“Excuse me. Are you guys a couple?” (White Party Palm Springs '12 Part III)

Michoken (grumpily): “Good morning, sunshine. Guess who came by this morning?”

Me: “Who?”

Michoken: “Head of security for the golf course. That prick from yesterday when we were on the carts must have complained. But security knows me: I give those guys cards with money around the holidays. So he just told me to keep the dog off the golf course. I told him the dog doesn’t go on the golf course. Fuckin’ prick.”

Michoken, whose road rage isn’t unlike the father’s fury from A Christmas Story while working on the furnace, drove us into Palm Springs to drop off our bags at our hotel and then toted us to the Viceroy (spa day!) before bidding us farewell. Bohoken had booked massages for us and was sweet enough to give me the only available male massage therapist. We had a good half hour by the pool (where we ordered the best minty citrus drink) before our appointments.

My massage therapist was a cute, warm Latin guy who was soft-spoken but directed me well and made me feel comfortable. I almost wanted to scream when he was working on the knots in my upper back. And as he massaged the front of my body, I had to recite every minor scale I knew in every different key (did I mention I never memorized scale notes so I still have to count out the intervals) to keep my, er… to keep the towel in place.

After the massage, the pre-pool-party workout I’d planned didn’t seem like such a great idea, so we jumped in the Viceroy’s hot tub before checking into our hotel room. The pool party ran from noon to 6, and it was about 3 when we left the Viceroy. I was determined to get our costumes pressed and steamed before the party the next night, so for efficiency’s sake, I asked Bohoken to go to the host hotel (which was sold out by the time we booked) to register and pick up our passes while I dropped the costumes off at a dry cleaner. He was vehemently opposed to doing this alone (which I didn’t understand at first, but I figured circuit parties and the queens who inhabit them are quite unfamiliar territory to him), so we walked to the dry cleaner together.

You know you’re in a podunk town when 2 dry cleaners tell you that they don’t even steam or press garments over the weekend.

I hung our garments in the shower, and we made our way to the Renaissance Hotel. It was actually quite spectacular from the outside, and the lobby’s runway with changing neon lighting in the floor was so appropriate for a gay weekend! As we searched for where to pick up our passes, I noticed a booth that said “Drink Tickets” and immediately changed our course.

So, the way it worked was that each ticket costs and represents $1. Drinks all cost about $9, but tips were expected in cash (??). And tickets only came in $1 denominations. So if you wanted to be efficient and buy $100 worth of drink tickets, you were stuck with 100 of these little tickets. A color-coded system would have been much appreciated.

It wasn’t long before we were taking a stripped-down tour of the pool deck. I ran into Prince of Persia who was apparently friends with Jeffrey Sanker, head gamemaker of the White Party. They’d become friends on vacation in Puerto Vallarta, so of course, he was there for free and meeting the headlining performer, Mary J. Blige, and all that shit. It’s rare that I'm jealous enough to wish a bad tanline on anyone, but then I noticed that one of the boys in his entourage was actually wearing his VIP pass around his neck. His being associated with that level of douchebaggery sufficed.

Random Twunk: “Excuse me. Are you guys a couple?”

Me: “Why yes. It turns out we are.”

RT: “Oh, wow! That’s so awesome!”

Me: “I certainly think it is.”

RT: “I just saw you while I was talking with my friends, and I had to ask. It’s really great to see you guys together!”

Bohoken (after the Random Twunk was a safe distance away): “So not dating your identical twin is a remarkable thing here.”

Me: “Noted.”

While we had a good time at the pool party, there was quite a bit of fumbling around to count out drink tickets. Luckily, we went through them quickly because we had to order doubles to get any kind of buzz. The large pool deck was far from crowded on Friday, so I wouldn’t recommend opening with your best swimwear for that particular party. But overall, it was a good time.

Did I mention there was an underwear party that night? Yeah.

Click here to check out Part II.

Click here to check out Part IV. 

