The Blackout Blog

sing "Happy Birthday" to his crotch (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part IV: La Ultima Noche)

2012-01-26T23:58:00.001-05:00

Click here for the first night in Miami.

Click here for Part III.

Palace is notorious for their drag-show brunch. They have an11:30am seating, but the 2pm seating is what really draws the crowd. Bohoken and I got there in time to grab a tableright on the sidewalk with a great view of the imminent spectacle.

These queens turned it the fuck out like they were legitsouthern drag queens (for reference, Miami is not the South)! One barrel rolled across the crosswalk. One almostknocked a straight girl's camera out of her hand with a high kick (straightgirl’s face: priceless). One did a split on the cement, managing to keep herpanty hose in tact (I want to say that was Latrice Royale from Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 4). And one walked onto a passing tour bus, calling the ridersfat and ugly as she stepped off.

Thank god for cordless mics.

We stayed for quite a few drinks after and ran into theprevious night's shirtless 40-something (who was shirtless again). Amuch-needed disco nap preceded a rather drawn-out dinner at the"appropriately oriented" (unofficially gay) Lords Hotel. We stoppedby Club High for a new gay Sunday party before heading to Twist.

There was a noticeable difference between theFriday/Saturday go-goes and the Sunday go-goes (my go-go was not there). I'llleave it at that.

Our entertainment for the evening was an absolutely insaneSpanish-speaking drag queen dressed as a bee (The Simpsons fans: you'rewelcome). After pausing some DJ's pre-recorded mix on the CD player, shemounted the ~~go-go platform~~ stage. Some drunk, fratty douchebag came byand felt her up as she was introducing herself. And not a quick pat on the ass.Like full-on massaging for quite a few seconds.

Throughout the night, the drag queen maintained this insane permanent smile, and she did so as shelaughed and called out, "Okay, Sa-kurity! Sah. Kurity." Everyone inthe room was laughing along, including the perpetrator... until securityactually came and kicked his ass out.

The drag queen brought up a guy celebrating his birthday.

"Bartender: 2 chots. Tequila. Please. Okay. I gonnaseeng 'Happy Birrday' to jour deek!"

She got down on her knees and proceeded to sing "HappyBirthday" to his crotch, hitting it after every line with the mic.

After the show, the drag queen immediately changed andwashed off the makeup to reveal a surprisingly hot guy. But since the show wasover, Bohoken and I went upstairs and stumbled upon the disco video room.

We LOVE disco.

The hot bartender, who was also VJ-ing (Miami is really notthe place to be a gay jockey on Sundays), remembered my drink from theprevious, quite busy night! Bohoken tapered off, but I went on to have a fewtoo many, singing along to the music with a 60-something who probably wouldhave been hit on by every guy in the bar back when those songs came out.

Out flight on Monday was quite late, and we hadn't madeplans for the day. I suggested a spa day at the Standard Hotel (day pass: about$45). Unfortunately, all the spa appointments had already been booked.

We checked our bags at the concierge, changed into speedos and robes. We ended up bypassing the Shan shorts that caught my eye and getting a pair of square cuts at an unspeakable price. This was Bohoken's first speedo experience. I don't know why he was nervous; he looks hot in everythingpick out for him. Anyway, once we were changed, we found a couple of poolside chairs to camp outon. An hour later, we were about halfway though out first pitcher of some kindof minty, spiked lemonade and enjoying the view of a shockingly hot 40-something(greying, wavy hair!) who had taken up residence beside us with his hag (whowas remarkably attractive in her bikini). He was incredibly friendly, and Iswore he was flirting until he mentioned he was Canadian.

. o (Ugh, he's probably just that overtly friendly as astraight guy.)

It wasn't long before a kiss confirmed that he was into his femalecompanion that way. But you never know what arrangement they have...

After we finished the second pitcher, I was ready for a dipin the hot tub. I figured the ice dip was the small pool with the waterfall, soI stuck my toe into the one between that and the main pool. Good thing I didn'trush in because I was dead wrong. Theface of the European girl who committed much more to the same mistake 5 minuteslater was an image I'll remember forever.

By dusk, the staff of some fabulous, familiar property (isthere a SoHo House in Miami?) had populated the hot tub with us and weretelling their ridiculous stories from work. I was ready to book another nightand continue kee-kee-ing with them, but thankfully, the combination ofBohoken's hesitation and my near exhausted state reined me in in time to catchour flight.

Did I mention that we both slept the whole ride back to NYC(the nervous flier and the 6'2" light sleeper in coach)? Yeah.

Click here to check out that time a guy I met online flew me out to Chicago.

Definitely an accelerated 3AM situation (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part III)

2012-01-20T10:33:00.001-05:00

Click here for Part II

I woke up much earlier than Bohoken on Saturday. He usuallystirs if I so much as change position, but he slept through my getting up topee, getting dressed and leaving the room. I had the best of intentions: gettingsome writing done by the beach. But Palace was open.

Mojitos: much better before noon.

I was having some serious fresh-meat syndrome on Grindr andScruff, so I decided to clear out my messages. But I kept getting new ones. Bythe time I'd gotten the situation under control, Bohoken had texted that he wasgetting ready to meet me.

One of the great things about South Beach is that all therestaurants on Ocean have seating on both sides of the sidewalk (i.e., the walkway for pedestrians makes an aisle between 2 sets of sidewalk seating). It's a very busyavenue, so both diners and passers by become mutual scenery. We enjoyed ourbrunch on the sidewalk watching tourists stroll, wondering if the tshirt withthe sides cut out and the ultra-short cut-off corduroy shorts I wore with bootsgave away the target audience of the bar we patronized.

After, we went to go pick up Bohoken's jeans (man, they lookgood on him). We crossed the street to order the exact same dishes at the exactsame restaurant and to gawk at the exact same hot food runner as the day before.

We ended up back at Palace for happy hour, and it was prettyhappening. There was a shirtless guy in his 40s with a stunning body and smile.He was rather flirty with a very handsome, very drunk cub around my age. I ~~wastotally fucking jealous of both of them~~ didn't understand their attractionto each other, so I started making fun of them to Bohoken.

A half hour later, I was making fun of them with the cub'sfriend.

An hour later, I was grinding with the cub, and Bohoken wastalking political history with the muscle queen. Divide and conquer, baby.

The cub had a birthday party to go to, so Bohoken and Iworked our joint charm on the muscle queen (who was still shirtless, btw). He was quite ~~drunk~~receptive, and it seemed to be going well. But when I tried to close, hetotally about-faced.

Bohoken: "Don't worry, there will be plenty of hot,insecure guys for you to hit on later."

Me: "Hey, y'all were having a great conversation, andhe let me feel up on every piece of his body that I wanted to. Not a loss. Besides, heprobably would have been a lousy lay in his condition. Who gets allswayey this early anyway? Definitely an accelerated 3AM situation."

And then a drag queen made a road-side entrance on amotorcycle.

After a disco nap and some aimless wandering (and maybe acouple of tipsy dramatic lip-syncs caught on camera, care of that bottle of flavoredAbsolut that found its way into our room), we ended up back at Twist. My go-goboy found us, and Bohoken was nice enough to buy me an amazing lap dance.

Go-go: "Are you more of a bottom or a top?"

He was quite accommodating. The first time as well as thesecond.

Did I mention that I may or may not have ended up with hisnumber? Yeah.

Click here to check out that time I went to Australia and drank at some randoms' house and took dirty pictures with them. Oops.

I didn't notice the stripper pole (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part II)

2012-01-17T23:36:00.003-05:00

Click here for Part I.

We got a somewhat late start on Friday "morning",but as soon as we walked out of our hotel, we ran into Arm'n'Hammer, my Asian, 20-something friend from NYC. We'd seen him the night before at Josh Wood's party with an older white gentleman (as per usual), but she'd clearly upped her accessory game overnight, donning two older white men this afternoon. They, like us, were inneed of brunch, so they suggested "that funky looking hotel lobby wepassed a few blocks back."

I didn't know that our brunch would literally take place ina damn hotel lobby. Whitelaw Hotel on Collins has a very over-the-top designstyle with a lot of white (surprise surprise) and a lot of ornamentation. Wescooted to the ends of cushy chairs and couches with our plates on the coffeetable in front of us. But despite the awkward set-up, we enjoyed our brunch(which, I'm sure, had nothing to do with those wonderful mojitos I had).

Arm'n'Hammer and his boys wanted to head to the beach, but I'dforgotten to pack swimwear. I didn't think it would be a big deal because,well, our destination was Miami Beach.

We proceeded to spend the WHOLE afternoon searchingSouth Beach for speedos. Even the suggestions we got from Hillary Banks (ablack gay who had just moved to NYC from Miami Beach... her dad bought her aLexus when she graduated from a "rival" college, okrrr) were prettyuseless. The only piece that even remotely caught my interest were a pairof shorts (actual shorts) with a 3" inseam from a designer called Shan.The price: well into the 3-digit range.

Our speedo hunt included an in-depth tour of the LincolnRoad Mall, a huge walkway (probably a mile) of shops, restaurants and even aclub or two. In the middle of said walk, Bohoken saw a hot server, and I sawseafood. It was time for lunch anyway.

We realized we were taking a gamble with this restaurant.There wasn't really any way of knowing whether we'd be in the hot guy'ssection. As it turns out, the hot guy wasn't even a waiter: he was running thefood from the kitchen to the tables. But he passed by our table several times,and Bohoken got within biting distance of his bulging biceps when he broughtout our appetizers.

We didn't find a speedo, but I went all moth-to-flame whenwe passed a shop with a distinct slant on small-uptown-boutique style (whensomeone asks, all my clothes come from "some small boutique uptown"no matter what the tag says... no swagger jacking here!).

As I browsed, the very aggressive Latin clerk hovered,asking me questions every 30 seconds. I finally found some jeans that I liked,and the clerk got me a size 31.

Obviously, these jeans came from a European designer because when I tell you these jeans didn't fit... I mean, I couldn'teven get them over my thighs, let alone buttoning them. When the clerk broughtme a 33, I was so elated that the fly would close that I didn't even realize they were adifferent style until I saw them in the mirror.

"No, 31 is the biggest size we have in those. But Ihave the perfect shirt to go with these!"

For the next hour, the clerk proceeded to play Ken-DollDress-Up (and "Check-in"-While-You're-Changing) with me. Bohoken, whoalso likes to watch me try on outfits, even got suckered into trying on a fewensembles. That sales clerk deserved every bit of the $100 of commission helikely made from our purchase.

When we asked about picking up the jeans Bohoken was havinghemmed (apparently, I have the ideal inseam): "Oh, you can bring yourreceipt if you remember. But I'm working tomorrow, and I'll definitely remember you."

After an essential disco nap (shopping is hard work, y'all),I decided we should explore the mainland. I figured it'd be more local and lessglam than SoBe.

Boy was I right.

When we walked into Johnny's Miami, a 19-year-old (at most) Latin twink in a thongwas trying his darndest to look sexy on the stage. He had about as much muscletone as he had coordination. A few other twinks of various heights meanderedaround the bar, mingling with patrons or awkwardly lurking in hopes of a freedrink.

"Is that a skid mark on his white briefs?!"

We went out to the patio and got a drink (no cheaper thanNYC or SoBe) from one of the muscle-daddy bartenders. The group of patio go-goeswho had actually seen the inside of a gym were much more suited to my taste.Maybe we were just early, but it almost seemed like we walked into aclothing-optional party— the go-goes were mostly hanging out with each other,except for the hottest one in the group who had some older fat guy all over him(I assume that got him a very nice tip).

I didn't notice the stripper pole when we walked by it, butone of the twinks drew my attention when he climbed to the top and spunhands-free upside down. And at the end of his slow, cirque-style descent, Irealized why he had the stain on the back of his briefs.

image from facebook.com/johnnysmiami

After about an hour and a half, I'd had enough of thisscene. The bouncer was nice enough to hail a cab for us to expedite our South Beach-boundretreat.

Were I in the mood for a crowded dance floor and danceremixes of pop songs, Score would have been awesome. After paying our $10cover, we settled in at the front bar and watched a pair of trans-women in8" heels and the tightest dresses I've ever seen anyone sewn into teeteras they danced in front of ~~the mirror behind~~ their seated male companions.We ended up leaving after a drink.

As we walked up Lincoln Road Mall, which is rather eerie atnight, I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Nurse Tyra, a model,actual nurse, and friend of TTT's whom I'd met though Twitter, sitting on abench with her friend Dr. Heidi. We'd been tweeting and texting all day, but Iwasn't sure we'd actually link up.

After Dr. Heidi had recovered a bit from her fabulouslyunforgiving shoes, we made our way to Twist, laughing about Dr. Heidi's storiesof being a hot, young, blonde doctor.

"There's always that awkward moment when people arelike, 'Wow, you're a cardiologist?!' andI have to be like, 'No an otiologist, but thanks for the reminderof where I rank.'"

We caught a cab the quarter mile down Washington to Twist,and it was a good thing because Nurse Tyra pointed at some guy as we crossedthe street. As soon as Dr. Heidi tried to look, I saw her go down. But shepopped up in less than 3 seconds! It was the quickest recovery from a fall I'veseen in heels to date.

When we got to the go-go room (of course we were headed there), our female companions got allgiddy when I pointed out Miss Lance Bass across the way and decided they werebuying her a shot. They came back kind of upset because apparently when theyasked her what she wanted, she told them and quickly turned back to her groupof friends, seeming less than appreciative of the offer. She may not have evennoticed when they came back and bought shots for us instead. Our pretty medicalprofessionals made their exit soon thereafter.

Of course, after one night in South Beach, I already had afavorite go-go. He actually remembered my tipping him from the night before.

Him: "Oh, you like me, huh?"

Me: "I'd Facebook stalk you if we RSVPed to the sameevent."

Him: "Ha! You like my ass!"

And he guided my hand appropriately.

Did I mention that attention to detail is a great way toincrease my tip to you? Yeah.

Click here to check out my first (and likely last) Toys for Tots party.

there's no champagne room (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part I)

2012-01-12T08:04:00.001-05:00

Bohoken is an anxious flier. His anxiety stems more from theidea of flying, but he has a legit fear of turbulence. Which justifies a legitprescription for Xanax. So when he asked me if I wanted to go to Miami (I'dnever been), I was a bit concerned when he couldn't book two adjacent seats onthe plane down.

Thankfully, I'm a major planner when it comes to travel, soI made him check us in that morning online. Not only were there two seatstogether, but they were exit-row! And at 6'2", a small upgrade fee is wellworth it.

I'd left work early but later than planned. I was starving,but I'd remembered that we didn't have a TSA-compliant container of lube (andwhen's the last time you saw Wet Platinum at a damn drug store). At that point, Ihad time for one or the other.

image from amazon.com

. o (Well, shit. They got food at the airport...)

Many say that public transit is a no-go with NYC airports. Isay the LIRR isn't so bad (better than paying to sit on the Long IslandExpressway in rush-hour traffic) for JFK. Especially with a to-go cup of champaign from the cafe in Penn Station. And the $50 (flat rate from Manhattan + toll + tip) a cab would be to LGA is much better spent on ~~drinks and go-goes~~ navigating an unfamiliar city.

Bohokensuggested the E train to JFK. Now, I used to live at the end of the E train, whichdoes go to the AirTrain, so I should have known better. And after 50 minutes ofwaiting, crowding and silently cursing everything around me, I finally caughtup with Bohoken at the AirTrain.

Our flight was uneventful, and we caught a cab that seemed tohave half the exhaust piped into the interior. I had to basically performobstetric surgery to get the seatbelt to function. These were certainly not NYCcabs.

Now, you would think that after the pre-Atlantis-cruise hotel fiasco, I'd be a bit more attentive to making reservations in Miami. ButBohoken said our hotel was near all the South Beach hotness, so I went alongwith it. Y'all, we pulled up to the address and couldn't find it. That'sbecause the front is an Italian restaurant, and the only indication that ahotel exists is a small sign over an archway that leads to the restaurant'soutdoor seating. Imagine how fun it was to drag our luggage between tables of peoplehaving dinner to get to the "front" desk.

The Impala Hotel has no wireless. "I mean, we have amodem, and you can plug it in..." Very useful for an iPad. Or an iPhonewith crappy reception (Bohoken's iPhone 4S was having trouble all weekend). Wewould have done a better hotel, but this particular weekend, it was Art Basel,a huge, international art festival that basically draws all of Manhattan.

After freshening up, Bohoken suggested a stroll down Ocean Ave. We passed a bunch of restaurants with hostesses on the sidewalks tempting us with 2-4-1 happy hours on fishbowl-sized florescent drinks. But around midnight we stopped at Ocean's 10, a sparsely populated outdoor straight bar, because they had an awesome cover band playing! Hopefully they're there every Thursday because they really know how to hype up a crowd (but I forgot their name)!

Next, we headed to a Josh Wood party at LordsHotel (a non-officially gay hotel on Collins), which was basically one of hisManhattan parties on the ground instead of on a rooftop (but at least this onewas in a somewhat gay venue). It was open bar, and there was a photoshoot forSlick It Up, the fetish gear website.

