This week started with a lot of shade towards Jiggly. The girls asked her if she was worried about having to lip-synch against Milan, who had already sent two girls home in two weeks.
Jiggly: “I know Milan is good but I know I’m good, too.”
Phi Phi: “Well…[I don't know about all that.]”
Willam: “Do you think you’re gonna win the show?”
Jiggly (after a pause): “I mean…”
Phi Phi: “That was an awkwardly long pause!”
Really, girls? Ganging up on her like that? Shade.
Speaking of shade, RuPaul came into the workroom and uttered a phrase I'd been waiting for since last season: “Get out your library cards because #thelibraryisopen.”
Dita warmed them up with a zing at Latrice Royale: “Your free now. You don’t have to rock the yard sandals anymore.” I love a freestyle/read that captures what’s going on in the moment!
Willam had a good turn, especially with reading Chad Michaels for the MySpace link on her card (even if that wasn’t actually one of Chad’s cards, it was a great prop, even in HD).
|"Girl, let's trade info for after the show. You got a card?"|
"Here you go, girl! But I'm not on Facebook yet."
Chad Michaels really got Jiggly when she handed her the dentist’s card.
Latrice stung Jiggly with “BMW: Body Made Wrong”. She served Phi Phi, saying she needs to learn how to spell (but did that reference something or did she just say it comically)? Willam was read for the “hair on your chinny chin chin,” starting a trend of referencing her 5 o’clock shadow. But she fizzled out in the end, calling Sharon a “sideshow freak.”
Sharon fired off at Dita first for her ashy knees and then got a 2-4-1, saying, “They’re the same color as Willam’s chin!” She told Jiggly, “You’re such a fat slut, after sex, you smoke hams.” Even Jiggly had to give it up for that. They didn’t show her read Phi Phi, and there’s a good reason why…
Phi Phi tried to re-hash the Party City joke during her turn, and Sharon turned it around, and responded, “That’s where I got your Lady Gaga wig.” That was a satisfying crunch, and I have to recall a screenshot from previous posts!
|"How did she KNOW?!"|
Ladies and gentlemen, that was the “TYRA” moment of this season.
I’m always glad to see Latrice get props (she won the mini-challenge), but to me, Sharon’s shade was the most memorable.
The challenge was to shoot a cover for a drag-a-zine, and Latrice got to assign titles. The fitness mag was the first one to go out… to Jiggy. She followed the sense-of-humor trend when she handed Sharon “Kitty Cats” (with Sharon trying to run away from her assignment).
*Latrice hands Phi Phi Sashay Away*
Phi Phi: “You tryin’ to say something?”
Latrice: “Please do.”
Jiggly knew she was dead wrong for snacking as she worked on her fitness mag cover! But when she finally put the bowl of chips down to talk to the other queens about whether she should be serious or not, Chad told her point blank: “I do not suggest you do this for real.” Phi Phi cut Chad off, saying, “If you feel like you can get more with the serious route…” sounding very sincere. Phi Phi then told Willam that she was trying to sabotage Jiggly to send her home by telling her to ignoring her strongest trait: comedy.
Dita had issues with portraying a stereotype of a black “woman” on the cover of a chicken magazine, which I understand. She went with a “chicken of the month” theme, which RuPaul gave the side-eye in the workroom walk-around, but Dita stood her ground.
Phi Phi wanted to go for the “horny gay” target and turn her travel mag into a where-to-hook-up guide. Her rationale: “Phi Phi’s sexy”, which got a spit-take from Willam (HA!). Ru didn’t really seem too convinced either.
|"...how in the hell you gon' call yourself sexy? Can I get an amen up in here?|
|"Amen, women and children, girl!"|
Jiggly told RuPaul that she was insulted with having to do the weight-loss mag. Ru pointed out she dealt with people’s comments through humor. By the end of their talk, Ru basically shaking her by the shoulders and saying, “GO WITH FUNNY, YA DEAF BITCH!” But Jiggly gon’ do what Jiggly gon’ do.
The photographer shooting their magazine covers was hot (I mean, if your into that trendy, tan, typical LA thing… it’s a scene)! I didn’t catch his name, though.
Dita was really hating on her chicken concept and really didn’t seem to be having chemistry with her prop. Sharon did a head wrap rather than a wig, and said that she was going for sexy with her cat mag. Girl, didn’t you throw shade at and “mock” sexy last week? Jiggly was so flustered at the sight of the hot photog that she couldn’t remember the name of her mag's theme. They really should have stuck with the boxing concept for her Battle of the Bulge shoot because who the hell shoots a big girl jumping?
|The Pit Crew boy was laughing in every shot!|
The photographer whose name doesn’t get mentioned on the show, that’s who.