Click here to check out an insane underwear party on Fire Island (I may or may not have been grinding with Kat de Luna).

TheBlackoutBlog Pride Guide 2012

NYC Pride has SO many events, you could have a full week without even seeing the parade (but you really should, though)! It's a great way to see your favorite performers, gaylebrities, DJs, activists and drag queens! Here's a rundown of special Pride parties going on around the City during the week leading up to Pride. Also, look out for Pride editions of your favorite weekly parties.

My suggestion: bookmark this post and check back daily to plan your week and check for updates.

Monday 6/18

The Center’s Garden Party 29

6PM

Hudson River Park’s Pier 46 (the Christopher St. Pier @ the West Side Highway)

A major food festival featuring samples from 30+ restaurants and an open bar, the Garden party dubs itself “the only LGBT tasting festival in the country”. Proceeds benefit The Center.

Tickets: $85 (with tiered donations from there)

http://www.gaycenter.org/specialevents/gardenparty29/tickets

Tuesday 6/19

Next Magazine’s Photo Contest Finalists’ Reception

7-9PM

Leslie-Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art, 26 Wooster St

“Join the finalists of Next Magazine's Third Annual Photo Contest and view their work in this one-of-a-kind photo exhibition.” Enjoy complimentary Stoli cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. Vote for the winner: http://on.fb.me/KRs428

FREE

RSVP: http://PridePhoto12.eventbrite.com/

Wednesday 6/20

Family Night

7:30 seating (movie begins at dusk)

Pier 46 (The Christopher St. Pier)

Bring the kids to see Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) and enjoy free snacks! Hosted by Chelsea Lately’s Ross Mathews. Rain date: Thursday 6/21

http://www.nycpride.org/events

Barefoot Wine Pride Kick-Off Party

8-10:30PM

Crimson, 915 Broadway, #1

Dallas Dubois hosts with a gaggle of drag divas. "Performances by RuPaul's Drag Race winner SHARON NEEDLES and BRAD LOEKLE, music by DJ STEVE SIDEWALK, and a delicious BAREFOOT WINES AND BUBBLY OPEN bar throughout the party."

FREE (RSVP required)

http://pridecelebration2012.eventbrite.com/

Friday

SALGA’s Trans Day of Action

3-7PM

Washington Square Park

Rally with trans activists to protest all the –isms and –phobias our communities face. “Let's come together to let the world know that TGNC [Trans & Gender Non-Conformist] rights will not be undermined and together we will not be silenced!”

http://www.facebook.com/events/396822633692576/

Harlem Pride VIP Launch Party Fundraiser

7-11PM

The Green Residence, 730 Riverside Drive @ 150^th St., Suite 9E

It’s their 3^rd Annual celebration with liquor sponsor El Dorado rum!

$50 general admission

http://www.harlempride.org/index.php/harlem-pride-2012/vip-launch-party

Next Magazine’s Pride Kick-Off Party

7-10PM

Hudson Terrace, 621 West 46th Street

Next Mag always has well-attended events (with cute guys), and this venue is stunning whether you’re on the rooftop or in the lounge. DJ Whitney Day spinning. Open bar til 8 w/ general admission.

FREE; VIP w/ “basic” open bar $40; VIP w/ premium open bar $50

http://nextpride.eventbrite.com/

SALGA’s NYC Pride Reception

7-10PM

Vlada Lounge, 331 west 51^st St

Salga’s kick-off celebration! “Reception for out of town visitors and community members will be held as a happy hour leading to Sholay's DESILICIOUS HOT PINK PRIDE PARTY!”

FREE

http://www.facebook.com/events/448157238536713/

dot429 Pride NYC

8-11PM

Exact address emailed upon purchase of tickets.

A penthouse party with cocktails and passed dinner (food by Chad Ellis, wines by Penfolds). Hosted by Brad Carpenter, Wilson Cruz, Peter Davis, Malcom Harris, William Kapfer, Richard Klein, Joseph Miceli-Magnone, Jonathan Peters, Mike Sullivan, Sasha Seven, and Steph Watts.