I was waiting at the bar for our second drink for thelongest (these were certainly no NYC bartenders), and a guy worked his way tothe bar beside me. One of the bartenders finally turned our way, and the guy'sgesturing got the bartender to start serving him first. Bohoken saw this goingdown and gave a very New York "Really?!" The bartender was frozen inconfusion for a good 2 seconds before turning to us and taking our orders. Ididn't see the other patron's reaction, but it was a small victory.

Bohoken: "And it's not like he didn't notice the 6-footblack guy standing next to him. He just tried to make himself more importantthan you. I probably would have let it go if it happened to me, but I get pissed off whenpeople do it to you!"

That, my readers, is a sign you got a good one.

We ended our night at the legendary South Beach stapleTwist. The name makes sense because the damn club has so many different roomsconnected by winding hallways. We explored several areas and landed in the roomwith the go-goes. Picture Cock Fight Wednesdays at No Parking (except lapdances happen on the back wall because there's no champagne room).

Did I mention Miami clubs close at 5am? Yeah.

Click here to check out that one time I met up with TheMaverickMen.

The Top 10 Posts of 2011 (and my top 5 picks!)

2011-12-23T14:18:00.000-05:00

Please note: all of the titles and pictures are links. Blogger's giving me hell with formatting today.

10. ass and dick were spotted (Pieces' April underwear party)

9. 10 Reason You Should Go to Asbury Park's Sandblast Weekend '11 (and stay at the Berkely Beachside Hotel)

8. this was a 7-day GAY cruise (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011: pre-sail in Ft. Lauderdale)

7. Jujubee is here? (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 3: Bruised Aussie, Singles Dinner, Miss Richfield 1981 and the Lost Continent party)

6. TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log (your guide to personal fitness in 2011): How I Did It

5. do you like jock straps (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Day 7, Final Rinse party and an AMERICAN!)

4.
TheBlackoutBlog Griffin Jockstrap Challenge

3. The body paint was its own adventure (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Days 2 & 3: "Ask Me; Tell Me," Heros and 70s parties)

2. TheBlackoutBlog 2011 NYC Pride Guide (Snaxx, Sea Tea cruises, Daniel Nardicio parties, girl parties and so much more)

1. EXCLUSIVE: “AMERICAN, Cute boy next door. NOT no GodDamned Nigger!” (On Racism in Porn at CorbinFisher.com)

And my favorites from this year (in no particular order)...

Album Review: Britney Spears' Femme Fatale

Fun with Grindr: I’m looking at you, Northern California

"the guy with the booty" (Kat de Luna @ Daniel Nardicio's underwear party @ the Ice Palace, Memorial Day Weekend '11)

the intimacy of a lover (SoHo Crush's housewarming)

an after-party at the hotel (Sandblast Sunday with The Maverick Men)

Fun Facts:

• Of the top 10 posts from this year from all time, 3 were from 2010, 3 were from 2009, and the top post was "How To: Limited Profile on Facebook", which I updated in 2010.

• The link for posts tagged "Grindr" and "Fun with Grindr" both made the top 25.

• Facebook drove almost 6x the traffic Twitter did, but Twitter users spent longer on the site. Twitter also brought in almost twice as many new readers (percentage wise).

• My top for blogs for referrals are porn-targeted.

Click here to check out last year's Top 10 Posts (and my top 5 picks).

Fun with Grindr: Unabashedly Honest

2011-12-07T22:01:00.001-05:00

I have to say that while I prefer a bit of subtlety and wooing in my own ~~whorish behaviour~~ romantic endeavors, I gotta respect a guy that puts what he wants right out there from the beginning. No guessing. No games. Just the truth. Like these guys...

See. Isn't that refreshing. In a thank-god-he-didn't-message-me sort of way.

I have nothing to add to this. At all. And I definitely didn't read his profile in a helium voice in my head.

You know from the get-go exactly what his favorite position is. Less awkward later.

Manage expectations. Kudos, sir.

Text: honest. Tshirt: dubious.

Now, this one is a not-so-subtle code. But I feel like at 0 feet away, I should be wearing latex cocktail gloves.

More coded honesty. What he's telling us is that he's as much of a "top" as he is "Blond".
#callme

Click here for more Fun with Grindr.

Click here for Fun with Scruff.

Definitely different white people (Halloween Weekend '11, Part II)

2011-11-29T21:23:00.000-05:00

Click here for part I.

On Sunday, Bohoken had lunch with his mother in Queens, soI met up with some of the boys at Planet Rose karaoke. In full costume, ofcourse. There may or may not have been a heavy-metal rendition of Lady Gaga's"Telephone" with 3 of us doing full-out choreo.

We headed to Griffin just as it was scheduled to open, whichmight not be what the cool kids do, but we knew there would been a line thisweek. Even if I'd be able to skip the line, getting 5 or 6 friends in would bea challenge.

image from Griffin Sundays' facebook profile

The line itself looked like backstage at Cirque du Soile,and people still had their coats on. The inside was a melee of skin, wigs andhot glue. DJ Vito Fun had his Vito Buns exposed as part of his naked chefoutfit. And I think at one point I had a flirty exchange with Miss Shawn PaulMazur, but I didn't recognize her because of the stunning drag she sported. AndI don't know what the Italian guy with his pants pulled down just below his bubble asswas supposed to be, but I may or may not have lip-synched Britney's "HoldIt Against Me" directly to it him. Which may or may not have ended up moreawkward than intended because of my mask.

We stood in line again at Cielo. At the door, they weredoing full pat-down searches, which was hilarious because the security guy wasvery hot and very straight. I'd already stripped down to my costume, and I wasgenuinely concerned by how un-thoroughly I was searched.

Cielo was unremarkable fun. After a few drinks there (openbar!), I stopped by G. And when very hot young guy insisted on putting his handdown my shorts (guess who wasn't wearing underwear), I insisted that he smellhis hand.

He liked it.

Work on Monday was a blast! No, really. I even dressed up (acensored version, of course)!

RSTLNE reluctantly invited people to his straight roommate'sHalloween party, so I brought Bohoken along. We had the most impossible task offinding something to bring because my late ass got us into Manhattan after 11.All the liquor stores were closed.

Me: "What kind of beer do white people drink? Magic Hat?"

Bohoken: "Uh, maybe Stella?"

Me: "I think we may be talking about different whitepeople."

Bohoken: "Let's get the Stella and a Sapporo."

Me: "Definitely different white people."

RSTLNE was clearly over her ~~sobriety~~ reluctance tothrow said party because she started yelling andunbuttoning my jacket as soon as I walked in.

"I've heard about your costume all weekend! Let's seewhat you got, daddy! Show me that leather."

no... plastic... bottles... EVAH!!!!

There was a handle of Popov that was empty (I feel like I'mtoo old to be at the same party as a plastic bottle), but I managed to findsome apple Smirnoff and ginger ale to mix together.

Five minutes later, Bohoken pointed out Bottomless Pitt. She'ddressed as Storm from X Men, but she'd already stripped off the top of her bodysuit. With the blonde wig (and very little makeup), she mostly looked like Rick James.

what DID the 5 fingers say to the face...

In her hand: the sole bottle of Sapporo we'd seen opened all night.

Around midnight, we vacated for Pieces, but after a drinkthere, Bohoken went home. Pitt and I ditched and took a gamble on paying to getinto the Monster, which ended up being packed with guys in hot costumes.

Four drinks later, Pitt and I were stumbling to 6th Ave.

Her: "No, D. Kareem! I'm telling you, that diner'sclosed!"

Me: "And I'm telling you ~~I'm not going~~ you're thinkingof Waverly Diner."

Her: "That's the only diner over there!"

Me: "This one isn't on 6th Ave. It's a lot or twofrom the corner. Right up from the McDonald's."

Her: "It's closed!"

Me: "Heifer, you've been there with me. Let's just go,and if I'm wrong, I'll pay for a cab to the next nearest one."

Did I mention the two things that felt most amazing that night: 1)being right and 2) knowing that an 8-minute PATH ride was the only thingbetween me and sleep? Yeah.

Click here to check out Halloween '09 (my friends and I as the Real Housewives of Atlanta).

my costume: The Grim Raper (Halloween Weekend 2011 Part I)

2011-11-24T12:59:00.001-05:00

Halloweekend forecast for NYC: fucking snow.

So, Bohoken and I had done some leather shopping in midSeptember, and I figured since that I had some new gear (and no ideas for acostume beyond working out like crazy a month before) Halloween would be the perfect time to show it off.So, to my harness, the leather-daddy boots and tights, I added neoprene shorts(I would have had to buy a 36 waist for leather shorts because I don't have sticks forlegs or a flat ass), a cut up robe with a hood and a mask to make my costume:The Grim Raper.

the Grim Reaper comes for your soul; the Grim Raper comes for your hole.

Gene-Eric texted me that he was having people over for amakeup/preparation pre-game at his place in Washington Heights, so I draggedBohoken back into Manhattan. I ended up running for the A train, which was atthe station when we arrived, and prepping to hold the doors because Bohoken wasdelayed getting through the turnstile with my scythe.

After about 7 minutes of sitting in the station, theconductor announced: "It looks like they're having signal problems at 59thSt. All uptown trains are affected, and it seems they're turning trains backdowntown at 34th St..."

It was a no-brainer to take a cab at that point, but keep inmind that it was still a snow storm. And a weekend evening. With fucked uptrains. But somehow, the black guy managed to flag down a cab within 5 minutes.

Gene-Eric answered her door shirtless in 4" heels andblack lamé striped tights. In her handwas a headband to which she was affixing horns made out of college-rulenotebook paper.

I loved this pre-game already.

Españard was in the living room changing into a pair of redtrunks and a cape (with dramatic, real facial hair) for a Dracula look. Hisboyfriend and his friend, both dancers, wore similar red trunks with fishnettops, body paint, and glitter. To tell you the truth, I had no idea what theywere supposed to be, but they made a hot pair!

What was clear was that we were to have drinks as everyoneconstructed their looks. What wasn'tclear was where we were going after. Gene-Eric had plans in Chelsea with someFire Island ~~douchebags~~ douchebags, and she probably wouldn't be able toshow up with 8 +1s. Yet she was trying to convince us to come anyway? Isuggested No Parking, which was a 5 min walk away. At that point, it would berather empty, but at least we'd be welcome. It took some coaxing, but Ieventually steered the rest of the boys there.

No Parking's the kind of bar that doesn't get going tilafter midnight. It was 10:45.

As we were making the best of things (Bohoken’s buying usall a couple of rounds of drinks helped), I noticed a muscular, short guychecking me out. Eventually, he, his partner and I started talking, and theyinsisted on buying me a drink.

An hour later, the bar was starting to pick up, and Bohokenwas passing me yet another a drink. Two minutes after, the short, muscular guyinformed me that his partner had ordered me another. Line 'em up boys!

Two guys in harnesses walk into a bar. One says, "You look familiar... Oh! I recognize you from Grindr!"

Did I mention it was only Saturday? Yeah.

Click here to check out last Thanksgiving with the Fam last year (including a vid of my playing Just Dance 2 for Wii).

Top 5 Grindr DON'Ts (a guest post on Justin +1)

2011-11-21T13:24:00.001-05:00

Click here to check out the guest post I did on Justin +1: my top 5 Grindr DON'Ts.

If you like Fun with Grindr. You'll love the screenshots I used for this post!

I don't remember any of this. (Beer pong at Boxers NYC)

2011-11-20T11:32:00.001-05:00

After we drove back from Fairgrounds (aka "GayDay") at 6 Flags, I left Bohoken at his place to meet friends for drinksat Posh around 2am, leaving only when the lights came on. As I hopped in a cab,I saw Bottomless Pitt making out with the guy he'd tried to set up with me AND a friend. His Facebook status the next day:

That Saturday, Bohoken and I went to brunch at a cafe inChelsea, having a couple of drinks before stopping into Gym Sports Bar. Isteered us towards Boxers where an older black patron, with whom Bohoken hadbecome quite familiar from several happy hours, gave us quite the ab workoutfrom laughing at stories about him and his partner... and his fur coats. Turnsout he's a preacher.

As we were talking, a short, young, Jersey-ish barbackapproached us.

Jersey: "Hey, any of you wanna play beer pong? $15 for2 hours unlimited. I need a teammate."

Me: "Nah, I'm not a beer drinker."

Jersey: "We can do Cosmo pong! That's $20!"

Me: "I'll play with you. But our team has to be shirtless."

Him: "Uh... Fuck it. I'll play shirtless withyou."

Let me tell you: Jersey had no reasonable justification forkeeping his clothes on. At all.

So we played against 2 bartenders who were drinking beer.Bohoken pointed out that they were at a strategic advantage because I wasdrinking liquor. I pointed out that my liquor was mixed, and it added up to 2-3drinks. I was so persuasive that I'd even convinced myself of this.

image from bigappledodgeball.com

So we set up the 10 cups on each side (some call thisBeirut), but the cups were filled a bit more than I anticipated (definitelymore than a swallow of cosmo). And the mix was quite syrupy. Luckily, thebartenders were still working, so there were a few minutes between each toss.

Turns out the bartenders are really good at pong. And itturns out my partner really wasn't. The other team basically killed us.

Did I mention my partner had a 1-on-1 game going with beerat the next table? Yeah.

According to Bohoken, I started to get kind of touchy-feelywith Jersey as the game went on. Apparently, someone was tweaking someoneelse's nipples at one point. I don't remember any of this.

Jersey: "Guys, wait! I have to tell yousomething."

Me: "Okay."

Jersey (pulling out his phone): "I'm straight! This ismy girlfriend. We've been together for two years!"

Me: "Is that all?"

Jersey: "I mean, I don't mind gay guys at all. Theyfeel me up and stuff, but it's all good."

Me: "Bohoken! Get him a drink! Now!"

By the time Bohoken dragged me out (allegedly… literally...I still remember none of this), I declared I needed to go home for a disco nap,but I made Bohoken promise to come back out with me. Of course, we were ~~walking~~ wobbling by the PATH train when my body decided it had to pee imminently. Bohokensteered me up 6th ave (past the flower stand: "We should get some flowersfor your apartment! Do you like flowers? I LOVE lilies...") to XES, which he knew would be deserted at that time.

I do remember being at XES, but I def don't remember stayingfor an hour and a half and being force-fed water. I also remember doing something that I haven't done since New Year's Eve going into 2006*: vomiting. I told y'all those cosmos were too syrupy!

I also remember getting backto his place and deciding we needed to make a joint Adam4Adam profile. Did Imention this decision definitely and surely did not motivate a photo shoot? Yeah.

*This happened at XL (now closed) when it was next door to the Maritime Hotel in Chelsea. Frenchie Davis of American Idol and The Voice fame performed.

Click here to check out Fun with Adam4Adam. Shout out to Crisco_Butt.

who walked in with the Patrón (a cousin's surprise 50th)

2011-11-08T20:13:00.001-05:00

My mother's deceased father has 4 generations of nieces inone branch. The oldest (the Diva, in her 70s, but could easily pass for 50s),her Daughter (50), TeeTee (early 20s) and TeeTee's daughter (maybe 10). Divatold me a few weeks in advance that she wanted me to come to a surprise 50thbirthday party they were throwing for the Daughter in Queens by where Nanalives, but that was all the info I got.

image from thegoldensmith.blogspot.com

When a reminder came up in my phone, I still had no info onsaid celebration, which I assumed would be a cookout at their house. I calledNana to see if she had the low-down, but she didn't know and didn't want tocall their house and raise suspicion.

"Call me back around 6, and I should be able to tellyou."

But what if it's during the day...

Luckily, Mom had the Diva's sister's number. Turns out theywere having it at the Daughter's sister's daycare, and they wanted people thereat 9:30 so they could surprise her at 10. This worked perfectly because I had acouple of birthday parties in the City that night, too. I could stay for a few hours, have somedrinks and a kee-kee with the fam and still have time to head out.

About 15 minutes after I got the intel, Nana called me to tell me that we were supposed to be there at 8:30. And then she dropped thebomb: "Can you drive me and your aunt? We'll need to find parking andall."

I calmly responded, hung up and screamed into a pillow.What's the point of paying NYC rent prices when you have to stay sober enoughto drive on a Saturday night like everyone else in the country! Plus, I love a good drink with the Fam.

It's a hassle to get to Nana's house in Queens, but shealways offers to pick me up at Jamaica Station, which is quite convenient fromthe LIRR. My train came in around 8:30, and it was a short drive to the daycare center. I jumped in the driver's seat and found a parking spot maybe 50 feet away from the door. My aunt, who uses a walker, took no less than 10 minutes to get out of the car and in the front door. Did I mention I had to pee? Did I mention the Barbie-sized toilets in the daycare bathroom?

image from thegoldensmith.blogspot.com

AND did I mention that we arrived to the daycare owner, herfriend and the DJ still setting up? Either they were running really far behind, or Nana had gotten us there a good hourearly (I'll give you 3 guesses on that one).