Chad Michaels had a stunning dress with a sort of full-length corset thing going on. She accessorized with a nose piercing with a chain to an earring and a bedazzled kaleidoscope to match. Her shoot looked quite glam. Phi Phi’s goal was “a hot Miami piece of ass” which worked pretty well for her. Latrice Royale did black sequins and laid out on a white couch with velvet ropes on each side. She seemed a bit distracted by the boys, but she looked like she got some good shots in. Willam immediately stripped down and covered herself with pillows. The Pit Crew boys wore lamp shades (“No faces! You don’t exist”) and it really seemed to work.
As the queens prepared for the runway, the conversation turned to gay marriage. Latrice Royale said that she didn’t want it to be called “marriage” when it’s gay: “Call it something more fabulous!” The queens chided for her for “not wanting equal rights”, which isn’t what she said, but a funny quip from Sharon diffused the tension:
“I fully support gay divorce.”
For the runway, the guest judges were country singer Pam Tillis and actress Regina King. When RuPaul greeted Regina, she told her, “You look like a cover girl!” With those arms and corn rows, I’m guessing she meant the cover girl for Lesbian Fitness Weekly. WORK (out)! Plenty of bass in your walk, if you know what I'm saying.
Standout looks from the runway:
• Sharon was a bit simple for me, but I loved the Mars Attacks walk (and during the live airing, it came right before the Mars Attacks ad during the commercial break!).
• Dita served much more above-the-top with the runway look this episode, per Michelle Visage’s advice.
• Loved Chad Michael’s dark look: black drapey mesh over a tight top with short blonde hair!
• I would have loved a brighter color in Latrice’s dress. It reminded me of fire in the shape (which I adored, along with the matching stripe in her hair), but it was more focused on brown than orange/red. Santino said it looked like “a couch from Rent-A-Center.”
• The judges loved Phi Phi’s dress, but to me, it looked baggy in the waist on our left side. I don’t know what the hell the judges were smoking when they said that was her best look (but can I try some)!
Next was the critiques on the magazine shoots.
I was so disappointed with the final product! That font? That background?! Totally took away from her glamorous look. “It looks like something you’d pick up for free at the grocery store.” Santino was harsh, but right.
Dita’s Tastes Like Chicken:
Her cover had a bit of the Stepford Wives feel from the first challenge, but it read pretty well. She seemed a bit small on the cover in proportion to the set and fonts.
Sharon’s Kitty Cats:
This mag looked a mess, but appropriately so. And those headlines!
Latrice’s What’s the Tea:
She looked like she was hosing a cable-access, low-brow, late-night gossip show. But in a good way, if that makes any sense. Also enjoyed her headlines.
And of course, after Regina commented on Latrice’s jewelry, her bracelet broke on the stage! Ru yelled, “Showgirls!” as beads rolled across the stage. One of the judges called out, “It looks better already!”
Willam’s Sugar Walls:
This cover looked a goddamn mess (as an interior design cover)! Very porny and low budget with that awful background and those horrid fonts. When Willam said that she wouldn’t have hired herself as a designer and would have had a capable staff, Ru responded, “I had to do every singe part of show business… that’s what we’re really looking for.” But I’m sure there were some design choices she would NOT want on TV, too.
And then Michelle read her for her 5 o’clock shadow!
Jiggly’s Battle of the Bulge:
Jiggly already told us she was taking it seriously, but she tried to go back to funny with her explanation on the runway. Unfortunately, her cover imagerly fell a bit flat. We saw just how conflicted she was in the final comments on her cover.
Jiggly: “What the hell am I gonna write about, how to eat a pound of chicken?”
RuPaul: “Exactly, that’s funny!”
Phi Phi’s Sashay Away:
Her cover turned out really good, but the shape of her head with that wig reminds me of a glammed up Sharon Needles.
Phi Phi won the challege, which was no surprise once we saw the pictures. Props to her on her first win.
Jiggly and Dita Ritz were in my bottom two until I saw how Dita’s cover came out. Then it was kind of a craps shoot since there were a few bad ones (worse than Jiggly’s perhaps). But in the end, Willam was also up for elimination!
This was the 3rd lip sync for Jiggly. And then it was a country song that wasn’t very dynamic. Watching Jiggly spend amost half the song snapping made me think about when she called Madame LaQueeer a “Pointer Sister” for pointing while she lip-synched. She looked like she was trying a little too hard since she couldn’t pull out her usual dance moves or sexy stylings (her real strong point). Willam, on the other hand, looked effortless playing the part of a country starlet. It was the prefect song for her… and one of the most boring lip-synchs I’ve ever seen.
PS, Willam: really with the lack of panties on stage?!
A light would have had to have fallen on Willam's head for her go home. Pit Jiggly’s 3rd lip sync against Willam’s strong showing in so many past challenges, and sending Jiggly home was a no-brainer.
