RECAPTION: Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 4, Ep 9

When the queens entered the workroom a the top of this episode, there were no regrets over Willam’s absence. Quite the opposite, actually, with chants of “Goodbye shady bearded lady.” Phi Phi took a break from throwing confetti (literally) and enlisted the help of Sharon Needles (of all people) to reenact the end of the runway. Sharon pulled the RuPaul face printed on her tshirt (because who doesn’t walk around in a tshirt with RuPaul’s face on it) over her own face and went into a hilarious imitation of her pre-elimination speech. Meanwhile, Phi Phi, in a blonde wig, had grabbed a shorter brown wig to put over her mouth (beard) while spilling confetti from her mouth (barf) and heaving.

"You're both safe, but, Sharon, you were better..."

It was an entertaining act, but more importantly, it made me wonder: is this the beginning of a beautiful friendship? More on that later.

This week’s mini-challenge was to decorate platform stripper shoes. Jeffrey Moran, general power gay and head of PR, Events and other such things at Absolut’s parent company, was on hand to provide varieties of cocktails for inspiration.

I have to say, I rather liked Dita’s Marie Antoinette-inspired footwear, and I can say the same for Latrice’s heels of sparkly grape goodness! Sharon Needles was assigned a berri sour, and her face said exactly how she felt about it. I’m not sure how this drink related to Native Americans, but her shoes were... interesting. Phi Phi’s fruity shoes were very much in line with her classic showgirl aesthetic.

Phi Phi’s prize for winning the mini-challenge: a smile from RuPaul as she transitioned into introducing the main challenge. This week, the queens had to had to “Frock the Vote”, coming up with a campaign platform for a political debate (clever tie-in with the mini-challenge of platform shoes!).

As the queens started to prepare, Chad brought out a wig with pink afros pinned to the side. Girl, really? And as the queens tried to concentrate, Phi Phi treated the workroom to a rather remarkable burping aria. I knew there’d be trouble with her when she declared to the room “I’m DONE! You guys are still working? Didn’t you take debate class in school?!”

RuPaul came back with guest judge Dan Savage for her workroom walk-around. 

Ru: "So, just how married are you?"
Dan: "Do you see a ring? Not in this frame you don't."
Ru: "Oo, this better not be a mini-challenge!"

Miss Savage, as inspiring as his writing usually is, really kind of brought the queens down a notch. From his showing on this episode alone, he really didn’t come off as likeable at all, as opposed to Ru whose guidance (and even reading) makes you love her more.

Dita Ritz's interaction with RuPaul and Dan Savage painful to watch. I can relate because I’m one of those who isn’t very political. For a lot of my friends, it’s their thing, and I think it’s great. I’ll listen and stay informed to a point, but I tend to avoid direct political debate because it really can get personal. It can be a fucking downer! Especially when the righteous I’m-so-political gays put you on the spot. (I wanna be like, "Bitch, name me an F# minor scale! 1-2-3, go!")

I think it's safe to say that we all wondered about Chad Michaels, especially after her talk with RuPaul and Dan Savage. But she owned her making-it-fun thing and didn’t seem worried at all.

Sharon kinda got a side-eye from me when Dan Savage asked if she would use negative ad campaigns. She basically winked at Miss Savage when she related it to being bullied. But she definitely redeemed herself in how she handled Miss Savage's shade about being “down in the polls”: “Well, I enjoy being down on a pole..."

At the debate. Chad Michaels was giving SO much look, and her opening statement got cut off. She was giving a character 100%, but it felt a bit out of place. The judges didn't even crack a smile. Dita seemed very out of her element. Phi Phi's southern character was uncomfortable to watch. On the other hand, Sharon Needles had me convinced from the first 2 words. Latrice was at the top of the middle for me.

Finally, when Chad responded to how she would re-decorate the white house, she got the first hint of acceptance from the judges, making Michelle Visage crack a smile. It was cute how when she ran out of things to say, she kept us engaged with her character by calling out the timer lights. Dita Ritz kept going on and on about how everything would be redecorated with Ralph Lauren. Girl, say something about Ralph Lauren being made in America! Even if it's not, politicians lie all the time!

Dan Savage asked Phi Phi whom she'd choose as her running mate. She then called Dita and Latrice, the two black queens “the help” and named them as potential running mates? 

"...the FUCK?!"

"I'm playing a character! Let it go!" 

"When we get backstage, you gon' have to Untuck  my foot from your Big Pink Box."

I just about threw my remote at Bohoken’s big-ass HDTV (there’s nothing worse than racism in HD). I’m usually on the reserved side as far as racial humor, but if you’re going to be a racist asshole, at least be one that’ll make me laugh. Or be creative and target a group of people that isn’t the first to come to mind in America. Uncreative. Unfunny. Unworthy of the title “Next Drag Superstar”.

PS, once again, RuPaul is BLACK!

"Fuck! I can't stop making my white-male-privalege face!"

When asked whether drag queens should be allowed to marry, Dita started out predicably, stating that they should be allowed marriage. But she kept talking a little too long and ended up saying that they should be able to marry dogs. Oo, Dita!

Sharon handled the same question with superior poise and personality (and finally, a bit of humor): “I, too, would like to be an unhappy married woman and then receive my alimony checks to pay for my young lovers and vacations.”

Latrice Royale was asked whether she was ever forced to work with someone she didn’t see eye-to-eye with and how she dealt with it. Her answer (with a stone face): “5 minutes ago, I looked over at Miss O’Hara and realized that she was ugly. And I’m at peace with that.” Everybody, judges and queens, cracked up. She provided a much needed break in the tension Phi Phi’s previous comment had caused.