$85 donation benefits the Newfest LGBT film festival

https://dot429.com/events/pride-nyc/rsvp

Peter Rauhofer's WORK! Presents: NYC Pride "TRIBAL MADNESS" Boat Party on the Hudson River!

8-11PM

Pier 83 on 42^nd St

Booze cruise! Tribal beats on the River “Featuring: MARCO DA SILVA!”

Tickets: $30

http://www.wantickets.com/events/ShowEvent.aspx?eventId=106708

Pride Fur

9-11PM

The Center, 208 w 13^th St (near 7^th Ave)

The guys who brought you Furball boast “the ultimate fur attack.” Go-goes, beer, art and, of course, bears.

https://mycenter.gaycenter.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=230

DESILICIOUS: HOT PINK PRIDE

10PM-4AM

BB King, 243 West 42nd St (b/t 7th & 8th Aves)

The dress code is pink! “Pink it up and join us at the swanky Times Square hot spot B.B. King for a an unforgettable night of Bollywood Beats by Ashu Rai, big screen visuals by Neeraj, midnight performances, and hot pink giveaways.”

$20 Cover / $15 before 11:30pm

http://www.sholayevents.com/

Intermezzo Pride Party

10PM-4AM

Intermezzo NYC, 202 8th Avenue (b/t 20th & 21st St)

Drink specials ($6 Cosmos, $5 vodka-crans, $4 shots and more), DJ Narga and special guests Dallas DuBois and Holly Dae! “Come party & dance in one of the most diverse venues overlooking the heart of Chelsea. Join us as we kickoff one of the best weekends of the year!”

FREE

http://www.facebook.com/events/421431771222990/

Saturday 6/23

Harlem Pride

Noon-6PM

Jackie Robinson Park, w 145th St & Bradhurst Ave.

A celebration in the park with live entertainment, local organizations, refreshments and giveaways.

http://www.harlempride.org/index.php/harlem-pride-2012/schedule

FREE

Center Families Annual Pride Picnic

Noon-3PM

Church of St. Luke in the Fields – 487 Hudson Street, New York NY (enter at Barrow St. & Greenwich St.)

Bring the kiddies for face painting, picnicking, outdoor activities and wholesome family fun! “Food and beverages will be provided.”

http://www.gaycenter.org/node/7932

VIP Rooftop Party

2-10PM

Hudson Terrace, 621 w 46^th St (west of 11^th Ave)

From the boys that brought you Griffin Sundays. DJs include Corey Craig, Freemasons and Moto Blanco. General admission is SOLD OUT, but they’ll be selling a few tix at the door.

Advanced VIP admission: $100 (plus other tiers)

http://www.showclix.com/event/222280

Rapture on the River

4-11PM

Pier 57, 15th St @ the West Side Highway

The main girl party of the weekend! Live performance by The Real L Word’s Hunter Valentine, a new venue, and beats from Whitney Day and Missy B & Trini.

Dyke March

5-7PM

Bryant Park, corner of 42nd Street and 5th Avenue

Get angry! Grab a sign and march with the women of NYC. “The Dyke March is a protest march, not a parade — we don’t ask for a permit, because we have the right to protest.” After party @ Ginger’s Bar in BK. http://gingersbarbklyn.com/

http://nycdykemarch.tumblr.com/about_the_march

Muscle Bear Sea Tea

6PM-10:30PM (set sail at 7:30)

Pier 40 @ Hudson River & Houston Street (2 blocks south of Christopher Street)

Booze Cruise with house beats and fuzzy muscle! “Join us on this annually packed and sold out cruise aboard The Queen of Hearts.” Includes a dinner buffet and a show.

Tickets: $25 ($30 at the door, if they’re available)

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/253286

Peter Rauhofer's WORK! Presents: "PEEP SHOW" Pride NYC!!!