About 15 minutes later, my cousins Duchess and Duke (acouple in their 40s named because their daughter is the Queen) walked in withtheir hilarious friend whom I haven't seen since I was old enough to fullyappreciate her humor.

Duchess (in the thickest Harlem accent ever): "Nana, doyou know where we just came from... becausesomeone told us to come over before."

Nana: "I told you to come early!"

Duchess: "We're over there ringing the bell, looking inthe windows. I almost knocked on Mrs. McManning's door. Duke was like, 'Call D.Kareem's mom,' but I didn't want to get her all anxious. We figured y'all musthave left if the car was gone."

Me: "Nana was making doubly sure she made it to the party,okay!"

Duchess' friend: "Do they have a bartender?! I'ma gosee if they need one."

Duchess: "Here we go."

Duke: "Hey, D. Kareem, check out these pictures!"

Duke's new thing is photography. He's actually really goodat it, but any time you see him, you'll spend at least 20 minutes flippingthrough photos, usually at a relative's wedding. And I've never known someone to have so many relatives get married! But this particular wedding was prettyspectacular.

The bride rolled up to the ceremony ina vintage Rolls Royce. She got out of the Rolls, flanked by costumed Renaissance trumpeters on either side of her, and accompanied by a man in a cream tux withtails, white gloves, a white hat, and a clear pimp cane.

Me: "Ah, she went older, I see."

Duke: "That's the father."

Me: "STOP."

The groom and all his groomsmen had white tuxes, whitegloves, white pimp hats, and clear canes. Oh, and the ring bearer, too. Which made the father's cream tux that much more perplexing. I reallyjust couldn't deal.

Duchess' friend: "Well, you remember in Duchess'wedding—"

Me (giving Duchess the evil eye): "I don't. I couldn'tattend."

Duchess: "Oh, yeah. I forgot you couldn't come becausewe said no kids."

Me: "Who does that! I've never heard of that before or since."

Dutchess' friend (pointing towards the door): "Oo! Who is that, and what's in thebag?!"

Me: "I'd recognize that box anywhere. Patrón."

After my cousins (in their 60s), who walked in with thePatrón, greeted everyone, they added their bottle to the bar. Ourtable, which just happened to be closest to the bar, came to the conclusionthat said bottle had been opened already.

They turned off the lights when the Daughter was about toarrive. They had told her they were going out, but they had to pick up theirfriend who was working late at the daycare. She walked in with her little blackdress and makeup and fake ponytail ready to curse her friend out for holding themup.

best party favors ever.

Surprised wasn't even the word. I mean, she was screamingand crying and laughing all at the same time. It took her a good half hour togo around and greet everyone. But once she got a few drinks in her system, sheled all her friends to the dance floor to prove that at 50 she did still, infact, have it.

Then she started singing on the microphone over Tina Marie.

Me: “I’m going to tell the DJ to unplug her mic. Create adistraction.”

By my third drink, I really didn’t much mind that I wasn’tmaking it back to the City before 2am. But did I mention that my cousin offeredto follow me back to Nana’s and drop me off in Manhattan? Yeah!

Click here to check out a night out with my mom and what happened when I found out the guy I was propositioning was HIV positive.

"Spit", "Swallow" and "Cum in" (the 2011 AVP Courage Awards, Daniel Nardicio's after party and Joey Israel's Mars Needs More Whores)

2011-11-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I got the chance to check out a fewfabulous events from a couple of my favorite promoters. Daniel Nardicio hadinvited me to attend the after party for the Courage Awards (from theAnti-Violence Project or APV), and Joey Israel invited me to the opening of hisnew party Mars Needs Whores, which just happened to be his birthdaycelebration.

Bohoken, who doesn't want me to tell you where he lives, was invited to the actual Courage Awards in Studio 450, a fabulous rooftop space inTaPS (the Trash around Penn Station). He's my current boy situation, btw.

image from kurtyphotography.com

The awards ceremony was awesome. They honored people who hadreally made strides to prevent violence against gays, including bullying,bashing and domestic violence. CNN anchor Don Lemon gave a rather hilariousspeech.

The afterparty was in the glass-enclosed rooftop space.Johnny Dynell served as DJ, and Kat de Luna was slated to perform.Unfortunately, she fell ill, so Daniel had the fabulous Cherie Lily fill in for her. Ofcourse, the whole event was open bar, and of course, we indulged.

Once we left Studio 450, we meandered over to Vlada for MarsNeeds More Whores. It was on the second floor, but I suggested that Bohoken andI grab drinks on the first floor to avoid the throngs of Martian whores. Go-gohottie Johnny Sandford (of Ohio-booty-tat fame) was collecting the cover at thestairs, and we exchanged fake kisses and real butt-squeezes on the way up.

The party was rather perfectly populated. Notstep-on-your-shoes crowded, but still interesting. On the walls were black, shinytorso mannequins adorned with neon lights in shapes that were beyondsuggestive. On the stage: a slim masseur in a jock going to work on anattendee (free massages, honey!). And just in case you couldn't find the back room, there were neon signs on the curtain pointing the way.

Oh, and did I mention the go-goes? I don’t think I’d everrun into the deliciously built and scuffy Jay Roth before, but even if he weren't dancing, he would have more than earned my tip. Jay and his go-go partner Rowen Pierce woreonly boots and white robes. And maybe socks.

The music was fun, thanks to DJ David Serrano, andYouTube/nightlife personality Cazwell was present and shirtless (he's still got the “IceCream Truck” body, too). While Bohoken and I left somewhat early, we did get achance to wish our oh-so-sexy hostess, Joey Israel, a happy birthday.

Did I mention that there’s now a show at this party… likethe type of thing you’d hear about/see in the East Village… like the type ofshow that might kinda amaze you/gross you out/turn you on at the same time?Yeah!

Click here to check out a messy, messy Sunday back in '09.

Guest Post on Justin +1

2011-11-02T11:49:00.001-04:00

Check out the guest post I did on Justin +1 on No Parking! Click here.

Fun with Scruff: Bearded Twink

2011-10-29T13:50:00.002-04:00

So, have you heard of Scruff? It's the gay "social networking" app for the bear community (bears, otters, wolves, cubs, chasers, cheetahs, zebras, etc.). A few of the awesome things about it:

• Track List: you can see who's viewed you.

• WOOF: you can send someone the equivalent of a wink to break the ice.

• Are You Interested: there's a button on each profile you can hit if your interested in someone, and if they hit the button for you, it'll let you both know.

• Global Navigation: there's a grid for guys online right now all around the world (and local, too).

Here's an example of a Scruff profile. Apparently this queen thinks she can still call herself a twink at 27. With a beard.

twunk: (n) one who has twink-like qualities after the age of 24. See above.

Some use Scruff to find exactly what they're looking for. As you can see, this user took advantage of the more detailed sections of his profile to share his varied interests.

Apparently, I fit the bill:

Sometimes Scruff can show you just how small a big city is.

no.

And some have found quite unique ways of getting others' attention.

Some are more direct than others.

Did I mention the block feature?

AND Scruff comes with push notifications! You don't even have to open the app to see the variety of messages guys are sending to you.

No need to drain your battery to see what people are saying.

this guy has the right idea!

Just don't leave your phone face-up in a meeting...

this guy doesn't.

As you can see, Scruff is a delightfully entertaining app packed with great features. It's been around for about a year now, so there are a ton of guys on it (officially: 1.1 million)! And it's not all bears. Hell, I'm on it!

Click here to check out my Top 11 Tips for Online Dating and Hookups.

Click here to download Scruff on Android or iOS.

Click here to Like Scruff on Facebook. Or here to Like founder Johnny Scruff.

Click here to follow Scruff on Twitter.

nasty-ass, peeing-in-the-water, not-showering-beforehand skanks (My night at On Top at Le Bain)

2011-10-25T19:39:00.002-04:00

Everybody had been talking about this new Tuesday nightparty at Le Bain in the Standard Hotel NYC called On Top. From what I'd gathered from photos and general buzz,it was opulent, edgy and (with that huge hot tub) not unlike DR!P. I'm reallynot the type to pay $14 for a drink, which is pretty much what one shouldexpect at an NYC hotel bar, but I had to at least check out the scene.

image from citytour.porhomme.com

One thing that everyone I asked seemed to agree on was thatit was a hard door. If you aren't dressed a certain way (either chic as hell orover the top glam), you won't get in easily. I went with a plaid bolero, alace-up tank top and slim-fit, non-skinny jeans. Imagine my disappointment whenI got to the pre-game at Frat Boy's penthouse to find everyone dressed likethey'd just come from work.

Of course, most of the people I knew at the pre-game weren'theaded to Le Bain, which left me with Frat Boy, Rosebud and a few of Frat Boy'sstraight friends (one of whom had an 18-year-old girl with him).

When we arrived at Le Bain around 11:15, we found DaddyBartender from View Bar (now closed) working the door. There were maybe 20people in line, and we didn't even wait 10 minutes. Then maybe another 5minutes inside for the elevator. Of course, there was an issue at the door withthe 18-year-old (because this was neither an NYU dive bar nor 1996), but I knownothing of the details because I made sure to distance myself from thesituation before it happened.

image from newyork.metromix.com

The interior of Le Bain feels tres chic. Floor-to-ceilingwindows with fabulous views, well-appointed fixtures. And then there's that hottub, which, by the way, no one was in.

We went through a graffiti-covered stairwell to the roofdeck, which was packed and allowed smoking (boo). But the views wereimpressive, and there were a couple of small hot tubs that a few people hadstripped down for. There seemed to be a Nutella bar, too, but I'm not sure it was open.

To tell you the truth, I was bored out of my mind until Iran into a twitter buddy and some of his friends. I hung out with themfor a while before I ran into a foreign friend who was with drag-queen-legendShequida. They had just come from Lee Chapelle's Café Panache, a burlesque showat Griffin. A shot and a drink later (thank you, 'Quida!), I was being getting told to strip down and to get in the interior hot tub, which was now filled with bespeedoed boysand topless girls.

Of course I didn't get in that damn hot tub! Did you not hear about that nasty-ass water in the Gansevoort Hotelpool? These were probably those same nasty-ass, peeing-in-the-water,not-showering-beforehand skanks in this scene. My ass was "watching theiPhones" on the side.

image from nytimes.com

. o (Hold up, is that a flesh-colored speedo? Oh, no. That'sdefinitely not.)

By this time both the hot tub and the surrounding party waspacked. People were buzzed, and there was a lot more of that edgy,fashion-forward and club-kid presence I was looking for. And I'm sure by thispoint it was hell trying to get in the door.

Shequida and I walked out together and had a nice littlechat as actual people (and not our nightlife personas... not that I really have one, but whatever) as we walked back towardsGriffin.

"You know I was hear in drag earlier. I want to drop by dressed as a boy and have them tell us wecan't get in. I'll be like, 'You idiot, I'm the host of this party!'"*Shequida laugh* (and if you've ever heard Shequida's laugh you know it’s amajor part of quoting her)

Did I mention it was like 3:15am and Griffin was closed?Yeah.

Click here to check out last year's Crew ~~invasion of~~ trip to Philadelphia.

MensUnderwearStore.com Giveaway (FREE underwear, bitch!)

2011-10-21T12:52:00.000-04:00

The good folks over at MensUnderwearStore.com were nice enough to send me a pair of über-sexy underwear! Check out these C-in2 briefs.

So comfortable. So cute.

I like these so much that I couldn't keep it to myself. So they're letting me give a pair away!

Here's how it'll work. Leave a Facebook status or a tweet linking to this post and tag me (you'll need to add me on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter). I'll choose a winner at random, and the skivvies will be shipped to you! International readers qualify, too!

I may be able to do this on a regular basis if this goes well, so get to tweeting, updating and tagging! You have til Monday at midnight. Good luck!

Click here to check out MensUnderwearStore.com.

Click here to check out the scandalousness that happened at a Pieces underwear party (hint: there was a back room).

you can't send children to the liquor store! (The McMickey Reunion Part I)

2011-10-19T18:52:00.000-04:00

Click here for Part I.

I got back to the room to shower and change for the banquet.I was already late, but these things never start on time anyway. Acquiring a Red Bull was my top priority at that point, but I refused to buy one from the hotel giftshop. There had to be a Rite Aid within a couple of blocks, right?

Cop: "Drug store? It's a ways away. You may just wantto stop in this hotel..."

Bouncer: "You can get a Red Bull right in there."
Me: "In the liquor store?"
Bouncer (like, duh): "Yeah, it's a party store."

I walked in after my table had already gotten food, pouringmy Red Bull into the glass in front of me.

Dad: "Planning on a late night?"
Me: "Planning on staying awake through thisbanquet."

The first order of business on the banquet program was for everyone to be introduced. All 10people at all 10 of the tables (attendance was down this year). And each tablehad one representative speak for the table. Even tough my table included asuper-high-ranking government official, the family matriarch (my grandmother),and my very popular and outspoken mother (I found it most effective tointroduce myself as my mom's son or my grandmother's grandson the wholeweekend), I was immediately delegated as speaker of the table. Awesome.

Yes, I've done theater and performed on stage countless times (professionally, at one point... sort of). But whatmy family doesn't get is that there's a huge difference between rehearsedperformance and extemporaneous speech, the latter of which is a specialty ofmany family members. Did I mention that I didn't know the name of the elderlycousin sitting next to me?

She told it to me. I messed it up.

Then they called for participants in the talent show whilethey did door prizes. There were no less than 30 door prizes.

The talent show, was comprised solely of children under the age of 10. Mind you, I am obligated to sing at almost every family gathering on both sides, but somehow, I got out of this one with almost no fight. One little girl almost performed in a bunny ballet costume because "I paid $84 for thiscostume, so we're getting another use out of it!" but her music messed up. One duo rapped"Nice Guys Finish Last" a cappella (keep in mind: all under 10).

image from asntown.net

One pair of girls (about 8 and 5 years old) danced toRihanna's "Rude Boy". The very "Rude Boy" where Rihanna demands that he"Get it up", "Take it" and "Give it to me baby likeboom, boom, boom!" and to close the talent show: a little girl lipsynching to Nikki Minaj's "Super Bass". Gestures, affectations andall.

I was so glad when they cut on the music and opened up thedance floor.

The festivities wrapped up around 11, and no liquor wasserved, so you know I was ready! Plus our local cousin was supposed to betaking us out! I couldn't wait to make fun of the colorful scenery of a downtownDetroit bar!

Hippy Cuz and I went up to my slightly older cousins' room,but they still had my one cousin's kid and nephew in their care until saidcousin's parents got back from the casino (pronounced "casinah"). ETA: an hour.

Cousin (handing me $25): "Here. Get somethinggood."

image from babesesh.blogspot.com

When I'd brought up liquor before, the cousin that didn'tgive me money had mentioned some flavor of Ciroc. This was the same cousin thatwas into Nuvo, so I knew she liked her liquor sweet. The cousin who had givenme money: who knows. So at the liquor sore, I figured Pinnacle vodka (whip cream flavor) and a pre-mixed cosmo would be a pretty safe bet.

Cousin who paid at 12:30: "Damn, you can't send children to the liquorstore!"

Same cousin at 1:30: "Damn, I'm mad y'all let me finish thisbottle of cosmo mix by myself!"

One of these cousins works on the more educated side oflaw enforcement. She'd been ragging on the police cars all day, which was validbecause it looked like it'd been 10 years since their squad cars' last ~~oil change~~ paint job.

Me: "Well, you've heard how broke the City of Detroitis!"
Cousin: "And?! Get a federal grant get new squadcars like everybody else does!"

She definitely got a cop to pose next to his broken-downcruiser for a pic with her on the way to the diner.

poor sap probably thought this was admiration

It was too late to go out, since the bars close at 2, butthe late-night diner scene was entertaining in and of itself. I managed tosneak us in with no wait (thanks to a careful ear and a group ahead of us thatsuddenly expanded from 4 to 7 people), but we were stuck next to the cashregister. My cousins could afford to be much more flirty with the hot managerthan I. They really weren't that into him, but it was something to do.

Speaking of flirting, I don't think I noticed a single gayman the whole time I was in Detroit. There were lesbians all over the hotel,though. In fact, I was in the elevator with a young black lesbian in a"Legalize Gay" shirt. Someone got off on a floor before ours, and sheleaned out the door. It almost looked like she was getting out, but she grabbedsomething and jumped back in with a prize from the ash tray in her hand.

Her (grinning): "Fat-ass joint!"
My facial expression: "??!!!!!"

Welcome to Detroit.

After the diner, I walked with my cousins to the casino, butI had to leave them to gamble without me. Did I mention I had about 3 hours tilmy parents left for the airport? Yeah.

Click here to check out a Fun with Grindr post.