The closing remarks were pretty unremarkable until they got to Sharon Needles. Her speech was actually inspiring in a very classic way that could have come from either side of the bipartisan divide. And it was a great contrast to Phi Phi’s awful closing. Did anyone else think she was trying to copy from Willam’s stickers from the Hope Floats challenge when she stuck those awful hand-made “Vote for Phi Phi” hearts on each podium? Sharon’s using her heart to blow her nose was a nice touch.

"I'd like to thank Phi Phi for making it SO damn easy for me..."

As the queens prepped for the runway: the pros and cons of mixing drag with politics came up. Sharon brought up a good point that this show gave them a great platform and that she wished she could have brought up some pressing, hot-button issues. But I’m more in the Chad/Dita camp: keep it fun, keep it light. It’s fucking drag! Hell, I try to have that philosophy on this blog most of the time!

Did anyone else notice RuPaul biting off Willam when she called Michelle her “commander-in-queef” during her runway greetings?

Standouts from the runway:

• Phi Phi and Dita had similar dresses with mermaid cuts. I adored Phi Phi’s striking silhouette, but who wears white to an inaugural ball (once again, we didn’t find out til later what look was assigned for the runway)! If I could have Dita’s color with Phi Phi’s cut, that’d’ve been ideal.

• Finally, Dita took Michelle’s advice on giving hair!

• Chad Michaels was giving old-school first lady REALNESS and I was LIVING! “Gorge Bush!” as Ru put it. The up-do, the jewelry, the wide skirt! Nail, head, bam!

• I liked the concept of Sharon Needles's completely panty-hose dress, but I prefer a bit more contrast in an outfit (perhaps a black sheer to contrast with her skin). Her makeup carried the rather severe theme through. However, those hem lines… or lack thereof… on her neckline? Girl get that together!

To start off the critiques, RuPaul brought up Phi Phi’s “the help” comment and let everyone else do the dirty work. Michelle Visage reservedly and tactfully explained that one can be funny and off-color without being totally offensive, but I know she wanted to slap Santino for saying he liked Phi Phi’s character.

"Maybe... funny isn't your thing." 

No humor is universal because cultural context defines humor. You gotta know your audience. And maybe discriminatory jokes among the target of discrimination isn’t the best target.

We all looked a little sideways at Chad Michaels for her pimp character, but her huge risk payed off! She’s not a debater, so she successfully deflected with humor.

The judges pointed out that Latrice didn’t mention her platform stance in at the debate even though she had opportunities to do so. And they read her for her bra sticking out of her Tarzan gown. One positive thing (that I agreed with) was Dan Savage’s observation of her gravitas.

Sharon Needles’s outfit was a hit with the judges, but I think her explanation was what really did it: “Let’s be honest, a drag queen’s not gonna be president for a hundred years, so I had to think ahead.” True story! One thing that was very surprisingly conservative was Miss Moran’s comment: “You don’t want to do shock value all the time.” Why not?! Girl, live a little: there are other positions besides missionary! What if your shock is showing up in a demure or conservative style?

When it was time to announce who had won, RuPaul made us all think for a second that it was Chad (Chad included; you could see it in her face), but Sharon ended up being the first to win 3 challenges. No one was surprised to see Dita in the bottom 2. But that bra strap must have been absolutely awful because even with the tasteless commentary, Phi Phi safe. Was this judgement a result of RuPaul trying to appeal to a non-sensitive, more mainstream audience? It’s not something I condone, but again, I understand not wanting to be called out for being too sensitive.

"I'm still gagging over what she called me! AND the fact that she's safe!"

The lipsych between Latrice and Dita, while soulful, was kind of lacking. Dita looked like she might teeter off the stage at any moment while Latrice looked like she was right on the sidewalk in front of the Palace on South Beach on a Sunday afternoon (right at home). Unsurprisingly, Latrice stayed and Dita was eliminated.

The show ended with RuPaul telling the queens that one of the eliminated queens from this season would be brought back for a second chance. It was up to Michelle Visage and Santino Rice to decide which one.

On Untucked, we found out that Latrice had actually confronted Santino about his comment 2 weeks prior that Latrice’s dress looked like a cheap couch. She was respectful yet direct. Santino listened to what she had to say and justified his stance in a respectful manner, saying that his main critique was that the dress no longer fit her correctly after she’d lost some weight. They got it out of their systems peacefully, and Latrice was happy with the outcome.

Then,  Phi Phi brought up that “they” [only Santino] liked her debate presentation but that they [everyone but Santino] kept harping on her comment about “the help.” What kills me isn’t so much that she went there. It’s that she felt totally justified in her attempt at humor rather than taking a note from people who are critiquing her. Yes, Phi Phi, it got their attention, but so would whipping out your dick and pissing on stage. Maybe you should try that next time.

You wanna play a racist character, fine. But this isn’t a historical drama where all parties involved read a script and agreed to roles before contracts were signed. Phi Phi disrespected people that she worked with by making them the target of a comment that they didn’t agree to participate in. It’s not fair, it’s classless, and, again, it renders her unfit for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar. I really wish one of the black queens would have said something to her, but honestly, I would have been so taken aback by the situation and her stance on it that it would have probably taken me at least overnight to even process my thoughts on the matter.

"Some of my best friends are black! They don't even flinch when I call them the n-word!"

Furthermore, Phi Phi blindly ignored their criticism about being too “proppy” (i.e., using the props to prop up her humor rather than complement it). I doubt she would have escaped the bottom 2 if the judges had heard how wrongly self-assured she was.