10PM-4AM

“BEATS By: PETER RAUHOFER; OFFER NISSIM; ISAAC ESCALANTE”

Tickets: $80

http://bit.ly/xawHrt

Sunday 6/24

Pridefest

11am-6pm

Hudson St. b/t Abingdon St & West 14^th St.

A street fair with vendors, entertainers and community activities, Pridefest is a cornerstone of NYC Pride.

FREE!

www.nycpride.org/events

NYC Pride Parade

Noon-until

The main event. Every bar, publication and organization will have a float or group marching in the parade. Also, every bar will be insane. Bars outside the West Village will be more manageable. Insider tip: a few years ago, friends and I went to the line-up area (off 5^th ave in the lower 50s) before the parade started and were pulled onto a float that needed more people. It’s a great way to experience the parade. 

Parade route and more info: http://www.nycpride.org/events

Loud & Proud at the Ritz

After the Pride Parade

The Ritz, 369 w 46th Ave (at 9th Ave)

"Close out NYC Pride Week with hot guys, cold drinks, and great music!" BoiParty takes over one of HK's most popular bars, featuring 3 floors and an outdoor deck. DJ Steve Sidewalk spins top 40 all night!

http://www.facebook.com/events/393241500722586/

PRIDE: A Deeper Love (w/ Mob Wives’ Big Ang)

Noon-7PM

Midtown Loft & Terrace, 267 Fifth Avenue

View the parade from above while celebrating Mob Wives’ Big Ang’s birthday (1-4PM) with special guest host Michael Brandon. DJs Michael Hades on the rooftop and Jerome Farley in the loft. “This party is exclusive, so keep that in mind when purchasing tickets.”

Tickets: $60 General Admission; $90 VIP

http://prideadeeperlove.com/

Pride at Ilili

Noon-4PM

Ilili Restaurant, 236 5th Avenue

Hosted by Dallas Dubois, beats by Scotty Rox. Celebrate Pride right on the parade route! The specialty drinks here are AMAZING! “Reservations are recommended, it was packed last year & since it's on the parade route, it will be packed again. Call 212.683.2929 to make a reservation [ask for Joel Oliver].”

http://www.facebook.com/events/236740029774606/

FREE

In the Life Media Pride Celebration

12:30-5PM

184 Fifth Avenue (between 22nd and 23rd Streets), 5th floor

If you’re over it all, why not be above it all? “Enjoy a prime view of the NYC Pride March from our window-lined, air-conditioned space overlooking Fifth Avenue.” It’s their 20^th anniversary celebration! Honorary hosts include Lt. Dan Choi, Ari Gold, Kelly King, Jack Mackenroth, DeMarco Majors, and more.

Under 30: $100 donation; General admission: $125 (open bar, brunch)

https://donate.itlmedia.org/page/contribute/2012-pride-celebration

Drag Race’s Manila Luzon & Sahara Davenport Host Bora Bora: Pride Edition

3-9PM

XVI Lounge, 251 West 48th Street at 8th Ave

Escape the crowds downtown and celebrate Pride on this Hell’s Kitchen rooftop paradise. Scotty Rox and Whtiney Day will be spinning. “Manila Luzon & Sahara Davenport of Ru Paul's Drag Race host this special event with a giveaway for a stay for 2 at The Lords Hotel [Miami?]!” Open bar @ 4PM

FREE

http://www.facebook.com/events/437502309606773/

The Graffiti Ball w/ Kat Graham Live

4PM

230 Fifth Ave Penthouse

“KAT GRAHAM (Singer/Vampire Diaries) Performs LIVE @ NYC PRIDE!” A GrayWolf and Chris Ryan production, hosted by Nathan Kelly, Ronnie Brown & David Yakov with a performance by Sherry Vine.