Untucked started with congratulations for Phi Phi’s win, but it quickly turned into Latrice Royale’s reaction to Santino’s insulting critique. Let’s just say she had nothing nice to say about
the “balding bitch” him.
|"Don't make the queen use her Royale scepter!"|
The next topic of conversation was Willam’s facial hair, which Michelle noticed during the runway. Sharon told her she needs to stop with the women’s makeup and use “pancake makeup” (or “Duncan Hines”) like the rest of the queens to make sure everything is covered. Really, I couldn’t see facial hair. What I could see were strong lines in her chin/jaw area with lots of shadows from the light. When they cut to her interview where she said, “I have good bones,” I immediately turned to Bohoken (who wasn’t paying attention) and said, “Yes, for a man!” And I know Phi Phi couldn’t wait to give her “If I were you”-type ‘friendly advice’, but right when she finished, Willam turned it around and stole the moment with her classic brand of humor: “If I were me, next week, I’m gonna wear a burka!”
Next, in the Gold Room, the mystery of the big pink box turned out to be the outtakes of their photo shoots, which was a laugh for them all. Then Willam stated that she was worried she’d have to lip synch.
Phi Phi: “You don’t know the song?”
Willam: “I don’t know if they’ll be able to see my lips with my new goatee.”
Back in the Interious Iluuuuusions Lounge, Jiggly lamented not going for the funny angle for her weight-loss mag. The girls told her that even when you know you’ve messed up, you present like it’s the best thing you’ve done. Jiggly said she’d rather be honest and own up to her mistakes. Phi Phi, however, said that the money was too important with a rather disturbing comment: “$100K in this competition. If I have to say whatever I have to say to save myself…” Granted, we’ve already seen her do that with how she double-crossed Jiggly, but more than one girl agreed with her! They turned the attention to Latrice, asking her why she gave Jiggly a fitness magazine, Latrice responded that Jiggly was supposed to be funny with it (while avoiding eye contact).
|"Here's hoping the karma bites me in the ass AFTER the show's over..."|
Next was a montage of Phi Phi telling Jiggly to go serious mixed with interview clips of Phi Phi talking about how Jiggly “fell for it” and shots of her looking shifty-eyed in the Lounge across from Jiggly. Dita broke it down for Jiggly in a loving but real way that only Dita could do, telling her she needed to listen to her friends and stand by her creative decisions. Dita got really passionate in a positive way. Jiggly came back saying that if the judges didn’t want her here then she wasn’t going to stay anyway. At that point, everyone in her corner was like, “Well, we want to be here, so just go ahead and tell them you wanna quit.” That got Jiggly kinda furious, and she started to yell. Dita shut that down real quick with a, “Don’t yell at us when we’re trying to help you!” She cooled off for a bit before giving her, “I love you, but I’m done.” Jiggly turned to Phi Phi, who had a similarly abusive childhood, wondering how she perseveres through her struggles with her past. Phi Phi gave an Oscar-worthy monologue about being a fighter, believing in herself and Jiggly making her brother and deceased mother proud.
With her fake ass.
Jiggly apologized but she stuck by her stance of “keeping it 100.” Sharon Needles then shared how she farted on stage (the replay with RuPaul’s face when she stopped in the middle of her sentence was priceless) and tried to make it look like she squeaked her heel. It was the perfect comic relief.
I had high hopes for Jiggly when she came into the competition, but she wasn’t really cut out for the type of challenges they threw at her. But one thing’s for sure: I’ll be glad to see more of her around NYC thanks to her exposure from this show.
Question: who do you think is going home next? Share your thoughts in the comments.
My prediction: (as much as I love her) Dita Ritz.
“I prefer editor and queef!” –Willam
“That one looks like a man. I look like Sharon in that one.” –Phi Phi
“I’m the prettiest one/ Now that Kenya’s gone!” –Willam (singing)
“You had a health and fitness magazine… obviously you were assigned that magazine to ham it up!” –Sharon Needles
“1240 on the SATs! I need to show that I have intelligence!” –Jiggly
Jiggy, hun… a) that’s not stunningly high and b) scores are out of 2400 now… which means you took it long enough ago for it to be inconsequential.
“Tastes like chicken; looks like fish! (Uh uh!)” –Ru Paul (and Michelle Visage?)
“I love me a train! (Mmmmm!!)” –Michelle Visage (with a look from Regina King)
“I’ll give him one more time, but when he crosses that line again, I’m going to lay. Him. Out.” –Latrice Royale
“So let’s talk about Willam’s beard.” –Sharon Needles
“They airbrushed the shit outta you, bitch.” –Jiggly
Click here to check out a Halloween party where I went in drag (RHWOA).