The judges had great things to say about Chad, but she doubted her own success. Michelle wanted to see “the real Chad”, which Chad had difficulty processing because she always does characters. She wondered how the hell to convey her own persona on stage. The queens agreed that she was an absolute angel in the competition, always helping everyone else. But they also agreed that it would be hard to convey her strongest personality trait on the main stage.

Another incident we didn’t see during the episode was how defensive Dita got during her critique. When she was told an up-do would have been a more appropriate choice for an inauguration (she gave Michelle the right hair at the wrong time!), she responded, “I don’t do up-dos. I love my hair tonight. I think I look stunning… I would go to a ball like this; I most certainly would.” She justified her back-talk by saying that she always takes their criticisms without saying a word. This week, she was determined to stand up for her choices.

RuPaul popped up on the screen to tell them that a surprise awaited them in the Gold Room. They figured out from the clue that it had to do with someone’s mother. Dita shared that because she’s not close with her parents (they had a huge problem with her doing drag) she hadn’t even told them she was competing on national television. Coming from a southern background, I was admonished for not telling family friends when I was going to be on the local news, so you know there were major issues there.

At that moment, Dita’s mom came on the screen with a message of love and support for her son. Dad was in the room, but he remained off camera, saying only “hi” and “bye” on Mom’s command. Dita was overjoyed to have acceptance from her mother.

This would have been a real downer if she'd've had to sit through this after she'd already gotten kicked off. 

The topic of bullying in school came up, and the queens shared their hardships growing up. Sharon went into her upbringing in small-town Iowa as a gay “weird” kid. She was advised to leave her high school at 16 and was disciplined when she was beat up. Phi Phi even opened up that “there’s more to Sharon than meets the eye” and that they “have a lot in common.”

Chad Michaels shared her traumatic experience of being bullied in high school. She expressed rather adamantly that she wanted nothing to do with any type of reunions or connections on Facebook. Latrice talked about reconnecting with friends from high school and remembering some great memories she hadn’t thought about since.

The episode ended with rehashing the question of which queen would be brought back for another chance to compete.

Which queen do you think Michelle and Santino will bring back? Leave your prediction in the comments. 

Memorable Quotes

“I’m from Compton, bitch. I’ll woop yo’assssss!” –Latrice Royale

“It’s the fart in church. Not everyone thinks that’s funny. It sometimes stinks.” -Jeffrey Moran

“And I’m not gonna change my fierceness because you don’t like my titty strap!” –Latrice Royale

“You personality is so rich and genuine that it is not going to shine on a runway.” –Sharon Needles

“The thing that created distance between the person I love the most is that I put some plastic hair on my head and some lip gloss…” –Sharon Needles

Click here to check out RPDR 4.8.

Girl, I'm still recovering from the Black Party! Click here to check out my first time at the Black Party in '08 (before I'd even started the blog). 

RECAPTION: Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 4, Ep 8

Are we Facebook friends? No?! Fuck that; add me! 

The queens started this episode entering the workroom with a gospel-style processional (led, of course, by Latrice Royale) singing “Jesus is a biscuit!” What a fun, high-energy way to start the show! But did y’all notice Sharon in the back plugging her ears? Shade!

Willam addressed her bottom-two status from the previous episode. When Latrice asked if it humbled her at all, she stated, “It didn’t add any humility to me.” They cut to Latrice’s interview where she said in no uncertain terms that anyone else would have sent her home in the lip-synch.

This episode’s mini-challenge wasn’t really a challenge at all in that there was no winner or loser. The queens were hooked up to a polygraph and asked questions about their fellow cast members. I had to giggle about how the music and lighting made it look like a combination of 24 and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with a touch of To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Things we learned (keeping in mind that editing happens):

• Chad Michaels sleeps in the nude.

• Phi Phi’s not into Sharon.

• Sharon would hate-fuck Phi Phi (my guess, Sharon’s topping and got her in a choke hold).

• Latrice doesn’t want a piece Willam, but everyone would kai-kai with Latrice, were she the last queen on earth.

• Latrice and Phi Phi think they’re prettier than Willam.

• Dita has talked behind Chad’s back (of all people!).

• Dita and Chad aren’t into the Pit Crew, but Latrice would sop ‘em up like Jesus (yeeeeee-sah)!

Oh, and RuPaul (because I know you’re reading this), you were dead wrong for asking if they liked your shoe line!! Shade, girl! SHADE!

For the main challenge, the queens were paired by most opposite personalities: Dita with Chad; Willam with Latrice; and, of course, Phi Phi with Sharon. They had to perform a "Frienemies" club act to a campy original song with live vocals. Oh, and the losing couple would have to lip-synch for their lives regardless of individual performance!

The workroom was all about the preparations of the costumes, learning the lyrics and mixing in just a touch of catiness.

The queens got a rehearsal with Lucian Piane, RuPaul’s producer and composer of the song they were performing. All the acts looked pretty busted, but Dita Ritz and Chad Michaels looked the most raggedy. Phi Phi was looking very, how shall I put this, unaware of herself with the opera-style singing. Lucian put her “Oh my god, I’m so good!” attitude in check with a quickness. When Phi Phi sang it straight, Lucian nixed Phi Phi’s X-tina-like runs. 

image from lipsyncforyourlife.tumblr.com

Phi Phi kept messing up (rhythm and harmony) and trying to throw the blame on Sharon in her interview.

On the day of their performance on the runway, Willam seemed like she was a million miles away. The other queens definitely noticed that she was very quiet, but Willam was dismissive when Latrice asked her what was going on.

Speaking of strange behavior, Phi Phi and Sharon seemed uncharacteristically buddy buddy as they painted for the runway. WTF, right?