FREE (w/ Facebook invite… VIP packages available)

http://www.facebook.com/events/378179855564825/

Ski Bums: Pride Party at Hotel Americano

4-8PM

Hôtel Americano, 518 West 27th St

Dance on the rooftop to DJ Justin Dawson’s tunes while mingling with Ski Bums, their friends, and the friendly people that love them. “Please RSVP and encourage your friends to do so; we'll have a VIP guest list of everyone who has RSVP'd here by June 22. (If there's a line to get in, those who are on our VIP list will get priority access.)”

FREE

http://www.facebook.com/events/178314328955711/

Dance on the Pier (aka The Pier Dance)

5PM-2AM

Pier 57, 15th St @ the West Side Highway

This year’s Pier Dance moves indoors. Entertainment includes beats from DJs Eddie Baez, The Perry Twins and DJ Boris as well as performances from Eva Simons, Cyndi Lauper, and others.

General Admission: $90; VIP (open bar, expedited entry, etc): $165

http://www.nycpride.org/events

COLOR ME QUEER

10PM-4AM

CLUB ELEMENT - 225 East Houston Street

“BOLLYWOOD, BHANGRA, HIPHOP, CHUTNEY, SCOA… Color Me Queer is the only party for all Queer People of Color on Pride!!!”

Cover $15 before 11pm and $20 after.

http://alp.org/color-me-queer-2012

Monday 6/25

Our Broadway Family Sings for Pride

7-9PM

Playwrights Horizons - Mainstage Theatre, 416 West 42nd Street

This benefit concert (with pre-concert reception) will feature Broadway performers and gaylebrities like Chaz Bono and Mike Ruiz. “Attendees will enjoy the vast array of songs from Lady Gaga to The Beatles, along with Broadway hits. Musical performances will feature cast members from The Book of Mormon, Wicked, Jersey Boys, Mamma Mia, Anything Goes and many more!”

Tickets: Price Zone 1--$70.00 - $90.00; Price Zone 2--$50.00 - $70.00; Price Zone 3-- $35.00 - $55.00

https://www.ticketcentral.com/Online/default.asp?doWork::WScontent::loadArticle=Load&BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::article_id=40BE7BEC-D7FF-4475-8493-C024BF113161

Click here to check out my post from NYC Pride '11 (boozy brunch, and it was all downhill from there...).

And click here to check out Geeks Out's list of geeky events for comics fans and gamers.

daddy likes leather jock straps and poppers (White Party Palm Springs '12 Part II)

Bohoken was all kinds of jet lagged, just as he’d suspected he would be. We’d both passed out around 7 after too much wine and hot-tubbery. I woke up around midnight and forced myself to stay awake a few hours by reading Catching Fire (book 2 in the The Hunger Games series, LOVE!). I managed to sleep until about 8. Bohoken was up around 6am.

in the glove box... for emergencies...

Bohoken and I took the 5-Series into Palm Springs for brunch, and the whole way I fiddled with the iDrive trying to play music from our phones via the Bluetooth. We got an outside table at Peabody’s on the main drag and had a pretty standard (non-alcoholic!) breakfast. Bohoken then took me to Arenas Rd. where the gay strip is. It’s really just a single block of bars, restaurants and retail locations. And a Circle K that’s not particularly gay at all. Our first stop was Bear Wear, an apparel store that sells bear-themed clothing, leather, sex accessories (like lube guns!) and Nasty Pig clothing.

We were in desperate need of shades (Bear Wear didn’t sell them) so we went a couple of doors down to GayMart (I’m assuming the same chain as the one in Ft. Lauderdale). We stopped in the Circle K on the far side from GayMart to get me a Red Bull, and as we walked back towards Bear Wear, I saw a man and woman walking with their toddler.

Woman: “Oo, this store has shirts with bears on them! Let’s go get daddy a bear shirt!”

It took all I had not to say, “Unless daddy likes leather jock straps and poppers, you have no use for this store.” Then I realized she wouldn’t know what poppers were.

We didn’t find poppers next door, but we did find a few pairs of speedos. I was iffy about a pair that reminded me of the Jamaican flag until I remembered the one thing all Jamaican men that I’d met had in common…

We decided to head back to the Ranch to hang by the pool. I was planning to work on my post on the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, but the wireless would barely reach all the way to the pool deck (#whitegirlproblems).