Diana Ross stopped in for the day (The McMickey Reunion Part I)

2011-10-12T21:20:00.001-04:00

My mom's side of the family, the McMickeys had their biennial reunion in Detroit this year. Considering the way the recession has affected the auto industry, Motor City wasn't exactly on the top of my vacation destination list.

image from clevelandleader.com

I'd planned my flights perfectly around when Mom and Dad were arriving and leaving (since I knew they'd rent a car for the long drive from the airport). Unfortunately, the most reasonable (read: the only direct) flights were out of LaGuardia. And if you're familiar with NYC, you know that "LGA" should be changed to "El D. Lay" because your ass will never leave on time.

As usual, I was cutting it way too close to my flight. My 4 o'clock flight began boarding at 3:20. I got off the bus at the terminal around 3:18. I'd already checked in (my boarding pass was a QR code on my phone!), and the line at security was short.

. o O (Is she's stopping my bag? What the fuck! There's nothing unusual in there. Please don't let them have to inspect all my shit!)

The TSA woman walked over, a slight smirk on her lips. In her hand: my 8oz bottle of Wet Platinum lube that has been through at least 4 airports. Now, for those of you not familiar, Wet Platinum is a silicone-based lube. This bottle probably cost about $18. I'm not going to say it's better than water-based lube, ~~even though it is~~ but it's certainly my preference.

TSA: "I'm sorry, this is over the size limit."

Me: "But I’ve take— you know what: it’s not even full. I have a smaller container I can transfer it to."

TSA: "Okay, but I'm gonna need you to step back through the scanner."

Me: "Really."

TSA: "Yes. Any transfer of containers has to happen outside security."

Y'all, I sat there and stared at that bottle for at least a full 3 seconds, racking my brain as to the possibility of my needing lube that weekend. But did I really want to throw away that much...

Me: "Don't worry about it."

TSA (almost tauntingly): "You sure?"

Me (already walking away): "Thank you."

I rushed to my gate to realize that they hadn't started boarding yet. And they wouldn't for another 20 minutes.

Yes, my 60-something-year-old mother texts!

After sitting on the runway for 2 hours, returning to the gate to refuel (and watch the later Detroit flight leave before us), we finally took off, landing at 10 rather than the scheduled 6 I was hoping for. The worst part: I had nowhere to charge my phone that whole time except for 20 min in between de-planing and re-boarding, so I had to sit another half hour in DTW while my phone charged.

Abandoned!

Front Desk: "Greektown Casino Hotel!"

Me: "Hi, I have a reservation with you guys, and I was wondering the best way to get there from the airport."

Front Desk: "You'll want to take a cab. That should be about $40-$50."

Me (recovering quickly): "Okay, I guess you guys don't have an airport shuttle for guests or anything."

Front Desk: "No, sir, we don't."

Cab Rep: "Hi, do you need a cab somewhere tonight?"

Me: "Yes, I'm going to the Greektown Casino Hotel."

Rep: "The one downtown? I have a car available right now!"

Downtown?! You mean to tell me I'm spending 2 nights in the very heart of the scariest urban center in the nation (I'm not counting suburbs, so sit down, East St. Louis and Watts).

$52 later, I was walking into a structure that looked like it had been plucked from Atlantic City, spit-shined and plopped in the middle of a revitalized urban village. It was actually a really cute area. But a very strange place to have only 1 casino.

It was an uneventful Saturday night. Saturday was the family BBQ at Bell Isle Park. It's huge and beautiful and has a water park that none of us made the effort to find.What DID happen was the cracking open of Smirnoff Ice drinks at 12:02pm. Did I mention our ancestors’ slave masters were Scotch-Irish? Yeah.

This was the reunion where I was thinking about inviting a friend or guy I was seeing just to find out how my family extended would react. The younger generations would certainly be welcoming, but the older generation would be pure comedy. Especially if the guy wasn't black. Especially if the guy were white.

While I didn't end up bringing anybody (I wasn't seeing anybody I seriously in May when dues were due, and the boys tend to be difficult to coordinate with), I did find some encouragement at the cook out. One of the Elders had married a white woman (long enough ago that their daughter was out of college), and I met her for the first time as an adult. Now, I'm not sure what happened the first time he brought her around the family or who was talking shit when she arrived that day (because McMickeys love to talk shit). But she was comfortable enough to show up and stay for most of the day. And while she didn't seem particularly included, she didn't seem explicitly excluded either.

Burgers, hot dogs and chicken breasts cooked on the grill, and a DJ, who was wholly unfamiliar with mixing or transitions, spun an eclectic mix of old-school soul and current hip-hip. Family-inappropriate selections included Solo's "Where Do You Want Me To Put It". Hippy Cuz marched over to the booth, giving the kill-this-song-now sign when the speakers started to chant "Freak Beats" continually. I was curious to see where this song was headed, but I could understand how she was uncomfortable in front of the Elders.

And then there was this song:

One of the Detroit Elders grabbed the microphone to bless the food. Why they didn't get Uncle T, the retired preacher, to do it: I don't know. Said Elder started out well enough, but after about a minute, the possibility that he'd been indulging in the Smirnoff Ice's as well was pretty undeniable.

"...And Lord... help Obama... uh... dag, well, I forgot! Y'all know what I mean!"

Everyone lost it at that point! People were turning to whomever they were holding hands with like, "Are you serious!" Then, rather than wrapping it up with an "Amen", he tried to go back into prayer mode for another full minute!

After we ate and took the traditional family portrait (tall people were in the back, so nobody noticed that I didn't have a reunion tshirt), a few cousins from my generation dipped out to see the Motown Museum. I'm really not one for museums, but creating my own music was a driving force in my life for years. I kinda had to go.

Cousin: "Oh my god! Is that... Diana?!"

Other Cousin: "Or LaToya."

Cousin: "Well, I'm telling everybody back home that Diana Ross stopped in for the day and led our Motown tour!"

The woman who did the intro to our tour really did look likea light-skinned Diana. Especially with that wig and the layer of makeup!

Not-Diana told us all about how Barry Gordy eventually bought all the houses on the block to run different departments of Motown Records and how he had 13 labels with only 1 team of songwriters (I was just talking about "Heard It through the Grapevine" was by Gladys Night and by Marvin Gaye). But the most intriguing part for me was seeing the hole in the ceiling where they achieved the echo for the snaps and claps on their tracks. Actually, that was second. First was definitely being in the same recording studio where countless artists had recorded some of my favorite songs. Seeing the original instruments and fixtures really got me itching to get back into songwriting and producing again.

Check out some of my music on my YouTube Channel.

After the tour, we were waiting in the hallway for Mom to finish up in the gift shop.

Tour Guide: “And what are these two pretty young ladies names?”

Grandmother: “Tell him your names, girls.”

Girl 1: “Chanel.”

Girl 2: “Cliché.”

Tour Guide (pausing): “Well… I ain’t mad atcha.”

My cousins and I didn’t even make eye contact with each other til the family walked outside and the door closed behind them. I just hope they didn’t look back and see us falling out of our chairs, crying and heaving in laughter. These are two names that I did not change for the blog.

Me (in the car): "I don't think we want to… aaaaand we're on the Interstate."

Cousin: "Damn, [Cousin], the hotel is right there."

Me: "Please don't have us in [crap, what's the notoriously rough part of Detroit… besides the whole city…] 8 Mile Road."

Did I mention that it was time for me to take over control of the GPS? Yeah.

Stay tuned for Part II.

Click here to check out the McMickey family reunion in South Carolina *cue "Dueling Banjos"*

Review: The Opening of Flaming Saddles Saloon NYC

2011-10-06T22:56:00.000-04:00

Last week was the grand opening of Blazing Saddles Salloon, an new gay country/western-themed bar in NYC. They hyped up the launch by sending out invites to the pre-opening event, which featured free drafts.

image from flamingsaddles.com

Checking out the website, I noticed a few distinctive characteristics about Flamers. First, they advertise dancing bartenders. Like choreographed, on the bar, Coyote Ugly-style dancing! Secondly, they're on 9th Ave in Hell's Kitchen. Most gay bars are not on avenues, and the last one to try it was Flava Lounge ("Wait, where?" "Eh, you didn't miss much."). Thirdly, their happy hour is NOT a straight up 2-4-1 like most gay bars: it's a rotating schedule of drink specials. However, they have midnight-2 drink specials Monday-Friday, which non-9-to-5ers will appreciate, and weekend specials til 6 advertised on their website.

The pre-opening was 8-9, but my lazy ass didn't get there til 8:40. I saw the line and tossed my hair as I walked up to the door.

"Oh, the line is actually for those who RSVPed. But let me check you in before you get on line."

Luckily, my cruise buddy (Atlantis, not back-of-the-bar) Calipornia was second in line. She'd been waiting a half hour. Hugh Hysell of The Men Event seemed to be running things, so it was no surprise that there was such a massive crowd.

image from flaming saddles salloon's facebook page

As soon as we got inside, two massive staff people presented with a branded, pre-tied red bandana. Of course, I immediately thought of the Hanky Code and spent the rest of the night looking for boys with their bandanas stuffed into their back pockets.

The crowd seemed to run a large spectrum of gay (with heavy emphasis on the HK variety, of course). I actually ended up meeting a few readers of the Blog in person for the first time.

The bad news: they don't take credit cards. The good news: my Absolut Citrón and sprite was $7.

Then came the bar dancing. There was always someone on top of the bar dancing, kind of like a go-go, but fully clothed. And every so often, a bartending crew of 6 would do a choreographed number on the bar. The talent ranged from the classically-trained twink who was between shows to the slightly chubby guy whom you could almost see mouthing the counts (adorable!). But all of them looked like they were having a blast... at least when they kept their balance. The crowd really got into it!

image from flaming saddles facebook page

Calipornia described Flamers as "Classy Cleo's". For those of you who aren't old as dirt, Cleo's is the former name for 9th Avenue Saloon. They even have a jukebox in the corner!

I think this bar has potential to be around for a long time. I mean, you should have seen the half-block-long line outside when we left around 10! They got some good press for the opening, and plenty of people seemed curious about it on Facebook. The decor isn't particularly chic or trendy at all, but it's charming. As long as the staff embodies that charm (and the management isn't stupid), they'll do well.

One thing to note: I was told the coat check "isn't open yet" when I arrived. Not sure if it wasn't built yet or if they just thought 300 gays wouldn't need a place to put their fall jackets and bags, but it seems one will exist.

Did I mention that I'll definitely be back? Yeah.

Click here to check out the sluttiness that went down last time I blogged about 9th Avenue Salloon.

Click here for Flamers' Facebook page.
Click here for Flamers' Website.

Click here for TheMenEvent to sign up for party invites, theater discounts and so much more.

Review: Cafe Panache @ Griffin (presented by Lee Chappell)

2011-10-02T13:24:00.003-04:00

Cafe Panache is everything.

I'd been seeing invites for what I figured to be a burlesque show with live music for weeks before I reached out to producer Lee Chappell and told him I had to see what it was all about.

The show takes place at Griffin in the Meatpacking District, which sparked my curiousity as to how they would stage the show since there's no traditional stage. But it turns out the performers use the two platforms on the dance floor (on the backs of the couches), the bar, and the aisles of the dance floor.

NYC drag legend and host Shequida warmed up the crowed and opened the show with a number before turning it over to the company of seasoned ballet dancers, singers (the two pretty much always accompanied each other for a multidimensional presentation), burlesque performers, and an amazing live band. They did themed sets: old-school boudoir, circus (complete with a hot male contortionist) and New Orleans, with an intermission between the latter two sets. Each performance was spectacular!

Tickets for this weekly event start at $25 for advanced general admission, $30 at the door and $35 for advanced reserved seating. Search Cafe Panache on Facebook for the link to purchase (as there's a new event every week). It's really not a gay event, per se, but there's a strong gay presence for sure! It's the type of event that people of any orientation can enjoy.

So yeah. Highly recommended. Go see it!

Click here to check out the last time I went to Lee's (now defunct) pool party DR!P.

an after-party at the hotel (Sandblast Sunday with The Maverick Men)

2011-09-30T07:49:00.000-04:00

Sandblast Sunday really should have started with somethingmore substantial to eat. Oh well.

The Berkeley Hotel was running a special where you couldcheck out at 6pm for an extra $25, so my room packed up and moved into theother room our crew had gotten. And then the drinking started. Before we hitthe pool party, Morehead I ran down to the coffee shop in the Pavilion for anothercherry smoothy to spike.

Honey, by the time we got to that party, it didn't evenmatter that it was overcast! I had a nice glisten going; I was wearing one ofmy favorite speedos; and DJ Steve Sidewalk was giving me exactly what I needed!With our poolside dancing, lip synching and fake voguing, I was asked later inthe night if I was one of the go-goes they'd hired.

This whole time, I still hadn't met Brad, the executiveproducer of Sandblast and the man responsible for my stay at the Berkeley 2 weekends beforehand. I finally got Sidewalk to point him out. And it just sohappened that he was hanging with TheMaverickMen.

In my very limited experience with porn actors, I've grownto not expect very much as far as ease or pleasantness in interacting withthem. However, Cole (the daddy) and Hunter (the cub) seemed really fun to bearound right off the bat. Not creepy or skeezy at all! Of course, when theyinvited me to an after-party at the hotel and Cole even gave me his number to make sure I caught up with them, I wasn'texactly sure what to expect. At all.

image courtesy of TheMaverickMen

But there was no way I was missing this party.

Then the beach balls came out. I had my camera in my handwith the wrist band in use. And as I went to spike the ball into someunsuspecting cutie's face (because I flirt like I'm 4), I felt my camera slipout of my hand.

I watched it fall. I figured it wouldn't bounce 3 feet andslide into the water. Then I figured it wouldn't sink to the floor of the pool as quicklyas it did. A nice bottom, who was already in the water, dove down and grabbed it for me, and I ranupstairs to blow dry it. I probably could have saved it, but I got bored prettyquickly.

At 3, I rallied the troops for our next group stunt: grassskirts and lays. I didn't realize that the grass skirts had like 4 strands of 'grass' each, but it was the perfect time for a costume change! The crowd loved it.

Around 5:30, my people started prepping to gather theirstuff and leave. As I was feeling 'adventurous', I had the front desk hold mybags and went back to the pool.

After grabbing dinner with a fuck buddy from my past (aserendipitous run-in), I returned to the hotel. When I turned down the halltowards the room, I realized I was headed for the one with the door open wherethe music was coming from. This obviously wasn't some sketchy sex party (whew).

It was quite the opposite, actually. I, being shirtless,felt slightly underdressed. But I was immediately offered a cocktail when I grabbeda seat next to Hunter and Brad.

Thank god for Brad. He was just as curious about Hunter andCole's careers as I was, and he was asking all the questions that I'd feelweird about asking someone I'd just met. How did you start? How do you findguys? What's your MO? Do you guys have a type? They even got into a discussionabout monogamy and long-term relationships. I had very little to add to theconvo, but I was mesmerized! Hunter and Cole are really just two guys who arecool to talk to and fun to hang out with. It just so happens that they fuckguys on camera. Really fucking well.

image courtesy of TheMaverickMen

PS, their Deep Woods Fucking DVD: highly recommended (mysuitcase barely hit the floor before I popped that badboy in my laptop thenext day at home).

I ended up missing the last train that night, but I was offered one ofthe 2 pull-out couches in the hospitality suite (Cole, being the sweetheart that he is, would not leave until heknew I had a place to rest my head that night).

Did I mention that my camera was fine 3 days later... but that I ended up losing it between that weekend and posting this? Yeah.

Click here to check out my day trip to Sandblast '10.

Click here to check out TheMaverickMen's blog. NSFW, of course.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Kulurz All Day Happy Hour Launches Sun, 10/2

2011-09-28T23:13:00.000-04:00

Adriel Wilson (you may remember him from Chi Chiz) is launching a new Sunday party, and y'all know Sunday is my favorite day/night to go out! Check out Kulurz at Gstaad (34 w 26th St) for an all-day 2-4-1. The party starts at 5 and rages on til 2am (free before 8, $5 after).

This weekly party kicks off this Sunday with DJ Poison spinning top 40, hip-hop, house and classics. Come check out one of Flatiron coolest lounges (without the trendy-lounge prices). See you there!

Click here to RSVP on Facebook.

Click here to check out 5 ways to get more messages on Grindr.

the aforementioned shower partner (Sandblast '11 Part II)

2011-09-25T22:36:00.001-04:00

Click here for Part I.

The Sandblast beach party was jumping by the time I got there. Justabout everyone was shirtless and sweating like crazy, which, of course, madeeveryone look hotter. It was pretty damn packed, and I recognized boys from ~~Grindr~~the City left and right. Not to mention porn star Eric Rhodes and non-porn starCarson Kressley.

I opted to stay off the dance floor (as fun as it looked,the heat with the alcohol was draining), but I did hang with Justin Luke by thebar (in the shade!). He took me over to the tent for Camp, a gaycamping/partying weekend in PA aimed at a 30-and-under crowd, and introduced metoDC/PA promoter James Tate. His team of tent go-goes all looked amazingin their Aussie Bum speedos!

After a few hours at the party, I went back to the room fora much-needed rinse before I headed to the Empress, which was surprisingly dullat that point. Then again, the outdoor dance floor at the Beach Party was still packed when Ipassed by on the way.