On the runway, the first performance was Latrice and Willam. It started out a bit awkward, but they ended up having hilarious chemistry. Great moments included Latrice’s faking like she was about to hit Willam (and Willam looking legit scared); Willam’s slipping and falling on the ribbon Latrice threw across the stage; and the pair’s stripping down to lingerie. That final touch was perfect for such a campy, burlesque-sounding tune, and the judges gave them plenty of love.

There were high expectations for Phi Phi and Sharon, but their presentation was the equivalent of strutting out arm-in-arm with big smiles on their faces. Phi Phi’s harmonies were consistent. Unfortunately, the consistency was sharp. Thought he judges didn’t name names, they agreed that the harmony didn’t quite work. On the other hand, Michelle Visage, who had been telling Sharon to glam it up, loved her new showgirl look. Also, Pamela Anderson told Phi Phi she looked like another Pamela.

Dita and Chad tried really hard, but something just didn’t work for me. I really did love their ending, though, with Dita pulling Chad’s dress off and Chad running off the stage. The judges ended up with surprisingly nice things to say about their show.

And props for Pamela for stopping the show to throw shade at America’s Got Talent (props to the editors for keeping it in!).

"Can I get another Red Bull, please?"

Willam and Latrice weren’t my initial pick to win (really, it was Phi Phi and Sharon), but their performance ended up being the best. Michelle Visage asked, “Would you have them open for you in Vegas?” And Pamela gave an emphatic, “YES!”

Honestly, this was a hard episode for me to watch because my top 4 (Sharon, Latrice, Willam and Chad) spread between the 3 couples, so at least one of them had to be in the bottom 2. I was surprised to see that Sharon and Phi Phi ended up having to lip-sync. Was it because they didn’t live up to the high expectations or was it for dramatic effect?

Pamela’s reaction to RuPaul’s “Silence!” was a wide-eyed look of “…the FUCK?!” Exactly what I expect from every guest judge and never get. Props.

So Ru was giving the girls her critiques and telling Latrice and Willam they’d won. And just as she was about to say who was the bottom couple (hehe), Willam starts puking her guts out off the side of the stage! I’m sure they may have enhanced sounds bit in post, but damn, girl! What the hell were you consuming that you had that much coming out! Willam soon composed herself, and RuPaul announced that Sharon and Phi Phi had to lip-synch for their lives.

Neither Sharon Needles nor Phi Phi had been in the bottom 2 before, so it was thrilling to see them go head-to-head. Sharon was giving us character, emotion, and spot-on lip-synch. Phi Phi was giving us uncontrolled energy and 80% lyrical accuracy. And that vogue fall looked like she had only seen others do it and got lucky on her first try. My pick to stay was Sharon.

Phi Phi: "Angels can fly!"
Sharon: "Oo, she's gonna feel that tomorrow."

Phi Phi: "Your butt's supposed to hit first, right?"

Sharon: "A curse upon the house that sends me home! Er, I mean, it's raining men."

Phi Phi: "I really need to get my back aligned after that fall!" 

Sharon: "AAAAAAAAAAA!"

Phi Phi: "Eat it, bitch."
Sharon: "Choke."

Phi Phi: "Must flail on the other side of the stage!"
Sharon: "What do you call a busted showgirl with no show?  Hint: it rhymes with pee-pee."

And, let’s be real. In overall presentation throughout the season, Sharon has outperformed Phi Phi. There was no way, in my mind, she was going home.

So at the end of the lip-synch, as (gay) America held their breath, RuPaul called Willam forward. And Willam gave us 14-year-old girl eye-rolling and dragging of the feet.

RuPaul stated that Willam had broken “rules that are in place to protect the fairness of this competition.” Ru told Willam to leave the competition immediately.

Willam chassed away with her head held high. And what did she have to say: “I stood on stage sick with a 24-inch waist, and I’m proud of myself.” Then she did her mirror lipstick kiss with her ass. Classic.

What do you think Willam did to get kicked off? Leave your answer in the comments. 

It was a lot to see Willam go. Partly because she was in my top 4 (okay, top 2) but partly because she always brought it on the runway and always added a certain clever streak to the challenges, even when she didn’t win or do particularly well (which she usually did).

My top 3 now (in no order): Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles, and Latrice Royale.

image from fuckyeahlatriceroyale.tumblr.com

I saw this right before the episode, and though it didn’t influence my choices, it certainly makes things interesting.

On Untucked, they had one person from each pair go into one of the two lounges. Phi Phi, in the Gold Room with Willam and Dita, started to throw Sharon under the bus for their botched performance. Phi Phi stated that she outshined Sharon (you tried harder, but outshined?), and Willam brought it back (more noble, though almost equally shady) with, “I tried not to do that with Latrice.”

In the Interior Iluuuuusions lounge, Sharon really took her performance’s criticism hard, shedding some serious tears and sharing that she feared having to lip-synch.

The queens turned the conversation towards Willam, who had had a “rough morning” when they were prepping for the runway. They noticed that she wasn’t herself, and a few of them explicitly said that Latrice should sabotage their performance since there was no way Willam could take her on in a lip-synch. Phi Phi even offered her the cruise she’d won. But Latrice took the high road, and this is why we love her.

Meanwhile, Phi Phi was still reeling over Pamela calling her Pamela, and she claimed that she never wore blonde. Willam called her on wearing blonde in her winning magazine cover the previous episode. Oh, and the wrestling challenge, too.

Willam changed the subject, asking Dita who should go home. Phi Phi jumped in and said that Willam should go. Phi Phi hinted at something Willam was doing that would have consequences for all of the queens. Then Phi Phi read Willam for not having talent and relying on designer brand names. From what I’ve seen, the judges were impressed before they knew who had made her clothes/shoes. But I understand: Phi Phi had to come up with something.