Michoken: “Ya like guns?”

Me: “I can’t say I’ve ever been a fan.”

Michoken (10 min later): “I wanna show you my rifle.”

He came back with the biggest, heaviest, oldest rifle I’ve ever seen! Mind you, I may have grown up in SC, but I wasn’t exactly out in the boondocks. Plus my dad my dad is from the non-huntingest place in the country: the South Bronx. Outside of shooting a country cousin’s bee bee gun, my experience with firepower was nil.

It was obvious that this gun was a huge source of pride for Michoken. He delineated its historical use, its technological advancements over it predecessors, how to load it. Meanwhile, Bohoken was on a far side of the pool deck rolling his eyes.

Then Michoken brought out the 6-shooter and the cowboy boots. The 6-shooter wasn’t loaded because his cowboy boots had leather straps with notches to hold the bullets around the ankles!

Ladle (from the drive thru-like window to the bar just inside): “It was a ball trying to get that through the Munich airport.”

Michoken: “I don’t see what the problem was! It wasn’t like I was carrying the gun. What was I going to do, throw the bullets on the plane?”

Ladle: “I had to negotiate with the security officers. I basically told them he was a crazy American, and they went with it.”

Through the gun talk, I was mostly nodding and smiling because guns just aren’t really my bag. But then Michoken mentioned the leather holster he’d made. I figured it’d be some rough Boy Scout project that just barely got the job done. But no: this holster was professional grade, intricately detailed and contained layered bullet notches all the way around the waist.

I had to try it on immediately. Commence: photo shoot.

Bohoken: “Okay, now take the shorts off.”

After the Deer decided to pull out the red rocket for Bohoken’s leg, Bohoken and I decided it was time to head back to Palm Springs for dinner and happy hour. After a couple of drinks at Hunter’s (we left about a half hour after the go-goes had started to occupy the boxes), we grabbed dinner from a restaurant on the gay strip with a hostess whose lips reminded me of Chad Michaels. We migrated to Street Bar, which featured a crowd that made Bohoken look like a spring damn chicken.

Did I mention that we ended the night with karaoke at Spur Line? 

Yeah!

Click here to check out Part I.

Click here to check out Part III.

DR!P is back! Click here to check out the last one I went to.

a whole bunch of coked-up, west coast circuit queens! (White Party Palm Springs '12 Part I)

Bohoken’s family has had a house in Indian Wells, CA, one of what are called the 5 Desert Jewels. It’s about a 20-minute drive from Palm Springs. From what I’d heard, Palm Springs is a beautiful, boring relaxing place with a gay scene whose median age is 60 except for one time every year: the White Party. Bohoken hadn’t visited the Ranch in a while, so it seemed like a rather perfect vacation: Bohoken got to visit his father, and I got to plan outfits for a circuit party!

Corey, the costumer responsible for my SantaCon outfit, was the first person I called to help us out (via Scruff, of course). He came over about 3 weeks before to take measurements and discuss fabrics. Corey grasped my vision instantly, which actually got me excited about flying to the middle of the desert to dance with a whole bunch of coked-up, west coast circuit queens!

The weekend before, I insisted that an open toed situation, like the pool parties that were scheduled, necessitated some attention to our feet. Of course, neither of us had ever gotten pedicures before, me hating open-toed shoes in air conditioning and him just not paying attention to how his feet looked. I dragged him to a place in Chelsea that looked nice enough, and Bohoken pointed to a rather deluxe pedicure package. His pedicurist was a middle-aged Asian woman, and mine was a fit, young Asian guy with a shy smile.

The treatment involved all kinds of soaking, rubbing, scrubbing and sensations both of us weren’t quite prepared for. Luckily, nothing hurt, but it definitely felt like less care and attention from the pedicurist could have drawn blood. The worst part, though, was watching as they scrubbed the dead skin from the soles of my feet and my heels. It looked like a total blizzard! So much for getting my pedicurist’s number after.