We all ended up meeting back at out hotel room to customizethe "I love NY" tshirts that AdamFaceHunt had picked up for us. Itried to do a cool crisscross pattern thing, but it ended up being a slightdisaster.

The others headed to the Empress for dinner (and to get awrist band to avoid the cover for Paradise) while Morehead and I cabbed it to afriend of a friend's BBQ at a beautiful house that happened to be a few milesfrom the hotel. Our hosts and food were both amazing, and between theLimoncello and 'porn shots' (you pour some kind of German pixie stix powder inyour mouth, take the shot and swish it before swallowing), we were more thanready to join our boys and head back to the Empress.

. o (Did SEPTA just get out of the shower with a kid Irecognize from Pieces? Oh my.)

Now, I'm not one for trying to sweet-talk my way into a doorat a club, but when I saw that line down the block, I figured our group costumehad to give us some kind of social currency.

Me: "Hey! So you see how festive my friends and I are!All for your party! Can you let us in, man?"

Bouncer: "Well your friends have wristbands, so theycan go in that entrance over there."

Me: "Cool, what about my friend and I here? We'retrying to make a group entrance!"

Him: "Look, you have that blog, right?"

Me: "TheBlackoutBlog.com! That's right!"

Him (opening the velvet rope): "Yeah, I thought Irecognized you. Come on in."

Me: "Nice! Thanks man!"

Apparently I'm huge on the Jersey Shore. But not huge enoughto avoid that $15 cover.

image from Enrique's facebook profile

We met up with the other boys and all headed for the dancefloor, but after a few songs, everyone kind of split off to do various fruitloops. I ended up hanging out with Enrique (owner of Face2Face spa in Chelsea)and his crew for most of the night.

When I got back to the room, SEPTA and the aforementionedshower partner were on the pull-out couch, which left me with a queen bed tomyself!

Did I mention what I found in the bathroom?

Yeah.

Coming up in Part III, the Sunday pool party, the after-party with the Maverick Men and what happened after I missed the last train back to Manhattan.

Click here to check out my sketchy trip to Chicago.

I knocked on their door (Sandblast in Asbury Park & The Maverick Men)

2011-09-20T22:18:00.001-04:00

The Friday of Sandblast was the day that it hit 100ºF inNYC. I was aiming for the 5:07 out of Penn Station, but due to complicationsfrom the heat, everything was delayed. NJ Transit was being quite vague abouthow delayed each train was, so I ended up missing 2 trains before leavingaround 6.

I had this conversation with Med School Mess.

Did I mention he left Penn Station an hour after I did!

I had to make the best of my situation while I waited forthe transfer.

Med School Mess and I arrived just in time to miss dinner atthe Empress, so we just went directly to the Berkeley to meet the rest of theboys staying there with us.

Shower. Change. Drinks.

That night was the kickoff party at the Beach and Aqua bars(basically, 2 sides of one wrap-around venue on the beach). Corey Craig, one ofmy fave NYC DJs, was spinning a surprisingly housey set (perhaps appropriatefor the circuit crowd). Double Dutch, whom I hadn't seen in forever, wasgetting quite touchy-feely with two guys, one of whom backed off after a bit.It all fell apart when I witnessed a not-so-common scene for NYC: the moment whenboth of them realized that neither was willing to bottom for the other.

And out of nowhere, NYC party promoters Alan Picus andJustin Luke (you know, the guy who wrote Gulliver Travels) showed up! I ended up hanging out with them for therest of the night. It's always a treat to hear a nightlife person's perspectiveof someone else's event.

The next morning, the 8 of us that had booked the roomstogether tromped downstairs for the hotel's breakfast buffet. I think everyonewas still a bit tipsy from the night before because we were loud and giggly ashell! Luckily, it wasn't too crowded.

Med School Mess in the elevator: "You've heard of Irishcoffee... Well, this is Polish coffee.”

Me: “Like with vodka?”

MSM (wearing a smug grin as she went to take a sip... and then): “Agh! This tastes likeshit!”

Me: “How the hell are you a doctor!”

After my first meal in almost 20 hours (not counting thescrewdrivers and that amazing cake-flavored Pinnacle vodka drink Alan hadtreated me to the night before), the boys got their stuff and headed to thebeach. I stayed back for a few to get some work done (I had two jobs this summer, girl!).

This year, Sandblast's Saturday beach party moved to theopposite side of the Pavilion from the gay part of the beach. I was hoping thegays would adjust accordingly, but they all camped out in their usual spot (youcouldn't even hear the music from the party).

“Oh my god, y'all! Amy Whinehouse is dead!”

“For real?”

“Yeah, the BBC reported it! And they report shit that CNNmisses!”

image of Ari Kiki from Jessica Versace's facebook profile

As I tipped my water bottle to her memory (ever so slightly), I wished aloud that we had some music.

Med School Mess: "My friend has a boom box he's notusing. Want me to grab it?"

Turns out some 21 year old MSM had met in Miami this pastwinter was at the beach and had abandoned his towel to go play in the waterafter his hung-over friends ditched. MSM trotted across the insanely hot sandto dude's towel (where no one had been sitting for a long while) and grabbedhis stereo.

Me: “You totally look like you were stealing that.Sketchball.”

His 21-year-old, TSWB friend joined us and insisted that wedo a shot on the beach. It would have been rude to turn him down.

Around 3, some of our boys packed up to hit the Berkeley'spool. I had managed to negotiate a wristband for the Sandblast party, but Ihadn't actually been inside yet. I left with them (stopping in the coffee shopin the Pavilion for a cherry smoothy that was even amazing before I added the vodka), dropping off my beach stuff inthe room.

Then I saw this on Grindr.

In the time it took me to tweet the screenshot, I'd alreadygotten a message from them. Turns out they'd seen my tweet, too.

My first thought was, “D. Kareem, don't you dare! Theyprobably have hidden cameras all over that room.”

5 minutes later, no one answered when I knocked on theirdoor. Just kidding: it was like 2 hours later.

Did I mention that my experience inside the Sandblast Beach Party, our show at Sunday's pool parties and my actually catching up with the Maverick Men in the hotel will have to wait for a subsequent post? Yeah.

You should definitely plan on attending Sandblast Weekend next year. Click here to see my top 10 reasons why.

Jackie Collins' Goddess of Vengeance

2011-09-15T23:39:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week, I got the chance to attend a press event for Jackie Collins' new novel, Goddess of Vengeance. For those of you familiar with her work, it's part of the Lucky series. It was an intimate event with about 30 attendees (not to mention complimentary lichee martinis topped with champagne!) at the library in the Hudson Hotel.

As we gathered around for the reading, Jackie complained about not being able to find the scene that she wanted to sample for us: "I hope no one's easily offended... I really want to read the elevator scene, but we'll have to go with the scene with the two hookers."

Yeah, my kind of book.

Collins has had such a charmed life, and to hear her speak about it and her writing process was inspiring. Her warmth when she signed my book and took a photo with me seemed genuine, much more like she was happy to be greeting fans and social influencers than fulfilling yet another obligation for her publisher.

On our way out, we each got a fierce gift bag (hell, it might be my new beach tote) containing two of Collins' previous books and a coffee mug! I only had a vague awareness of Collins' work before this event, but I can't wait to dive into Lucky's salacious world!

Goddess of Vengeance is available now from St. Martins Press. Special thanks to Simone Grant for setting this up.

Click here to check out my Top 11 Tips for Online Dating and Hookups.

Click here to buy Goddess of Vengeance on Amazon.

Click here to follow @JackieJCollins on Twitter.

boys that look good in jock straps! (Totally Tyler's b'day at Pop Burger and Splash's F Word)

2011-09-13T19:23:00.001-04:00

Remember that Friday when I’d stayed at Campus Thursdays waytoo late, and it took the train a ridiculous amount of time to come, and Iwent into work on about 2 hours of sleep? Yes, that Friday!

Well, after a disco nap, I caught up with Totally Tyler andhis crew as they were wrapping up at the Chelsea Pop Burger. PS, can we have ashort conversation about how NYC has burger joints with bottle service! Notthat we got it... that was the table ofstraight people from Jersey.

some picture Totally Tyler de-tagged on Facebook.
Owner of this picture: if you're reading, let me know if you want me to use your name with this.

The plan for the night was to head to Splash, and I had gotten a few of us onthe comp list for that night, saving us $10 each. But we had to get therebefore midnight. We left Pop Burger on 9th Ave and 15th around 11:35, hoofing it to 17th at 6th ave. Why was our group of 15 strolling like it was a tour ofhistoric Charleston? At the third stoplight that separated the fast walkersfrom the rest of the group, I went into every-man-for-himself mode. Shit, weonly had 10 minutes to spare, and you never know when there'll be a line!

Luckily, we made it in before our deadline and even had time to graba $1 well drink before they ended at midnight (Blink got 2... as if she needed them).

Blink: "Aren't the go-goes here usually twinks?"

Me: "Nothing wrong with a little bit of muscle. I maybeit's time you branched out from the twinks."

Blink: "I likeTSWBs, not twinks."

Me: "Okay, fine, you like twunks. Same diff."

Blink (after a pause): "Maybe you should start callingme Blunk!"

She is kinda old…

Friday night at Spalsh is a party called The F Word, and thetheme for the night was jock straps. Let me tell you: Mark Nelson and Michael"Formika" Jones know how to find some boys that look good in jockstraps! My favorite two both looked Latin. One was a huge muscle queen whototally took advantage of the downward lighting in the center of the back bar.I really wasn't prepared when he turned around and had his perfectly massiveass exposed. It was just sensory overload. Like you could literally suffocatetrying to—

image from Totally Tyler's facebook profile

*clears throat* Excuse me.

Anyway, my other favorite was compact, perfectly cut and hadway too handsome a smile to be dancing on a bar. He had a playful personalityand really knew how to work the crowd. At one point, a straight black woman wasgoing to tip him, and it seemed like he'd temporarily forgotten his target audience at that moment. Right as she was aboutto tuck her dollar into his jock, he grabbed her hand, bent over and ran herdollar (which was still in her hand) right over his hole. Her reaction(screaming, dropping the dollar and running away) brought me, the go-go and allher friends to our knees laughing.

On my way back from the bathroom, I bumped into a shortotter whom I'd seen checking me out earlier. His telling me I was the hottestguy in the club helped to balance out the slightly weird vibe I was gettingfrom him.

After chatting for waytoo long, we walked out to 6th Ave to catch a cab to his place. As every NewYork resident knows, you have a better chance of catching a cab when a whiteguy hails it than a black guy. So as I lingered by the curb, I didn't notice TotallyTyler and his boys loitering on the corner.

Totally Tyler (loud enough for the whole block to hear):"You know, D. Kareem, as the top, you should be hailing the cab!"

Did I mention I eventually found out that this guy was a top,too? Yeah.

Click here to check out my first night at Pop Burger with Totally Tyler.

Click here to check out Totally Tyler's blog. And look out for his upcoming book, Your Boyfriend and Other Guys I've Kissed.

"Cash bar?!" (my family reunion in NC, Part I)

2011-09-08T23:29:00.002-04:00

Click here for Part I.

Back at the hotel, I caught a nice 30-min nap before free drinks at the manager's reception!

I ran into my Rich Uncle in the lobby.

Me: "Hey, are you guys headed to the airport in the morning? I wanted to see if y'all had room for me."

Rich Uncle: "Oh, yeah, we have room. But we're leaving around 5:30."

Me: "In the morning?!"

Rich Uncle: "You see, I get scared traveling to the east coast in July. There's a lot of delays because of thunder storms. So I always book my flights to get in well before the heat has a chance to build up those storms."

Me: "Wow. That does make sense. But I think I'll just get Dad to drop me off."

I was a bit confused when I walked up to the bar at the reception since therewere only a couple of people right in front of the 2 bartenders. Everyone elsewas standing back a bit from the bar, so I assumed they had drinks already.

Me: "Oh, are you guys waiting for the bar?"

Polite woman: "Yes, we are."

There was almost no one right at the bar because they wereforming lines to order drinks rather than crowding the bar like New Yorkers do!How civilized! Then again, they have roomto make lines.

I was so caught up in the bartender's carding me that I almostdidn't notice the brands of liquor. Let me put it this way: the only name Irecognized was Gordon's. No wonder these damn drinks were free.

image from fark.com

After a riveting conversation about social media marketingwith my small-business-owner brother-in-law (nerd alert), Hippy Cuz joined usas we walked to our banquet hall.

Hippy Cuz: "You know it's a cash bar, right?"

Me and my bro-in-law in unison: "Cash bar?!"

Y'all, we walked in, and I swear to you, soft drinks were$3, beer was like $6.50, and mixed drinks were $9. In North Carolina!

I took note of my brother’s disappearing with a couple ofcousins also in the 40-year-old range who are known for their (former) party prowess. Ialso noticed my aforementioned brother-in-law was nowhere to be seen. A few minutes later, I told Hippy Cuz to follow me and bring the iced teasitting with her place setting.

On the way, we ran into my rich uncle's wife.

Aunt: "Where are y'all headed?"

Me (in defensive-adolescent mode): "Um, up to our suite."

Aunt: "Oh, okay. Because I was looking for [her niece]since she had the kids."

Me: "Oh, uh, I haven't seen her."

Saved by the (elevator) bell. The 12-year-old in me thought I was about to get scolded and sent back to the table.

I knocked on the door to the hospitality suite (where mysister and bro-in-law were staying), and my brother answered the door. As I suspected, thecousins and my bro-in-law were there having a drink, so I led Hippy Cuz to thebar.

After "tightening up" our drinks (thanks to agreat uncle for that phrase), we went back downstairs with significantlylighter drinks to joined the buffet line.

There were words and speeches and even a few plaques. And my 12-year-old nephew wasreally turning out his DJ set with theold-school jams! He even worked a flawless mix out of the Wobble song (it's a line dance... there's a vid of Beyoncé doing it at a block party in NJ somewhere).

Older male cousin: "Would you like a glass ofwine?"

Hippy Cuz: "Sure! Thank you!"

Me (after said cousin walked away): "Worrrrrrrk"

10 minutes later, Emcee Dad announced that it was open bar.

Hippy Cuz: "Did you hear how the bar was suddenlyopen?"

Me: "Uh, [Rich Uncle] put his credit card down?"

Hippy Cuz: "No! Apparently the bartender [works in Rich Uncle's industry]. He recognized Rich Uncle and said he wouldn't chargeus!"

And just as I was about to give her the 'really?!' look, sheadded: "He called his wife, [a fellow worker in Rich Uncle's industry]. She's on herway!"

Me: "Well, if it's not true, it's a great story...Let's go with that."

I went over to order a drink, and the way the guy wasgushing over Rich Uncle seemed to be consistent with Hippy Cuz's story. Thatis, until he added the dollar amount of my order to a written list behind thebar.

Hippy Cuz: "You're coming with me."

Me: "Why?"

Hippy Cuz: "Come ON!"

Me (as we approach the bar): "Aw, hellno!"

Y'all, Huppy Cuz is so adorably first-year-out-of-college.She'd ordered us tequila shots. At a family function. The bartender did hisbest to make it look not-trashy: in a full-sized glass with a salted rim and alime-wedge garnish.

So I took the shot with my little cousin. At a family function.

The after party involved drinks, spades and trash-talking inmy sister's suite til about 2am.

Older cousin with kids: "These kids got it good,runnin' around a nice-ass hotel for a family reunion. When we were kids, familyreunions were a damn cookout in Freeport! And you wanna talk about bein' hungryafter 8? That how you get sent to BED!"

Other cousin with kids: "And they didn't let us hangwith the adults either!"

First cousin: "HELLnaw! Remember when we were at the house in Roosevelt with the spiral staircase,and they had sent all the kids upstairs? And we were all crowded at the top ofthe stairs in our pajamas trying to listen in on the adults partyin'downstairs? And then we all came tumbling down the stairs? Man, they didn'teven know we were there they were partying so hard!"

Did I mention that the only dent I made in my brother's gifted Dominican rum came in the form of get-over-the-hangover shots with Red Bull chaser before Icaught a ride to the airport? Did I mention it seemed like a great idea until I got stranded atsaid airport for half the day because of a storm on the east coast? Yeah.

Sadly, beach season is over. Click here to check out this post on Black Pride '10 at the Riis Beach.

I was fresh meat on Grindr (my family reunion in NC, Part I)

2011-08-28T18:35:00.000-04:00

On the 4th of July weekend when all the gays were on theirway to Toronto Pride (seriously, how did that get so popular among NYC gays this year?), I hopped on a plane toCharlotte, NC for a family reunion, which could only be fun and exciting with afamily like mine. Not that I have family in Charlotte; it's just a lot moreexciting than Columbia where my parents and siblings live.