"You have no talent! You shouldn't be here. You're a bitch, and I don't lie you!"

When the camera switched back to the Interior Illuuuuusions Lounge, they were talking about how Phi Phi was always scheming and plotting to send someone else home in a sleazy way. When they talked about how much she hated Willam, Chad mentioned that Willam was “doing shit that’s we’re all gonna get in trouble for.”

Willam said that she had a “rough morning” due to “personal issues.” And Phi Phi said that her “personal issues” were rules that she’d broken in their contracts. Then she went off on her again, telling her she didn’t deserve to be there. Phi Phi and Dita left and joined the other girls. As Phi Phi was recapping what she said in the other room, Willam was listening at the door.

Willam came in with the other girls. She sat down to an awkward “Um…” from Latrice. Willam looked at Phi Phi, saying, “She can’t even look at me,” and Latrice, who was obviously waiting for something to break the tension, threw back her head in laughter and yelled, “She can not! I LIVE for it!” Then Phi Phi yelled some more and called her a bitch.

Right then, RuPaul came on the screen and told them to go to the Gold Room where they met Pamela Anderson. Weirdest timing ever, but she was a hit with the queens!

I have to say, eliminating Willam will definitely take something away from the entertainment factor of the show. In my book, she and Sharon Needles are the best for one-liners, and Chad Michaels rounded out my first picks for the top 3 (all 3 are the only queens with 2 wins so far). But I have to hand it to Phi Phi for her fake cry at the end of the episode. Way to bring it full circle, girl.

Memorable Quotes:

“At least the lipstick’s on the mirror and not on her teeth for once.” –Willam

“There are two things I don’t like about you: your face!” –RuPaul

“There’s a reason why I lip-synch!” –Latrice Royale

“Let your work speak for itself.” –Latrice Royale

“I think she added a teaspoon or two of Christina Aglieara [Ugly-era?]” –Sharon Needles

“I’m gonna be so pissed if this cheesy song-and-dance number sends me home.” –Sharon Needles

“I loved their voices together, but I’m tone-def.” –Pamela

“When you’re doing a duet, you have to play the straight man at some point.” –Willam

“Pamela Anderson, I’m a huge fan of one of your movies… something about boats and aquatic-ness.” –Sharon Needles

“Natural beauty takes at least 2 hours.” –Pamela Anderson

“With us both being vegetarians, have you yelled at David Hasselhoff for eating a hamburger off the floor?” –Sharon Needles

Click here to check out my recaption of RPDR 4.7.


Click here to check out my recaption of RPDR 4.9.

The Black Party is this weekend! Click here to check out my ridiculous outfit from '09.

For EW's interview with Willam about her disqualification, motives and opinions on the judges, click here.

count down to the New Year (TheBlackoutBlog Does Asia, Day 4)

So, while I was out with KIM, The Good Ambassador was at the airport picking up my parents from their midnight arrival. I was scared to death I’d have to go from nodding off in a cab to “Oh, hi, jet-lagged Mom and Dad” mode when I walked in around 6am, but luckily no one was up when I arrived.

Later that day, we went to one of The Good Ambassador’s favorite restaurants near Market! Market! for lunch. I asked the waiter for a vodka and lemonade.

Waiter: “Here is your lemon with soda.”

Me (after a confused first sip): “Oh, sorry. I just wanted a lemonade and vodka. Can you do that? You serve liquor, right?”

Waiter: “Oh, yes. Of course! [2 minutes later] Here is your diet lemon with soda and no syrup.”

Me: “I… er, thank you.”

image from quickmeme.com

It was just as well: no one else at the table was ordering alcohol, plus it was the middle of the afternoon. And fuck you for judging; the waiter asked me first, and I was hoping to set a trend at the table!

After lunch, we headed to Bayan, a handcraft store, to do some knick-knack shopping. They had all kinds of handcrafted wood items from tiny elephants to 4-post beds and other massive furniture. If only I had a large apartment to furnish… and a large budget to match.

Next, we stopped by the Manila American Cemetery where thousands of American and Filipino soldiers were buried (since they were fighting in the US armed forces at the time we colonized them). It’s a stunningly landscaped piece of land on a hill that has a view of the city. Inside the memorial structure, they have maps that give graphical descriptions (think An Inconvenient Truth) of the different World War II battles in the Pacific Arena. Very helpful, once again, to augment my euro-centric history education and my distaste for historical studies in general. Also, my grandfather was in WWII in the Pacific, but he never spoke much about it to me. It was quite emotional for Mom when she saw the map of the battles where he was stationed.

I was ecstatic to get back to the compound for a nap. The staff was tying up loose ends before leaving for the holiday.

Niles: “Do you need anything else Mr. Kareem? Do you remember how to turn on the sound system for the house?”

The Good Ambassador: “See, your mom thinks she’s being helpful and independent by asking them to do stuff like bring the ironing board upstairs. I wish she’d just give them what she wants ironed and ask them to do it. This is how they get worried about their job security. You want to iron your clothes: you don’t like how they iron. You cook yourself breakfast: there’s something wrong with their cooking...”

