself hooked, wondering how the hell Gully's gonna come out of his latest situation. And between the boys, his unexpected job situation and nightlife escapades, there’s always a situation. Of course, you’ll find drunken nights and flirty glances that turn into sloppy hook-ups (with no lack of descriptive detail). But when shit goes down, and Gully has to face the consequences of his actions, Gulliver Travels gets real. Oh, and don’t bother searching for NewYorkScrewniversity: That’s a Gulliver Travels exclusive.

Click here to get your copy of Gulliver Travels (there's music, so turn down your speakers).

Click here to check out the last time I went to California (back in '08!).

Shequida was reading everyone! (DR!P May '11 @ Grace Room Mate Hotel)

When I stepped off the elevator outside Spinx's studio to meet RomaRomaMan for dinner, I heard barking all the way down the hall. Gucci (her dog) was charging at me as fast as his little toothpicks would take him!

RomaRomaMan: "Gucci's so happy to see you! He never runs after anyone like that! And he won't stop licking you! I'm jealous!"

image from zaccoleman.tumblr.com

I walked into the apartment, and when I put my bag down, I had to do a double take at the piece of... um, apparel lying across the couch. It was a latex body suit with all types of holes cut in the torso, including one in the crotch.

RomaRomaMan: "Sphinx's outfit for tonight. You feel like Chinese?"

After dinner, we walked back into the apartment to find Sphinx already dressed. To the body suit, he'd added a pair of 6" thigh-high boots and a string thong that looked like it would pop if he so much as coughed.

Sphinx: "Should I change? Is too much?"
Me: "Is just right. Perfect!"

Sphinx: "My sons leave town earlier this week. They go to DC then back to Egypt. And the older one always asking for RomaRomaMan! Last week, me and him have fight—"
RMM: "A cat fight. Very petty."
Sphinx: "Yes, we have fight and my son hear. So the next night, RomaRomaMan sleep at your place —"
RRM: "Because, come on! 4 of us in a studio!"
Sphinx: "And my son see RRM is not here. He think because of fighting, he left and sleep on the street."
RRM: "He is so sweet. He was always following me around."
Sphinx: "And all you ask is 'When they leave!' Hahaha!"
RRM: "Not true! I am not a monster!"

Did I mention Sphinx has 2 sons? Yeah.

We continued with drinks til about 11 when RRM's bear friend, a fellow Italian, came over. He wasn't sure about DR!P's atmosphere, so he went conservative with some butt-hugging jeans and a stretchy black and red shirt. And when he walked past, I noticed something in his pocket.

Me (after googling on my phone): "Does your friend know that he's telling people that he's a fisting top with that red bandana?"
RRM: "Yes, of course. I told you he was into that!"
Me: "Oh... Tonight's gonna be good!"

We finally cabbed it to Grace Hotel around 11:30, but RomaRomaMan had forgotten his ID. Despite his being 40, the bouncer wouldn't let him in, so he and his friend hopped in a cab back to the loft to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Sphinx and I went into one of the restrooms to change into our outfits. While Sphinx was serving some hardcore S&M with a jewelry-heist wig, I went for a more playful look.

Once RomaRomaMan and his friend got back, RMM proceeded to feed me drinks for the next two hours. On a Tuesday.

Meanwhile, the new-ish Hell's Kitchen store, Tagg, had a fashion show, which featured exactly what we've seen on the street in HK and Fire Island the last 3 summers. Remarkable irony when juxtaposed with the creative garb that people at the party were wearing.

I should mention that RomaRomaMan used to date one of the drag queens involved with DR!P, so it's quite ironic that RRM and I met there. And possibly inappropriate that we've now started coming together (though their tryst was years ago). After said fashion show, the crowd started to thin out, but our group was still partying like it was a Saturday night. I was lip-syncing to some diva song poolside, and I did a little turn and ended up mouth-agape holding a fake note face-to-face with said drag queen. She made a face and blurted out, "Awkward moment." All I could do was laugh.

As RomaRomaMan, his friend and I were getting our last round of drinks at the downstairs bar, I observed that pretty much all the people involved with the party were hanging out downstairs. And Shequida was reading everyone!

Shequida: "Oh no, honey. You're about to break glasses and shit! We gotta get you out of here."
Mahogany (a drag queen): "Please. What are you gonna do! Whatchu gonna do!"
Shequida: "What am I gonna do?! I'm gonna sit you down and teach you how to do make-up, okay..."