Mom picked me up from the airport, and it wasn't until wewere back on the interstate and Mom had me look up what exit the hotel was offof that I realized that we were not, infact, staying in Charlotte. The hotel was in Concord (a good 20 milesnortheast).

image from mooresvillefoodie.blogspot.com
this was an actual establishment close to our hotel... they did oil changes, too

Mom always books at least one spare room at these reunions, so she told me andHippy Cuz we could split one. But for whatever reason she didn't give us keyswhen we got to the hotel. No, we went directly to the hospitality suite. Asmuch as I wanted to get settled, ~~they had wings and liquor!!!~~ most ofthe family was already catching up there.

After a much-needed snack and a few drinks, Mom finally gaveus our welcome packets from the hotel, which included our keys, passes for thebreakfast buffet and drink tickets for the daily manager's reception. My phone was about to die, so I really needed toplug it in (hello: I was fresh meat on Grindr in Concord!).

Back in the hospitality suite, my poor brother-in-law waspassed out in the bedroom while 15 of us were playing music and cackling out inthe living room.

Me: "But wait, have y'all heard of Go the Fuck toSleep?"

Older Cousin: "No, what's that?"

Me: "Oh my god! It's hilarious! It's written like akids book with illustrations, but every line ends with 'Go the fuck to sleep!' There's a video on YouTube where Samuel L. Jackson reads it!"

Other older cousin: "I'm pulling it up on my iPadnow."

image from doobybrain.com

You would have thought we were seeing Mo'nique in Queens ofComedy the way we were hollering over this video!

Around 3, we finally called it a night. And of course, whenwe got to our room, my brother was sprawled out across one of the beds. Mom,who had come up with us, gave us keys to another room she'd reserved. I noddedalong and as she double-checked the room numbers in the leaflets the keys camein and reprised the earlier key-granting ceremony because I knew it would makeher feel better. But in my head, I wasn't so calm.

Did I mention we were supposed to be going white waterrafting the next day?

It was a half-hour drive to the US National Whitewater Center, a large set of man-madestreams for rafting and kayaking (they have rock climbing with hot, shirtlessbelayers, too), and somehow, I got roped into driving. This especially sucked because my brother had brought me back some rum from his trip to the Dominican Republic, and I had to finish it or ditch it before I got on the plane back to NYC. Today was supposed to put a dent in it.

When we finally split up into groups for the rafts, my groupgot one of the few female guides, who was surprisingly ~~hung over~~ laidback. She made an effort to get us excited about our runs, but it seemed likeexcitement just wasn't her style. But she was knowledgeable and polite.

Guide: "We call this rapid M…"

Me (in my head, bracing myself): "Ah, it does have kindof an M shape..."

Guide: "…like Mike Tyson. Because it packs a punch.Ready?"

First rapid: Class III. Half the raft fell out, but the water was the temperature of a bath (the county’s reservoir supplied allthe water for the facility). It wasn't like falling into Nantahala, the river we used to raft when I was a kid. Fall into Nantahala and you can't feel your fingers for the next 10minutes!

image from usnwc.org

We collected our family members and their paddles and had afall-free remainder of the run, which totaled about 4 minutes. After a couplemore times down that, and we were feeling really confident.

Guide: "Y'all wanna go down the Rodeo course?"

Everyone: "Yeah!"

Me: "Oh, fu— uh, I mean, yeah!"

So this run had Class-IV rapids, and I could def tell thedifference. But we made it through twice with everybody on the raft! The guidetold us we had time to do 1 more run, and the whole time, the kids wanted to doa run backwards. The adults eventually warmed up to the idea.

Before we started, our guide was showing us the ropes in theraft. One of the things she said was "Everybody in", where you'resupposed to huddle with your knees on the floor of the raft and lean in. As wewere going into the last rapid, she yelled "Everybody in!" I think Iwas the only one who heard.

I remember losing my balance. I remember seeing water splashover my head. I remember grabbing a leg that felt like it was going over andfiguring out it was the guide's. And when I finally got my bearings, again,half of my group was gone. Oncethose of us who were still in the raft realized that we were still in the raft (it took a good 10seconds), we pulled our comrades back in.

image from usnwc.org

As we pulled up to the docking area, I realized there wassomething in my pocket: my Skull Candy ear buds! But best believe when Ifinally dried off that they still worked just as well as before!

Our wristbands would have allowed us to do another 90 min ofrafting, but everyone was pretty much all set after one round. Dad spent ashocking amount on burritos and tacos for all the kids (myself included) whileI flirted with the cute guy making them. And by flirted, I mean made eyecontact and smirked (hey, it was a busy assembly line).

After lunch, which we ate at the table Mom had camped out atwhile we were rafting (you couldn't find one in the shade, Ma!), my 13-year-old nephewannounced to Dad that he wanted to go kayaking. After a “why didn't you saysomething earlier,” Dad relented and took him over. I was really touched byDad’s agreeing to take him, mostly because my Red Bull was wearing off. Ifhe'd've asked me, I'd've been like, “We're leaving!” But it ended up being anhour wait, so they ended up nixing that idea anyway.

Most of the teenage boys were, in fact, ready to leave sinceit was so damn hot. The one teenage girl in the family that actually came with us wanted to do the zipline, which was a good half-hour wait. Mom said she's wait for our zip-liningcousin, which was great since I was ready to go back to the hotel for a napmyself. Did I mention that Mom was in the car I was driving? Yeah.

Coming up in Part II: The family banquet and how we got around the cash bar (?!!).

Click here to check out Thankgiving with both sides of The Fam.

bad judgment calls under pressure (NYC Pride 2011)

2011-08-22T00:08:00.002-04:00

Just like last year, RSTLNE hosted a Pride brunch catered byBottomless Pitt (Med School Mess apparently helped boil water or something).

Call time: 11:30. My arrival: 1.

I'd ordered a tshirt online a few months before that wasexactly my brand of humor. The ultimate test of will power: saving it for Pride.

hint: it's backwards

The brunch was already crowded by the time I got there, and a numberof unfamiliar faces attended. I figured I had the whole day to drink, so Igrabbed a plate and chowed down. It wasn't until RSTLNE brought out the rainbowjello shots that I actually had alcohol.

“D. Kareem! You're wearing purple! Get over here!”

“Wait, who's wearing indigo! We need an indigo!”

“You two switch.”

“No they don’t.”

“Yes, they do!”

“No! ROY G. BIV, remember?”

image from bronx newbie's facebook profile.

Turns out we had the colors of the gay flag represented inour outfits. I hate us.

When I finally started drinking, I went pretty hard becauseI wasn't trying to deal with bars jacking up their prices for Pride. A friend reminded me thatCandis Cayne was appearing at the new Dream Hotel Downtown, so I suggested this as a post-brunch destination.

As she herded us out of her apartment, RSTLNE insisted thatwe go by the parade. We indulged her for about 20 min. It was so worth it forthis pic.

shoutout to the lesbians: y'all make gay pride so much more fun than gay men do

I led the way to the new Dream Hotel (the old Maritime Hotelfor you NYC-savvy readers). We had to stand in line for about 10-15 minutesbefore we were admitted. But let me tell you: it was worth it!

The lobby was cavernous, but the (non-security) staff waswelcoming.

Me: “Wow, I love your dress!”

Staff: “Thanks! It’s the uniform.”

We were guided to the elevator, and when we exited on thetop floor, I had to congratulate myself on leading our crew to this party.

And guess who happened to be there:

this image pretty much sums up the vibe I get from these queens when I see them out

Manilla Luzon of Ru Paul's Drag Race season 3 and SaharaDavenport of season 2. They're boyfriends.

Me: “I was dying on your first episode when it was you andyour friend...”

Sahara (graciously): “Shangela.”

Me: “Yes, Shangela, and you guys started voguing on thelipsync elimination! The one drag queen was like 'Yes, honey! Worrrrrrk!' andPandora was like, 'It was like...’”

Both of us (bursting into laughter): “Mortal Kombat!”

I finally got a chance to see Candis Cayne perform! She'slegendary in the gay world, but she's always in LA!

Urban Sprawl: "I can't believe none of you has seenher perform!"

Me: "Honey, you're dating yourself."

When she took that stage, I learned very quickly why she'sso famed. Dynamic doesn’t even begin to describe this performance! Up onthe windowsill, the go-go box, table tops, booths, up and down the aisles! Imean, it was much better than most drag queens! PS, she is not a drag queen:she's actually trans.

PPS, if I ever see Whitney Day on a flyer as a DJ for a party, I'm definitely going. She had an amazing mix of current pop and throwbacks I hadn't thought of in years! Did I mention I thought she said Wendy Day at first (some drag queen probably had dibs on that anyway)? Yeah.

After the performance, we went down to the pool deck, whichis sandwiched between the two buildings of the hotel. Also beautiful. And a fewbrave souls were already in the water when we got down there. Of course,it was full of boys about a half hour later.

Me: “Are you hungry? I'm kinda starving. ”

AdamFaceHunt: “Yeah, should we—”

Me: “Ditch? Absolutely. I can't deal with waiting for atable for 9."

After stuffing our faces (Thai, of course), we went to XESto meet up with some guys AdamFaceHunt knew from the Gay Men's Chorus ~~butshe’s no singer, so I’m going to assume they met on Adam4Adam~~. We left forBoxers about 10 minutes after we got there.

On the way out, I ran into hOtter, which was an awkwardmoment because with big events like Pride, I kinda just like to do my ownthing. Plus, I really wasn't sure about the vibe I was getting from these guys,and hOtter isn't really the most... let's say, compatible with your typical gaymale. As they were walking, I offered for him to come along (more or less to quell future awkwardness with someone I was generally very into), but he didn't seemconvinced. I could tell something wasn’t right about it. Sometimes I make badjudgment calls under pressure.

When I caught up to the group, one guy made it hisbusiness to talk to me along 6^th Ave. I wasn't really attracted tohim. But he was nice (not to mention extremely interestedin hearing me talk about my favorite subject: me). We talked most of the way to Boxers.

When I say Boxers was packed, I mean... well, it was exactlywhat you'd expect at a gay bar on Pride Sunday in Chelsea. The Hot Shirtless Guy of the group got a round of drinks for his friends (including the Overtly Friendly Guy) before I got to the bar and waited 15 minutes to order a drink.

image from boxersnyc.com

As I was waiting, I felt somebody flick my nipple. Can Ijust let y’all know right now that my nipples are off limits… unless we've established that you'll be borrowing my courtesy poppers later on. I jumped and knocked the Overtly Friendly Guy's hand away,spilling his drink the drink the Hot Shirtless guy had bought him. Now, rather than apologize for invading my personal space(just because nipples are out doesn't mean you're invited to touch) and sufferthe consequences of said invasion, this kid wanted me to buy him a fresh drink!

I was heated!

I took a deep breath bought him the drink to be done withthe situation. "Here." was the last thing I said to him. Turns out heand his friend ended up having to leave for a train 5 min later. Overtly Friendly Guy gave thedrink to his friend to finish, and his friend passed it to me. I promptly gave saidfriend a lingering goodbye hug and my card to add me on Facebook. Overtly Friendly Guy got a nod as I turned my attention to the Hot Shirtless Guy.

Shit, he and the drag queen are going after the same guy.This can’t end well.

The night ended at Gym with Duplex buying me way too manydrinks. I tried to get to Griffin, which had revived their Sunday gay party,but the line was too long. Plus none of my door connections answered my textstil like an hour later. This led to more drinks with Duplex.

Did I mention that I had to get home Monday morning in thatoutfit?

Yeah.

Click here to check out NYC Pride '10... or what I could remember of it.

ANNOUNCEMENT: James Tate and Nite Camp Present Camp 2011 (Aug 19-22)

2011-08-15T02:38:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you've heard about this or not, but coming up this weekend is Camp 2011. It's 3 days of parties and events in the great outdoors presented by super-promoter James Tate (his ~~rap sheet~~ resume includes all kinds of parties and events up and down the mid-Atlantic coast).

The festivities take place at The Woods, a 100-acre camp ground in the Poconos. In addition to the lake, volleyball courts, trails and other outdoorsy amenities, there are some crazy nighttime parties planned. Friday's Lord of the Flies party (bonfire!) and Saturday's Angel's & Demons party both encourage costume participation, and the organizers will provide materials for you to create outfits at the party! And they still haven't revealed what the "big announcement" is on Sunday, but from what I know of Miss. Tate's events, it'll be worth sticking around for. Did I mention the daily pool parties and the Playhouse fetish lounge (from Code DC)? Yeah.

image from camp 2011's facebook page

As far as places to stay, they have plenty of tent space. And if you're anything like me, you just scoffed at that last sentence. Fret not: there are hotels in the area, and shuttle service will be available. You can also rent RVs to stay in.

And how are you supposed to get there? Duh, they have busses leaving from NYC, Philly and DC (so you know it won't just be the same tired old queens you see every weekend).

This is guaranteed to be a ridiculous, sun-your-buns, solo-cup-carrying time. While the target is gays (and girls) 18-34, all ages are welcome, and discounts are available for those 23 and under. There are also VIP upgrades. Check out the Camp 2011 website for pricing and all other info.

Did I mention the boys of Nite Camp will be in attendance (if you're not familiar, click here for an NSFW-for-butt-shots video preview). Yeah.

Click here to check out the (regrettable) time I went for a hike in the woods and learned the meaning of 'scramble'.

Click here and Like Camp 2011 on Facebook. No guarantees, but I saw limited 50%-off tickets promoted on their wall last week.

Ciara Performs at Malibu's Station Takeover in NYC

2011-08-11T20:48:00.002-04:00

I was super-excited about getting to see Ciara perform live. Anybody who knows me knows that Fantasy Ride was my shit!

Malibu Rum was sponsoring a Station Takeover at Beekman's beer garden in South St. Seaport, and thanks to my status as an NYCRecessionDiary.com contributor, I got press entry. I brought (former) blogger buddy Adam B. Irby with me.

Earlier that day, I'd tweeted and tagged Ciara. Over the next hour, I noticed that I'd gained like 25 followers and gotten retweeted at least 5 times. Turns out Ciara had retweeted me!

After I finished gagging, I immediately made sure my most current tweet was a link to my blog.

When Adam and I arrived at the beer garden (just before DJ Skribble killed his opening set... dynamic live mixing indeed) we bee-lined it to the bar. Who knew that a) Malibu made a 70-proof rum and b) it went so well with ginger ale! I'd had a protein shake right before I left the office, but Adam had nothing but good things to say about the food they served. Apparently those burgers were to die for.

And of course, it was all free.

After about 7 Malibu Blacks with ginger, I heard an intro to a Ciara song. Please tell me why she came out in white, skin-tight, patent-leather-esque pants with cargo pockets! But somehow, she pulled it off. And the white harnesses on her and her 4 dancers were a nice touch.

photo by Michael Simon

One thing I've always admired about Ciara is that she'll sing and dance at the same time (most dancing singers don't move much when they're actually vocalizing). And Ciara definitely delivered for her very long set. It was a high-energy performance with about 3x the stage time I was expecting. It's a shame Ciara's current music isn't more popular because she delivers on stage like few pop artists can.

This Malibu Station Takeover was part of a 10-city tour. If this is any indication of Malibu Rum's future events, I say get on the bandwagon early next time you hear about one! Highly recommended.

Thanks to Ketchum PR for hooking me up!

Click here to check out when I saw Beyoncé on tour.

Fun with Grindr Convos: You really don't get it, huh.

2011-08-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

Profiles often make me laugh out loud at Grindr (the gay 'social networking' app that tells you how far other users are from you). But it's the conversations that really make me snarf my protein shake. Why do people think it's okay to say these things to me?!

The difference between 'ser' and 'estar'.

Get off my back, Aunt Tony.

You really don't get it, huh.

But let's be real...

Before Grindr made me change it, my profile name was "Google Me". It was always good for a laugh at the expense of the less tech-savvy.

...or did you mean the borough?

But he was cute, so whatever.

The best part of waking up is DICK IN YO' ASS, HO!

Click here to check out more Fun with Grindr.

"I don't blow: ask my husband." (Muscle Bear Sea Tea and other Pride Saturday adventures)

2011-08-05T00:20:00.000-04:00

Pride Saturday started off low-key-ish. I turned down boozy brunch to do my hair (a smart choice on one of the most photographed weekends of the year), but I finished up in time to make the tail end of an open-bar Ivy-League alumni mixer that friends of mine always go to. Unfortunately, many of the usual suspects weren't there. Also, only well drinks were free. On the other hand, my non-Ivy-League school (thank god!) hasn't subsidized an open bar event since I graduated. Womp womp.

After the mixer, I made my way down to the Pier with Tighty Whitey, where I had planned to meet hOtter to pre-game for Sea Tea. For those unfamiliar, the Christopher St. Pier (often incorrectly called 'Chelsea Piers'... those are in Chelsea) used to be a dilapidated, abandoned pier where the gays used to cruise and fuck. It was revamped some years ago and is now a park where gays go lie out in their speedos when they're too lazy to trek to the beach. hOtter was running late, but as we lay out and people watched, I noticed a familiar face walk by.