After a nap that was too long for any disco, Joel came with his bodyguard, driver and manager Frank to pick me up en route to the Dusit Thani Hotel in Makati. We joined his very friendly and loquacious sister (whom I’d met at his dinner party), some other family members (whom I’d later hang out with at Joel’s mother’s house), and a number of people Joel knew through work or friendships, including a member of a Filipino boy band, the name of which escapes me. We enjoyed champagne (not as good as the one we had at Joel’s condo) and a series of buffets from Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Thai and American restaurants within the hotel.

image from sirearevalo.com

It is a family tradition for everyone to gather at Joel’s mother’s house to count down to the New Year and to eat a shit-ton of food. If her neighborhood were in the US, it would be the hood, but in a 3^rd world country, it’s solidly working class (you should have seen some of the tenements we passed on the way!). Of course, Joel had offered to move her somewhere fabulous, but she was happy to stay where she was (and reluctantly let him trick out the interior and provide house staff). After we greeted our hostess and did a round of introductions to even more family members, Joel’s cousins took me outside to see the fireworks.

In the Philippines, fireworks aren’t as regulated as they are in the US. As a result, there are hundreds of accidental deaths (even sometimes from a stray celebratory bullet) and thousands of injuries. The danger of a faulty fuse on a firecracker (even the most basic ones are twice as big as the paper footballs we’d make in middle school and rattled ribcages from 10 feet away) was so great that they kept buckets of water outside to douse them. Imagine walking onto the street, stepping on a dud that someone had left and having it explode. Apparently, that’s not unheard of.

I ended up missing the countdown to midnight because the frenzy on the street got so insane. I ended up taking video because it was so unlike anything I’d ever seen before. They had these centipede-looking chains of firecrackers that were about 5 feet long that they’d fire off in the middle of the street. And just down the street, they tied together a chain of these that was so long that it lasted 7 minutes!

You can see all the smoke in the air and casings on the ground. Even those sparklers are heavy-duty.

Me: “Oh, the City does fireworks, too! They’re nice.”

Joel: “No, that’s just somebody in the next neighborhood.”

This is all part of a tradition of opening all the windows and doors to your house, playing loud music, and generally making as much noise as possible to drive out bad spirits/energy for a fresh start. And they had lechon! Lechon is a Filipino specialty that’s basically a spiced roasted whole pig with a savory sauce. We all stuffed ourselves until about 2.

I was ready to check out the nightlife scene, but Joel told me all the clubs would be closed because of the holiday. How opposite from America! I had to be content with the bottle of Absolut 100 (which no one else was drinking from… awkward) and the loud music Joel’s brother was playing. Around 2:30, Joel’s driver took me back to the compound.

Did I mention Joel’s invitation to his country house in the mountains south of Manila? Yeah. 

Click here to check out Day 3 (and what happened in the gay club). 


Click here to check out Day 5 (and Joel's ridiculous country house).


Click here to check out my New Year's Eve going into 2011.

RECAPTION: Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 4, Ep 7

This week started with a lot of shade towards Jiggly. The girls asked her if she was worried about having to lip-synch against Milan, who had already sent two girls home in two weeks.

Jiggly: “I know Milan is good but I know I’m good, too.”

Phi Phi: “Well…[I don't know about all that.]”

Willam: “Do you think you’re gonna win the show?”

Jiggly (after a pause): “I mean…”

Phi Phi: “That was an awkwardly long pause!”

Really, girls? Ganging up on her like that? Shade.

Speaking of shade, RuPaul came into the workroom and uttered a phrase I'd been waiting for since last season: “Get out your library cards because #thelibraryisopen.”

Dita warmed them up with a zing at Latrice Royale: “Your free now. You don’t have to rock the yard sandals anymore.” I love a freestyle/read that captures what’s going on in the moment!

Willam had a good turn, especially with reading Chad Michaels for the MySpace link on her card (even if that wasn’t actually one of Chad’s cards, it was a great prop, even in HD).

"Girl, let's trade info for after the show. You got a card?"
"Here you go, girl! But I'm not on Facebook yet."

Chad Michaels really got Jiggly when she handed her the dentist’s card.

Latrice stung Jiggly with “BMW: Body Made Wrong”. She served Phi Phi, saying she needs to learn how to spell (but did that reference something or did she just say it comically)? Willam was read for the “hair on your chinny chin chin,” starting a trend of referencing her 5 o’clock shadow. But she fizzled out in the end, calling Sharon a “sideshow freak.”

Sharon fired off at Dita first for her ashy knees and then got a 2-4-1, saying, “They’re the same color as Willam’s chin!” She told Jiggly, “You’re such a fat slut, after sex, you smoke hams.” Even Jiggly had to give it up for that. They didn’t show her read Phi Phi, and there’s a good reason why…

Phi Phi tried to re-hash the Party City joke during her turn, and Sharon turned it around, and responded, “That’s where I got your Lady Gaga wig.” That was a satisfying crunch, and I have to recall a screenshot from previous posts!

"How did she KNOW?!"

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the “TYRA” moment of this season.

I’m always glad to see Latrice get props (she won the mini-challenge), but to me, Sharon’s shade was the most memorable.

The challenge was to shoot a cover for a drag-a-zine, and Latrice got to assign titles. The fitness mag was the first one to go out… to Jiggy. She followed the sense-of-humor trend when she handed Sharon “Kitty Cats” (with Sharon trying to run away from her assignment).

*Latrice hands Phi Phi Sashay Away*

Phi Phi: “You tryin’ to say something?”

Latrice: “Please do.”

Jiggly knew she was dead wrong for snacking as she worked on her fitness mag cover! But when she finally put the bowl of chips down to talk to the other queens about whether she should be serious or not, Chad told her point blank: “I do not suggest you do this for real.” Phi Phi cut Chad off, saying, “If you feel like you can get more with the serious route…” sounding very sincere. Phi Phi then told Willam that she was trying to sabotage Jiggly to send her home by telling her to ignoring her strongest trait: comedy.