Shequida: "...and what the fuck is that Peppermint song. I go to work on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday? Those aren't lyrics: bitch, that just means you have a job!"
Random white guy: "Hey, man! That's not cool!"
Shequida: "What the hell kind of damn song is that anyway?"
Random white guy: "Well what song did you have? Huh? If her song is so bad, where's your song?"
Shequida: "Is this guy for real?"
Random: "Yeah. If you're gonna talk trash about her when she's not even here to defend herself—"
Different random in drag (in a loud gospel voice): "Oh I know everything's gonna be alright, alright."
Shequida: "Look..."
Random in drag (louder): "Oh I know everything's gonna be alright, alright!"
Shequida (shushing the other drag queen): "It's not even that serious, guy. It's not shade because what I say to queens behind their backs, I say in front of them. And they do it right back to me, though not as well. So obviously you're a little too unfamiliar with the situation to get so involved. Peppermint doesn't need you to defend her when we're all just having a good time here."

Me (out of the side of my mouth to RRM): "Who invited her?"

Did I mention that by this point Sphinx had peeled off her cat suit and heels, left them by the pool, and was trying to grind with some poor youngn on a platform about 5 feet away from where this was all going down? Yeah.

To see pictures from this and more nights out, add me as a friend on Facebook.


Click here to check out a wild night from DR!P back in '09.

How To: Limited Profile on Facebook

I'm so tired of people using privacy issues as an excuse to limit their Facebook enjoyment (or not join at all). It turns out that it's okay to add your boss, your students, even your mother. It's just a matter of controlling what they have access to on your profile. I'm going to show you how to make it so that certain people only see exactly what you're willing to show.

If all the the text and pictures confuse you, scroll to the bottom for bullet points.

First, click on your friends tab on the top left of the page, and click on "Edit Friends button " on the top right. The next page will have a "Create a List" button in the same place. Click it.

When you click on the "Create a List" button, a space will pop up for you to name a new list. You can either make an inclusive list (your friends who all love designer hand bag sample sales) or an exclusive list (I'd suggest "limited profile", but feel free to get more specific like "work" or "family" or "stalkers"). Just remember that (last time I checked) you can only include 20 people on a Facebook message, so if you're planning to message this list, you may want to break it into multiple lists if you have more than 20 people in mind.

Let's focus on an exclusive list.

When you've named your list, Facebook will ask you to add people to this list. I'm going to assume that you've had your mother as a pending request for the past 2 days and are panicking because you know she's calling you this afternoon! So let's skip the names (Facebook will still save the name of your list, and we'll add names soon) and go directly to what the list can and cannot see.

On the top right, click on the "Account" menu and select "Privacy Settings".

It will take you to the "Choose Your Privacy Settings" page (which I will subsequently refer to as the "Privacy Settings" page). You want to click "Custom" on the left column and then click the "Customize Settings" link.

If you don't have a "Custom" option on the left, just click "customize settings".

What will come up is the "Customize Settings" page. The different tabs let you customize what people can and can't see. One should be very strategic about what one presents to what people. Do you want the people you put on Limited Profile to know that they are on Limited Profile (because they can't see anything)?

I'm going to assume that your poor mother who has been waiting for you to accept her friend request for a full 48 hours wouldn't have the best reaction to your Sunday-morning status updates that involve more hangovers than hallelujahs and more hims than hymns, so let's click on the drop-down menu next to "Posts by Me" first and select "Custom".

Select the group you do want to see your posts (I've selected "Friends Only"). Then select the group you want to exclude from your posts for "Hide from These People". Here is where you start typing the name of your list. Facebook should finish the name of the list for you. Your window should look something like this:

Go through each category, customizing for "Limited Profile" each time in "Hide from These People" for the things you want to hide from your Limited Profile list.

Now, status updates can be incriminating, but the pictures are what really get you in trouble. I mean, what's the first thing you click on when you see someone's Facebook profile for the first time (and if you say "favorite books" or "religious views" I will reach through this computer screen and crack your skull)!

If you scroll down on the "Customize Settings" page, you'll see a link to "Edit Privacy Settings for existing photo albums and videos".

This is to control who sees photos you yourself have posted. When you click on the link, it will bring up a page like this.

As you can see, the drop-down menus are identical to those on the "Customize Settings" page. Use them to control who sees your more scandalous pictures.