Back in '03, I did a semester in Sydney, Australia. There was a certain Milanese guy that I drunkenly went home with who became a friend with benefits. He relentlessly chased black and Latino guys, which are rare breeds in Australia. Anyway, he moved to NYC about 6 months ago, so I see him out somewhat often.

image from vivagoal.com

So the Guy from Milano (GfM) had a seat and started conversing with us for a while before hOtter got there. The dynamic in our group was hilarious because neither GfM nor hOtter knew how I knew the other, but they instantly had no interest in what the other had to say. In fact, GfM almost completely stopped talking.

Then, an acquaintance, whom I had met about 4 years ago when an out-of-town friend cruised him on the Pier (I hadn't seen him in at least 2 years), approached us. Apparently, he'd given up ~~fun~~ drugs, sex and alcohol and had devoted his life to Christ. I was happy for his finding happiness, but this really wasn't the crew to go on about being saved and sanctified in front of. After an uncomfortable few minutes, during with I completely drained the contents of my water bottle, he wandered off.

It was just hOtter and I doing the Muscle Bear Sea Tea, which is Pride Saturday every year. The website definitely said we were pulling off at 7:30, but I got nervous around 6:45 when another booze cruise pulled off. As we made our way down, I pulled out another screwdriver in a water bottle to chug with hOtter before we boarded. Good thing, too, because there was enough confiscated liquor on security's table to re-stock a private bar!

As soon as we walked on, I brought hOtter up to the top floor to say hi to Corey Craig, who was spinning for the party. Smart move on the promoter's part to target a younger audience since bears aren't generally known for their love of ~~anything besides house~~ pop.

We danced... we lip-synched... we endured yet another playing of "Empire State of Mind" (only because it was as we passed the Statue of Liberty)... And thank god for that free buffet on the ship: in the rush to do my hair and catch that alumni party, I hadn't eaten before leaving the house!

Once we were done with the cruse, I dragged hOtter to a penthouse party in midtown at Frat Boy's new place. Wrap-around terrace, duplex, new everything: it was ridonks.

It was the weekend before Frat Boy's birthday, so his cousins brought out all these cup cakes with candles on them. There was no way he could blow them all out, and this situation sparked an awkward moment.

Me: "Well, if there's one thing I know she can do, it's blow!"
NYPD Aunt form Long Island: "She who?! I know you're not talking about me! I don't blow: ask my husband."

A short, white 40-something guy nodded in the corner.

Me: "No! I meant this she! The birthday boy!"

Somehow, Frat Boy had convinced said NYPD aunt (go with the image in your head; it's not far off) that I was a good person to tame her unruly 15 year old son. It had apparently gotten to the point where he'd hit her, and she needed someone to "scare him straight!"

I am the least confrontational person Frat Boy knows.

After a half hour of her explaining her situation, I gave her my hit-man-for-hire card and got another drink. As much as I hate to waste a good buzz on ending my night at a house party, I figured the bars would be pretty much amateur hour on Pride weekend.

And did I mention I had an 11:30 brunch to wake up for? Yeah.

Click here to check out the first Muscle Bear cruise I blogged about in '08.

really embarrassing for him with those boxers (Pride Friday, Buck Underwear Party, and the Passing of Marriage Equality in NYC)

2011-08-03T00:09:00.003-04:00

Pride weekend was a lot of look.

After working late, I took a disco nap and raced down to Calipornia's place in Hell's Kitchen to pre-game for Daniel Nardicio's Buck underwear party. When I arrived, Cali had NY1 (a local news channel) on, watching the coverage of the marriage equality vote with the New York state senate.

Cali: "God, this senator is about to speak. I'm sure his speech will be so touching and moving, but he talks so slow! They'll have already voted by the time he finishes!"

AdamFaceHunt arrived not long after I did, and we all made idle chatter over cocktails as we watch the reporters stall in front of Stonewall while the vote took place.

When they announced that the bill had passed (by a not-so-large margin), the gays on Christopher St. erupted in jubilation on TV! There was literally a party in the streets! Apparently, they even kept the liquor store just down the street from Stonewall open a lot later than it's usual.

Me: "This would be a good time to go to law school. All those gay divorces in 3 years!"

Cali (typing on his phone): "What would you call a male bride-zilla? Groom..."

Me: "Groom-asaurus rex? Veloca groom-tor?"

Cali: "Franken-groom?"

AdamFaceHunt: "Franken-groom gets my vote."

We tweeted and drank til about 11:30 before hopping a cab down to Rock Bar. When we walked in, it was almost empty. Like, if the DJ weren't spinning, you'd hear the crickets.

Cali (going into party-planner panicking): "Crap! Is it gonna be this lame the whole night?! I mean, it is Pride. There are so many parties to compete with this weekend!"

Me: "It's a late crowd. Let's give it some time."

The party gained momentum as the night went on. The 3 of us started talking to a very cute, very tall blond-ish muscle twunk. Apparently he wasn't planning on attending an underwear party when he left his apartment that night.

image from examiner.com

Cali: "Well, I think if you're going to wear boxers, you should at least roll them up some."

Twunk: "Er, maybe once this drink kicks in."

Cali: "New rule! Every 15 minutes, you roll up the waist one roll. We'll start now."

It was a brilliant excuse for Calipornia to touch him repeatedly. The twunk was fun to talk to and damn sexy, but I really wasn't trying to turn on the charm with him. I felt like he'd be more likely to be into Cali or AdamFaceHunt, both of whom present quite well in underwear. But I started getting a vibe from him.

At one point, I announced that I was headed to the bathroom, and the twunk followed. When we made it back from the dark room (the bathroom is on the far side of said dark room), I made some trivial comment that didn't necessitate a response. There were a few seconds of silence where we were eye to eye (well, eye to nose since he was actually taller than I).

You know how there are those moments when it's awkward if you don't kiss? I let it linger for just enough time to create flirtatious doubt before I went in. My first thought: this could be really embarrassing for him with those boxers.

image from awkwardboners.com

I stayed at the party til about 2:30 before I caught up with some of the boys who were still celebrating at Pieces. It was still packed, and everyone was wasted. As much as I wanted to join in, I knew it was only the first night of a long weekend of partying. Plus I had a twunky blonde that I had to get to Washington Heights before he changed his mind.

Did I mention that I did a little dance in my head when the A-train conductor announced that we'd be going express from 59th to 125th St (not that it makes much difference in the time, but it's SUCH a mental win!)? Yeah.

Click here to check out the first Daniel Nardicio Underwear Party I went to.

in a friend's bedroom with no one watching (New York Fucking City and Bottomless Pitt's and my crossfiring... again)

2011-07-29T11:43:00.003-04:00

My birthday was the same week as promoter Brian Rafferty's, so I finally got my ass out ofthe apartment on Saturday night to check out his first New York Fucking City party at Good Units (in the basement of the Hudson Hotel).

Let me tell you: this party was sceney as hell! All of the expected nightlife personalities were present and accounted for. And the music was so good, it kept distracting me from the drinks I had lined up on the table from the open bar (I ended up giving one away).

The guy with the "Jew-boy ass" from the Atlantis cruise was in town, so he met up with me at the party. On the dance floor, we watched the muscley go-goes go.

Me: "Damn, look at his body!"

JBA: "Yeah, if you're into that sort of thing. He really can't dance."

Me: "Well, at least he can hear the beat. My favorites are the guys who dance really hard, but you truly wonder if you're listening to the same song as they are. There's this dancer at G Lounge..."

I went to go tip the guy (no body else really was) and gave him my usual go-go ass slap. He nodded an indifferent thank-you and went back to rhythmically posing.

Me: "Well, she could stand to be more friendly. I guess go-goes get chattier as the night goes on."

Blonde (I'd noticed walking in): "Hey, what do you think of that guy?"

Me: "The one right here? He's hot. I like his body."

Blonde: "Ha! That's my boyfriend."

Me: "Well, lucky you!"

Blonde: "Yeah, guys love him when he dances, though. It's a trip to watch."

Me: "Well, as hot as he looks, I have to say, you're the one I remember seeing walk in with the entourage. A bunch of short, built guys... and the blonde girl."

You may ask, Why fly in a straight, Canadian go-go for a gay party? Simple: there's an obvious shortage of good-looking gay guys with nice bodies in the tri-state area.

As much fun as I was having, I had to make an early exit to avoid passing out on the dance floor. The previous night’s celebrations were catching up fast.

On Sunday afternoon, Españard was having a housewarming for his new apartment. Normally, I'd bring liquor to such an event, but Españard had specifically called out wine in the Facebook invite. It was the perfect opportunity to crack an absolutely divine orange-flavored red I'd picked up at a tasting (what… I have my classy days!).

There was a slight sitch with attending this party. See, a few weeks ago, I ended a night at an open bar event at Posh making out with a cute scruffy white guy in the corner for much longer than I'm comfortable making out in a bar (i.e., at all). He added me on Facebook, and a week later, he told me he'd started "seeing" Bottomless Pitt. This isn't the first time Bottomless Pitt and I have crossed boys. It wasn't too tragic for me, though. I knew it wouldn't work out between him and me when he (a psychoanalyst whom we'll call PsychoAnn) asked me: "Why are you single? I feel like most guys our age who aren't in relationships are kinda... flawed?" My second sign was that he wouldn't come home with me on the night we met after all that public making out. I guess that was one of his rules or something (because it couldn’t possibly have to do with his attraction to me). And y’all know I don't do well with rules for the sake of rules.

See, I don't do awkward well. As soon as PsychoAnn said she had been seeing Bottomless Pitt, I told Pitt the deal. And it was all good: no awkward elephant in the room; no suspicious, askance looks. I wanted to make sure we’d all be able to a great time together because, unlike Pitt's last ~~6-months prison sentence in rural Brooklyn~~ boy situation, PsychoAnn likes to go out!

Over the next month, I saw evidence of PsychoAnn's nightlife proclivities via several pictures of Bottomless Pitt and him as they popped up on my Facebook newsfeed. I have to admit: I was jealous. Not because Bottomless Pitt got some guy who wasn’t that into me. I was jealous that PsychoAnn was seeing more of my friend than I was!

So anyway, the 3 of us had all RSVPed to Epsañard’s housewarming. We finished off bottle after bottle of wine... prosecco...vodka... I may or may not have pounced on a short, cute off-the-boat Italian guy (I'm a hell of a lot more comfortable with a make-out session in a friend's bedroom with no one watching than in a crowded bar... hypothetically speaking, of course). We ended up staying quite late. Luckily, PsychoAnn had peaced out long before: Bottomless Pitt and I had business to take care of.

image from barhappy.com

So, it turns out Posh gives you 5 free drinks on your birthday! After the day-long drink fest, I was determined to cash in on this deal, and Pitt was a good enough ~~drunk~~ friend to accompany me.

I ended up giving most of my drinks to Bottomless Pitt, especially after running into an old flame, who insisted on buying me a drink despite his knowledge of the birthday deal. I feel like someone else bought me a random drink... after Pitt had bought me 3!

Did I mention that I barely made it off my couch the next day? Yeah.

I'm headed to a family reunion this weekend in Detroit (pray for me!). Click here to check out my mom's family's last reunion in South Carolina.

Click here for more info about Rafferty-Mazur parties.

you guys gonna strip down? (Happy Birthday to me!)

2011-07-25T18:55:00.001-04:00

My birthday celebration involved fried food and boobs on display. The only thing that would have made it better: fried boobs.

I really didn't feel like planning a house party this year, so I got a few of my boys to meet me at Hooters for dinner (orange is my favorite color!). Hippy Cuz happened to be in the City, so I had her meet me at my place before. Within seconds of her arrival, we both had screwdrivers in our hands, cackling through our convo.

Hippy Cuz: "Have you seen Nana recently?"

Me: "Not since Mom was up. Why?"

HC: "She's gotten a lot more, um, sexually explicit recently."

Me: "Really?"

HC: "Yeah, I was at the house yesterday, and she said, 'Hippy, don't do for no man what he won't do for you.'"

Me: "Stop!"

HC: "She says this stuff all the time to me!"

Me: "Well, I guess she's figured out that you're having 'the sexes'."

HC: "That's almost as bad as when Aunt Bea [the preacher's wife] told me, 'Hippy, you need to marry a man from South Carolina. They eat their greens!'"

Me: "Oh my god! I remember hearing her say that when I was younger! Damaged for life!"

HC: "And then there's Nana's anal sex story."

Me: "Stop it!"

HC: "I tried to tell you last year, but you made me stop."

Me: "Understandably so! But now I'm too curious. Fuck, I'm going to regret this... Okay, go!"

HC: "Nana said, 'They need to let those boys go ahead and be in the military: men been wantin' anal sex since the beginning of time!"

Me: "I can't. I just... I really can't."

HC: "Yeah, I was told to report back on if you had a 'beau' or not. I was like, 'Maybe we should let him make that known when he's ready.' Oh, and here!"

Hippy Cuz produced an already-opened mini-bottle of sweet tea vodka from her purse. I laughed and took a small swig.

image from crazyfunnypictures.blogspot.com

Hippy: "No, go for it. I had the other half on the train."

Me: "Our family sure can produce some alcoholics."

After a giggly subway ride, Hippy Cuz and I met up with a few of the boys at midtown's finest establishment. It's actually a pretty amazing feat what those girls squeeze into their uniforms. I'd never seen so many boobs defy gravity before!

Hippy Cuz: "Now, do they HAVE to wear the tights?"

Me: "Yes! It's part of the uniform, just like the white socks and sneakers! And pulling the shorts up to their bust line."

Hippy: "I wonder if they shave or if they use hair nets..."

~~Shrimp~~ Un-shelled shrimp may not have been the smartest choice (especially on a night when I was headed out), but I stole some wings from my friends (amazing!) and downed a couple of really huge, really weak mojitos.

Me: "There really isn't much alcohol in this glass."

MicHELLe: "I know, right. We might need to have a lil sit-down with our waitress Miss Maria and be like, 'Look...'"

Me: "'...we're not virgins, and nobody's driving. I'ma need these to be way more harsh, Ty.'"

image from Tighty Whitey's facebook profile

After we settled the bill, which was a mess I was glad not to have to deal with, the HK gays all peeled off, and the ~~fun gays~~ rest of us went to a cute back yard party in the East Village. I was freaking out because it was too late to go to a liquor store, and I didn't want us walking in as an empty-handed group. I'd forgotten that people actually drink beer, but I opted for orange juice instead.

Two or three screwdrivers later, those of us who were still standing grabbed a cab over to Pieces. And picking up a cab on 3rd Ave at 1:45am is no small feat!

Bartender: "Hey, you guys gonna strip down? You know you drink for free in your underwear, right?"

Bottomless Pitt: "Why bother,it ends in 15 minutes!"

Bartender: "What do you mean?"

Pitt: "Doesn't that specialonly go til 2?"

Bartender: "Oh, I didn't know. I was just pouring..."

Me (to Pitt): "Dumbass."

When I turned around and saw HippyCuz start to unzip her dress, I couldn't deal and had to move further into the bar.

After a bit of mingling (okay, fine, we stayed til close), we stumbled around the corner to Waverly for diner food. Did I mention that passing out at 6am with all the lights (and my shoes) on was NOT how I planned to start my birthday weekend? Yeah.

Click here to check out my Beyoncé-themed birthday.

“Betty White’s dead?!” (My weekend in Asbury Park)

2011-07-16T16:22:00.003-04:00

So I spent the weekend down in Asbury Parkthanks to the organizers of Sandblast and wrote a post for them about the party. But here’s thestory of what actually happened while I was down there.

AdamFaceHunt and I took the traindown, and it wasn’t long before SEPTA (a friend I’d met through AdamFaceHunt)arrived on a bus from Philly. We all changed and hit the beach, which was crawling with hot guys (even the straight ones). After a few hours in the sun, we wandereddown the boardwalk to the Empress Hotel’s pool for music, boy watching, anddrinks. This is the usual post-beach spot in Asbury, almost like their versionof Low Tea on Fire Island.

glove tans are all the rage in Milan this summer

AdamFaceHunt and I had spent mostof our train ride down to Asbury picking out riders we thought were headed toour same destination. AdamFaceHunt was eyeing one particular tank-topped hottieon the train, and when she saw him at the Empress’ pool, she went in for thekill. Turns out the tank-topped hottie had a whole clique of cute friends withhim. I didn’t see any of this going down, but when AdamFaceHunt strutted backto our poolside seats, she was bragging that she’d given one of the guys herphone number to make plans for later.

Me: “Did someone say party in ourroom?!”

After a pit stop back at the room to showerand change, we agreed that we definitely needed have these boysover, but we definitely needed to buy alcohol. Unfortunately, we declined tostop at the liquor store across the street from the train station when wearrived. The closest we could find, named Super Extra LiquorStore, is just past Main St., about a 10-minute walk from the beach, but theyhave reasonable prices. Bonus: it’s attached to a grocery store (mixers!). Wepicked up our hooch and headed to Tabú, the restaurant in Empress Hotel, fordinner. The prices were quite reasonable, and they gave us wristbands forParadise, the Empress Hotel’s club. Usually, there’s a $10 cover, but if you’realready there at the beginning of the night, you don’t have to pay!