Dita had issues with portraying a stereotype of a black “woman” on the cover of a chicken magazine, which I understand. She went with a “chicken of the month” theme, which RuPaul gave the side-eye in the workroom walk-around, but Dita stood her ground.

Phi Phi wanted to go for the “horny gay” target and turn her travel mag into a where-to-hook-up guide. Her rationale: “Phi Phi’s sexy”, which got a spit-take from Willam (HA!). Ru didn’t really seem too convinced either.

"...how in the hell you gon' call yourself sexy? Can I get an amen up in here?

"Amen, women and children, girl!"

Jiggly told RuPaul that she was insulted with having to do the weight-loss mag. Ru pointed out she dealt with people’s comments through humor. By the end of their talk, Ru basically shaking her by the shoulders and saying, “GO WITH FUNNY, YA DEAF BITCH!” But Jiggly gon’ do what Jiggly gon’ do.

The photographer shooting their magazine covers was hot (I mean, if your into that trendy, tan, typical LA thing… it’s a scene)! I didn’t catch his name, though.

Dita was really hating on her chicken concept and really didn’t seem to be having chemistry with her prop. Sharon did a head wrap rather than a wig, and said that she was going for sexy with her cat mag. Girl, didn’t you throw shade at and “mock” sexy last week? Jiggly was so flustered at the sight of the hot photog that she couldn’t remember the name of her mag's theme. They really should have stuck with the boxing concept for her Battle of the Bulge shoot because who the hell shoots a big girl jumping?

The Pit Crew boy was laughing in every shot!

The photographer whose name doesn’t get mentioned on the show, that’s who.

Chad Michaels had a stunning dress with a sort of full-length corset thing going on. She accessorized with a nose piercing with a chain to an earring and a bedazzled kaleidoscope to match.  Her shoot looked quite glam. Phi Phi’s goal was “a hot Miami piece of ass” which worked pretty well for her. Latrice Royale did black sequins and laid out on a white couch with velvet ropes on each side. She seemed a bit distracted by the boys, but she looked like she got some good shots in. Willam immediately stripped down and covered herself with pillows. The Pit Crew boys wore lamp shades (“No faces! You don’t exist”) and it really seemed to work.

As the queens prepared for the runway, the conversation turned to gay marriage. Latrice Royale said that she didn’t want it to be called “marriage” when it’s gay: “Call it something more fabulous!” The queens chided for her for “not wanting equal rights”, which isn’t what she said, but a funny quip from Sharon diffused the tension:

“I fully support gay divorce.”

For the runway, the guest judges were country singer Pam Tillis and actress Regina King. When RuPaul greeted Regina, she told her, “You look like a cover girl!” With those arms and corn rows, I’m guessing she meant the cover girl for Lesbian Fitness Weekly. WORK (out)! Plenty of bass in your walk, if you know what I'm saying. 

Standout looks from the runway:

• Sharon was a bit simple for me, but I loved the Mars Attacks walk (and during the live airing, it came right before the Mars Attacks ad during the commercial break!).

• Dita served much more above-the-top with the runway look this episode, per Michelle Visage’s advice.

• Loved Chad Michael’s dark look: black drapey mesh over a tight top with short blonde hair!

• I would have loved a brighter color in Latrice’s dress. It reminded me of fire in the shape (which I adored, along with the matching stripe in her hair), but it was more focused on brown than orange/red. Santino said it looked like “a couch from Rent-A-Center.”

• The judges loved Phi Phi’s dress, but to me, it looked baggy in the waist on our left side. I don’t know what the hell the judges were smoking when they said that was her best look (but can I try some)!

Next was the critiques on the magazine shoots.

Chad’s Eleganza:

I was so disappointed with the final product! That font? That background?! Totally took away from her glamorous look. “It looks like something you’d pick up for free at the grocery store.” Santino was harsh, but right.

Dita’s Tastes Like Chicken:

Her cover had a bit of the Stepford Wives feel from the first challenge, but it read pretty well. She seemed a bit small on the cover in proportion to the set and fonts.

Sharon’s Kitty Cats:

This mag looked a mess, but appropriately so. And those headlines!

Latrice’s What’s the Tea:

She looked like she was hosing a cable-access, low-brow, late-night gossip show. But in a good way, if that makes any sense. Also enjoyed her headlines.

And of course, after Regina commented on Latrice’s jewelry, her bracelet broke on the stage! Ru yelled, “Showgirls!” as beads rolled across the stage. One of the judges called out, “It looks better already!”

Willam’s Sugar Walls:

This cover looked a goddamn mess (as an interior design cover)! Very porny and low budget with that awful background and those horrid fonts. When Willam said that she wouldn’t have hired herself as a designer and would have had a capable staff, Ru responded, “I had to do every singe part of show business… that’s what we’re really looking for.” But I’m sure there were some design choices she would NOT want on TV, too. 

And then Michelle read her for her 5 o’clock shadow!

Jiggly’s Battle of the Bulge:

Jiggly already told us she was taking it seriously, but she tried to go back to funny with her explanation on the runway. Unfortunately, her cover imagerly fell a bit flat. We saw just how conflicted she was in the final comments on her cover.

Jiggly: “What the hell am I gonna write about, how to eat a pound of chicken?”

RuPaul: “Exactly, that’s funny!”

Phi Phi’s Sashay Away:

Her cover turned out really good, but the shape of her head with that wig reminds me of a glammed up Sharon Needles.

Phi Phi won the challege, which was no surprise once we saw the pictures. Props to her on her first win.