The Tuesday before was a whirlwind of staying late to tie up loose ends at the job (which, of course, still wasn’t enough), picking up our outfits from Corey, buying white sneakers (the ones I’d seen on Monday didn’t come in my size), and getting one last workout in. I was, after all, going to a circuit party.

After the gym, I met up with Bohoken at G, where we ran into Duplex and his new boyfriend (who had been sentenced to earned the bf title after 4 months of dating) before heading to Baracuda for karoke. We got back to Bohoken’s place around 3: just enough time for me to shower, pack and be ready for our 5:30 cab.

Of course I couldn’t sleep on the plane.  That would be too easy.

After a short layover in LAX, I held Bohoken’s hand to calm him during the entirety of our hour flight to Palm Springs International Resortport. It’s mostly outdoors and resembles a zoo or theme park more than an airport. A 50-something year old guy was laid out shirtless in the shade inside the outdoor terminal.

Our ride was Bohoken’s dad, Michoken, and Bohoken’s German stepmother, Ladle (because that’s part of the mnemonic device I used to remember her name). After warm greetings and introductions, we piled into their 5-series for the ride to a gated community in Indian Wells. The fact that Michoken was exactly as Bohoken had described (and imitated) him, a disgruntled yet gregarious older east-coast Irish man with a rather crude sense of humor (and a propensity for anything in a bottle), made the ride that much more entertaining.

Once Bohoken and I were settled in the guest house, we all went to a seafood restaurant in a local outdoor mall. It just so happened that the restaurant they’d suggested happened to be known for carrying over 100 different types of vodka. Michoken had been told that he needed to shy away from the copious amounts of vodka he’d been drinking, so he switched to copious amounts of wine.

After Michoken ordered a second bottle of white, Ladle decided that it would be she who drove home.

Bohoken had warned me about drunk golf carting with his father. How he runs the Deer (Bohoken’s actual name for their dog, though Michoken called him something different… I don’t get it either) all over the golf course they live on, how he yells at the cars, how he’s never sober and always want someone to come with him. There was no way I was missing this.

“Let me refill my wine first.”

Michoken drove one cart and I drove Bohoken in the other (because, naturally, one has 2 golf carts) while the Deer ran beside, between and behind us. We ran these carts along the road, over the grassy hills across from the golf course, on sidewalks and on golf-cart paths. It was thrilling, and the weather was perfect!

As we turned onto a golf-cart path along the course, we encountered a golfer whose cart was blocking the road. I didn’t quite hear how the interaction started, but I did see your typical old, rich, entitled CEO type approaching the cart path and peering into Michoken’s cart.

C-E-asshOle: “You can’t just let your dog run all over the golf course without a leash.”

Michoken: “He’s not on the golf course. I keep him on the other side of the trail, thank you.”

C-E-asshOle: “What’s your name?”

Michoken: “[First name only]. And be assured, I’m a resident here just like you are.”

The guy moved his golf cart just enough for us to maneuver on the grass to pass him, his gaze following Michoken’s cart as it drove off.

Back at the Ranch, the water in pool was too cold to even think about swimming, and the shadow from the house had already covered it. Bohoken suggested that we get in the hot tub. Ladle, coming back from turning up the heat, brought us plastic glasses to hold our Jacuzzi wine (no, seriously, that’s the name of the wine we were drinking).

Did I mention that the thought of modest swimwear didn’t cross my mind while packing for his father’s house? Yeah.

Click here to check out Part II.

Click here to check out my Mardi Gras trip to New Orleans. 

jock straps and harnesses (The Black Party '12, Part II)

Click here for Part I.