After dinner, we headed back tothe hotel to meet the guys AdamFaceHunt had given his number to (and their girlfriend). It turns out most of them lived in the City! After a few drinks wefixed a roadie for the walk back to Paradise.

Paradise was a great time. Westarted on the main dance floor (where I randomly ran into fellow blogger Alex Chen, who wasthere with a group of 50+ Asians and rice queens for the weekend) and migratedout to the pool deck.

Random Girl: “WHERE did you get that shirt?!”

Me: “Oh, it’s Lacoste.”

Girl: “Okay, but where did you buyit? ”

Me: “Well, there’s a store inSoHo—”

Girl: “Oh, fancy fancy! I'm fromJersey, so we don't know about such things!"

Me (laughing): "This is a brand thatthey sell at department stores! I mean, they don't sell them like this: I cut it myself, but yeah."

same shirt, different day

Girl: "Oh! See, I knew it!They don't sell them like that! But youlook good, tho!"

Me: "Thank you!"

Girl: "I really don't thinkyou realize how good you look."

SEPTA: "Oh, she's well awareof how good she looks!"

Me: "Excuse me! I’m trying tolet her compliment marinate. It's not like I hear that every day!"

On the other side of the pool, I ran into the hilarious @cetroniohs, who had given me the low-down on the djs via Twitter before Iarrived. He and his friend were donning black veils with pills and syringesattached in honor of Betty Ford’s passing.

Random: “Betty White’s dead?!”

Me: “Wow… I’ma let you handle thatone, hun.”

As we were chatting, a shot boyoffered us a "chocolate vodka" shot. As he was telling us what was init, I noticed the random girl from earlier (who'd asked about my shirt) on the other side of him drop $2 onhis plate. When she picked up a shot, she didn't 'take it to the head' as Iexpected. Instead, she handed it to me!

The shot was absolutely delicious, and I immediately got one for SEPTA (AdamFaceHunt had disappeared with the one remaining boy from our pre-party)! They're a must-have if you find yourself at Paradise this summer.

The boys we had pre-gamed with droppedoff pretty rapidly thoughout the night (half didn’t even make it to Paradise),so there was no chance of an after-party. Which sucked because over half thealcohol we’d bought was still in our room. But SEPTA and I, being the craftysouls that we are, made a significant dent in the leftovers the next day at thebeach.

We left the beach around 4:45 togo pick up our bags from the front desk, planning to catch a shuttle bus to thetrain. The front desk told us that the shuttle runs every 20 minutes and gaveus a copy of the schedule. At 5, we went out front to wait on the 5:10, whichwould give us plenty of time to catch the 5:45 train (and SEPTA's 5:45 bus). At5:20, the shuttle still hadn't come yet.

SEPTA: "Wait, I think thetimes on this schedule might be when the shuttle leaves the trainstation."

AdamFaceHunt: "I think you'reright.”

Me: "Guys, if we leave now,we can make it to the train by foot. Maybe if the shuttle passes we can flag itdown."

The shuttle passed us going the opposite way right aroundthe time we got to the Empress, but we let it go and kept on trucking. It was about5:20 when we left the Berkeley, and we arrived just in time for our 5:45 train.Did I mention that SEPTA missed her bus? Yeah.

PS, I will be at Sandblast thisweekend, Friday-Sunday. So say hi. But I may be wasted the whole time, so don’tbe offended if I forget your name!

Click here to check out my (pre-)post on Sandblast '11.

Click here to check out my post on Sandblast '10, entitled "the biggest cock I've ever seen!"

Click here to check out Alex Chen's blog.

10 Reasons You Should Go to Asbury Park's Sandblast Weekend '11 (and stay at the Berkeley Beachside Hotel)

2011-07-14T20:53:00.016-04:00

This past weekend, I had thechance to spend the weekend in Asbury Park, NJ, thanks to Asbury Park Eventsand the producers of Sandblast (their annual gay beach party). For those of younot familiar, Asbury Park is a gay-friendly beach town on the JerseyShore. On the 3rdweekend in July, thousands of guys come to Asbury from NYC, Philadelphia andother areas for the weekend to party it up for a few days and enjoy the beach.

Here are 10 reason why you should, too (in no particular order).

10) It's accessable!

Asbury Park is a 2-hour train ride on the NJ Transit from NYC. There's also a bus from Philly. According to locals, parking is quite manageable. There’s a shuttle that will takeyou from the train station to the boardwalk and the Berkeley for a dollar. My friends and I didn't know about it til we walked to the hotel. On our way home, we found the printed schedule the hotel gave us a bit confusing, so we opted towalk, which took us about 25 minutes at a fast pace.

9) The Boardwalk!

You see families on the beach and boardwalk, but you see gays holding hands, too. I saw gay flags on just about all the storefronts. For Sunday's pre-beach brunch, we hit the Langosta Lounge on the boardwalk. My breakfast burrito was good, but my friends both got the fruity French toast which was the culinary win for the weekend.

8) The Beach!

Once our Philly friend arrived, and we hit the sand. The Berkeley is actually on the far side of the Paramount Theater/Beach Bar from the gay part of the beach, but the door-to-shore distance is only about 200 yards.

Note: admission to the beach is $6.

7) The BOYS!

Even on this random weekend, the beach was full of hot guys of all types: Jersey juice-heads; bear daddies from the City; local twinks and everything in between. And many of the straight guys holding hands with their girlfriends on the boardwalk looked good with their shirts off, too, their gold chains glittering in the sun. Don’t get me wrong: not everyone was an incarnation of a gay stereotype (plenty of guys sported ~~tan killers~~ board shorts). But this town definitely attracts a healthy variety of guys.

6) The Berkeley Hotel's Rooms

Asbury Park Events hooked me and a couple of friends up witha room at the Berkeley Beachfront Hotel, the host hotel of Sandblast.

image from bringfido.com.

We had 2 queen-sized beds plus apull-out couch. The room was surprisingly big (ours was an L-shape, so it was larger than the picture above), and the décor was an impressivecontrast to the somewhat austere façade of the building. Plus, our room had an iPod dock (with universal auxiliary input for you Android queens).

5) The Berkeley's Bathrooms

Our bathroom was amarble paradise with great lighting for Grindr photos!

Oo, we should try that again...

4) The Berkeley Hotel Pool!

It's big and sunny with plenty of poolside seating. Plus, there are cabanas where you can enjoy your drinks from the outdoor bar! AND, it's where JustCircuit's pick for Best Pool Party '10 (Sunday's Riptide Pool Party) takes place.

To make awesome party: insert 800 men and 2 notorious DJs.

3) The Parties!

Okay, so Sandblast's most renowned party is Saturday's beach party, which is awesome. A dance floor in the sun, waves crashing only yards away, the renowned DJ talent (this year: Joe Gauthreaux and David Marx). They're mixing things up by moving to the Aqua Bar, on the beach just in front of the Berkeley! And did you know this party's won the title of "Best Beach Party" from the JustCircuit awards for 2 years and counting (and you don't even have to get on a ferry to get there)! But what about Friday's "Lost at Sea" Oceanside Kickoff Party (featuring NYC dance floor favorite Corey Craig and Snaxx DJs Rich King & Gustavo... only a $10 cover!) and the "Shipwrecked" Afterparty (featuring DJ Max Rodriguez). And Sunday's "Riptide" Pool Party at the aforementioned Berkeley Hotel Pool (with another NYC DJ darling Steve Sidewalk and LA's Roland Belmares... 2 free passes for each Berkeley room reservation!) plus the Sand Blast Tea Dance w/ NYC's DJ Vito Fun (only $5 to get in!). Did I mention that most of these parties are 18+! And lesbians: they've got you covered with the Siren of the Sea pool party, Peek-a-Boo Reveu, and other female-focused events.

Take a look at this video and try to tell me you don't want to do all these parties! Okrrr!

2) The Culture

Need a break from the shirtless boys and the common-time beats? There's a full schedule of performances (including Xanadu! the Musical [seriously]), yoga, bowling (2 nights!), swan boat rides... even a free art crawl. And don't forget the free volleyball clinic and tournament!

1) I'll be there!

Obvi, the most important reason. Sandblast is too much fun for me not to go, and I can't wait to get back! This will be my first time staying for the entirety of Sandblast weekend. So if you see me out, say heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!

I have to say: I always have a good time in Asbury. Every place we went had a relaxed atmosphere. The Berkeley is a fabulous hotel, so when it gets taken over by a whole heap of gay men...

Sorry, I couldn't finish my sentence. I just kept thinking, Gay Cruise without the waves...

Did I mention the Berkeley still has rooms for Sandblast weekend? Yeah.

Special thanks to Brad Hurtado, executive producer of Sandblast, for setting up lodging for the weekend.

Click here for the official Sandblast website and here for a full listing of events.

Click here for the Berkeley Beachside Hotel's website.

Click here to check out my first time in Asbury Park... RIP, Platinum Toes!

Stay tuned for my post on what happened during our weekend in Asbury Park.

alone with Justin Timberlake (Bad Teacher NYC premiere)

2011-07-08T09:07:00.000-04:00

I had gotten back from an intense weekend of early busses to and from Boston for a wedding, and from the bus, I went directly to my office to change for Folsom Street East. hOtter kept me out way too late, making it my 3rd night in a row with 5 hours or less of sleep.

But somehow, I still manage to meet up with my friend HulaHoop, 2 of his friends and a euro 'straight' guy who just happened to be wearing the tightest pants in the group.

After choking down 2 happy-hour drinks, we arrived at Ziegfeld Theater and waited in line for about an hour and 15. I was not prepared to wait in line, but apparently "red carpet" didn't mean we'd actually be on it. HulaHoop had VIP credentials to get in, but he wasn't trying to pull strings for 5 people to join! So after the long-as-hell wait, the girls in front of us were the last to be admitted. HulaHoop was outraged, but he kept his cool and told us to wait while he saw what he could do.

10 minutes later, we were ushered into the front entrance with assigned seats and comps to the after-party. The other boys grabbed complimentary popcorn and Diet Coke.

The movie itself was really cute. Damn funny, even! And the comparison between Cameron Diaz and Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds might have changed my life.

After the screening, they had a couple of chartered busses to take people down to the Bowery Hotel for the after-party. As we waited for the others to make their way out of the theater (we'd been herded out the back door), HulaHoop wandered off to the front entrance, returning quite frustrated about 5 minutes later.

image from zimbo.com

"There was a security bubble, and I was standing in this one area pretty much alone with Justin Timberlake. I was trying to pull up the camera in my iPhone to take a picture, but it gave me this resetting status bar! It was so awkward! He was looking at me like, 'Oh, so you're too cool for a picture with me?'"

We piled on a bus (standing) that dropped us off at one of the nicest venues I've been to in NYC. The kind of place where the well is $12 Absolut.

I confirmed that it was open bar while HulaHoop got us food from the surprisingly heavy buffet. And every time the roving servers came by with a plate of ~~bacon-wrapped~~ prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, I was all over it!

After a few drinks, the other guys started playing pool. I took this opportunity to wander around. They had a photo-booth setup where you could re-create the movie poster, and they'd gotten VHSs of the movies Cameron Diaz's character had shown the kids (instead of teaching), placing them around the different bars!

HulaHoop: "Did you see Cameron?"
Me: "No, I didn't even think she was here. But Justin's on the other side of those French doors, notice how there are no women in the booth, Kirstie Alley's wearing some FIERCE heels, and I saw some tall, shaggy white dude I recognize. Maybe Joaquin Phoenix?"
HulaHoop: "Er, someone said John Meyer's here."
Me: "Oh, that's who it was! John Meyer! Not that it matters if I got his name wrong. We all know how he feels about black girls like me."

image from tojohnmeyerwithlove.com

On our way out, we ran into a paparazzo in pajama pants named Rose with whom the PR gay HulaHoop had invited was well acquainted. The PR gay wanted her to take a photo of us, but she was waiting for John Meyer to come out (girl, me too!). And of course Miss Meyer was just inside the door waiting for her entourage/security to get their act together. I was so ready to leave. Once she got her shot (a very nice one, indeed), she snapped a few photos of the others. I opted not to have my tiredness captured in digital HD quality.

Then, as we tried to maneuver through the double-parked limos to catch a cab, I realized that I was going the wrong way. I pulled a quick about face and found myself perilously close to being swallowed up by Paul Bates' enormous suit jacket as he made his way to one of the waiting limos.

We hopped a cab to midtown where we dropped off the PR gay and his friend.

PR Gay: "Hey, great to meet you! Definitely get my number from HulaHoop! We need to hang!"
Me: "Well, here's my card. It has my Facebook on it."
PR Gay: "Oh, I don't use Facebook..."

Say WHAT?!

Did I mention that I don't deal well with outdated technology? Yeah.

Still playing catch up to get your body in summer shape? Click here to check out TheBlackoutBlog Workout Log (your guide to personal fitness in 2011).

The Blackout Blog

sing "Happy Birthday" to his crotch (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part IV: La Ultima Noche)

Definitely an accelerated 3AM situation (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part III)

I didn't notice the stripper pole (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part II)

there's no champagne room (Art Basel Weekend in Miami, Part I)

The Top 10 Posts of 2011 (and my top 5 picks!)

Please note: all of the titles and pictures are links. Blogger's giving me hell with formatting today.

10. ass and dick were spotted (Pieces' April underwear party)

9. 10 Reason You Should Go to Asbury Park's Sandblast Weekend '11 (and stay at the Berkely Beachside Hotel)

4. TheBlackoutBlog Griffin Jockstrap Challenge

3. The body paint was its own adventure (Atlantis Events' Allure of the Seas 2011 Days 2 & 3: "Ask Me; Tell Me," Heros and 70s parties)

2. TheBlackoutBlog 2011 NYC Pride Guide (Snaxx, Sea Tea cruises, Daniel Nardicio parties, girl parties and so much more)

1. EXCLUSIVE: “AMERICAN, Cute boy next door. NOT no GodDamned Nigger!” (On Racism in Porn at CorbinFisher.com)

1. EXCLUSIVE: “AMERICAN, Cute boy next door. NOT no GodDamned Nigger!” (On Racism in Porn at CorbinFisher.com)

1. EXCLUSIVE: “AMERICAN, Cute boy next door. NOT no GodDamned Nigger!” (On Racism in Porn at CorbinFisher.com)

Click here to check out last year's Top 10 Posts (and my top 5 picks).

Fun with Grindr: Unabashedly Honest

Definitely different white people (Halloween Weekend '11, Part II)

my costume: The Grim Raper (Halloween Weekend 2011 Part I)

Top 5 Grindr DON'Ts (a guest post on Justin +1)

I don't remember any of this. (Beer pong at Boxers NYC)

who walked in with the Patrón (a cousin's surprise 50th)

"Spit", "Swallow" and "Cum in" (the 2011 AVP Courage Awards, Daniel Nardicio's after party and Joey Israel's Mars Needs More Whores)

Guest Post on Justin +1

Fun with Scruff: Bearded Twink

nasty-ass, peeing-in-the-water, not-showering-beforehand skanks (My night at On Top at Le Bain)

MensUnderwearStore.com Giveaway (FREE underwear, bitch!)

you can't send children to the liquor store! (The McMickey Reunion Part I)

Diana Ross stopped in for the day (The McMickey Reunion Part I)

Review: The Opening of Flaming Saddles Saloon NYC

Review: Cafe Panache @ Griffin (presented by Lee Chappell)

an after-party at the hotel (Sandblast Sunday with The Maverick Men)

ANNOUNCEMENT: Kulurz All Day Happy Hour Launches Sun, 10/2

the aforementioned shower partner (Sandblast '11 Part II)

I knocked on their door (Sandblast in Asbury Park & The Maverick Men)

Jackie Collins' Goddess of Vengeance

boys that look good in jock straps! (Totally Tyler's b'day at Pop Burger and Splash's F Word)

"Cash bar?!" (my family reunion in NC, Part I)

I was fresh meat on Grindr (my family reunion in NC, Part I)

bad judgment calls under pressure (NYC Pride 2011)

ANNOUNCEMENT: James Tate and Nite Camp Present Camp 2011 (Aug 19-22)

Ciara Performs at Malibu's Station Takeover in NYC

Fun with Grindr Convos: You really don't get it, huh.

"I don't blow: ask my husband." (Muscle Bear Sea Tea and other Pride Saturday adventures)

really embarrassing for him with those boxers (Pride Friday, Buck Underwear Party, and the Passing of Marriage Equality in NYC)

in a friend's bedroom with no one watching (New York Fucking City and Bottomless Pitt's and my crossfiring... again)

you guys gonna strip down? (Happy Birthday to me!)

“Betty White’s dead?!” (My weekend in Asbury Park)

10 Reasons You Should Go to Asbury Park's Sandblast Weekend '11 (and stay at the Berkeley Beachside Hotel)

alone with Justin Timberlake (Bad Teacher NYC premiere)

4.
TheBlackoutBlog Griffin Jockstrap Challenge