Even more importantly, you'll want to customize who sees the photos you're tagged in (because you don't really have control over who tags you in photos and when). Go back to the "Customize Settings" page, and just under the "Edit Privacy Settings for existing photo albums and videos" link, you'll see "Photos and Videos You're Tagged In". Click on the "Edit Settings" button.

A pop-up window will open with a drop-down menu, which works exactly like the ones we discussed above.

I'd like to reiterate the note above. The new Facebook profiles show a row of photos of you. People will only be able to see what your settings allow them to see, so if it's only photos from select albums, that's what will show up when they look at your profile.

Once you've selected your privacy settings for each element of your profile, go back to your homepage to add your mother! After you accept the friend request, there'll be a prompt: "Add to friend list". Click on this drop-down menu and select "Limited Profile" (or whatever you've named this exclusive list).

To confirm that you've added her to the list, go to the "Friends" page (click "Friends" at the top left of the homepage), click "Edit Friends" and click "Limited Profile" near the top left of the page. Your mother's picture and smiling face should be on the list. If not, type in her name into the "type friend's name to add..." box.

Now would be a good time to start adding people to this list (perhaps opening up another window with your mother's profile and scrolling through your mutual friends would be a good start). Anyone you add to this list will have the same access to your profile.

To double check, go back to the "Privacy Settings" and go to the "Customize Settings" link. At the top right of the page, click on "Preview My Profile".

At the top of the screen, you'll see a box: "preview how your profile appears to a specific person". When you type your mom's name (or any other person's name on your Limited Profile list), you should see what she sees when she clicks on your profile.

Note the difference between how a friend on no list sees me and how a friend on Limited Profile sees me.

On the other hand, friend lists can be used for good rather than evil. If you have recent vacay photos that you only want your family to see, you can create a list and make that album visible to family only. You can do the same with individual notes. And, as I stated earlier, you an set up lists of people to message in groups (rather than typing their names out every time).

Lastly, did you know that any random person can find you on Facebook via a search engine like Google or Bing? That is, unless you change your settings...

On the "Privacy Settings" page, click the "edit your settings" link under the "Apps and Websites" heading.

At the very bottom of the page, next to "Public Search", click "Edit Settings".

The "Public Search window will have a check box. Leaving it checked lets people find you via search engines. Unchecking it will disable this functionality, but keep in mind Facebook's warning: "since some search engines cache information, some of your profile information may be available for a period of time after you turn public search off."

To see a preview of what your profile will look like when accessed via a search engine, click "see preview".

As far as I know, this view of your profile is only customizable via your other privacy settings (i.e., if you didn't select "friends only", it will likely show up via a search engine).

Don't be afraid of Facebook. It's specifically designed to keep you in contact with people and communicate with them on the level that you want to. You can even post nude pictures and expose them to only a select few people. Just be very careful about your settings and always double check with the "See how a friend sees your profile" blank.

Please give me feedback on this. Was it helpful? Was it clear? Did I just waste a few hours on blurring screenshots? Please let me know. And feel free to direct friends to this post.


Click here to check out my guide to online dating and hookups.



Here are the steps in bullet points.

To hide posts:

• Friends page

• “Make a new list”

• Name list (Limited Profile)

• “Privacy” a the top right

• on the "choose your privacy settings" page, click "custom" on the left and then click the "customize settings"link on the bottom

• On the "customize settings" page, select the drop-down menu next to "Posts by Me" and click "custom"

• In the pop-up window, select who you want to see your posts in the first drop-down menu and from whom you want to hide your posts in the second drop-down menu (Limited Profile).

• “Save Settings”

To hide your own photo albums:

• Navigate to "Customize Settings" page and select "Edit privacy settings for existing photo albums and videos"
• For each album, choose your settings via the drop-down menus below them (the work just like the ones discussed above)


To hide pictures others tag you in:
• Navigate to the "Customize Settings" page and next to the " Photos and Videos You're Tagged In", click the "Edit Settings" button.
• In the pop-up window, use the drop-down menu to set your privacy settings as discussed above.


To add people to your Limited Profile List
• If you have a pending request, go to your homepage and accept the request.
• You'll be prompted to add this person to a list. Add the person to your new Limited Profile list.
• To add existing friends to the list, go to the home page and click on "Friends" on the top left.
• Click "Edit Friends"
• Click "Limited Profile"
• Type friends' names into the blank to add them.


To see how your profile looks with your new settings:

• Navigate to the "Customize Settings" page (via the "Privacy Settings" page).
• Click "Preview My Profile" on the top right.
• Type in the name of a specific person in the blank at the top of the page to see how your profile looks to that person.