Jiggly and Dita Ritz were in my bottom two until I saw how Dita’s cover came out. Then it was kind of a craps shoot since there were a few bad ones (worse than Jiggly’s perhaps). But in the end, Willam was also up for elimination!

This was the 3^rd lip sync for Jiggly. And then it was a country song that wasn’t very dynamic. Watching Jiggly spend amost half the song snapping made me think about when she called Madame LaQueeer a “Pointer Sister” for pointing while she lip-synched. She looked like she was trying a little too hard since she couldn’t pull out her usual dance moves or sexy stylings (her real strong point). Willam, on the other hand, looked effortless playing the part of a country starlet. It was the prefect song for her… and one of the most boring lip-synchs I’ve ever seen.

PS, Willam: really with the lack of panties on stage?!

A light would have had to have fallen on Willam's head for her go home. Pit Jiggly’s 3^rd lip sync against Willam’s strong showing in so many past challenges, and sending Jiggly home was a no-brainer.

Untucked started with congratulations for Phi Phi’s win, but it quickly turned into Latrice Royale’s reaction to Santino’s insulting critique. Let’s just say she had nothing nice to say about the “balding bitch” him.

"Don't make the queen use her Royale scepter!"

The next topic of conversation was Willam’s facial hair, which Michelle noticed during the runway. Sharon told her she needs to stop with the women’s makeup and use “pancake makeup” (or “Duncan Hines”) like the rest of the queens to make sure everything is covered. Really, I couldn’t see facial hair. What I could see were strong lines in her chin/jaw area with lots of shadows from the light. When they cut to her interview where she said, “I have good bones,” I immediately turned to Bohoken (who wasn’t paying attention) and said, “Yes, for a man!” And I know Phi Phi couldn’t wait to give her “If I were you”-type ‘friendly advice’, but right when she finished, Willam turned it around and stole the moment with her classic brand of humor: “If I were me, next week, I’m gonna wear a burka!”

Next, in the Gold Room, the mystery of the big pink box turned out to be the outtakes of their photo shoots, which was a laugh for them all. Then Willam stated that she was worried she’d have to lip synch.

Phi Phi: “You don’t know the song?”

Willam: “I don’t know if they’ll be able to see my lips with my new goatee.”

Back in the Interious Iluuuuusions Lounge, Jiggly lamented not going for the funny angle for her weight-loss mag. The girls told her that even when you know you’ve messed up, you present like it’s the best thing you’ve done. Jiggly said she’d rather be honest and own up to her mistakes. Phi Phi, however, said that the money was too important with a rather disturbing comment: “$100K in this competition. If I have to say whatever I have to say to save myself…” Granted, we’ve already seen her do that with how she double-crossed Jiggly, but more than one girl agreed with her! They turned the attention to Latrice, asking her why she gave Jiggly a fitness magazine, Latrice responded that Jiggly was supposed to be funny with it (while avoiding eye contact). 

"Here's hoping the karma bites me in the ass AFTER the show's over..."

Next was a montage of Phi Phi telling Jiggly to go serious mixed with interview clips of Phi Phi talking about how Jiggly “fell for it” and shots of her looking shifty-eyed in the Lounge across from Jiggly. Dita broke it down for Jiggly in a loving but real way that only Dita could do, telling her she needed to listen to her friends and stand by her creative decisions. Dita got really passionate in a positive way. Jiggly came back saying that if the judges didn’t want her here then she wasn’t going to stay anyway. At that point, everyone in her corner was like, “Well, we want to be here, so just go ahead and tell them you wanna quit.” That got Jiggly kinda furious, and she started to yell. Dita shut that down real quick with a, “Don’t yell at us when we’re trying to help you!” She cooled off for a bit before giving her, “I love you, but I’m done.”  Jiggly turned to Phi Phi, who had a similarly abusive childhood, wondering how she perseveres through her struggles with her past. Phi Phi gave an Oscar-worthy monologue about being a fighter, believing in herself and Jiggly making her brother and deceased mother proud.

With her fake ass.

Jiggly apologized but she stuck by her stance of “keeping it 100.” Sharon Needles then shared how she farted on stage (the replay with RuPaul’s face when she stopped in the middle of her sentence was priceless) and tried to make it look like she squeaked her heel. It was the perfect comic relief.

I had high hopes for Jiggly when she came into the competition, but she wasn’t really cut out for the type of challenges they threw at her. But one thing’s for sure: I’ll be glad to see more of her around NYC thanks to her exposure from this show.

Question: who do you think is going home next? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My prediction:  (as much as I love her) Dita Ritz.

Memorable Quotes:

“I prefer editor and queef!” –Willam

“That one looks like a man. I look like Sharon in that one.” –Phi Phi

“I’m the prettiest one/ Now that Kenya’s gone!” –Willam (singing)

“You had a health and fitness magazine… obviously you were assigned that magazine to ham it up!” –Sharon Needles

“1240 on the SATs! I need to show that I have intelligence!” –Jiggly

Jiggy, hun… a) that’s not stunningly high and b) scores are out of 2400 now… which means you took it long enough ago for it to be inconsequential.

“Tastes like chicken; looks like fish! (Uh uh!)” –Ru Paul (and Michelle Visage?)

“I love me a train! (Mmmmm!!)” –Michelle Visage (with a look from Regina King)

“I’ll give him one more time, but when he crosses that line again, I’m going to lay. Him. Out.” –Latrice Royale

“So let’s talk about Willam’s beard.” –Sharon Needles

“They airbrushed the shit outta you, bitch.” –Jiggly

Click here to check out my recaption of RPDR 4.6.

Click here to check out my recaption of RPDR 4.8.

Click here to check out a Halloween party where I went in drag (RHWOA).