I convinced Bohoken to put his outfit on (which wasn't too hard because he'd been drinking a good bit), and we walked down to TaPS (the Trash around Penn Station). When we arrived at Frat Boy's duplex penthouse, we were immediately accosted by a lesbian who would have been mistakable for a really cute boy if she didn't have such big boobs. She insisted that we go into Frat Boy’s bedroom and her girlfriend take a photo of the 3 of us. We were so engaged with them that it was a good 10 minutes before we actually saw anyone we knew at the party since everyone was upstairs in the kitchen area.

Upstairs, was super crowded. The locusts guests, which included Frat Boy's usual awkward mix of gay and fratty straight, had gone through most of the liquor and all of the cups. I refused to open the bottle we'd brought until Frat Boy pulled out the reserve sleeve of Solos because I knew just how fast that bottle could disappear.

By the end of my very strong (iceless) drink, the kitchen had gotten uncomfortably crowded. We bade the crowd farewell and headed to Posh, our last hope for pop music for the night.

After Posh, we ambled east to find that the line to get into Roseland Ballroom (where the Black Party is held) wrapped around the corner of Broadway and possibly all the way up the block. Luckily, I ran into a friend of RomaRomaMan's near the corner of Broadway, which saved us at least half the wait time.

The lines at the Black Party are a mixed blessing. Most people are covered up in the line outside, but there are always a few crazies who walk from their (friend's) HK apartment in just their leather shorts and harnesses. And as you approach the front of the line, there's usually some performer in an outrageous costume and/or makeup stepping out of a cab or getting checked off a list to come in. The line for the coat check is even better because people have stripped down to their outfits to check their street clothes. And unlike the outside line, it wraps back and forth, so it's much more social and view-friendly. Plus, it's right by the photo set up where you can have a few snapshots taken (for a fee) by their hired photog.

Once we had taken our photos (Bohoken's feet may or may not have been touching the floor the whole time), we waited in line for the bathroom. It's important to investigate the line you're standing in because often at the Black Party, the line that comes out the door is for stalls. You get inside, and you're pissed because there's nobody waiting for urinals.

Relieved and armed with drinks (I insisted that we take shots because we may not make it to another bar before they stopped serving at 4am) we ventured up to the main floor.  As usual, the dance floor was packed with a few go-go platforms that guys dance on between performances. Around 2 sides of the dance floor were places to sit, and the notorious dark gauntlet lined on one side with benches lay between the 2 bars.

Bohoken and I spent most of our time wandering around and gawking at all the hot, nearly naked guys. As usual, the uniform seemed to be jock straps and harnesses. Built guys, slim guys, fat guys, hairy guys, smooth guys. Somehow, they all seemed to fit, and they all seemed comfortable showing skin.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a pop junkie. I really don't like the common-time house or whatever it is they play at typical circuit parties. But just to get the full effect, I took Bohoken onto the dance floor. We saw part of a show on top of a car in a roped-off area near the dance floor and an aerial show above the crowd. And for about 5 minutes, I had to ditch Bohoken and have my Tina moment, rocking out on top of the go-go box. It was insane to see the size of the crowd, especially with the light show (and to imagine what was happening in the middle of it). There was really no way to sense the scale of it unless you saw from above.

One essential experience that I opted out of was the dark room. I really wanted Bohoken to witness (as an observer only) the unspeakable acts that happen upstairs at the Black Party, but they had security at the stairs. People were crowding at the bottom, and I only saw a few people at a time being let up. The last thing I needed was to be pushed and have my boots stepped on for a half hour to be told I wasn't allowed upstairs for some arbitrary reason. So if an organizer of the Party is reading this: no more of that, please.

Before we made our 7:30 exit, we ran into DJ Corey Craig, who was rocking a Chinese beanie (going with the Asian theme of the party) with a fake braid coming out of the back. I can't with her. 

We walked half a block to Galaxy Diner on 8th ave, which is the perfect place to watch cracked out queens still half in costume leaving and arriving to (still!) the Black Party.

Did I mention how completely composed and not-cracked-out I looked as we stumbled the 10 blocks down 8th ave back to the hotel? Yeah.

Click here to check out The Black Party '10 (or not).