To disable public search (i.e., the ability to find your profile through search engines)
• Navigate to "Privacy Settings" page.
• Under "Apps and Websites" at the bottom, click "Edit Your Settings".
• At the bottom of the page, next to "Public Search", click "Edit Settings".
• Un-check the box to disable public search
• If you want to keep public search enabled, click "See Preview" to see how your profile will look when found via a search engine.

scratching an itch (a purely, positively, and completely HYPOTHETICAL steam room situation)

Imagine yourself in this scenario...

You've been trying out a very nice gym for the past month. It's not a gay gym, but the queens don't go unnoticed. You've heard quite a few stories about steam room activity that would certainly not amuse the NYC Dept of Health, but every time you’ve shown up for a post-workout show steam during peak hours, you’ve seen nothing of the sort.

image from gay-newyork-bars.qguide.com

Let's say you skip a day during the week, so you have to go on the weekend. Despite your slight hangover, you put in a good workout. You decide to reward yourself with some steamy relaxation (in the most depressingly literal sense).

It takes a minute for your eyes to adjust, but you can tell immediately that the steam room is crowded. You work your way to the far side, grabbing the one open space, second from the end on the left side.

The darker-skinned white guy across from you starts to subtly fiddle under his towel, and it becomes obvious that he's not scratching an itch after the first 30 seconds. A couple of minutes later, the non-descript skinny white guy to his left joins in.

It's almost like someone flicked a light switch. A light switch connected to a neon "Circle Jerk" sign. Five guys are suddenly stroking themselves with varying intensities, the most extreme of which is a curly-haired, awkwardly cute, starting-to-get-muscled otter/cub with an impressive piece. Some are checking each other out. Others are just showing off and couldn't care less who's watching. You casually and strategically change the placement of your hands and the tension of your towel, not yet ready to blatantly reveal your growing... intrigue.

image from curatinglife.com

Someone opens the door to the steam room, and everything stops. Towels are snatched; hands are visible and still. The less experienced of the bunch look guiltily toward the door while the olive-skinned instigator coolly slides his hand from under his towel (he's not once exposed his member) and leans back against the wall without a glace. The group realizes that the person who has entered is another gym patron, and they slowly get back into it.

No one makes direct contact. No kissing, no mutual stroking, no nipple tweaking. Just self-servicing with an occasional shift in body language and the obvious voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic.

And after a while, the olive-skinned guy who stared it all ties up his towel and walks out. Within 2 minutes, the rest of the pleasure pack has vacated, and steam room is back to the way you've seen it for the past month.

As you walk through the locker room to get a fresh towel for a shower, you wonder what's next for these guys? Do they go home to their boyfriends and partners (and wives) like nothing's happened? Do they exchange glances as they get dressed and follow each other home? Do they log onto Missed Connections as soon as they get a signal on their phones and hope for the best?

image from carefair.com

You ponder these questions as you lather up and rinse off. You pat dry and wrap your towel around your waist. And when you pull back the curtain, you see the olive-skinned offender entering the stall across from you. Your eyes meet.

Now what.

Click here to check out my first time at Baña, a pool/steam room/sauna party.

if those were hickeys on his neck (My First Time in Chicago: Part II)

Click here for Part I.

Saturday ‘morning’ got off to a slow start, but once we got out of the apartment, Chicago Rose took me to Signature Room at the top of the John Hancock building. He explained that the Sears Tower would have been 4 times the wait and that there was no restaurant, so I agreed that this was the best option. The views were pretty damn spectacular.

Chicago Rose was determined to give me all kinds of context for the city, so he took me up to the northern side to the gay ‘beach’ (on the lake) and drove me through Andersonville (the other gay neighborhood). We got caught in Wrigley-Field traffic as the Cubs were just getting out of a game (Chicago’s best feature is the fact that its sports mascots are the Cubs and the Bears) and watched drunk straights stumble between bars. After a disco nap for me and a workout for C. Rose, we stopped into Sidetracks for a pre-dinner drink. The bar is gorgeous! It’s got the space of a club, but it’s divided into about 7 or 8 areas of varying size, including a heated roof deck.

Kit Kat’s was our destination for dinner. From Chicago Rose’s description, I thought it’d be like Lips, but the drag queens there were solely performers (not servers). That night happened to feature C. Rose’s favorite queen, a bigger black girl who performed to Keyshia Cole, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. And the food was really good! On our left was an interracial pair of guys sitting on the same side of their two-person table, and on the right was a table of about 10 black men and women, two of whom were in the gospel group that was to be featured at the House of Blues gospel brunch we were planning to attend on Sunday. We had pleasant exchanges with both parties.

image from chicago.metromix.com

This is where the blur of bars happened. Everything in Boystown is pretty much right on N. Halstead St. As we were heading into Rosco’s, the young'ns' bar, we noticed a go-go in the window across the street at Cocktail. He was literally in the large window facing the street waving and gesturing at passersby trying to lure them in. I was determined to head there next.

As we walked into Cocktail, we ran into the interracial pair from Kit Kat. We joined them in the back section of the bar, which was much less crowded (since everyone was there to see the go-go dance on the stage in the front area). I soon learned that just about every gay bar on this strip had more to it than the first area one sees when one walks in. C. Rose asked the pair if they were a couple, and the Latino one immediately said no. Later, I asked the white guy if those were hickeys on his neck. He laughed and elbowed the Latino guy, revealing their source.

We talked with the alleged non-couple for a while before they invited us to join them at Scarlet, which ended up being my favorite of the bars. The music was all pop, the crowd seemed young, and dancing on top of furniture was en vogue! But after some time, the alleged non-couple convinced us to go to Berlin, a rather divey club a few blocks off the main strip. We met a rather cute cub who was the leader of his Canadian clique. He seemed to be getting quite friendly with me towards the end of the night, and under any other circumstances, we’d’ve probably been making out up against the wall.

It was about 3:30 when we ditched for a 24 hour diner where our hot muscle-cub waiter and I had painfully un-flirty banter about RuPaul’s Drag Race and how he meets all the queens when they eat there while they’re in town. His pick for the coolest: Jessica Wild.

When we got to House of Blues the next afternoon, the gospel brunch was sold out. We talked to the hostess, who said she’d see what she could do. In the mean time, she'd invited us to check out the artwork in the downstairs restaurant, which wasn't open yet. And whom did we see when we walked into the restaurant: Cedric Nunley and the Brethren (the guys we'd met the night before at Kit Kat who were headlining the show)! Not only did we end up hanging out and talking with them for a good half hour, but they got us into the brunch to see their show for free!

This isn't the show we saw, and it's not their full group, but I love this song, and they do it so well:

It was a good breakfast and a great show. I was surprised when I realized that the band was only an organist and a drummer. But with his all-male chorale (including a beyond-first tenor who gave the sopranos in my youth choir a run for their money... full-voice), it was all the sound they needed. And it was extra fun because one could tell they were used to engaging a crowd that wasn't used to the participatory nature of gospel music. The audience-participation-factor came in handy for the singers since it was their 3rd show of the day. But they showed no sign of fatigue, and the audience loved them.

After the show, I kinda just wanted to get tipsy and people-watch, but Chicago Rose insisted that I see Millennium Park, where I saw trees, grass and a huge bean.

We got back to Boystown with time for one drink at Sidetrack, where they were doing their version of Musical Mondays at Splash.

image from sidetrackchicago.com

The flight home quick and uneventful (thanks to the super-strong screwdriver the flight attendant fixed me and didn't even collect the drink ticket C. Rose had given me). We landed early, but the captain informed us that in all of LeGuardia airport, there was not a gate to deplane passengers.

"It'll be about a half hour..."

"They're saying another 15 minutes..."

"It'll be about another 10 minutes..."

An hour after we'd landed, it was just after 12:30, and I still had to get to Washington Heights.

Did I mention Southwest sent a $75 voucher (which means I have to fly with them again). Yeah.

Click here to check out my trip to Boston with the Crew.

Red flag? Or missed opportunity? (A Grindr "date")

I swear to you, my primary purpose for my presence on Grindr is to promote my blog, not to meet guys. But very occasionally, the latter does happen.

So, it was a really nice day outside. The first nice day in quite a while. I fired up Grindr as I always do, and on this particular day, a guy with a cute picture had sent me a message. Generally, I've been avoiding meeting up with new guys, but something about this day was making me crave a fresh perspective.

So he gave me his number (PS, if a guy gives you his number, the proper thing to do is NOT to respond with your number: you text him identifying yourself so that your number is automatically in his phone... and if you give your number to a guy via a moble app, make sure the number’s in a separate text bubble: it makes it easier cut and paste on the iPhone). When I sent him a text, I realized we’d already exchanged numbers back in October, but we'd never met up (party because he lived in Bay Ridge, and I really didn’t feel like debating over who was going to commute). Red flag? Or missed opportunity?

I was finishing up at the office, and told him I wanted to meet in a half hour. He texted me that he was ‘heading out’ around 15 minutes before. I arrived at the agreed-upon bar a bit late (of course, texting him on my way), but I didn’t see him. Turns out he wasn’t at the bar, and he wouldn’t get there for another 15 minutes. Part of me wanted to just go home (I was pretty tired), but if he was that close and still texting, he definitely wasn’t on the train. Perhaps he drove?

When he arrived, conversation came slow. Like really slow. He was as cute as his pictures, even though he was wearing a vertical-striped button-down with vertical-stripe slacks. And after the second drink, we decided to grab some cheap Thai.

image from maps2anywhere.com

Him: “You’re gonna have to help me order because I don’t really know…”

Me: “Thai?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m fluent. Let’s go.”

Note: I am not fluent in Thai.

Conversation was a bit easier at dinner.

Me: "So, how long have you lived in New York?"
Him: "About 13 years."
Me: "Oh, wow. So you moved here as a kid?
Him: "Yeah."
Me: "So does your family live in Bay Ridge, too?"
Him: "Yeah, they do."
Me: "Ah..."

Him (with a couple of fork-fulls of food left): “God, I’m stuffed.”

Me: “Good thing you’re not wearing a tight shirt… oh wait.”

Him: “Your shirt’s tighter than mine.”

Me (sitting up straighter, with a good bit of food left): “Yeah, I’ve probably had enough.”

Him: [shovels the last bit of food in his mouth]

Me: “I thought you were stuffed?”

Him: “Well, not all the way. I liked to get stuffed all the way.”

Me (giving a pause with a look): “Do you?”

Him (taking a second to get it, then laughing): “Yeah.”

Me (pantomiming a pen and notepad): “Likes to get stuffed… all the way.”

I asked him what he wanted to do next. His answer: "Go somewhere where we can hear some Britney." Even if I had considered that he might have been talking about my apartment, I wouldn't have wanted to go yet: the seduction hadn't quite fully blossomed yet. So I suggested the only place I knew we'd be able to hear Britney for sure: 9th Ave Saloon.

image from nymag.com

We both put a dollar in the jukebox. He picked his fave Femme Fatale track, "Selfish", and, for shits and giggles, I put on Tony Matterhorn's song "Dutty Wine". My favorite part of this song happens to be the part when he says "Fuck in a de water/ fuck in a de sea/ fuck in a de bushes and/ fuck in a de tree" (the radio version replaces "fuck" with "go").

Him: "So you're saying you wanna fuck, huh?"

Me: "What? No, that's just my favorite part of the song. And this is just how they dance in the Caribbean. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't want to, but that's not how I would say it."

Him: "Well... I wanna fuck."

Me: "Oh, really!"

Him (with a sly smile): "Yeah."

Me: "You know, subtlety is so sexy. Why don't we go to my place for a drink."

Him: "Okay, let's go."

image from garagedoorfail.com

As I'd suspected, he'd driven. And of course, he had a top-of-the-line-but-not-quite-luxury sedan with every option available. This pretty much confirmed to me why he was willing to travel 16 miles out of his way to come to my apartment. But there's something about riding up the West Side Highway with Britney blasting and every window open (sun/moonroof included) that made it all good.

Did I mention that Britney's album was our soundtrack? Did I also mention that I'm so glad we finished up before "Big Fat Bass" came on? Yeah.

Click here to check out my 5 tips for getting more messages on Grindr.

Click here to check out Tighty Whitey's Zombie Prom Housewarming.

(Spoiler alert: everybody gets laid!)

Fun with Grindr: Subtlety is a lost art.

Grindr is a location-based "social networking" application for iPhone, Blackberry and Android that lets you make a profile and see the profiles and proximities of other gays in your area. It's extremely helpful for locating shirtless guys who are only looking for friends. Riiiiiiiiight....

On Long Island... bro.

Joe, I think the next feature Grindr needs is "suggest a friend!"

That poor eagle.

!!!

Remember what I was saying about shirtless guys looking for friends...

PS, that dialogue bubble kinda looks like a blue fart.

Subtlety is a lost art.

If by "worthy" you mean "nauseous", then yes.

#giftreceipt

People say the strangest shit to me on Grindr. Click here for Fun with Grindr convos.

Click here to get Grindr.